She laughed. “Violin players do have their purpose, darling. Don’t be a complete cello snob.”
He kissed her. “Since Tuesday, we’ve been out every night this week: church on Wednesday, private lessons on Thursday.”
“I’m used to it.”
Ethan drew back. “Used to what?”
“You going one way, me the other.”
“All the more reason to skip this shindig.”
“Perhaps you could skip a ball game.”
Ethan lifted his arms. He was out of words. “Yeah, whatever; that’ll fix it.”
Julie snapped, “You might as well tell me my opinion doesn’t count, Ethan.”
“Let’s just go inside. I’m tired of debating.”
“Fine with me.”
The front door opened. Sandy Hanover graced the porch, elegant in a black dress and a string of pearls. “Come in, you two. You’ll catch cold out here.”
“We’re coming.” Julie waved like all was right with the world.
Ethan stepped in front of her. “Julie, sooner or later we have to talk about our life and what’s next.”
Julie peered into the dark shadows beyond the Hanovers’ front yard. “Yes, I know.” She started up the drive again.
Ethan fell in stride. “We can’t keep diffusing the issue with frivolous arguments. Half the time we don’t even know what we’re arguing about.”
With that, Julie stopped. “Do you want to talk about it? I’m barren. There, we’ve discussed it. End of the issue.”
Ethan balked. “We haven’t discussed it at all.” He paused. “Julie,” he said, firm and resolute, “pizza. Let’s go for pizza.”
Ralph Hanover came out this time. “Julie, Kit Merewether is inside. She’s eager to talk with you.”
Julie glanced at Ethan. “Can we do what I want for a change, without a big brouhaha?”
“Brouhaha? What brouhaha? I want an evening with my wife to discuss our future.”
She sighed. “Ethan, I’m going inside. You can come if you want.”
He rubbed his gloved hand over his head and followed.
❧
Music and laughter warmed the room. Julie maneuvered her way to the buffet, feeling like an ice cube among burning coals. She thanked her mother when she handed her a hot cup of tea.
“Are you well?” Mom asked, brushing her hand over Julie’s forehead.
Julie pulled away. “Yes, I’m fine.”
Kit Merewether joined them with a broad smile. “Julie, you’re as lovely as ever.”
“Thank you, Kit.” Julie let the older woman link their arms and drag her away to meet the newest members of New Hampshire’s elite orchestra.
Kit introduced Julie to a small circle with a great deal of enthusiasm. “She won the George Houston Musical Fellowship,” Kit concluded, beaming as if she herself had given birth to Julie Hanover Lambert.
“Congratulations.”
“What was the focus of your fellowship study?”
Julie told them, “Bringing the classics back into the elementary and secondary school level.”
From another room, Julie heard a roar of yeahs!
“Golf,” someone said.
Without looking, Julie figured Ethan was among that crowd. In fact, he probably inspired the idea of watching the game. No matter where or what, her husband found a home watching sports.
Kit shook her gray head, her expression one of amusement. “One would think it better than rocket science, or the melodies of Brahms, for a man to knock a small round ball into a small round hole.”
A laugh rose from the circle. “One would think.”
Kit inquired of Julie, “Will you battle Ethan over the value of music versus the value of sports for your children? Certainly you will.”
The room faded to shades of gray. Kit didn’t know, of course. But like a moth to the flame, Julie’s mother flitted over at the mention of children.
“We were talking about Julie’s children. Shall they learn to putt a tiny white ball or the fine art of playing the cello?”
Sandy Hanover brushed Julie’s hair from her face. “Probably both.” She smiled at Kit. “Julie and Ethan’s children will be beautiful, talented, and take the world by storm.”
Julie coughed. “Does it really matter?”
Mom rested her hand at the base of her throat. “Of course it matters.” She moved her other hand to Kit’s arm. “At the age of five, Julie lined up all of her dolls and taught them ‘Jesus Loves Me,’ and I don’t know what all.”
Turning to Julie, she asked, “Do you remember your little doll choir?”
