The lieutenant in charge of Caleb’s squad shouted an order to advance. Praying that dying wouldn’t hurt too much, Caleb bolted to his feet and charged with the others through a volley of gunfire.
Finally they gained a copse of trees. Caleb took a quick inventory of his body parts, amazed that he was not only alive, but whole.
The lieutenant gave an order to spread out, and Caleb watched as the other troops scattered to obey. He was to hold the ground where he stood. With his heart in his throat he looked around him.
That was when he spotted a tattered piece of gray cloth hidd the brush. God, Caleb pleaded, whoever he is, let him already be dead so I won’t have to kill him.
He moved closer and found a rebel lying facedown in the bushes, one arm blown away. Bits of flesh clung to the foliage.
With bile rising in his throat Caleb crouched beside the man, prodding him gently in the ribs with the tip of his bayonet.
“You alive, Johnny?” he asked in a throaty whisper. Sweat soaked his shirt, making it cling between his shoulder blades and along his chest.
Caleb’s heart sank when the reb turned his head and looked up at him. The wan, filthy face was Joss’s, and, remarkably, he smiled at Caleb, showing a set of perfect teeth. “Hello, little brother,” he said.
Caleb closed his eyes tight, sick with horror. “Jesus,” he whispered, but the word was a prayer, not a curse.
“They’re going to find me in a few minutes, Caleb,” Joss said, his voice as steady and calm as it had been years before when they’d both been boys and he’d taught Caleb to ride and shoot. “They’ll put me in a prison camp, and I’ll rot.”
Caleb knew what Joss was going to ask of him, and he was already shaking his head. “No!” He sobbed the word.
Joss spoke quietly. “You’ve got to do it, boy. You’ve got to put me out of my misery right here and now—if you don’t, I’ll die a lot slower.”
Tears were streaming down Caleb’s face, mingling with the gritty dust that covered him. “You’re my brother,” he rasped.
Joss groaned, and Caleb had a profound sense of his brother’s pain as well as his fear. “In the name of God, Caleb, help me. I’ve got nobody else but you.”
Caleb’s mind raced. He knew the prison camps were terrible places, and there was never enough food and medicine, but he couldn’t put a bullet into his own brother unless he fired the next one into himself. And he wanted to live.
He looked back over his shoulder and spotted his sergeant approaching. He swallowed hard, starting when he felt Joss’s one remaining hand grasp him by the wrist. “We’ve got a prisoner here,” Caleb called out. He dragged one sleeve across his face, wiping away sweat and tears.
“Damn you, Caleb,” Joss spat. “Damn you to hell for a traitor and a coward!”
The sergeant squatted by Joss and grimaced at the sight of his wound. “This one won’t last long,” he said. “Better take him behind the lines all the same.”
By then Joss was only half-conscious. He kept muttering curses, but that wasn’t unusual with a rebel prisoner. The sergeant had no way of knowing that the two men, one a friend and one a foe, were brothers. Nor would he have cared, Caleb decided, for this was war, and all the ordinary rules had been suspended.
Hauling Joss to his feet and draping his brother’s one good arm over his shoulder, Caleb started back toward the line, passing corpses in blue and corpses in gray.
Joss came to and looked straight into Caleb’s eyes just before they took him into the medical tent, where men from both sides screamed in pain. “Judas,” he whispered, and he spat in Caleb’s face.
Caleb bolted awake, but he could still feel his brother’s spittle on his cheek, and even though he knew it was imaginary, he wiped it away.
Other elements of the dream lingered, too. His gut was twisted within him, and he was sweating despite the coolness of the evening. The despair was as real and as deep as it had ever been. “Damn you. Joss,” Caleb whispered, “leave me alone.”
He sat up in bed, wishing Lily was there. He wouldn’t even have needed to touch her, just watching her sleep would have soothed him.
Caleb shoved the splayed fingers of his right hand through his hair. He had to go home to Fox Chapel, face Joss, take his place in the family again. He wanted his share of the land and the horses.
