by Lexi Post
His lips lifted in a smile. “Thank ye.”
Part of her was pleased she could make him happy again, but the pain in her heart was too much to bear within sight of his pleasure. “I’ll let you go back to sleep. I have to find my brat and leine to make sure no one realizes I’m from another t—country.” She turned away, anxious to be away from him, yet wishing to stay and savor every moment. But by saving his life, she’d destroyed whatever it was they had. He didn’t trust her, and he didn’t like her anymore.
“It will be a long journey then?”
She looked back at him, her throat closing as tears threatened again. She was so sick of crying. She shook her head before opening the door and escaping.
Outside the room, she leaned against the wall. It was her own fault. She knew better than to fall in love with a man from the Middle Ages. What kind of future had she expected with someone who was used to defending his family and king with a sword? Who believed that it was better not to love than to love and be hurt by possibly losing that person?
She pushed away from the wall and headed for Zania’s sewing room. Hopefully, she’d find the right clothes to wear or she’d have to wait until morning when Zania came in. She didn’t want to wait. She needed to get Torr back to 1306 Scotland. She’d totally screwed up and now she had to fix the damage she’d done…somehow.
Chapter Seventeen
Torr hadn’t been unaffected by what Diana said in the wee hours of the night. He’d known she loved him, but had ignored that fact because he wanted to be with her. Or he had before he discovered her to be a liar. He still did not understand why she had lied or why she’d come to Gealach in the first place. If there was another country vying for Scotland’s throne, it’d be sorely disappointed, but he didn’t doubt her sincerity in how she felt about him. He could only hope she would forget him over time. Oddly, he felt a certain sympathy for her. He knew what it was to lose someone he loved. It was why he kept his heart safe.
At the thought of never seeing her again, his gut tensed. He wished she hadn’t taken him from his clan. If she’d been what she appeared, a distant relative, they would have shared many a night together. He’d even contemplated only sharing his bed with her. He shook his head. How could he have been so deceived?
He picked up the brat and paused. Maybe because Diana never meant to cause him harm. She wasn’t like Graham, pretending to be a clansman to better cause his downfall. So what had been her purpose? To marry him? He nodded. That was a common motivation among women. He’d seen it with Margaret before he had to send her away.
Donning the brat, he left the belt loose to avoid his healing wound. Today, he would start his journey home. Even now, Kerr could be injured or Robert cornered. At the thought, his muscles tensed ready for action, but the feeling was strange. His body had changed, and he worried that Diana’s healer had worked some kind of magic upon him.
The door to the room opened, Diana stood there staring at him. “You’re ready then?”
He took a deep breath. Seeing her in Scottish clothing again reminded him of what they had shared. She belonged with him.
He forced the thought away. She was from another country and he was a MacPherson. He could not give her what she wanted even if he could trust her, which he did not. He could not love her, yet despite all she’d done, he would miss her.
Her green eyes were as bright as the grasses on a summer’s day as if she barely kept her tears at bay. His gut ached for her, but his mind refused to allow her heartache to sway him. Clan and king came first.
She took only two steps into the room and crossed her arms over her stomach. “I’m not sorry I saved your life. I’ll never regret that. You deserved to live, but I am sorry for the life you’ll have to live now.”
He frowned. Did she have yet something else planned for him? “There is no need to be sorry for my life. I will go back to Gealach and continue the fight for Robert’s throne.”
She shook her head. “You can’t be involved with them if you go back. You must not interact with any of them and stay out of the war completely.” Her voice cracked and dropped to a whisper. “You have to live the life of a broken man.”
He refused to look away. Her absolute confidence caused him to doubt, and he could not doubt his course. He had not been exiled from his clan. He was their leader and structure had to be maintained to keep everyone alive. “Gealach is where I belong.”
A single tear fell down her cheek causing his sympathy for her to rise again. He would not be swayed from his purpose by tears. He broke her gaze and tightened the belt of the brat, stifling a moan at the pressure on his wound.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen to you, I swear. Your clan believes you’re dead, and it must stay that way.” Her voice rose and trembled.
“Why? Why can I not return home and defend my clan? They will be pleased that I have escaped death and thankful to ye.”
She looked away. “If you rejoin your clan, King Robert will lose his throne.”
He froze. “I would help him keep it, not lose it.”
She shook her head. “No, your death is what spurred the Bruce on to defeat the English. Your friendship meant so much that once he believed you dead, he became determined to avenge you, his brothers, and all who had fallen before you. If you return alive, you will douse the flame of determination that was lit by your death.”
“And this ye know because it happened after I fell in battle?”
She held his gaze. “Yes.”
“And the king has regained the throne then?”
“No, but he will, if you don’t return to your clan.”
He didn’t want to believe her as she’d lied to him before, but her tears had dried and she no longer spoke from the heart, but from her head.
“How do ye know this? Were ye not here at my side while I slept?” Or had she lied about that, too?
