That was news to me. I thought we were just doing lunch.
“Alright, if you guys change your minds, let us know,” Jason smiled.
“I’ll get a ride with Jason. I’ll see you guys later. You’re welcome, by the way.”
“Bye,” I replied as he and Jason left. I turned back to Chandler. “Something tells me that was planned.”
“It seemed that way,” Chandler agreed. “You have an awesome brother. Now, come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“My place,” she smiled brightly.
“That’s where we had to go after this?”
“My parents and Curren aren’t going to be home for another two hours, which means I get you all to myself. You and I are long overdue for some Netflix time. And by Netflix I do mean make out time.” She smiled at me suggestively.
“That definitely sounds much more enticing than the mall.” I smiled back as we got up to leave.
For once, Chandler and I were actually watching what we had on TV. We were watching How I Met Your Mother. It was actually pretty funny so it caught our attention.
I still found my mind wandering to my thoughts. I wished I could just focus on the moment, but there were too many issues going on that made it impossible to do so. I had two crucial things to tell my parents. One was that I was going against their wishes and pursuing acting as a career. I already knew that wasn’t going to go over well. Then there was telling them about Chandler and me dating. That was definitely going to go terrible. I didn’t want to even think about their reactions. Their faces when I would tell them. Andy was right. They would still love me, but that didn’t mean that they would accept me.
“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Chandler asked softly.
I glanced over and she was staring at me adoringly. She was resting her head in her hand that was propped up by her elbow.
“What makes you think I’m thinking about something?” I asked quietly
“Because, I know you Faith. Your faces are very telling. You have your thinking face right now, which is mixed with your anxiety face. So, that tells me it’s something that is bothering you.”
I sighed as I looked back at the TV. “What if my parents tell me we can’t see each other anymore?”
She stayed quiet at that. She probably hadn’t thought that would be a possibility of what could happen. But, I knew my parents. They could be very controlling, especially if they felt like they were doing it for the right reasons.
“That won’t happen.”
“You don’t know that,” I said gently, looking back at her.
She went to speak, but then closed her mouth. “I suppose you’re right. I don’t know that for sure. But, there is one thing I do know for sure.” She smiled her infamous smile that I couldn’t get enough of.
I couldn’t help but smile back. “What’s that?”
“No matter what, I love you. So, whatever happens, we’ll get through it, together.”
I smiled as we gazed into each other’s eyes.
Chandler glanced down at my lips, tentatively moving closer until our lips were barely touching. She pressed her lips to mine, caressing my cheek.
I kissed her back passionately. I wanted more of her. I just wanted to feel as close to her as I possibly could.
Something ignited within me. I didn’t know if it was the love that I had for her or the fear I had of losing her. But, I went with my gut and swiftly rolled her over and straddled her lap. The look of surprise on her face was priceless. It brought a sly smile to my lips, but as we looked into each other’s eyes, my sly smile changed to one of love.
I lowered my lips to meet hers, caressing her cheek as she grabbed onto my hips. She grabbed hold of the bottom hem of my shirt and tried to lift it. I helped her out and lifted it over my head, immediately crashing down back into our kiss.
I pulled back and looked at her. I saw everything I ever wanted in those eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she replied, pulling me back into the kiss.
I always wondered what people were talking about when they called it magical, but now I understood.
It never felt like this when I was with Jason. This was different. For the first time ever I had truly made love with someone.
“Now what are you thinking about?” Chandler asked from beside me.
We were holding each other under the covers, both still naked.
I smiled at her and she smiled back, brushing a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
“How could something that feels so right be so wrong to someone else?” I wondered.
“Some people are just afraid of what’s different. They’re afraid of what they don’t understand. It’s not their fault. It’s just what they know.”
I nodded my head in understanding. “I’m going to tell them; my parents. They have to know. And I don’t want to hide at school anymore. I don’t want to hide us anymore. I can’t hide the way I feel about you. It feels wrong to.”
“Okay,” she smiled. “You think the world is ready for us?”
I smiled at her question. “Probably not,” I laughed.
Things were about to change. Rather that would be in a good way or a bad way; I had yet to find out.
Chapter 17
Two weeks had gone by since Chandler and I had made love. I still hadn’t told my parents about us. About me.
I had decided I was going to tell mom first. But, every time I got the courage to talk to her about it, she was having a bad day. Or she was just tired from work. She worked a lot of hours, especially since it was a one parent household now. She was determined to keep our house, even if that meant killing herself at work.
Chandler was great about the whole thing. She hadn’t even asked me if I had told them yet. She was so patient and understanding. I think she figured I would come running to her first as soon as I told them. She was right. Good or bad news, I would tell Chandler right away that I’d finally come out to them.
