by Thia Finn
“I don’t know what to say here, Peri. I’m so sorry you had to deal with my dumb ass. I thought I could blow this off and move on but it’s a hell of a lot harder than it looks. I’ve never been on the receiving end of a relationship that didn’t work out.”
Peri glared at him, wondering how many times he had been in love. “Oh yeah, Ryan. Broken lots of hearts, have you?”
“Uh, that would be a ‘hell no.’ I mean, I dated girls in my teens, but I’ve never been in love before. Or, at least, I thought I was in love with her. Now, I don’t know,” he confessed, looking away.
“It’s going to be fine, Ryan. You’ll get over it and be a stronger person for it. We all need to get our heart broken a few times before we find ‘the one,’ so we know what ‘the one’ is supposed to feel like.”
He turned and looked at her. She’d never seen him like this, so she didn’t know how to read his expression. “So, what about you? Have you found ‘the one’?”
“Apparently not,” she huffed, her tone a bit more melancholy that she intended, not wanting to go there. She avoided meeting his gaze again, even though he was watching her intently, waiting for more. “You should probably take your stuff back to your room or get something to eat. We are heading out for sound check in a bit.”
Peri didn’t like the way Ryan continued to sit for longer than necessary, silently studying her, but she fidgeted with her phone and pretended she didn’t notice, unsure of what he was thinking. She was sure she didn’t want to go down that path with him. Finally, just as the air she hadn’t realized she was holding in her lungs was about to run out, he grabbed his suitcase and left without another word.
Ryder told the truth about the venue being huge. The O2 Arena was a great place to start this leg of the tour. When they went on stage for their sound check, Assured Distraction had a small case of nerves that they rarely encountered anymore. After the first refrain of their first warm-up song, Peri joined them on stage and called them to the center.
“What the hell’s going on, guys?” She knew they were nervous, but she also knew they had opened for Frisson on their last tour in huge venues. “This is no different than any of the shows played back in the States. Red Rock was fucking awesome and you all killed it. Nothing has changed, except we’ve added more sound equipment for the bigger arenas. The music is still the same, and you are still playing your songs the fans love. So, let’s see what you can do. No more of this crap you did on that first take.”
Her little homily seemed to do the trick and calmed them down, even though Peri’s nerves were on edge. She’d managed to talk them down off a ledge and got them over their stage fright. She hoped they would be able to shake it off when it came time for the actual show. I can do this. They rock and will do great, just keep them focused, she reminded herself, needing a pep-talk to eliminate the contagion of the bands’ collective jumble of nervous energy.
Walking backstage, she found Ryder sitting on a stool watching their sound check. “Good job, boss.” He winked at her. Ryder-fucking-Steel just winked at me. She was beaming inside. Now that all was calm, the rest of the evening came off without a single problem.
The night was exciting for everyone. When their set was over, AD ran off stage buzzing with the adrenaline pumping through them. Before they could make it to the dressing room, Chandler and KeeMac had disappeared somewhere to be alone. No one doubted what was going on, but Peri wondered if this was the new norm with those two.
“Dude, did you see the tits on that redhead who took off this bra and threw it straight at me?” Carter was still holding the red lacy thing. “She’s coming home with me tonight. I guarantee it!”
Gunner smirked and added, “Yeah, I pointed out two to let backstage. I’ll let you know if they are both coming home when I talk to them. I’m not in the mood for some clingy chick, and since they all look alike from the stage who knows what they might expect.” Gunner was beginning to feel that all these women that hung on the front of the stage night-after-night were alike.
“God, Gunner. You are a pig when it comes to women.” Peri gave him a look that said she was disgusted by his womanizing.
“Oh, sweet Peri. It is what it is. Life is too short to settle.”
“When your man-whore reputation catches up with you, we’ll all know why.”
Peri tried not to laugh when he gave her his best smile and pumped his pelvis in a suggestive manner. “Yeah, but the babes love me back home. And now, I’m here to unite with the Kingdom, baby! Yeah!”
“Dude, keep your ‘love’ to yourself. We do not want to see or hear it!” Ryan flat-handed the drummer on the back of his head prompting laughs from the rest of the band.
“What? That wasn’t funny! They do love me.” Pointing up and down his torso, “What’s not to love with this body?”
“We don’t know, and we don’t care,” Peri added her tone dead-pan. “Just keep it away from me.”
With everyone still laughing, they climbed into the limo and rode back to the hotel with an added three joining them. Peri kept her distance, choosing to sit as far to the front of the car with as many people, including Ryan, between her and the disgusting display that was unfolding with the groupies.
Arriving back at the hotel, they caught the “lift” to their floor. When they all stepped off, Peri watched Gunner catch Ryan by the arm. “Hey, I brought an extra if you want to join us.”
“No, I believe I’ll pass. Just not into it tonight.”
Peri wondered if he would eventually be into their man-whoring ways before they returned to the states. She didn’t know how she felt about that.
Gunner finally added, “Alright, but if you change your mind, just knock. I’m sure these sweet things will be happy to let you join us. Right lassies?”