“I was.” She took a deep breath. “But I have friends who have watched to make sure that all continued as expected in Scotland and it has. If you return and let your family know you’re alive, it will get back to the Bruce and he will fail.”
The surety with which she stated her words caused a shiver to run up his spine. That there were forces beyond his knowledge, he did not doubt. That Diana may be linked to them had occurred to him more than once since he’d woken. He’d never been one to believe in magic, but there was much that he could not explain here. Still, he would make his own decision. “Then I will watch over them secretly. I must know that they survive.”
She opened her mouth and then closed it.
He stepped forward and laid his hands on her shoulders. When she finally looked up at him and met his gaze, he spoke. “Show me the way home.”
She swallowed then nodded, and relief poured through him.
“Take my hands and hold tight no matter what.” She held her hands between them, her palms up.
He released her shoulders and took her hands. This must be a ritual she performed before a journey. As she grasped his tightly, he responded just as the colors in the room blended together and everything turned to purple and red. His body felt weightless and he itched to grasp his sword of which he had none, but Diana’s grip on his hands reminded him to hold fast.
It was an odd sensation, as if they were flying through water, but he could breathe. He looked away from the fast-moving colors and focused on her. Her eyes held fear and a sorrow so deep, he could feel it in his own chest. What kind of magic did she practice on him? At that thought, he started to lift his hand to twist away, but the colors slowed and dissipated as he once more felt solid ground beneath his feet.
He was no longer in Diana’s strange room, but in a forest alive with summer growth.
She disengaged her hands from his. “You’re home, or rather close to it. This is the wood near the small pond that the others like to come to on Sundays.” She pointed. “And that way is Gealach, but you must never go there or come in contact with anyone from there. If you do, R
obert will lose his crown.”
He walked forward, anxious for a view of his home. It wasn’t hard to see the crenellation on the wall-walk, though the rest of the castle was hidden by the foliage. His spirits lifted, and he looked back at Diana, a smile on his lips at the joy of seeing Gealach again. He opened his mouth to thank her, but the fear in her eyes made him swallow his words.
The strangeness of his journey registered fully. Just moments before, he’d stood in her room and now they were at his castle. That was impossible…unless some Druid power was involved. Suddenly, her statements in her home held new meaning. If she was able to bring him from one place to another within seconds then she obviously could travel through time.
She hadn’t lied.
He tried to grasp the concept, his whole body tense at the implications. It was wizardry for certain, and the only magic he’d ever heard stories about always came with a curse. Was this his curse now, to live out his days separated from those he loved? He stepped toward her, but remained cautious about moving too close. “Can I not return to my family once Robert is on the throne?”
She shook her head.
He took a step closer. He still had the urge to protect her though she had powers far beyond what he understood. “Ye are afraid. Tell me why.”
“I am. I’m afraid you’ll get caught and change the course of events. I’m afraid you’ll come to harm living away from your family.”
The mandate that he live apart from Gealach was the hardest to accept. He understood why now, but he chafed against it. If he’d never met her…“Why did ye come to Gealach?”
Her eyes widened. “I was sent here to ensure you died in the battle against the Comyn and to find the Disruptor who saved you.”
“Disruptor?”
“Yes. They are time travelers as well, and they go back in history to change it, causing problems for the future.”
He wasn’t sure he understood completely. “And this Disruptor. What did he do?”
“As I said, he saved you from being run through. Because you lived, Robert the Bruce never became king of Scotland. The English who took over this country spread themselves too thin, and France took over.”
He shrugged. “Better France than England. And ye say this all happened because I lived. Who was this Disruptor?”
“Douglas. He would have been on the field with you that day and saved you from dying, but I didn’t know he was the Disruptor. I thought it was Angus.”
Now he was confused. “But if ye were sent here to make sure I died, why did ye save me if that would keep Robert from the throne?”
She sighed. “Because I fell in love with you. Actually, I didn’t expect you to die. I was going to let you live because you were more important to me than the entire future of mankind, even more important than my home and my own clan. Once I’d saved you, I thought we could grow old together in my time.”
Her reasoning was so much like a lass and not like a powerful Druid priestess, it touched his heart. He took the two steps that brought him to her and cupped her face. “Diana.” He rubbed his thumb along her soft cheek. Her love for him was so evident in her gaze that his heart missed a beat. Though she was very powerful, she loved him, and he couldn’t deny she meant something to him.
Not that he loved her. He couldn’t love anyone else, but he did care deeply for her.
She laid her hand on his chest, over his heart above the bandage. “What were you thinking when you fell in the battle?”
He pulled his head back, but forced himself to think about those moments. “At first, it was searing pain. Then, then I couldn’t believe it though I knew I was dying at the same time.” He looked away from her as his memories tumbled forward. “I was afraid. Not of dying, but for Kerr and Robert. I worried they would be harmed.”
He looked down at her as his memory of those final moments cleared. “Then I was happy. Happy that I had spent days with ye. Ye made life more than just survival. With ye, I lived.” With her he’d felt joy in life. “As I sank into oblivion, it was as if I sank into yer arms.” He smiled. “It was an honorable way to die.”
