by M. E. Nesser
She seemed self-conscious about her inexperience. I thought it was endearing. She also seemed jealous of her sister. That made me sad. All I knew was that I’d never thought she would be that forthcoming, and I was ecstatic that she opened up to me like that. I was becoming more enamored by the minute.
She played with her wine glass, waiting for me to say something. I wanted to choose my words carefully. I didn’t want to frighten her, but I wanted to show her the same type of honesty. “I think it’s pretty sexy that you don’t have a lot of experience,” I told her. “I haven’t been with a lot of women. All of my past relationships lasted about a year or two. I will say my girlfriends’ needs were always more important than my own. I enjoy bringing women pleasure. I’ve worked hard trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. I’ve always been an avid reader, so I’ve actually read several books on lovemaking. I find the human body fascinating, especially when it comes to sex. I hope someday I can show you.”
It was out on the table. I wanted her. There was no denying it. I knew it was probably premature, but I couldn’t help myself. If she could open up to me, I had to reciprocate.
Now it was my turn to wait for her to say something. Her cheeks were flushed. I knew I’d embarrassed her. She seemed to be weighing her words carefully as well. It must have been some part of our attorney mentality that had us pause before speaking.
She took another sip of wine and cleared her throat. “Chad, I can’t tell you how flattered I am. A beautiful man like you has never shown any interest in me. Thank you for that. It feels indescribable to be desired.”
I reached across the table and held her hand. I waited for her to look me in the eyes. “You don’t have a clue how beautiful you are, do you?”
She looked at our hands. “No one has ever said that to me before, not even Martin. I’m a little uncomfortable with that kind of flattery.”
“Well, you shouldn’t be. We need to work on your self-esteem, Miss Jensen. I hope you’ll let me be the one to help you work on it.”
“I think I’d like that, Mr. Baldwin.”
20
Emily
We finished the bottle of wine, and Chad said he should probably leave. I didn’t want him to, but I wasn’t positive I wanted him to stay either. I appreciated his consideration on my behalf and the respect he was showing me.
When we walked to the door, he hugged me tightly. “Thank you for letting me come over tonight. I had a really nice time.”
“Thank you for…everything.” I released him from the hug and looked at him. I went on my toes and kissed him gently on the mouth. “You’re pretty great, you know that?” I told him.
“I think you’re pretty great too. Thank you for the pizza, the wine, and, most of all, your company. I think we’re going to be very good friends, Emily. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”
He leaned in and gave me a kiss. It started out slow, but when I pulled him closer to me, he intensified the pressure. He used his tongue and his lips to explore my mouth. My ardent response came naturally to me. As the kiss continued, so did its intensity. He devoured my mouth and I responded in kind. This went on for several minutes. I’d never had a kiss that left me dizzy before, and I was definitely feeling dizzy at this moment. I loved the effect his mouth was having on my body. It was powerful.
I was disappointed when it ended. When he left, I closed the door, leaned against it and took a deep breath. I couldn’t believe all the changes that were happening in my life. It was surreal.
I really wanted to talk to someone about Chad. There was no way I could read or sleep just then. I was too excited. I decided to send my sister a message to see if she was maybe up feeding the baby.
“You awake?”
“Yep. What’s up?”
“Can I call you?”
“I’ll call you.”
“What’s going on, sis? Shouldn’t you be studying or sleeping or something? Is everything all right? You never call me this late.”
I couldn’t believe I was going to tell her about Chad. I had to, though. I was too excited to keep it to myself. “I met someone,” I said nervously and excitedly.
“What do you mean you met someone? You just left Martin!” she said quite loudly.
“I know. It’s crazy. His name is Chad. He’s from California. We go to school together.” I waited for the questions; I knew she would have a lot.
“Should I assume he’s nice and respectable?” she asked me in a mocking tone.
I had to laugh. He was so different from Martin, it was uncanny. “Uh, not exactly,” I admitted.
“Really? I’m intrigued. I can’t imagine he’s easygoing, laid back, and chill. Is he?’
“Actually…that is a pretty good description of him,” I admitted shyly.
“No kidding? What does he look like?”
I hesitated. How could I describe him? “Like a Greek God,” I admitted thoughtfully. He really was stunning.
“Get out of town!”
I enjoyed surprising my sister. “Yeah, really. He is super tall, maybe six four, with messy blond hair and dark-blue eyes. He has a beautiful smile and the most adorable dimples. He is solid muscle. And oh my God, can he kiss!” I squealed like a teenager.
“And he’s a law student?” She sounded like it was hard to believe. “I thought the guys in law school were all nerdy.”
“Yes, he is a law student, and no, he is far from nerdy. He’s remarkable. He’s amazing. He could be any girl’s fantasy. He looks like a guy you’d see surfing in California. He is extremely smart and passionate about law, which makes him even sexier. I guess I never expected such a good-looking man to be so smart or so motivated. It sounds like he comes from a good family. In fact he was impressed with the architecture at dad’s place. He said his mom was an interior decorator and he learned a lot from her about interior design.”
