A Mess of a Man

by A. M. Hargrove

  A knock comes at the door and I take the opportunity to make my exit before I say something I’ll regret. I open the door and Kenneth, my sister’s boyfriend, is on the other side.

  “Hey, man.”

  I step out of the way and let him enter. “You can hang out in the living room. I’m sure Jenna will be down in a second.”

  “Jenna,” I call towards the stairs before I head to the back. I need air and away from the memory of Drew Mom conjured. The fact that she thinks that I would want to go through that ever again, is ludicrous. And it pisses me off more than I can express that she would even bring it up in front of Karen.

  The sun porch is empty, but I step out into the backyard and breathe. I need to calm down because Dad’s going to give me shit about upsetting Mom.

  My fist connects with the deck railing. Seeing Karen only reminds me of the look on Sam’s face after I took her on my desk. I’d been busy, too busy to figure out the right way to explain my deadlines. Instead, I proved I was right about her not being able to make the cut when I gave her the fuck buddy speech. Her pale face proved she’d played with fire and had gotten burned. I can feel Drew’s disappointment, which is just as bad as my need for my father’s validation.

  I need you, brother.

  I rake a hand through my hair wondering if I’ll ever be able to see past the grief that consumes me. What I wouldn’t do for just one more day to kick back and pick at Drew’s brain.

  What grabs my attention when I look up is the aging structure in the tree that had been Drew’s and my fort. How many times had Drew found me back there when I needed time to myself? He’d talk me down from smashing walls or faces. Take a deep breath, he’d say. It isn’t worth it.

  I wonder if it will ever get easier to think about him without hating the world for stealing him from us. Leaning my head back, I’m consumed by another memory.

  Pressing my fists to my eyes, I hope to ward off the burning that threatens.

  I hear him coming up the ladder and I grit my teeth.

  “Dude, what the hell happened at school?”

  The need not to look like a baby holds back any emotion as I remove my hands and face my best friend. I’d managed to confine my confession in my head thwarting Mom’s concern over my state of mind. Only Drew has a key and the words stumble out like my feet had over the threshold of school when I shamefully left for home.

  “She dumped me. That flowers, candy, teddy bear shit didn’t work for me.”

  “Whoa, what?”

  Drew looks ready to fight for my honor as if one of the guys at school took a shot at me.

  “Last night. After the game, I gave her flowers and a teddy bear. I fucking told her, I love her. And today, she tells me we’re better off friends. Then she walks off with that jackass.”

  Drew doesn’t mince words.

  “Fuck her,” he says before with the biggest grin ever adds, “You did fuck her, right?”

  He has a way of making me laugh in the worst of times. He picks up the bear she’d given back to me and tosses it in my face. That only starts a war of dodging whatever we can get our hands on. Cans and other garbage we’d left over time. When our laughter cools, I’ve made up my mind.

  “I’m never falling in love again.”

  “You don’t mean that. One day the right girl will come along.”

  I know he’s only trying to make me feel better.

  “Fuck that,” I say adamantly. “Fuck love.”

  That memory is just another reminder why I need to stay away from Samantha Calhoun. One of us will break if we continue fucking around together.

  “She’s not the one,” I say to Drew’s ghost that continues to haunt me every time I come home. I understand why Cate couldn’t go back to their home and sold it. It’s too fucking hard. But the need to amend my statement forces the next words out of my mouth. “Because there’s never going to be a one.”

  Movement near the tree line catches my eye. Out pops my sister with a guy I don’t recognize who’s trying to grab her arm to stop her. For a second I admire the tattoos on his arm.

  Then the guy draws her close and there is panic in my sister’s expression. I shoot off the deck and head in their direction.

  “Jenna, please,” the guy begs as I near.

  He’s so focused on my sister, he doesn’t see me coming. Jenna spies me as she turns her face in my direction just as the guy leans down to steal what looks like a kiss, but gets her cheek instead.

  “Brandon—”

  “Am I interrupting something?” I growl, close enough I don’t have to yell.

  Quickly, he releases her as if he just noticed how fiercely he’d been holding her.

  “Sorry.” He looks sheepish and ready to bolt. “I should go.”

  “No, wait,” Jenna says reaching out for him. But he keeps moving, not towards the back door, but the side of the house.

  “Jenna, let him go. Kenneth’s here.”

