“What’s this?” Henry asked, walking over to the desk and gently rubbing Milly’s back. That was the type of thing that Milly would miss the most; he seemed to need to be in actual contact with her, and she loved it.
“I’m finally writing to my mother,” she explained. “Clara explained that she didn’t want to worry mother unnecessarily, so she has not as yet informed Mother of what happened. I’m not going to tell her everything, just enough to explain why I haven’t yet secured a position and, hopefully, she will allow me to stay until I’m well enough to continue my search. Even I’m not foolish enough to start employment now; I would be returning to my sick bed before the week was out.”
“That’s the best decision you’ve made in a long time,” Henry responded, but his voice was empty of emotion. The thought of her leaving was like no other sensation he had ever felt, a mixture between panic and desolation.
Milly smiled slightly. “You’ve just seen me at my worse; I’m known for being sensible and pragmatic.”
Henry moved away and sat on the chaise longue. “Do you intend to contact the lady you were meeting in Guildford?”
“No, I think I will send a letter of apology, but I doubt she would be willing to give me a second chance; I must seem very flighty.”
“Everyone deserves a second chance to prove themselves.”
Milly’s heart sank; he was encouraging her to go to Ireland. She had missed the chance to have him in her life forever and, although he would have tired of her and had mistresses, at least she would have been able to see him every day. The thought of never being in contact with him almost made her relapse.
“Are you so keen to see me in Ireland?” she said, trying to sound light-hearted yet sounding anything but.
Henry paused. If he revealed himself, he risked a further rejection, and they had been so close these last weeks. But he could not let her leave him without saying something. For once, he had to gamble and face the possibility of rejection.
“If you do go to Ireland, you need to be aware of something.”
“Oh?”
“I will be close behind, Milly. I couldn’t stay in England if you were so far away from me,” Henry said quietly, his usual confidence deserting him.
“You’d follow me?” Milly’s heart had begun to pound at the words; she was not sure she understood their meaning.
“I would. On every afternoon off, I would be there to take you out, to court you if you gave me the slightest indication that I could ever be the man for you.”
“Oh!”
“Is that all? I know you refused me and, in some respects, I understand why, but you see, Milly, so much has changed between us.”
“Please don’t feel guilty about what happened. You could never have predicted what would happen by asking me to draw the picture,” Milly said quickly.
“Feel guilty? Yes, I do feel guilty for putting you in such a dangerous position, for leaving you alone while I stewed in a temper because you had said no. But that isn’t why I’m speaking now. I can understand why you refused me; I was a wastrel, a cad who would’ve hurt you.”
“That was only a few weeks ago,” Milly said reasonably.
“Yes, and I would never have believed that so much change could happen in such a short time. Milly these past few weeks have shown me what’s important, what type of man I want to be, which woman I want to be with.”
Henry crossed over to Milly and crouched before her, holding her hands in his. “Milly, please give me a second chance. I can’t promise to be the perfect husband; I’m a fool who’s only learning how to be worthy. I’m bound to make mistakes, we both know I will. But I promise you this: I have never felt like this before, and I want to cherish the feelings and watch them grow. I cannot look at anyone else because you are my ideal.”
“Don’t say things that aren’t true!” Milly said, a little distressed. “I don’t want false flattery.”
“My darling girl, it isn’t! I promise you. How could it be? You’re beautiful to me; you deal with everything in a quiet, confident way; you dealt with the worst of life with dignity and calmness. I want you by my side, facing everything this life throws at me, knowing that I have your love and commitment.”
“Love?”
“If you don’t love me, I understand. I know this is sudden, but maybe one day you will come to love me as much as I love you. You’re the only person I have ever loved Milly and, even though this life has no guarantees, I know you will be the only one I ever love. I didn’t know that when I first asked you to marry me, but I know it now.”
Milly’s eyes sparkled at the words. She cursed herself; what was it that he made her want to cry? She smiled, it was because her feelings had never been so intense about someone before. She wanted to cry because she had never felt such happiness since she had meeting him. It was time to be truthful and to a chance on him.
