by Cait Ashwood
Rowan’s eyes flicked up to her own, then moved away quickly.
“Zeche helped kill Kendrick and supported Hound’s bid to get me treatment. Hound was a wanted fugitive at that point, and they might well have killed him on the spot. They didn’t believe him about what I was, and who would? I was an anomaly, something that never should have existed. Zeche’s presence lent validity to his claim, and is likely the only reason I survived.” Audrey looked at her hands folded in her lap. “He’d now saved my life twice.”
She took a deep breath before continuing. “We eventually got things sorted out, and decided that the Institute was the safest place for me. I’d marked Hound to help him ward off the taint, but he left the Institute, wary of being turned against us. I only mention that because Zeche stuck around a lot more after that, constantly coming and going with tidbits of information. The day Zaddicus attacked the Institute, every single one of my defenders fell,” she paused.
“Except for Zeche.” Rowan shook his head. “That makes three.”
Audrey nodded. “He and Hound, when he arrived, got me out to safety. But that day, Gwyn was captured. It would be another year before we learned that the Order still lived.”
Rowan’s face screwed up in confusion. “Why so long?”
Audrey smiled. “I was pregnant, and she was a taint user. I couldn’t risk being anywhere near her, and Gwyn knew this. She refused to speak to any of the Seekers, but by the time you and Lily were six months old, she was ready to talk.”
“You made the world wait... to take care of us?” The shock in his voice wounded her.
Audrey looked down at the ground. “I’d tried for years to conceive with my husband before he died. I was sterile. You two were the miracle I’d never seen coming. If rescuing the Order had meant your death, they’d be in his grasp still.”
“So Zeche made himself indispensable.” Rowan snorted. “Sounds like him.”
Audrey nodded. “He also led the stakeouts and provided manpower to help hunt down Zaddicus’ lair. We might not have found them without the Ravens.”
“So, everything you’re famous for, everything you’re credited with building--”
“Almost all of it can be directly traced back to Zeche and his influence.”
Rowan ran a hand through his hair, tugging at it. He seemed to be struggling with something, so Audrey waited quietly while he sorted it out.
“Would you have fought for me? If the stakes weren’t so high, would you have fought?”
Audrey hesitated, thinking over the question.
“Never mind, you don’t have to answer.” Rowan gingerly stretched out, laying down on the cot and throwing his forearm over his eyes.
“The only reason I hesitate is that hindsight is everything.” Audrey took a deep breath. “At the time, Zeche had promised that if I cooperated, I could still see you now and again. That ended up turning into an annual visit.” She paused, staring at her hands in her lap. “Before you were gone, before I realized how hard it was to live life with half of my children, I would have given anything for the chance to see you, even once a year. So, would I have fought? I don’t know.”
He raised his forearm and picked his head up just enough to be able to look at her. “I don’t remember any annual visits.”
Audrey shook her head. “No. I stopped them after a few years. At first, Lily was young enough that she just saw you as another kid to play with. It was hard for me. You went from crawling and babbling, and then the next time I saw you, you were walking and using words. The time after that, you were speaking in full sentences, and you’d gotten so tall.” Audrey paused, glancing at the ceiling as if it could give her strength. “By the time you were five, Lily was old enough to start remembering who you were. She didn’t understand why you had to go. If you were her brother, you should be together. If I’d thought dealing with it was hard before, it was nothing compared to trying to console her after you left. After that, I knew the visits couldn’t continue.”
She fiddled with the hem of her top. “Zeche tried to accommodate me. I was invited to watch several of your training sessions, and I attended those for a few more years.”
Rowan grunted, arm back over his eyes. “Why did you stop coming?”
A tear rolled slowly down her cheek. “Because it kept the wound open and allowed it to fester. I couldn’t heal, I couldn’t move on. I had two children still at home that needed a mother. Not that I did well with them, in the end.” That was a bitter pill to swallow for another time. “I just felt like I was a spectator in your life. You were getting old enough that if you saw me and knew who I was, you’d start asking questions. Zeche didn’t want that either.”
Rowan was silent for some time.
Did he fall asleep?
“When’s my name day?”
The question was so random and heartbreaking at the same time. “Zeche... didn’t tell you when you were born?”
Rowan flopped a hand onto his stomach. “He didn’t want me looking for my family.”
“Oh, I see.” Audrey cleared her throat. “You were born June 17th. And, of course, you’re seventeen now.” She tacked on the last part, just in case he didn’t know.
Rowan snorted softly. “Zeche just celebrated my eighteenth name day. Didn’t really want to go backward.”
Audrey smiled gently, a dozen adages about enjoying your youth floating through her head, though she said none of them.
“Rowan, there’s no way I can undo what’s been done, so I won’t try. Zeche has made it clear that nothing is going to change but... you’re still my son. I’d like to write you every now and then if it wouldn’t trouble you.”
Her son sat up on the cot again, slowly swinging his legs over the side. “Why now, after all these years? Why are you trying to be my mother now?”
She flinched away from him, closing her eyes briefly. “Because Zeche wouldn’t permit it any sooner. He promised us the day he took you that when you took your vows, you’d know who your family was.”