The glimmer of a smile lifted her lips. “You were in my arms. I ran from the castle when I saw you fall.” Her features clouded over as she looked away. “I’m so sorry. I was selfish. I should have let you die.”
He lifted her chin with his finger. “I do not blame ye anymore. You did for me what I would have done for Kerr or Robert. That kind of…” he hesitated over the word love, “…loyalty is precious.”
She met his gaze and held it, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “I’m afraid this pain in my heart from loving you will never go away.”
He laid a hand to his chest, the pain there familiar and yet different from when he’d lost his father and brothers. He still cared too much. She’d brought him joy and happiness, but she would leave him here alone and he would never see her again. Words rose unbidden from deep in his soul.
“Stay with me.”
…
Diana sucked in her breath. He wanted her. Though he knew she came from another time, he still felt something for her. Could it be love? Did he simply not want to admit it to her, or could he not admit it to himself? Either way, her heart lifted with happiness. She smiled, reveling in his obvious feelings for her.
Then reality set in.
“We could build a cottage not far from here.” His eyes lit with excitement. “Everyone knows ye at Gealach. Ye could visit and see if everything is well, then come back and tell me.” He sobered. “It would not be an easy life.” He paused. “Would ye stay with me until I died?”
She wanted to scream at the agony tearing her apart all over again. She laid her hand against his on her cheek as she shook her head. “I am not immortal. I have no long lifespan. Even if I was, I could not stay.”
He moved his hand away and wrapped his arms around her. “Why not? Ye have said how important it is that Robert take the throne. I cannot believe that will happen in just a fortnight.”
“I have to go back and do my job. There are very few of us, only a handful, who can travel through time and fix what the Disruptors have changed.”
“But once you catch this Douglas, you could return here?”
Oh God, the hope he kept dangling before her was too much. In his world and his time, life was so much simpler. She ached to stay with him, think like he did, but she could never forgive herself if she did. Mankind needed her. She shook her head. “I can’t.” She forcefully held back the tears. “I can’t risk changing history again.”
He pulled her against him and held her quietly, his chin resting on her head. The comfort he offered was all she’d ever wanted, but only a piece of what she had to give up. She wanted to curse at the Disruptors, but if it wasn’t for them, she would have never known Torr. Though she’d probably feel a lot better had she not met him, she wouldn’t trade loving him for anything.
She wanted to stay in his arms forever, right here in the middle of the south wood and pretend nothing else mattered. Why couldn’t she stay with him and then when they were old and gray return to present day and no one be the wiser? And if Stonehaven no longer existed? If America no longer existed? If what she believed Jules feared had come to pass? Could she live with that? As much as she wanted to answer her own question with yes, she couldn’t.
Lifting her cheek away from the warmth of Torr’s leine, she looked up at him. “I want to stay.”
His arms tightened about her. “But you cannot.”
She shook her head, her throat closing as sorrow filled her.
“I will never forget ye, lass.”
She swallowed, but still couldn’t make her mouth form any words.
He lowered his head and brought his lips to hers. His kiss was gentle, loving, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with all the love she had, her tears falling as she gave him her silent goodbye.
When he lifted his lips, she wanted to grab his head and pull him back, but it was
time. Staying longer only postponed the inevitable. She forced herself to step out of his embrace. At first, he resisted, but then he opened his arms and gave her a silent nod.
She took another two steps away, afraid she’d fling herself back into his arms. “I’ll never forget you.”
He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple moving along the sinews of his neck. “I will remember ye always.”
She gazed at his red-brown hair, high forehead and crooked nose as if she could keep his image before her forever. Finally, she looked into his bright blue eyes before the colors of the scenery swirled into the purples and reds of the Timestream.
When her room came into focus, she fell to her knees and let her sobs fill the air.
…
Diana meandered along the beach of Spindrift Cove. She had always come here as a child to pout, plan, or simply have fun among the crashing waves and frothy water, but today she did none of those things.
A tern squawked as she walked too close and flew off, chiding her for her intrusion. No, today she was here because she didn’t want to be near any of the people in the house. They were full of platitudes about her feelings but they had no clue. She missed Torr. It was as if half of her were still in medieval Scotland and the other half didn’t care about anything.
She crawled up onto a boulder and dug her toes into the sand, which was warm in the morning sun. By noon, the cove would be in shade. Listlessly, she began to drag her foot through the wet granules, digging a trench to nowhere while she studied the horizon and the blue-green water of the ocean.
“So, you finally broke a rule.”
She jumped at the voice and turned to find Go-Lucky sitting on the rocks the tern had so recently vacated. “I didn’t know you were back.”
“I wasn’t supposed to be. I came back for you.”
The caring in his eyes was everything she’d hoped for in her substitute family. It was too much for her brittle heart and her eyes started to water. “You don’t think he should have gone back?”