“Love you? Of course I love you! I loved you when you first proposed! That’s why I refused you. I couldn’t bear to be hurt when you turned to someone else, and I was sure you would.”
“Oh, my sweet. I nearly missed the most wonderful thing to have ever happened to me! Please tell me that you trust me now not to hurt you like that?”
Milly smiled, a tear sneaking out of her crinkled eye and moving slowly down her cheek. “I do trust you, but you were so caring when you nursed me that I thought, if you’d have truly wanted me, you would have kissed me as we’ve kissed before.”
Henry laughed and gently wiped the tear away. “It is exactly because my feelings are so deep that I haven’t behaved inappropriately. For the first time in my life, I want to do the right thing. I realise that these past days would send shockwaves through society if it were known how we’ve been behaving, but I’ve needed to feel close to you. I can’t sleep well unless you are in my arms, but I promise you this: I will not ruin you or compromise you in any way before we are married; that is, if you will agree to be my Lady Grinstead?”
Milly smiled. “I will. I cannot be without you, but there’s just one thing.”
“Anything.”
“Can we please get a special licence? I don’t think I can restrain myself for months.”
Henry roared with laughter, wrapping his darling girl in his arms and kissing the top of her head. “Special licence it is then.”
Epilogue
Lord and Lady Grinstead were soon to be known as one of the most loving couples that anyone was likely to meet in society. They were never apart, never tired of being close to each other and openly touched each other’s hands, arms and on occasion even kissing when at one of the many entertainments that Lord Grinstead insisted on taking his wife to in order to show her off.
Milly had never been happier but worried that she would be too old to have children, so when they realised she was increasing, Henry decided that they were moving to their country house in order to provide the environment that was best suited to a successful birth and confinement.
The couple were eventually blessed with three young children, all girls, with which Henry was delighted. Milly despaired that her husband completely indulged their girls and was thankful that they had her nature, preventing them from being spoiled by their doting Papa.
They were joined very often by Mr and Mrs Hastings and all their brood, in the end a family with twelve children. The house was always full of noise on the extended visits that the close friends were persuaded to take.
Mrs Holland was offered a cottage on the Grinstead estate, but surprisingly turned it down. She had found a new lease of life when she could visit many in the town of Farnham, talking with pride about her daughter and her wonderful life. She particularly enjoyed visiting the Connors.
Clara and Edmund had six children, four boys and two girls who spent much of their childhood, toing-and-froing between their own home and that of their Grinstead cousins. Edmund and Henry developed a deep bond that was cemented by their love of their spouses, but would always ridicule the other, refus
ing to change the way they verbally spared.
Henry took Milly to visit Mabel’s grave, and the pair felt able to let Mabel rest in peace now that Joshua had been punished. Henry would never quite put all the guilt to one side about what had happened to his sister, but in later years his daughters were to find that he scrutinised every gentleman that danced with them, desperate that he would not make the same mistake twice. The girls would complain, but Milly would be the peacemaker explaining time and again why their father was a tad overprotective.
Mack did find out who was the traitor in the ton and one well-known family was exiled with properties confiscated. Not one to return to a normal world, Mack continued to work for the Home Office until Napoleon was defeated and there was no longer any threat of an invasion by the French.
The Home Office did leave Henry alone, but they worked on to increase the safety of the country, and eventually the role of spy became a more appealing role for the higher classes of society.
Milly had never been happier. She had never thought that falling in love with the complicated Henry would bring her such joy. If ever she woke in the night, after having a dream where she was in a dark room feeling lost, she would wake to the arms of her one true love wrapped completely around her and, sensing her upset, Henry would kiss her head, stroking her body until she fell into a more restful sleep. They never spent a night apart no matter where they were, both unable to sleep contentedly without being entwined with the love of their lives.
The End.
My Earl the Spy Page 18