“Wait a minute, sis. He went to dad’s place? You slept with him already?” The shock in her voice was hysterical. I found myself thoroughly enjoying this.
“No, I didn’t sleep with him. We had pizza and wine tonight, and then he left—after he gave me the most passionate kiss I have ever had. Talk about giving me goose bumps! I have never felt this excited about a guy before Sara,” I admitted. It felt so good to share this with my sister.
“Not even Martin?” she wondered.
“Especially not Martin,” I admitted.
“Well, I am totally psyched for you. When can I meet this Greek God?”
“I don’t know. We just started dating, if you can even call it that. Guess what we did today? He took me paintballing at a place called Extreme Sports. It was such a blast. We spent almost three hours shooting guns, running through obstacles, and getting covered in paint. I was fully dressed, but I still had paint on every single part of my body. It was the strangest thing to do, and I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun or laughed so hard.”
“I can’t believe you went paintballing! That’s amazing, Em. I’m so happy for you. Listen, I’m sorry to cut this short, but I hear Brian fussing. I probably need to feed him. If you want to talk some more, call me tomorrow. I’d love to hear more about Mr. California. Thanks for calling. You made my night.”
After Sara hung up, I just sat there thinking. It had been only two days since I’d left Martin, and I was blown away by how much happier I felt. So much was happening. My mind was reeling. For starters I couldn’t believe I stayed with him as long as I did. I never should have moved in with him. I’d approached the relationship cognitively when I should have followed my heart. That wasn’t going to happen again. Ever.
I was proud of myself that I’d finally gotten the nerve to break up with him. I still couldn’t believe I’d done it. I’d packed up all of my belongings and moved out of our apartment. To top it all off, I went paintballing with this incredibly hot guy from California who was different from any guy I had ever hung out with before. I felt like a new woman. For the first time in a ver
y long while, I felt happy.
I changed my clothes and crawled into bed. All I could think of was the kiss from Chad. It made me feel all tingly between my legs. I thought about grabbing my vibrator, but I decided to leave it in my dresser. I was pretty exhausted, and there was a part of me that wanted to save myself for Chad. If we kept seeing each other, I knew we would end up in bed. And maybe, just maybe, I would finally enjoy having sex with a guy. That was something I’d fantasized about for a long time. A girl could dream…
21
Chad
I didn’t know what it was about this woman that had me so captivated. She was vastly different from the girls I had dated in California. It was obvious that underneath her reserved demeanor, she was a loving and passionate woman just waiting to spread her wings. There was also something quite beautiful about her understated look. She didn’t need to spend a lot of time on her hair and makeup to make her self look prettier, like so many girls do, because she was organically beautiful.
Emily had been stymied in a passionless relationship for too long, and it was time for her to experience how incredible things can be between a man and a woman. Unleashing her passion might take time, but I knew she was worth the wait. I wanted to be her knight in shining armor. It wasn’t anything I could rationalize. Something had compelled me to call her that night. I was glad I did, because I’d had a really good time.
I was a popular guy growing up and didn’t have any problem finding girls to go out with. Screwing around with a lot of girls never interested me, though. I liked being with one girl at a time. I didn’t give in to drunken one-night stands. I always felt like it cheapened the girl as well as me. I also never wanted to be known as a player. I thought it was an embarrassing stigma.
My folks were married a long time. They were great friends and, I assumed, great lovers. Their example made me want what they had one day. I’d had only two girlfriends in high school and two in college. Many of my buddies weren’t even sure how many girls they slept with. I wasn’t that kind of guy.
When I first came to New York, I wasn’t sure I would meet someone I wanted to date. I knew I would need to make law school my priority. Besides, it was a much different way of life than I was used to. People warned me that life would be more hectic on the East Coast, and in many ways they were right. Not only had I grown up in California, but I’d gone to college there too, so I was used to a more relaxed way of life.
New York was anything but relaxed. There was this frenzied vibe that emanated around every corner. It was exciting and, at times, overwhelming. I’d never traveled to that part of the country before I’d interviewed for law school in New York. I knew I needed a change of scenery, and New York was a definitive change from what I was used to.
I had a little sister named Nora who wanted to come to the East Coast for college. She was planning to visit me over break and see what New York had to offer. Her dream was to go to Columbia. My parents were planning to send her here next month so I could go on a tour of the campus with her. She already contacted the college and set up an appointment. She also set up a time to meet with someone from NYU. She figured she should check out more than one college while she was here. Her grades were fantastic, and she scored really well on all of the standardized tests. She played soccer, volunteered, and played the piano. She was planning to apply early decision. I thought she had a pretty good chance of getting in.
My older brother, Tate, went to the University of Colorado and moved back to California when he finished. He got two bachelor’s degrees: one in biology and another in psychology. He got a job as a pharmaceutical rep right after graduation and was doing great. Apparently he was a born salesman. I also heard he was dating a great woman he met at a hospital. My mother just told me about his new love. I needed to call him and see what was going on.