“Don’t try and make him out to be the villain in all of this.” The words were vehement and angry.
“I’m... I’m sorry if it came out that way. Zeche’s betrayal wounded me greatly, and it’s hard for me to see him as anything other than a thief.”
Angry gray eyes met hers, but she met it, unflinching. Yes, he’s a thief. He stole my son, stole years of love I could have given you. Stole a mother from Brana, a twin from Lily. His thefts have nearly killed me.
Slowly, Rowan’s gaze softened and he eventually broke eye contact. “You can write me if you want.” He stiffened. “Not promising I’m going to write back or anything.”
“You’ll do what you need to do, Rowan. If I can anticipate anything from how Zeche would have raised you, I can feel confident saying that much.”
He snorted again. “I need to get some rest.”
Audrey knew a dismissal when she got one. “The medics are right outside if you need anything, and I’ll have your usual clothes brought by.”
He lifted his chin in acknowledgment.
Defeat and hope warred for space in her heart as she slipped out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
< < < < > > > >
Chapter Nineteen
What the hell is going on? Lily stumbled back from the fighting, crossing her arms over her chest in an effort to seem strong. In truth, she’d never felt more vulnerable. At first, she’d been arguing against the inevitable. How they’d found her she hadn’t the slightest clue, but she knew there would be no escaping them. She had some skill with a blade, but not enough to beat the legendary assassin. If her brother had been training with the man all his life, chances were she couldn’t beat him, either. Still, her hand twitched, desperate to have the small dagger for protection.
The assassin’s threats were surely meant to scare her but instead they pissed her off even more. Her blood boiled, especially when he had the gall to say that they were here on Hound’s orders, of all p
eople. Her mother hadn’t even bothered to issue the verdict? Typical.
But... if they know where I am, why isn’t Dad here? Lily and her father had always been close, and his absence now about took her feet out from under her. Hound had issued the order, not her own father? Had they disowned her?
The battle raged on in front of her, an unknown woman fighting alongside Stryker. She’d said something confusing, too. No use for pure bloods? Who is she? Lily was stuck in her own head until a scream of pain brought her attention back to the fight. As if in slow-motion, she saw the blade the woman wielded arcing away from Rowan’s back, leather armor torn asunder in its wake, blood rushing to fill the gap.
Horror-struck, her emotions whirled. Rowan wanted to take her back home, which she wasn’t a fan of, but did he really deserve this? Conflicted, her eyes turned to the only person here she really knew. Stryker glanced over his shoulder at her, seeming to be looking for something. She nodded her head. If he could get her out of this, she wanted to go. Whatever happened to Rowan wasn’t her concern. That’s what you get for trying to kidnap people. Whether she could be kidnapped from herself was something she wasn’t willing to debate. What mattered was that here, finally, she had a choice. She didn’t know where Stryker would take her, or who the other woman was, but hadn’t she called Stryker her brother? It all happened so fast, Lily honestly wasn’t sure.
If she was sure of one thing, though, it was that Thunder had to be taken care of. She began edging away from the dead-end in the alley and toward the alley’s mouth, when Zeche yelled, “Now!”
Now? She looked up, her mouth falling open into an ‘O’ as the assassin rushed right for her.
The man in black dove for her, but suddenly she wasn’t there anymore. She stood about twenty paces further back, Stryker’s hand clutching her forearm with a bruising grip. She peered around his shoulder, surprised to see both Rowan and the assassin gone.
“Where... where did they go?” She might not appreciate her brother right now, but she was worried. That cut looked bad.
The woman smirked. “Probably to a healer, if he’s smart. My blades have a bit of a bite to them.” She flipped her long, honey-brown hair over her shoulder and cast an appraising gaze on Stryker.
He scanned Lily’s face earnestly. “You okay?” His dark eyes were nearly black, but that didn’t stop them from expressing concern.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” She risked a glance at the other woman. “Not sure my brother is, but you kept me from going back with him so... thanks?”
She shrugged, an easy smile playing over her features. “Stryker and I have trained to fight much worse. I was playing with him, nothing more.”
Lily swallowed. Yeah... that’s not creepy at all.
Stryker cleared his throat. “We should get you out of here. They could come back at any moment.”
“Okay. Just take me to Thunder, and we can leave.” Yes, she had a job and it felt good to make her own coin instead of accepting handouts from everyone, but keeping her freedom was more important.
“Uh, he can’t come with us. There’s no grazing where we’re going.” Stryker shifted his weight from foot to foot, eyes flicking around nervously as if he expected the pair to come back any moment.
“No--” Don’t just repeat him, you’ll sound like an idiot. “Okay. Well, um, I guess we could just bring him here? Harriet will make sure he’s taken care of.” She felt about as tall as a field cricket. Thunder was her only tie to home, and a damned good horse to boot. But he was more than that. He felt like a part of her, like half of her soul living outside her body. He always knew just what she needed, and when she was on his back, she literally flew.
Stryker scoffed, his eyes pulling tight. “We really don’t have time for this, Lily.”
“I’m not going anywhere unless I know he’s safe.” She crossed her arms over her chest as the other woman rolled her eyes.