  Brandon half turns having heard but doesn’t stop. The expression he wears is one of regret. I should know, I feel it now. Shame of how I spoke to my mother is starting to weigh on me as if Drew were there as my moral compass.

  “I should—”

  “Jenna, let him be. Your boyfriend is here. Who is this guy to you anyway?”

  “No one,” she says and turns away from me.

  I stop her and ask, “Why wouldn’t you have him meet you at your place instead of here knowing Kenneth was coming?”

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  Her terse words get under my skin stoking the fury that had roiled through me minutes before.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She spins to face me with an evil smile on her face. “Tell me exactly what you know about relationships.” When I only stare, she adds, “Exactly nothing. You know nothing. How can you help me?”

  “Try me. Just because I don’t want a relationship doesn’t mean I don’t get them.”

  A huff escapes her and she flings her hair over her shoulder. “The longest relationship you’ve ever had is Karen.”

  “We weren’t in a relationship.”

  She shakes her head. “Bingo. That’s why you know nothing. You were with her exclusively for months. You brought her over for Sunday dinner.”

  “That was a mistake,” I interject.

  “Mom and Dad didn’t see it that way. You took her to business meetings.”

  “It was convenient. She was convenient. It was easier to fuck one girl.”

  “Yeah, and I hear you’re dating Samantha Calhoun now.”

  My jaw drops. “I’m not dating her.”

  She knows exactly what I mean by that.

  “You are a piece of work, big brother. And you want to give me advice?”

  I ignore her because I need to know. “How do you know Samantha?”

  Jenna gets a gleam in her eye. “You like her.”

  It was a statement and not a question. “No.” The lie burns on my tongue, but I press on. “I’m just curious how you know her and why you think we’re dating.”

  She studies me and I pray she doesn’t read my eagerness to know the answers to those questions. Jenna can be a real bulldog about things when she has a scent.

  “Mom told me you brought her to dinner. And how do I know her? She’s got a business and I’ve seen her around. She’s your type as far as looks go. But I haven’t seen her with many guys over the years. I’m guessing she’s the relationship type, which you claim not to be.”

  I almost sigh in relief. For a moment I thought maybe there were rumors about me and her. Charleston is big, but not that big in certain circles. Last thing I would want would be her reputation to be sullied by being involved with me.

  She jumps to her own conclusion when I don’t answer. “You do like her.”

  I cover my eyes hoping my next lie will be accepted.

  “I don’t. There might have been something, but I cut it off. I don’t want to hurt her. She’s a g
ood one.”

  “Oh. My. God.”

  “What?”

  “Your lame excuse for not involving yourself with her is actually a declaration that you care.”

  “I do not.”

  “Do too. When have you ever cared about whether or not you hurt a girl’s feelings?”

  “Always.”

  “Bullshit. You break up with them with silly excuses and they all end up broken hearted. Except I think you met your match with Karen. She’s not giving up, dumb girl.”

  I groan not liking the direction of the conversation and changing course.

  “And what about you and Kenneth? It’s so obvious you’re into Brandon. What gives?”

  “Are we talking boys now?”

  I glare at her.

  “Fine, I like him. I like him a lot. But Dad will never accept him.” I open my mouth to disagree then shut it. “See?” she adds.

  “You can’t run away from what you want. Dad isn’t the one in a relationship with the guy.”

  “You sound like Drew.”

  I become rigid for a second with the reminder.

  “Ben, I’m sorry.”

  I pull her in for a hug and kiss the top of her head. “It’s okay.”

  But it’s not. I miss the hell out of the guy. As my sister hugs me back, I think about my advice to her. I know what Drew would do about Samantha if he were me. The question is what will I do, especially since I can’t stop thinking about her.

  It’s time to call a meeting of the minds. Lauren’s in charge of gathering the flock together at our place, with promises of copious amounts of food and alcohol. My only wish is that they’re waiting for me when I walk in the door from work.

  Lauren comes through like she always does. The door’s not even closed behind me before Hayley grabs my handbag and laptop bag I’m carrying and Berkeley shoves a shot of tequila and a lime in both of my hands saying, “Bottoms up.”

  I put the shot glass to my lips and tilt my head back, feeling the burn of the liquid silver run all the way into my stomach. “Thanks. I needed that.”

  Britt comes up behind me with another one. “Here.”