It irked Peri when the bottled-blonde ran her hand up Ryan’s strong bicep and said, “Sure will. We can all have some fun if you’d like to play, too.”
The thought made Ryan want to puke. He shivered with revulsion at the thought of taking this woman to bed. She was gorgeous, with long legs and huge tits that were most likely fake, but he couldn’t imagine touching her. She wasn’t Krissy, and he wasn’t interested in some second-string chick in his bed. Even angry at her, he wasn’t ready to start rebound-fucking everything in sight every night either.
“Y’all enjoy yourselves, and have some fun for me.” He turned, gave Peri a nod, and walked toward his room. When he opened the door, he glanced back at the group, and they were all staring at him. Walking inside, he quietly shut the door. Peri knew then he was in for another long, lonely night. She shot him a brief text when she got into her room.
Peri: Maybe you should have taken Gunner up on the idea.
Ryan: No, the thought makes me want to puke and I did enough of that last night.
Peri: But she was a gorgeous girl, in a huge, fake tit kinda way ;)
Ryan: Uh, NO. Don’t need some second-string chick in my bed. Thanks though.
Peri: Goodnight then
Ryan: Yeah, I’ll try
Being on the road in Europe, the nights seemed to all be the same to Ryan. They did a sound check, played their show, climbed on the bus with strange women who sometimes screamed all night, and woke up in a different location. He joined the band sometimes when they made stops between destinations or did some sightseeing around the city, but he didn’t even bother to find out exactly what city they were in, much less what country. It all seemed to blend.
When he got back on the bus in Amsterdam and checked his phone, he had missed a text from Hayden. Calling him back then was a good idea since it was around five in the afternoon in Austin.
“Hayden, what’s up? How is everything going?”
“Yeah, I hadn’t heard from you in a while and wanted to check-in. How’s it going over there?”
“You know, another fucking city, another fucking show,” Ryan stated.
“That’s doesn’t sound all that great to me, dude.”
; “It is what it is. I do my fucking job, and I come to the damn bus, counting down the days ‘til I get to come home and see what’s left of my life. How is Krissy doing? I haven’t heard a damn word from her. I figured if I let her alone, maybe she would calm down and start to miss me.”
“Do you want to know the truth? I mean, you want to have this kind of conversation over the phone?”
“What the fuck, Hayden? What’s going on?” Ryan was getting pissed at the direction this conversation was taking.
“Well, I've got to be honest with you. That girl is fucking crazy. She won’t leave me the hell alone. It’s like ever since you got on the damn plane, she has tried to get me in bed or on the couch or on the kitchen table or anywhere she can get in my jeans. I’m telling you dude, I haven’t touched her, and I stay away from the apartment as much as I can because I don’t want that girl. She can’t take a hint.” He could hear the exasperation in Hayden’s voice, so he knew it was true.
“Yeah, fuck. I don’t love hearing that about my girl, man. I’m sorry, Hayden. I thought she loved me, but the fact that she was willing to move on so fast with someone she barely even fucking knows tells me she wasn’t as much in love as I was.” Ryan had to work hard to keep his voice from cracking. The girl he thought was “The One” for him didn’t seem to care at all. When she said they were over, she must have truly meant it. He guessed he should have taken her words more seriously.
“I just want you to know, not a damn thing has happened, or will ever happen, between us, Ryan. I’m your cousin, and I appreciate all you’ve done to help me even though I’m a stranger to you. I try to be nice to her but every time I am, she seems to think it’s an invitation to get in my bed. Damn, even on one of those first nights, she tried to get me drunk and have her way with me. I keep my door locked now when I’m in there because, shit, I’m afraid she’ll come in while I’m asleep.
“I’ve only told you half of all she had done, like breaking into the bathroom when I’m in the shower and climbing in naked. Or one night, before I learned to lock the door, I woke up to her drunk and in my bed giving me a blow job. Dude, I love a blow job as much as the next guy but damn it freaked me out. So I pushed her out of bed and onto the floor. There was only so much a guy could take. I can’t believe this girl was the same one you fell in love with.
“I know she’s been dating other guys, too. She hasn’t brought any here, but she has stayed out all night on the weekends.”
Ryan was glad when Hayden finally got it all out, feeling like he was a priest listening to a confession.
“I am so sorry, kid. I hate you’re having to deal with her shit. Has she said anything about moving out soon?” Ryan tone was rough and deep.
“Yes, she’s talked about it some, but nothing is for sure yet.”
“Well, I’m going to send her a damn message and tell her I want her to get the fuck out. She needs to leave you the hell alone and get out of my fucking apartment. Hell, I might get Peri to have the lawyers write her a letter telling her to get her whoring ass out of there.”
“I hate to ask you to do that, but I think it would be a helluva great idea if you would tell her, or get those lawyers to write a letter. I damn sure would like her outta here.”
“Don’t worry, Hayden. I sure as shit will get this taken care of starting right now. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Hey, Ryan, I’m glad we talked about all of this. I’ve been worried how it was all going to play out. Talk to you soon.”
Ryan disconnected the call, so angry he could not stop himself from stomping out of the bus only to run into the rest of the band.