Stryker narrowed his but phased out anyway. He reappeared a few moments later, sitting astride the gelding.
“Hey buddy,” she crooned, walking up to him and holding out her hand, which he bumped with his velvety soft nose. She pulled his head into her chest, pressing a kiss against his forehead. “I’m gonna miss you, but Miss Harriet will take good care of you, okay?” Her voice trembled as her throat closed, trying not to cry in front of the duo.
Stryker slipped off his back, handing her a piece of paper and a quill from her room. “Figured you’d want to leave a note. Make it quick.” He thrust the items into her hands and stalked out of the stable, seeming more pissed off than the situation called for. She was the one leaving Thunder behind, after all.
The strange woman left and stood outside with him, so Lily finally let a tear fall and hit the paper. She wrote a quick note, apologizing for her sudden disappearance, and begging her to keep Thunder, to treat him well. He could be a carriage horse in the city, or used on a local farm, as long as he was safe. She frayed the edge of the paper and worked it into a tight braid in his mane where Harriet would be sure to see it. Of course, she’d notice a new horse in her stalls immediately anyway, but Lily wanted to make sure she knew his name. It seemed important.
She sniffed, dabbing at her eyes as she led Thunder to an empty stall. He whickered at her, his warm breath puffing her hair away from her face. “You be good for Ms. Harriet, you hear? None of your playing keep away business you get into when you think I’m not looking.” Thunder made a sound that was very close to a grumble, nostrils flaring as he turned to the bucket of oats just inside the door. They were meant for an underweight mare, but Lily knew they’d distract him. She locked him in, rubbing at her eyes to keep the tears at bay.
“Hey pure-blood, you done yet?”
Lily looked up, hearing a tenor rebuke from Stryker, but unable to make out the words. She hurried toward the pair, glancing from one face to the other.
“Get me out of here.”
The girl rolled her eyes. “Finally.”
Stryker shook his head, offering his hands out to both of them. Lily accepted a bit slower than Vex, and then the world she knew disappeared.
The smell of damp earth greeted her nose, and at first, she was certain she couldn’t see. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the gloom and she could roughly make out the shapes of the siblings beside her.
Where is the light coming from? There wasn’t an obvious source, but with no tunnel entrance in sight in either direction, she had to be missing something. She stared at what she could see of the tunnel walls, following them up. It was almost impossible to tell, but the roof of the tunnel seemed ever so much brighter than the walls. She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes to try and figure out why.
“It’s phosphorescent algae, according to my dad. Doesn’t give off much light, but it’s better than nothing.” Stryker shrugged, and Lily marveled that she could see the movement at all.
“Speaking of Dad...” Vex trailed off, but Lily could imagine the cruel smile on her face. She hadn’t known the girl long, but she’d put the worst bully at the Tower to shame in an instant.
“Let me get her settled, then we’ll go.” Stryker sounded guarded, anxious.
“I-I’d like to meet him.”
The pair turned and stared at her, neither saying a word.
“I mean, if this is his home I’m staying in, it’s only polite, right?”
“Yes, Stryker. It would be polite.” Her tone of voice suddenly made Lily doubt that meeting the man was a good idea.
“Vex, you know he hates Surfacers. Lily would be no different.” He shook his head and started down the tunnel. “Come on, Lily. I’ll show you to your room.”
Pure-blood. Surfacers. What kind of place is this? Lily followed Stryker with more than a bit of trepidation. She didn’t really have a choice, with Vex taking up the rear and prodding her forward anytime she hesitated. She couldn’t be sure, but she had a feeling they were going farther and farther away from the surface with every step.
Lily didn’t even se
e the side passage Stryker turned down until he entered it, the yawning black hole scarcely distinguishable from the walls in the darkness. Vex paused at the entrance of the tunnel, leaning with her back against one of the walls and her boots stuck out in front of her. It seemed she would go no farther. We must be close.
Even though she was looking, she still missed the bit of stone that slid back, cleverly revealing a door hidden in the wall of the tunnel. Stryker stepped inside and Lily stared after him, claustrophobia rising to choke her up. The rasp of flint preceded an array of sparks that seemed as bright as the sun in the depths. Lily shielded her eyes, wincing as a torch caught the sparks. She blinked back excess tears, trying to clear her vision. She managed it in time to see Stryker take a smaller stick and hold it up to the torch, waiting until it caught. He moved around the room, lighting lanterns and another torch in the room.
It wasn’t all that bad. There was a bed with a base of stone, though it appeared to be heaped with furs and soft things. Most everything in this room seemed to have been carved out by hand, and once it was lit well enough, it was a lighter colored stone than she would have imagined. There was a desk with a bamboo stool and a chest for belongings. A small pit in the wall appeared to double both as a fireplace and a cooking station.
“It’s not much, but it’ll do.” Stryker ran a hand through his short hair. “I’ll head to the inn later and grab your things. Maybe try and find you something to read.”
“Okay.” She didn’t know what else to say, still hovering in the doorway.
Stryker stuck his hands in his pockets, his shoulders tense. “Look, about how I said I can’t guarantee what would happen to you here? That’s still true. You leave this room, I can’t protect you.”