Julie nodded. “But I don’t think it means my children will be brilliant. I think it means my dolls couldn’t protest.”
Kit peered at Julie with a raised brow, but Julie looked away. Her probing gray eyes might unearth a bomb Julie did not want exposed.
“Her father and I wanted more children, but—”
Julie touched her mother’s shoulder. “We all know, Mom.”
A server with a tray of punch paused at their trio. Sandra Hanover picked up a cup. “Nevertheless, we expect to hear we are going to be grandparents anytime now.”
Kit took a cup, but Julie declined, gripping her hands together at her waist.
“How long have you two been married?” Kit asked.
“Ten years this summer.”
Sandra sipped her punch, then told Kit, “They virtually dragged both families to the church the summer after graduation.”
“Young lovers, I see.” Kit’s words were simple and few, but Julie felt the revelation of them. Yes, they were young and in love.
“We met on the high school football field. A fourth and goal play knocked Ethan out, and when they called for smelling salts, I ran onto the field.” Julie stuck her arm in the air. “Nurse Julie.”
Kit’s deep, pure laugh billowed around them.
Julie’s mom laughed a little too heartily and finished the tale Sandra Hanover style, waving her hands. “Ethan came to, looked at his nurse, and got knocked out again.”
“With love,” Kit concluded. “The world’s most powerful potion.”
Sandy flipped her hand in the air as if it were no big deal. “So you see, Kit, we’ve been waiting to be grandparents for almost ten years.”
“Well, well.” Kit looked at Julie as if she could read all her secret thoughts. “Grandchildren are always a blessing.”
“Ralph already set up a trust account, two of them, as a matter of fact. He didn’t want to wait.” Julie’s mom chortled, pressing her hand on Kit’s arm. “Julie and Ethan will have a time keeping us from spoiling them.”
“Leave it to a finance lawyer to think ahead,” Kit said.
Julie squirmed, Kit’s piercing gaze bore right through her. She glanced around to avoid eye contact and caught the back of Ethan’s head in the family room, where, sure enough, he hovered around the golf game.
“But you chose to get an education, Julie?” Kit tipped her head and raised a brow.
“Yes, she and Ethan both earned their degrees,” Sandy Hanover answered for her.
My mother, the broadcaster. Julie squared her shoulders and said to Kit, “We wanted children right away, but I miscarried our first year of marriage. We took a long look at things and realized we weren’t very well prepared, financially, emotionally—”
“Spiritually,” Kit interjected.
“Yes, of course.” Julie knew Kit to be a wise, godly woman. And tonight she seemed to have a direct line to her heart. “We decided to wait.”
“Well, the waiting is over. I want to Christmas shop for my grandchildren.” Mom said the words with an air of finality, as if saying them would make it true.
Julie’s stomach knotted. “I hear you, Mom.”
“Hasn’t Dr. Patterson worked his wonders yet?”
Treading on tender ground, Mom. “God is the God of wonders, Mom. Dr. Patterson is limited to what man can do.”
“I tell you, if s
uch things had been available to your father and me—”
“Mom!”
She faced Julie with a sharp turn. “I don’t appreciate your tone, Julie.”
“Julie,” Kit interjected. “I’m forming a quartet. Please say you’ll join us. We need an outstanding cellist.” Her comment diffused the moment.
“A quartet? I thought of auditioning for the symphony—”
Kit touched her arm. “Join our quartet. You’ll have more fun, and it’ll give you something to look forward to.”
Seven
Ethan liked Steve Tripleton, a friend of Julie’s father, with his over-the-top confidence and successful businessman bravado. He could do without the designer slacks and Italian loafers, but otherwise Ethan found Steve engaging.
“We’ll go down to Costa Rica mid-April. Heredia has a beautiful golf resort. Absolutely beautiful.”
Ethan rubbed his hands together. Golfing in the Caribbean, sun on his back, warm breeze in his face. . . For the first time all night, he was glad to be at the Hanovers’. “Sounds like my kind of trip. How much, Steve?”