“Whoa, dude. Where the hell you going off to looking pissed enough to spit fucking nails through a two-by-four?” Gunner had him by the arm.
“Where’s Peri? I need her help right-fucking-now.”
“She stayed back with Chan and KeeMac to watch Steel play their set. They’ll be here later.” He had a pretty blonde with him tonight. “We can have some fun. I’m willing to share if you’re down with that.” Ryan looked at the girl who gave him a smile as she let her eyes roam over his body. Without saying a word, she nodded her head at him.
“Hell no. No offense, sweetheart, but I am not in the right frame of mind for that shit right now. Maybe tomorrow night, though.” He looked straight at Gunner and conveyed a message that Gunner read loud and clear.
“Fuck yeah! Ryan’s back!” They fist bumped before Ryan left to go back to the venue, and Gunner led the girl to the big bed in the back of the bus.
Practically sprinting over to the venue’s backstage area, Ryan passed their roadies loading in Assured Distraction’s equipment. He was glad they were moving on from here because he was ready to kick start another segment of his life. He did wonder how he could be ready to move on so fast if he’d loved her. He’d been lovesick over that girl for months, had given her everything he could, and Krissy had reigned heartache over him for too long. Hayden’s news was the final straw for him. Now, he wanted nothing more than to be free for whatever came his way. Nothing can squash lingering feelings of heartache like realizing everything he felt was bullshit. Of course, when he thought back, he wasn’t moving on all that quickly. Things hadn’t been good between them for months, not since he first left on tour with Frission. She hadn’t let him touch her for weeks until the night before they left the second time. He should have realized things had been over between them a lot longer than he’d been willing to realize. Until now.
The AD team he was looking for was actively enjoying Steel’s set from the darkened wings of the stage. He pulled Peri aside. “I need to talk to you.” It was too loud where they were so she nodded her head and led him down the steps to go back to the dressing rooms.
When they opened the door to the meet-and-greet room that Steel used earlier, they were greeted by some of their groupies and roadies enjoying the room a little too much for the conversation Ryan had in mind. “Dude, really?”
“Shut the fuck up,” Gary said. “We get to have a little fun, too, and there’s more than enough to go around.” Gary was a great technician, and he obviously enjoyed the perks of touring with the band. Ryan knew these women would do anything, or anyone, for the chance to get close to the members of Steel.
Shaking his head in acknowledgment, he turned to Peri. “Aw, Fuck!”
“Yeah, last time I checked, that’s exactly what that was!” The smile Peri gave him was more of a smirk.
“This is not what I had in mind right now.” He pulled her out the door and down to Ryder’s vacant dressing room. The roadies knew better than to violate Ryder’s private space.
“What’s going on, Ryan?” Peri sat in the make-up chair.
“I need your help.” He looked her right in the eyes trying to decide everything he needed to tell her. He was hurt, angry, and frustrated. Where did he start?
“You know I’m here for you, Ryan. What do we need to do?” She said as she watched him struggling with the words. Now that he seemed to have some of his emotions in check, Peri stood and put her hand on his arm.
He looked at her with a hard stare then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a tight hug. Peri was startled from the sudden movement at first. After a few beats, she put her arms around his wide shoulders returning the hug without a word though she didn’t understand what this need was about. Her senses were in overload being held by this guy. His strong arms encircling her body gave her a feeling of security even if they could crush the life out of her with a flex. She might not understand what was happening, but she knew he needed a friend right now, maybe more than even he realized. She wanted to be there for him, and she wanted him to know he could count on her.
After what seemed like forever, he finally let go and stepped back. The hurt pouring off him was obvious as he took several deep breaths and seemed to be working to gather his thoughts, so she waited for him to spill the information in his own time.
“Sorry, I just needed that. Kriss
y and I are through, and I need your help with some shit going on at home.” She watched as he started pacing back and forth, so she took her seat again. He ran his hands through his hair and pulled it back from his face and reiterated the conversation with Hayden, sparing none of the vulgar details of just how over Krissy he was. When he finished, he halted his restless pacing, and she was able to look him in the eyes again.
“What the fuck am I going to do? She’s in my home, she’s practically molesting my barely-legal cousin who’s way too young for her, and I want her gone!” It didn’t surprise her that the more he spoke, the louder he got.
“First of all, calm down. We will get this worked out. I’ll call the lawyers and have them draft a letter expressing your wishes. We don’t want to get her fired, and I’m afraid if we call her in, it might get sticky.”
“No, I don’t want to get her fired, or she’ll be too broke to move out. I just want to get her motivated to find another place to live right now.”
“Her name’s not on the lease, so technically we can say she’s trespassing. Let’s give her one week to move. That seems more than fair considering she’s been living there rent free since we left. Are you good with that?”
“Yeah, I know it’s the best thing to do, but damn it! I want her gone now. Hayden shouldn’t have to put up with this fucked-up mess.”
“You’re right, he shouldn’t, but he’s a big boy, and I’m sure he can manage for another week. Right now, I’m concerned about you. I know this is hard for you, handling a break-up when you are so far away from home. But maybe it’s for the best that you have some distance right now.”