And he wanted Lily at his side, now and forever.
Sweating, Caleb sank back against his pillows with a heavy sigh. Lily had about as much use for him as Joss would; he’d made every possible mistake with her.
His body ached as he remembered having Lily in the woodshed that day. Dear God, what was it about her that made him want her that way?
Caleb turned onto his belly, but that was worse—he kept imagining Lily beneath him. He rolled onto his back again and resolutely closed his eyes.
A long time passed before he slept, and when he did he had the same grisly dream over again from start to finish.
Lily woke up early the next morning and, out of habit, made Rupert’s breakfast. He was standing in front of the cracked mirror next to the stove, full of buckwheat pancakes, straightening his collar when there was a summary knock at the door.
Lily braced herself, fully expecting Caleb, but when Rupert admitted the visitor she was confronted with a pretty blond woman with wide blue eyes and pouty lips.
“Who is this, Rupert?” the caller demanded, giving Lily a look that was decidedly unfriendly and not a little insulting.
Rupert chuckled and gestured toward Lily. “It’s only my sister. Lily, may I present Winola Ferring?”
“Hello,” Lily said with reserve.
Winola nodded curtly. “It’s almost time for school to begin,” she said to Rupert in a whiny tone that set Lily’s teeth on edge. “We’ll be late.”
Rupert turned to Lily, beaming. “Winola teaches first and second grades,” he said.
Lily, who loved children but hadn’t the patience to make a vocation of teaching them, managed a smile. “So you and Rupert work together.”
“Yes,” Winola allowed, a little friendlier than before.
“Isn’t that nice,” Lily remarked, and she meant it. Rupert had been alone too long; he needed a wife, and it was time he had children. If he married Winola, or anyone else, she would be happy for him.
Winola linked her arm possessively through Rupert’s. “It was wonderful to meet you, Miss Sommers,” she said, dragging him toward the door.
“Chalmers,” Lily corrected. “It’s Miss Chalmers.”
Winola’s blue eyes went very wide. “You told me she was your sister,” she said to Rupert in an accusing voice.
“My parents adopted Lily when she was six,” Rupert hastened to explain. The glance he gave his sister was a beleaguered one.
“You’ll be leaving soon, I suppose,” Winola said to Lily, and she looked hopeful.
Lily wanted to laugh. “Don’t worry, Winola,” she replied. “I won’t be around long.”
Winola made a sniffing sound and propelled Rupert out of the house.
Humming, Lily cleared away the remains of breakfast, stacking the dishes in the sink to be washed later, and she put on the bright yellow bonnet that matched her dress. She tugged her gloves into place as she left Rupert’s little house, her handbag dangling from her wrist.
It was a lovely day out, bursting with all the sweet promises of spring, and Lily felt truly joyous as she hurried along the sidewalk toward the center of town, where all the shops and mercantiles waited, filled with fascinating wares.
Her first stop was the bank, where she deposited the draft her mother had sent and obtained a letter of credit to show the merchants. The second was the town’s largest general store, known for its selection of farm implements and hardware.
Lily ordered a plow, a keg of nails, and a cook stove, asking that they be sent to Tylerville right away.
She was looking at seed and garden tools in another store when Caleb materialized at her side.
; “Hello, Major,” she said coolly, going right on with her business. She’d chosen a hoe, a spade, and a shovel, and she set them next to the counter.
His jawline was taut. “Lily,” he replied with a stiff nod of his head.
“I’m surprised you’re still here,” she went on airily as she scooped up a handful of seed corn and watched the hard yellow kernels slip through her fingers. “Don’t you have soldiers to boss around, or someone to blindfold and shoot?”
Standing next to Caleb was like being on the slopes of a volcano about to erupt. All the same, he spoke quietly. “Come next door and have a cup of coffee with me. Please.”
The request was so uncharacteristically reasonable that Lily stopped what she was doing to gaze up at Caleb in surprise. “I suppose I could do that,” she allowed.
