by Thia Finn
“No, we haven’t talked about it, but he’s leaving on tour about the beginning of my last trimester, and he’ll be on the road for three months. I’m not sure I want to be here alone in Austin with him and the rest of the band gone. Our lives are all meshed together like a family. I’ll be lost without them when they leave. I’m going to talk to Ryan tonight and make some decisions. I’ll try to call you back tomorrow and tell you what I’m going to do.” Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she tried to make herself sound normal on the phone.
“You do that, Peri. You know your dad and I support whatever you choose. We only want you and the baby to be safe and healthy.”
“I know, Mom. I’m trying.” Peri hung up after saying goodbye. She got out and walked down to the water. It was a beautiful day, hot as usual for the time of the year in Austin. But the spring waters were always a constant cold temperature. She removed off her shoes and put her feet in the icy water; the first touch almost took her breath away, but the gentle current of the water was peaceful and relaxing.
She didn’t know how long she sat there, but when a shadow fell over her from behind, it startled her. She turned quickly to see KeeMac and Chandler standing there and gave them a brief, small wave.
“Peri, you do know the band is tearing up Austin right now, trying to find you?” KeeMac spoke first.
“I figured. I’m sorry, guys. I should have checked-in after I left. I couldn’t make myself do it.” The tears came back, and she swiped them away and a sniffle. “Damn hormones!”
“Keeton, why don’t you have a seat over there and call off the dogs, and let them know she’s safe. Peri and I need a girl chat.” Keeton nodded and kissed Chandler on the temple before walking toward a bench in the shade of the Live oak trees, already on the phone before he sat down.
“Peri, I’m sorry how Cash handled the news. His comments were so wrong and out of line. You have to realize it’s not like him to do or say things like that.” She sat down next to Peri and put her feet in the cold water, too. “Whew, how can you stand that?”
“Actually, since my ankles have started swelling, it feels pretty good.” Peri gave her a small laugh and leaned her head on Chandler’s shoulder. “What am I going to do Chan? My parents said I could come home, and they would be happy to have the baby and me.”
“Is going to California what you want to do? I’m not sure Ryan will like the idea. He loves you and the baby, Peri. That’s what the entire fight was about, you know. He was defending your honor.”
“I know, but when Cash said those things to him, it hit me that he was right, crude as he was. Ryan should be caring for Krissy as the mother of his child. Why should I be treated any differently?”
“Peri! He loves you! Surely you know that.”
“I don’t know since he’s never said it. Then there’s the idea of him being on the road for the next twenty years of our child’s life. It will be difficult. I don’t know if I’m up for it.”
“Listen to me, Peri O’Connor. My dad was on the road all of my life, and never knew about me. You don’t know how many times he’s told me over the last months we’ve been together how much he regrets not having me with him. Don’t do that to your little one. Make it right. Ryan might not do everything perfectly, but honestly, even if you had the picket fence and the two-point-five children, he would make mistakes then, too. The main thing is you two love each other, you’ll both love your baby, and you’ll be a family together, where ever you are.”
KeeMac sat down on Peri’s other side and wrapped an arm around her, too. “She’s right, Peri. He loves that baby and if his actions today didn’t say how much he loves you, nothing he says ever will. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, so to speak, he can talk about it in public. And can I just say, the dude is fucking stoked.”
KeeMac’s comments warmed her inside, but then she cringed when she realized what the cat being out of the bag meant. “I guess Krissy and the rest of the guys know now, too?”
“Yeah, Cash wasn’t exactly cryptic when he was yelling at Ryan. She didn’t say anything at all, which was weird for Krissy.”
“Help this fat pregnant lady up and she’ll go home to the mad daddy.”
“Yeah, right. Exactly where are you hiding this fat because all I see is a sexy-as-hell, glowing new momma.” KeeMac kissed her cheek.
“Oh, Keeton, you are a smooth, you know that?” She grinned up at him, her red-rimmed eyes twinkling for his kind words she needed to hear at the moment. She gave her friends hugs and thanks for tracking her down and talking her off a proverbial ledge. Then she pulled her car door closed after promising to call them if she needed anything at all.
Driving home, she realized she couldn’t decide alone about her quitting her job. They had to make the decision together, like a lot of decisions in the future. Of course, it would depend on the whether or not Cash was a dickhead and took away her hard-won manager position. When the garage door was half-way up, Ryan came running out from under it.
“Peri! Oh, Sunshine, Thank God! I have been everywhere trying to you. The whole band was out looking. They decided I needed to come home and wait here in case you came home. Cash even called the police. He feels awful about the way he spoke to you. Are you alright?” He was running his hands over her head and shoulders and arms and scanning her body all over before his worried eyes settled back on her face as he pulled her close. “God, Babe, I was worried sick. I was afraid you were leaving me. Why did you take off like that? Where did you go?”
Peri basked in the feeling of being in his arms, feeling his tension fade away as he convinced himself she was okay, physically, at least. They went inside and headed straight for the couch. Ryan followed her in, sat down next to her and pulled her feet into his lap and immediately began rubbing her feet as he talked.