“For five days? Around fifteen hundred, give or take. That’d cover your flight, accommodations, green fees. You’d need a little spending money for food and incidentals.”
Very reasonable. Ethan mentally reviewed their finances—current savings balance plus whatever he could add in the next month after paying their monthly bills. I can swing it, I think. Still have all summer to save a down payment for Julie’s car.
“I’m game,” her father said. “Winter is wearing me down. I think the office can do without me for a few days.”
Steve clapped him on the back, his smile exposing overly white teeth. “You have the Internet? We can get online and take a tour.”
“Right this way.” Ralph headed for his upstairs office.
Ethan followed, offering ideas and suggestions. “I think my cousin Will Adams might want to come along.”
“Ethan.”
He turned to see Julie at the bottom of the stairs. He leaned over the railing. “Yeah, babe, what’s up?”
In a low voice, she said, “I’m ready to go.”
He hesitated. “Okay, give me a minute. I’m checking on something with your dad and Steve.”
Her father called down from the mezzanine. “Julie, Eliza set up a grand smorgasbord fit for a king. Did you try her shrimp puffs?”
Julie gave him a thin smile, her hands clasped at her waist. “I had my heart set on pizza.”
At that, Ethan responded, “Finally saw it my way?”
“Whatever, Eth. Let’s go.”
“Five minutes.” He dashed upstairs. He didn’t want Steve to get too far ahead on the virtual tour.
A little while later, when Ethan strolled out of the office with Steve and Ralph, visions of blue green seas and lush lawns danced in his head.
“I’ll get my secretary on the arrangements. Ethan, speak to your cousin. A foursome would be nice.”
“Done.” Ethan flipped Steve his card. “Here are my numbers, cell, work, and home.”
At the bottom of the stairs, he remembered Julie. A quick peek at his watch told him five minutes had turned to thirty.
“See you gentlemen later. I need to find my wife.”
Ethan mingled among the crowd, searching for Julie. Sandy caught him and reminded him it was not too late to give her a grandchild by Christmas.
He blushed and said, “Sure, Sandy.”
Eliza tried to entice him with a plate of food, but he wanted to save room for pizza, the one junk food he enjoyed.
He found Kit Merewether by the fireplace in a lively small- group discussion.
“Pardon me,” he interrupted, popping into the group, addressing Kit. “Have you seen Julie?”
“No, I haven’t, dear.”
“She left,” someone said.
Ethan turned around. “Do you know when?”
“Twenty minutes ago, maybe?”
Ethan jerked his coat from under the pile on the bed in the guest room. Without saying good-bye, he stepped into the cold night and strode with purpose toward his car.
But it was gone.
❧
At a booth in the back of Giuseppe’s Pizza, Julie shoved aside the remains of a large house salad and sipped on a diet soda.
She twisted the paper straw wrapper between her fingers, wondering if Ethan would show.
“She’s a-waiting for you. Back here.” The sound of Giuseppe’s voice neared.
Ethan slipped into the booth across from her with a quick thanks to the round-bellied proprietor. “Do you want to tell me why you left?” He shrugged off his coat, his face red from the cold.
“Did you walk here?” She swirled the ice in her soda glass and took a long drink.
“Yes, I needed to cool off.”
“You’re mad then.”
He leaned toward her. “I asked you to wait.”
“I told you I wanted to leave.”
“Five minutes. All I wanted was five minutes.”
Julie tapped the face of her watch. “Yet here it is, an hour later.”
He reclined against the padded booth. “I’m sorry. I got interested in something.”
“What? Sports? Why is that always more important than I am?”
“That’s unfair. And not true. What happened anyway? Why did you want to leave?”
She leaned toward him. With a clipped tone, she said, “My mother.”
He winced. “ ’Nuff said. Sorry, babe.”
“She went on and on to Kit Merewether about her grandchildren.” She wiped her nose with the tip of a wadded-up napkin. “She told her about Dad’s bank accounts for them.”