After telling the clerk she’d be back in just a few minutes to complete her shopping Lily took Caleb’s arm and let him usher her into the restaurant next door. They were seated at a table, cups of coffee steaming before them, before Caleb spoke to Lily again or even met her eyes.
“I’m leaving the army,” he said.
Lily felt hope leap within her breast. Maybe Caleb had changed his mind; maybe he wanted to be a farmer after all. She held her breath, waiting for him to go on.
“I want to go back to Pennsylvania.”
Lily’s hopes plummeted. She could only stare at Caleb in misery. “I see,” she said finally, with dignity.
Caleb reached into the pocket of his uniform coat and brought out a small box. “I want you to go with me, Lily,” he told her, setting the box in front of her.
She opened it, hands trembling, to find an exquisite diamond ring inside. The larger center stone glittered and winked at her from amid the surrounding smaller gems. Her finger fairly burned, waiting to wear that ring.
“I can’t,” she said resolutely, snapping the box closed and shoving it back toward Caleb.
He leaned forward in his chair and lowered his voice. “Don’t sit there and tell me you don’t care for me, Lily, because I know you do. Yesterday you gave yourself to me in a woodshed, remember?”
Lily colored to recall the wanton way she’d behaved, and she lowered her eyes. “I do care,” she answered, “but I don’t want to leave my land, and I don’t want a husband.”
“You’d marry me if I agreed to stay and farm that damnable land with you?”
Again hope stirred in Lily’s heart. “Yes.”
“You just said you didn’t want a husband.”
Lily bit her lower lip. “If we were going to live in the same house, we’d have to be married, wouldn’t we?”
Caleb pushed the ring box back across the table. “Has it ever occurred to you that I could promise to live on the farm, marry you, and then take you anywhere I damn well please, whether you want to go or not?”
“You’re not making a very good case for marriage,” Lily answered, ignoring the ring box and taking a steadying sip of her coffee. The truth was, she had never once considered the possibility Caleb had suggested; she knew he was honest to a fault.
“Damn it,” he whispered, “I should have done it. I should have told you I’d homestead with you and then married you!”
“I would never have forgiven you, and you know it. It would have soured everything between us.”
“Not everything,” Caleb argued, making Lily blush again.
“Must every conversation we have come back to that?”
Caleb took the ring from the box, and then he lifted Lily’s left hand and shoved the diamond unceremoniously onto her finger. “I think the fact that you would probably let me make love to you damn near anywhere has some bearing on what we’re talking about, yes!”
Lily looked around furtively to see if anyone was listening. Fortunately, the restaurant was nearly empty, and the few other diners were sitting some distance away. “There is absolutely no need for you to be so arrogant,” she fretted, trying to pull ck acrossff. It was just a tiny bit too small and wouldn’t come over her knuckle.
Caleb’s amber eyes were glittering with triumph when she looked up at him. “Perfect fit,” he said.
Lily pushed back her chair. “I’ll get it off if I have to have my finger amputated,” she replied, preparing to leave.
“Get out of that chair and there will be a scene you’ll remember until the day you die,” Caleb promised.
Lily sat down again. “I don’t want to marry you, and I don’t want to go to Pennsylvania, so why can’t you just leave me alone?”
“Because I love you,” Caleb answered, and he looked as surprised to find himself saying the words as Lily was to hear them.
“I beg your pardon?”
“You heard me, Lily.”
“You said you loved me. Did you mean it?”
Caleb drove one hand through his hair. “Yes.”
Lily stared at him and stopped trying to get the ring off her finger. “You’re just saying that. It’s a trick of some kind.”
Caleb laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. “Believe me, it’s no trick—it’s a fact I’m going to have to live with for the next fifty years.”
In that moment Lily wanted to say yes to Caleb’s proposal. She wanted the right to lie in this man’s bed at night and revel in his touch; she wanted his children and his laughter and even his fury. But she was suddenly afraid. Sooner or later she might drive Caleb away, just as her mother had driven her father away. She might end up drinking, as Kathleen had, and even whoring. Wasn’t she doing that already, after a fashion? Caleb boasted that he could take her anytime and anyplace, and he was right. Why, things might even progress to the point where she abandoned her own children.