“I know I shouldn’t have run, but I was so upset with what Cash said. Did you get a chance to talk to him?”
“Yeah, after I almost killed him, and we had a few minutes to calm down. We sat down to see if you would come back, and I kept trying to call you. Cash approached me in the conference room when I was blowing up your phone, and he confessed something to me. I think it might help you understand why he blew up like he did. I know I probably wouldn’t have done much better, if I were in his position, to be honest. He explained that he was harboring feelings for you all this time. He never told anyone, obviously not even you, and no one else ever knew. He barely knew you split from Sawyer and then we left for Europe, so he never got the chance to ask you out. Then all of a sudden we’re all back and hit the ground running to finish up the album, and before he knew it, we’re walking into his office springing our news on him. I think we shocked him, and he lost it. Now he feels like a total prick for talking to you so harshly.”
He pulled her in close and kissed the top of her head. “Of course, I did set him straight. He knows you are mine, and there is no chance of the two of you ever happening.”
“You’re right. That would never happen, Ryan. I just, eww, no. He’s like a big brother or something.” Ryan laughed at her response.
“So, Sunshine, where’ve you been?”
“I had my feet in the Springs at Zilker Park until Chandler and KeeMac showed up and she let me have it.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him close.
“What do you mean, ‘let you have it’? Did you fight with her?” All he could do was grin. “You know, that might be pretty hot. Let me know when it’s going down again, please. After the baby’s born, of course.”
She hit his arm. “Yeah, right! Don’t be a douche. I would never fight with Chandler. She talked to me about spending time with Ryder and how he hates all of the time they didn’t have together. She said he was still angry about the years they lost and would do anything to make them up.”
“Why would she mention that?” He was confused.
“I talked to my parents, and they are good with me coming home to have the baby and live there with them so that
I would have help with the baby and plenty of room.” She watched him as she said it to judge his reaction.
“Uh, that would be a big NO FUCKING THANK YOU - unless they have room for me, too. We are not living apart, Peri. I love you, and that’s our baby. I’m not sure your parents are ready to hear you when we’re in bed together.”
“Be serious, Ryan.” Peri wondered if he even realizes what he said about loving her. “Do you Ryan? Do you love me?”
“Peri, I know I haven’t told you because I wanted to pick the perfect moment so we would never forget it. Now might not be a perfect time but it’s the best I got. I love you, more than anything in this world. Next to our baby, that is. I think I’ve known it for a while now, but it never seemed like the right timing. Please believe me when I say it. I love you, Peri O’Connor. I have never been so sure about anything in my life.” He pulled her close and barely touched her lips, sliding his over the plump, red curve in a feather-light touch before lightly nibbling on her bottom lip. Knowing that would never be enough for either of them, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a deep, smoldering kiss.
“Oh, Ryan. I love you so much. I’ve waited so long to hear you say it so I could tell you.”
“Wait’s over, Sunshine,” and he kissed her deeply again.
“I wanted to tell you so many times before but I was afraid you might not be ready to hear it or return the words.”
“I know. I wanted to hear the words from you, too. Things have been strange with the start of our relationship, and I didn’t want to rush you or the feelings.”
They stood kissing and enjoying one another for a few more minutes before she spoke again.
“Now let’s talk about the move to California while you’re gone. I need to talk to my parents.”
“Back up for a minute. I am serious. You’re loud as a banshee, girl!” He chuckled as he ducked out of the reach of her swat at his ribbing. “If you are going to live in LA, I guess I’m moving to LA. I can commute for band stuff. I’ll have to spend a lot of time on the road, but we are not living apart.” He wrapped her up in a tight hug. “We are in this together for the long haul, Sunshine. How many times do I need to tell you this?”
“I love you so much, Ryan, and I don’t want to raise our baby alone, but I don’t want to move back to L.A.”
“You being alone is never going to happen. Never.”
Krissy left for the day feeling lost. With Peri was pregnant, too, she knew she would never get Ryan back all to herself. She had been praying all along that when the baby arrived, he would love it so much he’d move in with her. She could make him love her again eventually, but now her prospects were grim. The worst part was the band was leaving on tour. She studied the dates on the calendar now and knew he would be gone when their baby was born. What was she going to do, especially since Hayden was leaving, too?
Hayden was playing Xbox on the couch when she let herself into the apartment. He didn’t raise his head from the screen. Krissy knew they had formed a workable relationship, but it was only out of necessity since they lived together. He did what he had to around the apartment, and they could sit down together and hold civil conversations, but it wasn’t as if they had become friends because of mutual interests or anything. They were just roommates making the most of their current situation.
“I guess you’ve heard about the fight in Cash’s office today, huh?” Krissy asked as she removed off her ill-fitting shoes, feeling pregnant from head-to-toe.
“Yeah, I was out looking for Peri with the rest of the band.” He cursed at the screen.
“Then you know she went home.”
“Yeah, KeeMac sent everyone a text.” His arms moved about wildly as if he was actually inside the game.
“You know she’s pregnant then, too, right?” She watched Hayden for a reaction.