On Friday I made it a point to pick up dinner on the way home. Nothing was going to stop me from telling mom today. She got home a little earlier on Fridays so she was usually in a better mood. I wanted to make everything as perfect as possible. Hopefully her being in a good mood would make the conversation go smoothly. Maybe she’d react the way I wanted her to, instead of the way I was anticipating.
When the door opened and then shut I held my breath from my spot at the kitchen table. Andy was out on a date so I knew it had to be mom that was home. That was confirmed when I heard the sound of her high heels walking down the hall, towards the kitchen.
Mom smiled as soon as she saw me. I smiled apprehensively in return.
She’s your mother, Faith. What’s the worst that could happen? I don’t think she’d ever disown me. Not for being gay. I mean I could see if I murdered someone. That would be a different story.
“How was school?” mom asked as she looked through the mail.
“Good,” I answered shortly.
“You didn’t have rehearsal for the play today?”
“No, rehearsal is Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.”
“Oh, ok. Anything else that’s new?”
I’m gay. Or a lesbian. I’m not really sure if I have to use one term or the other. Maybe they’re interchangeable.
“No, not really,” I lied.
“You got dinner?”
“Oh, yeah. I figured I would pick something up on the way. That way we don’t have to go back out for dinner.”
“Thanks, Faith,” mom smiled.
I smiled back and eyed her tentatively. She looked back at me and narrowed her eyes at me in question.
“Is there something you wanted to ask me?” she asked.
After a moment I opened my mouth to speak, but I found a hard time making the words come out.
“Is something wrong?” mom asked as she came closer to the kitchen table. “Don’t tell me your grades are slipping.”
“No,” I responded
quickly. “My grades are great. Nothing is wrong, per say.”
“Honey, you’re starting to talk like a lawyer already.”
I sighed. That was the last thing I needed to hear. That was just a reminder that I would have to tell them about my career plans as well. I was about to become my parents biggest disappointment in life.
“Okay, so what is it that’s not wrong, per say that you need to tell me?”
“You should sit down,” I said calmly.
Mom looked at me curiously as she sat down at the kitchen table across from me. “That sounds serious.”
“It kind of is.”
“Whatever it is, you can tell me Faith. If it’s something I can fix, I will.”
“That’s the thing, you can’t fix it. No one can.”
She quirked her eyebrows at me in question.
“You know Chandler?”
“Of course, I know Chandler, Faith. You two are joined at the hip these days. I’m surprised you’re even home right now and not with her.”
“Well, there’s a reason I hang out with her so much.”
“I know. You two are really good friends. I think it’s nice you have a friend that you feel so close to.”
“But, Chandler and I aren’t just good friends. We’re more than friends.” I was hoping mom was catching on to what I was saying. I didn’t want to have to say the words out loud to her.
“So, you’re best friends?” mom asked, obviously confused at where the conversation was headed.
I felt terrible. Mom had no idea which meant I was about to completely blind side her. “No, we’re not best friends. I mean, I guess we’re that too. Which is great because that makes what we are even more perfect.”
“What are you exactly?” mom interrupted my rant.
I took a deep breath and looked my mother in the eyes before saying the words I knew would break my mother’s heart. “Chandler and I are dating…each other. She’s my girlfriend.”
Mom didn’t respond. She just looked at me speechless.
“Mom, I’m gay.”
“No, you’re not,” mom said adamantly. “You dated Jason.”
“And it never worked out because I’m gay.”
“Stop!” mom exclaimed. She sighed as she looked at me with a worried expression. “Stop saying that, Faith. You are not gay!”
“Yes, I am!”
“No, you’re not! You’re confused. This is Chandler, okay. She’s putting these thoughts into your head.”
“Chandler has done nothing to influence how I feel about her. I was gay way before I met her. She just happens to be gay too.”
“Oh my God,” mom sighed out in frustration. “This is what I have to come home to.”
“Mom, I have been trying to tell you this for weeks. I just couldn’t find the right time to tell you. I don’t want to make you upset, but I have to be honest about who I am.”
“Who are you Faith?” she asked.
I looked taken back by the question. Was I supposed to answer that? “Like in general?”
“If what you say is true, then I have no idea who you are anymore. You’re certainly not the daughter I raised.”
“I am still the daughter you raised. I’m just gay too.”
“No, I think you’re confused.”
“Are you seriously telling me how I feel?”
“You didn’t feel this way until Chandler showed up. Do the math Faith.”
“Chandler is not confusing me. She didn’t do anything to influence me in anyway. I love her.”
“That’s ridiculous Faith! It doesn’t make any sense. A woman could never do for you what a man can do. You are a woman. Chandler is a woman. Two women do not belong together!”
“Says who?”
“It’s common sense! Two women can’t have children together.”
“There are plenty of lesbian couples that have children together.”
“Not without help! Do you really want to have to go through all of that just to have a child? Something that would be so simple if you were with a man.”
“Except for the fact that I don’t want to be with a man!” I yelled.