My mother was a very successful interior decorator. She owned her own company and had two assistants who worked for her. She had made quite a name for herself and was very busy. She had been talking about expanding the business and hiring more decorators, but she didn’t want to lose the personal connection she established with her clients. I had a feeling she would keep her business the size it was. I couldn’t see her risking her quality of work for more business. It wasn’t her style.
Our father worked for the San Francisco Parks Department and had been working there for over twenty years. His passion for the environment prompted me to focus on environmental law. Neither of my parents wanted jobs that required them to sit behind desks. They’d always enjoyed a more active lifestyle.
We’d spent a lot of time outdoors while I was growing up. My whole family loved to sail, ski, and hike. My parents didn’t let us turn on the television very often. Instead they encouraged us to play games, read, or play outside. I was so glad that was how I was raised. It seemed like nowadays kids were so wrapped up in video games, their computers, and their cell phones that they had forgotten how to play.
I wasn’t sure how Emily would react to my suggestion to go paintballing. I was so glad she was receptive to the idea. We spent so much time sitting in classes and in the library studying that I needed to do something fun and physical. It was how I dealt with the stress of being cooped up all day. I knew she appreciated my suggestion. We definitely laughed a lot, and it was obvious she had a great time. I was going to have to come up with some other ideas of things to do with her if our relationship continued in the direction I hoped it would.
I was excited to feel how responsive she was to my kiss. I hadn’t planned on kissing her. The plan was to take my time. She just moved out of her boyfriend’s place, for Pete’s sake. I figured it was too soon. But she seemed eager to kiss me back. There was a sexual naiveté about her that I found incredibly appealing. I felt like a high school kid embarking on his first crush. It was a great feeling.
22
Emily
My first class was at nine the next morning. I spent a little extra time getting ready. I had butterflies in my stomach. I wanted to look nice for Chad.
Wow, that was a new concept for me. I hadn’t cared about how I looked in front of Martin for the longest time. In fact I rarely did anything to make myself feel pretty around him. That said something, didn’t it? He never commented on how I looked unless a little cleavage was showing. He didn’t like that. A little provocative, don’t you think? Well, screw him. Today was a new day. I was going to let a little bit of my skin show.
I got to class about ten minutes early and saw that Chad was already seated. I took a deep breath and walked right up to where he was sitting.
“Good morning, Chad. Is this seat taken?” I asked him demurely. I tried to keep a serious face, but that was futile. The way he looked at me made me smile from my head to my toes.
He reacted to me with a smile that could light up the room. “I was hoping you would sit next to me,” he said huskily.
I could feel myself blushing. He was probably the sexiest man I had ever met in my life, and he wanted me. I was blown away by the intensity of our attraction to one another. When he asked me to sit next to him, I realized his deep, baritone voice made him even that much sexier. Everything about this man got my juices flowing. The way he looked, the way he smelled, the way he sounded…I felt like a little girl on Christmas morning.
“Thank you. Did you get home OK last night?” I asked him.
“Sure did. The cab drivers are intense in this city. Like I said yesterday, I feel like I’m on a roller-coaster ride every time I get in one of their cars. I’m still not sure if I should be excited or terrified.”
His comment about our New York cabbies made me laugh. It was so interesting getting an outsider’s perspective on the city I had lived in my entire life and thoroughly loved.
“Just think of it as part of the adventure. New York is unlike any other city in the world, and it seems like you’ve adapted pretty well over the past year.”
We continued to talk for several minutes before the professor go
t to class. Chad was listening to me intently, which I realized was something I’d never had with a man before. Martin was always absorbed in his own stuff and never seemed to care about what I had to say. Two days into this relationship was more real than three years with Martin. Could this really be happening? I needed someone to pinch me.
“You really love it here, don’t you?” he asked me, bringing me back to the present.
“Yeah, I guess I do. New York is my home. Even when our family split up, I could count on New York for remaining constant. Its energy was my solace, if that makes any sense. I was grateful we didn’t relocate. That would have been devastating. I was constantly reminded of how fortunate I was growing up because of the diversity of the population all around me. There are a lot of poor and homeless people here. I have never taken my privileges for granted. You know, my father is wealthy, and I have never wanted for anything. But for some reason, I never let it define me. I always worked hard in school. I never wanted anything I didn’t earn.
“I’ve wanted to be an attorney for as long as I can remember. It always felt like a profession that would allow me to give back, since I’ve been given so much. I watched a documentary a few years back about battered women. It blew me away how many women are physically and emotionally abused by the men who supposedly love them. The women came from all socioeconomic backgrounds. The abuse didn’t discriminate by wealth or race. Any woman could be at risk.
“It was at that moment I realized I had to get the kind of education that would give me the power to help these women. I know there isn’t a lot of money in this kind of law, but I don’t care. If I can help one woman attain the power and resources to feel safe, then my life will be complete.”
It felt so good to share my dream with him. He cared about what I was saying, which made it even more special. Martin thought I should aspire to work in a field that would be more lucrative. It was all about money and prestige with him. Neither of those things matters to me.