“Yeah, she cornered me about giving them a grandchild by Christmas.”
“Let’s not tell them, Ethan. Please.”
He shook his head, a wry grin on his lips. “We have to tell them eventually.”
A skinny, squeaky-voiced teenager stopped and crouched at their table. He set his elbows on the table, his pen poised over the order pad. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Coffee,” Ethan said. “A big mug.”
“I’ll take a hot tea this time.” Julie slid her empty soda glass across the table.
“Bring us a large cheese pie, too.” Ethan ordered.
Julie looked into Ethan’s eyes. “There’s no little Ethan or little Julie in our future. Does it bother you?” To her surprise, verbalizing her thoughts comforted her heart.
He reached for her hand. “Yes, it bothers me.”
With her head down, she confessed, “I can’t stop thinking about it. The idea lives with me. I’ve let you down.”
“Let me down? No, you haven’t, babe.”
“I feel betrayed by my own body. I’ve let you down, Mom and Dad. Your parents.”
With his fingertips, Ethan lifted her chin so she faced him. “Don’t carry this burden yourself, Julie. We are in this together. For better or worse.”
“Then why do I feel so alone?”
“Because you exclude me. I had to hear the news from Dr. Patterson. Does that seem right to you?”
The waiter brought their drinks and a basket of garlic knots. Ethan reached for one.
“I don’t know what seems right to me anymore.”
“We’re going to figure this out. We just need time to think, and talk.”
“And pray. Ethan, what is God saying in all of this?”
He shrugged, his eyes fixed on some point beyond her. “I wish I knew. But He’s faithful. He has a plan and a purpose, babe.”
“I cling to that, or I’d give up completely,” Julie said. She watched him for a moment and then asked, “What’d Jesse say about my car?”
“It was your starter. He fixed it, good as new.”
“Good as new. Ha! I want a new car, Ethan.”
Ethan swigged his coffee. “A new car isn’t going to take away the pain, Julie.”
“I didn’t say it would.” Julie che
wed her lower lip, wondering what would make the pain go away.
“You know our financial situation. Adding a monthly car payment would really strap us.”
When their large cheese pizza arrived, Julie took a plate and a large slice of pizza. “So it’s my fault I don’t have a new car?”
Ethan sighed. She understood he was frustrated, but she didn’t care. So was she.
“Did I say that? We decided together to continue seeking medical help, didn’t we?”
“You agreed after pressure from me and my parents.”
He nodded. “Yes, but I wouldn’t have agreed if I didn’t think it was the right decision.”
Julie wondered for the first time how much her parents’ desire for a child had impacted her and Ethan’s decisions.
“It’s seems if I can’t have a baby, I should at least get a new car.”
“Jules, those two things are mutually exclusive.” He reached across and squeezed her hand. “We’ll get you a new car.”
“Tomorrow.”
“No, not tomorrow.”
❧
Saturday morning, Ethan slept until eleven. He loved that about the weekend—sleeping in. Half awake, he rolled over to snuggle Julie.
But he found her side of the bed empty. “Jules?”
He waited a moment for her answer. “Julie?” When she didn’t respond, he crawled out of bed.
Cold air permeated the apartment as he jogged downstairs. “Jules?”
“In here.”
He found her in the den, curled in the recliner, Bible propped open in her lap, her expression somber. His heart yearned for her. “Hey, sweetie, what’s going on?”
He scooped her up and sat down, cradling her in his lap. He kissed her softly when she dropped her head against his shoulder.
“I was just talking to the Lord about our situation.”
He brushed her hair away from her face. “Did He say anything?”
Julie shook her head. “Why does He seem so silent when I need Him the most?”
Ethan wondered the same thing. He wished he knew the answer, but his own prayer life lacked luster these days. His list of excuses seemed more and more frivolous, but he had yet to adjust the situation. He knew they could trust Him, believe in Him, even when they didn’t understand their life circumstance. “Remember what I said last night? He’s faithful, Julie. He has a plan and a purpose.”
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