“This is not happening. You are not gay, Faith!”
“Yes I am!” I yelled as I stood up angrily. I had had enough of mom telling me what was and wasn’t right. The last thing I was going to let her do was make me feel wrong for loving Chandler.
I rushed out of the house before mom could respond. I still had one more parent to let down.
When I got to dad’s house he was in the middle of dinner so he had asked me to join him. We were sitting at the table, quietly eating.
His place was pretty nice. I hadn’t been here before since I refused to see him for so long. It didn’t have much in it, but it was just him here so I guess he didn’t really need much.
“So, are you going to tell me what the fight with mom was about?” dad asked.
I put my fork down and stopped eating. Though, I hadn’t eaten much anyway. I didn’t have much of an appetite.
“I know we haven’t talked in a while, Faith, but you can still tell me anything.”
I sighed as I looked down. I was dreading getting the same response from dad that I had gotten from mom. “We argued because I told her something about myself that she didn’t like.”
“Which was?”
“That I’m gay,” I replied quickly.
Dad just looked at me for a moment. He didn’t show any kind of reaction. His face remained completely neutral.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“How can you be sure? Have you dated another girl before?”
“I’m dating one right now. I’m in love with her. You met her actually, Chandler.”
Dad nodded his head in understanding. “Chandler seems like a really nice girl.”
So far dad seemed okay with it. His reaction was completely opposite of mom’s. Then again, he had always been more calm and collected than mom had been.
“I’m not going to lie, Faith,” dad started. “I don’t necessarily agree with it, but I love you no matter what.”
“Great, dad, that’s exactly what I needed to hear,” I replied sarcastically. I was hoping I would have at least one parent that was supportive.
“Listen, you have to understand that I had certain hopes for your future. Like hoping I’d be able to walk you down the aisle one day and become a grandpa.”
“You still can. Gay marriage is legal now and same sex couples have kids all of the time. This doesn’t have to change your hopes for my future. It’ll just be a woman waiting at the end of the aisle instead of a man.”
“Honey, I just want you to be happy. Your mother does to.”
“No she doesn’t,” I quickly disagreed. “She wants to control me.”
“She wants you to have a good life. She wants your life to be better than hers.”
“But by trying to do that she’s going to make me miserable. I can’t do everything according to what you guys want for me, dad.”
“I know,” he sighed. “As much as I hate to face it, you’re not a little girl anymore. You’re a young woman.”
He smiled at me sadly and I smiled back. I felt like we had wasted a whole year together. I had wasted a year being angry at him.
“I’ll talk to mom,” he said. “Hopefully we can work something out and help her get past this. I know it’s not going to be easy though, Faith.”
“Yeah, mom hates gay people.”
“She doesn’t hate gay people,” he sighed. “She just doesn’t understand gay people. Plus, she’s very religious.”
I rolled my eyes and he smiled.
Hopefully dad would get mom to be a little more accepting. Either way, I was relieved that both of my parents knew. I didn’t have to live a lie anymore.
Chapter 18
Mom and dad were talking face to face for the first time since their divorce was settled. It was all thanks to me. I’m prett
y sure they were down there trying to figure out a way to fix me. I wasn’t broken. I didn’t need to be fixed.
They were such hypocrites. Mom had a drinking problem. Dad had a cheating problem. How is it that I became the one that needs to be fixed? I never tried to fix them.
I texted Chandler that I told my parents and it hadn’t gone well. I also told her I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hang out at all this weekend. I wasn’t sure what to expect from the conversation with my parents. All I knew was that I didn’t want what I had with Chandler to stop because of my parents.
I was going to be eighteen in the summer. Could they really stop me from dating Chandler? I guess technically they could. I couldn’t live on my own right now. So, technically they can do whatever they wanted to.
It wasn’t fair. Why was what Chandler and I had so wrong to them? Why did people have to be so limited in their opinions on what’s love and what isn’t? Why couldn’t people just love who they love and not have to define it for others?
Our love was valid. It was definitely a lot more valid than my parents’ marriage. Either way, they may be able to control what happened right now. But, there’s one thing they couldn’t control. They couldn’t control how I felt about Chandler. They would never control how much I loved her.
I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door before my dad opened it slowly. “Hey, honey, can we talk to you for a second?”
Did I really have a choice? “Sure,” I sighed.
“Are you guys insane?” I asked seriously. “You must be insane.”
“Insulting us isn’t going to help the situation, Faith,” mom scolded me.
“Insulting you? You must be joking. This is not happening.”
“Faith, it will be good for you to be able to focus on your school work and getting into a good college,” dad reasoned.
“Home schooling me isn’t going to help me get into a good college. Being at school and doing well will. Besides, since when do I need help focusing on school? My grades are excellent. Oh, wait. That’s right. You haven’t been around much.”
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