“Yeah, KeeMac told us that, also. Shit missed again.” He was yelling at the screen now. When she didn’t say anything else, Hayden turned around. Tears streamed down Krissy’s face, and he was at a loss as to what to do. She cried all the time in the beginning but hadn’t done it for a while now. “I’m sorry, Krissy. I guess their news only makes it harder on you.”
“Yes, it does, but I’ll be fine. I’ve been alone this long, what’s the next eighteen years?” She gave a brief laugh when she said it, but Hayden knew her life wasn’t going to be easy as a single mom. His mother had lived that same life; the only difference was he knew Ryan would never skip out on child support as his father did.
“So, what are you going to do when we leave? Isn’t the baby due while we’re gone?” He turned back to his game because watching a woman cry was too hard for him. He didn’t particularly like Krissy, but he wasn’t so cold-hearted that he couldn’t understand her feelings.
“I guess I’ll call a cab to take me to the hospital. What else can I do? People are busy and don’t have time for me.”
“Yeah, everyone except Peri. But then, I guess y’all aren’t friends.”
“No, we aren’t friends now. We used to be but she would never agree to help me now,” she said solemnly. “I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted.” She didn’t know which was more tired, her body or her mind. Today was almost too much to handle.
“Hey, listen. I’ll order some supper. Will you get up when it’s here and eat? You need to eat, for the baby.” Hayden felt some guilt about leaving her alone, but he knew it wasn’t his place to take care of her either, and he sure didn’t feel ready to be tied down at eighteen with his entire career and life within his grasp.
“Sure. Order whatever, it all gives me indigestion anyway.” She smiled weakly and went into her room.
The next day Peri knocked on Cash’s office door, anxious to see what the verdict was on her job. The door opened, surprising her, and Cash was standing there was a small smile on his face. “Come in, Peri.” He held the door open for her. She watched his face for a moment, hoping to glean some indication as to how this was all going to go. What she wanted to do was punch him in his face for the things he said to her the day before, but she supposed that was not the best way to keep her job. He sat down on the edge of his desk and inhaled a deep breath before he started. “Peri, let me start first by apologizing for my remarks yesterday. They were completely out of line, and I’m truly sorry. I felt like a complete ass when Ryan and I finally talked. I guess he told you the high points of our conversation?”
“Yes, he did, and Cash I’m flattered that you thought of me that way. But honestly, I’ve only ever thought of you as a big brother or something. I’m sorry.” She gave him a small, compassionate smile, wanting to let him down easily and diffuse any future weirdness. At least, she hoped they would all still be working together after this.
“Now, at least it’s all out in the open. Just know that if you ever change your mind, I’m here, even if it’s only as a good friend.” He watched her face as she tentatively nodded her acceptance of his apology, and agreed that they were still friends at least. He moved around to his desk and sat down, reaching up and giving his jaw a wiggle. “You know, Ryan has a pretty mean right hook.” He chuckled a little when she smiled at him.
“Just so you know, so do I. If you ever talk to me like that again, you’ll be getting one from me, too.” She laughed out loud at the expression he gave her.
“Point taken, Peri. Point taken.” He assured her, raising his hands in surrender, smiling at her sassy attitude he knew and adored.
“I’m here to talk about the tour and my job, Cash. What’s going to happen to my position?”
“Yeah, I’ve given it a lot of thought already. What I’ve decided is, I think you can handle all of the band’s needs from here, and I’ll get Gary, who was with y’all on the last tour, to fill in on the road. He’s been with the band all along, and he knows what’s what. I’m going to talk to him, but I know he’ll be happy to step-up. I want to talk to the band first and make sure they are onboard with it, too.”
; “You mean you’re not going to move to another position?” She couldn’t believe what he was saying.
“No, why would I do that? I assume Ryan’s going to want you and the baby with them once you both can travel? So, until then, I expect you to do all you can from here to make arrangements for the band. Your job will be as important from here as it would be if you were on location, at the venues, and on the bus, so be prepared to work. You will be expected to take care of as much as possible for them long distance and often communicate with Gary.”
Jumping up, she rounded the desk and threw her arms around Cash’s neck. “Oh, thank you, Cash! Just, thank you! I was afraid you were going to boot me back to an assistant spot, or worse. And then, I was going to have to quit and maybe move back home.”
“What? No. Why would I do that? Krissy’s doing a fine job up front, but we are going to have to get someone to fill in for her while she’s out with her baby, and that’s a full six weeks. I’m assuming she’s coming back after the baby’s born.”
“I wouldn’t know. We don’t talk much.” Peri’s kept her eyes on her tablet.
“Yeah, I can imagine that’s awkward for you both. We’ll work something out, but understand; there may be days we need you to fill in for her if a temp can’t do the job.”
“I can do that.” Peri nodded, stood, and made her way to the door. “Hey, Cash, thanks. I mean it. I was nervous about how today was going to go, and now I’m so relieved. It means a lot to me that you have enough faith in my abilities to let me run things from here. Thank you.”
“No problem, Peri. Please keep me up-to-date about anything from here on out. No more surprises. I think our working relationship will be much better if you do.” He nodded at her.