Now, it crossed Lily’s mind that she might be like her mother. Thinking back on the way she’d behaved with Caleb, she had to consider the possibility.
Lily blinked back tears of shame and horror. She pushed back her chair and bolted out of it.
Caleb called to her, but she didn’t stop. Holding her head high, she went back to the mercantile, back to her ordering.
All the fun had gone out of it.
Lily had bought everything she needed by noon, including the lumber for her house. She gave directions for delivery, then walked slowly back to Rupert’s place.
He wasn’t there, of course, since school would be in session for several more hours, and there was no sign of Caleb either. Her head pounding, Lily lay down on the narrow bed in the kitchen that had been hers when she lived with Rupert.
She was certain there had never been a woman more confused than she was.
An hour’s nap brought the headache under control, and Lily got up, went to the sink, and covered her left hand with slick soap. Caleb’s ring still wouldn’t come off her finger.ight=“0em”>
Frustrated, she turned to the wall calendar and did some calculations. They brought the headache back full force and drained the color from her face. She could be pregnant.
Common sense told Lily to go to Caleb, admit that she loved him, and marry him right away, but her fears were stronger. And they told her that history was repeating itself. She was becoming another Kathleen.
Lily was a strong woman, not given to tears, but the prospect of living the life her mother had was more than she could bear. She sat down at Rupert’s table, rested her head in her arms, and sobbed.
At suppertime Caleb still did not appear, and Lily was troubled by that, though she tried to tell herself she was relieved.
Rupert ate hungrily of the meal she’d prepared, but Lily had little appetite. She kept pushing her portion of meat loaf from one side of her plate to the other, and every time there was a noise from the street she started, barely able to resist leaping out of her chair and running to the window to look for Caleb.
“I guess Major Halliday’s gone back to Fort Deveraux by now,” Rupert ventured, scooping another slice of meat loaf onto his plate.
“He wouldn’t leave without saying good-bye to me,” Lily said, and the
moment the words were out of her mouth she wished she could call them back.
Rupert arched one eyebrow. “I’m surprised at you, Lily. You allowed the man liberties, and yet you treat him like a typhoid carrier. Do you love him or not?”
Lily’s cheeks throbbed with embarrassment. “It happens that I’m surprised at you,” she retorted. “I expected you to be angry about what I’ve done with Caleb—instead you act as though he was somehow entitled.”
A long moment passed before Rupert replied. “I know you’re not promiscuous, Lily—that would have shown up long before now. If you were intimate with the major—and it does seem that you have been—I’d guess it was because you love him.”
“Or because I’m just like my mother,” Lily said with real despair. Her eyes were brimming with tears when she looked imploringly at Rupert. “She let men take liberties, too. All sorts of men.”
“You’ve been with other men besides Caleb?”
“Of course not!”
“Well, then, there you have it. Kathleen was Kathleen, and you’re Lily, and never the twain shall meet.”
Lily sighed. “I think maybe the twain will meet,” she said drying her eyes. “If Mama could find me, she might very well know where Emma and Caroline are, too.”
Rupert had read the letter from Kathleen soon after Lily’s arrival. He nodded. “It’s possible. Are you thinking of visiting her in Chicago, Lily?”
Lily shook her head, then nodded. “Oh, I don’t know!” she wailed in desperation. “Caleb has me so mixed up—”
“I see he gave you a ring,” Rupert remarked, glang at the twinkling diamond on Lily’s finger.
“I’m only wearing it because it won’t come off.”
“Why did you put it on in the first place?”
Lily sighed. “I didn’t—Caleb did.”
“I see. We’ve come full circle, Lily—back to my original question, which you so neatly evaded. Do you love Caleb Halliday?”
Lily lowered her head. “Yes,” she answered weakly. “I think about him all the time, and I get cold chills and hot flashes, just like when I had the flu. I even feel a little bit sick to my stomach.”
Lily and the Major Page 19