  Since this is my liquid therapy session, I don’t refuse, and tip shot number two back. “Ahh. Just what the doctor ordered.”

  “Good. Now go put your comfy clothes on and tell us what’s got your thong wadded up your hoohah.” Leave it to Berkeley to come up with an image like that. I don’t argue but go and change so I can get all this baggage off my chest. The weight of it is crushing me.

  When I get back to the living room, Lauren the maestro hands me a vodka drink and begins to direct us all. “There are chips, salsa, dips of every variety and…” She points at me. “Your personal favorite—pimento cheese and crackers.”

  I dive in with gusto.

  “Now, let me get you up to date.” Everyone waits as Lauren goes round robin. “Hayley's still panting after John, like things would ever change there,” she says under her breath waiting for a laugh.

  “I’m still hopeful he’s going to propose,” Hayley adds.

  “Like I said, things will never change there.”

  Everyone laughs at Lauren while Hayley pouts and drinks from her wine glass.

  “Then there’s Britt, our serial dater. Who’s the guy this week?”

  Britt can take as good as she gets. “Why don’t you tell us who your flavor is, Lauren? Two peas in a pod and all that.”

  “Touché. Moving right along,” Lauren says in an effort to not talk about herself.

  “And Berkeley’s going to see the band again this week. How’s your favorite drummer boy?”

  Berkeley turns pink, which is actually a shocker. She never blushes. “We’re here for Sam. So let’s move on to what’s important here.”

  All eyes turn to me, so I finish my bite and fill them in on the fuck buddy situation, ending with my surprise visit to his office and my walk of shame exit.

  “That jerkoff is not playing by the fuck buddy rules,” Berkeley announces.

  “Can you fill me in on those because I never got that email? It must’ve gone to my spam box.” My question is laced with sarcasm.

  “Yeah,” Berkeley says. “He’s forgetting about the ‘buddy’ part. That’s what’s great about being fuck buddies. You fuck but remain friends, you know? It’s like you don’t let the fucking get in the way of a good friendship. He’s treating you like a one-nighter he wants to get rid of and that’s every kind of wrong in my book. Cut the asshole off. Now. He should no longer be given fuck or buddy status.”

  I lean back and sigh.

  “What? Is there another piece of this we’re missing?” Lauren asks.

  “He did try to end it, but I told him he was overthinking things.”

  “Jesus. It sounds like he has feelings for you,” Berkeley says.

  “What? No! Absolutely not.”

  Lauren taps her cheek with her index finger. “I don’t know, Sam. I’m inclined to go with Berkeley’s train of thought. Why else would he act like that?”

  “Because he doesn’t give a damn. That’s why!” I insist.

  “Well, I think you should pretend you don’t give a fuck about him and just keep banging him. I mean, come on. He gives you explo-gasms. What more do you want? Then if you meet someone who interests you, dump the motherfucker.” Carrie sits there with a smug expression on her face while the rest of us are slack-jawed. Usually she is the one with the most conservative approach toward men and for her to come out with this is, well, shocking. She twirls a piece of her coal-black hair and giggles. “Y’all didn’t think I had it in me, did you?”

  I nearly spit out my drink of vodka I just took and the rest of the group howls with laughter.

  “Jesus, Carrie,” Lauren says.

  “I think she may be right,” Britt adds. “What do you have to lose, Sam?”

  “My heart.” I might’ve just dropped a damn bomb in here.

  “Oh, no, you haven’t?” Berkeley asks. “That’s one of the rules you never break in being fuck buddies.

  I screw up my mouth and say, “Not yet, but I’m heading there. That’s why I have to do something. Either stop or …”

  “Then you have to stop. If he’s a total jackass, which it sounds like he is, your heart’s going to get trampled on in a very bad way,” Lauren says.

  I wring my hands. “I know. I already feel it happening. So here’s the deal—we have this event …”

  “Back up.” Britt is all business now. “What do you mean by ‘we’?”

  So I explain. And when I finish, they all look like salivating pups.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Don’t you see?” Lauren asks.

  “See what?”

  “This can be your chance.” Berkeley shakes my arm.

  “No! Oh, no. This is purely business.” I assert.

  “Uh huh. And that’s the best thing about this. You can be the stealth event slash romance coordinator,” Hayley says.

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  The group of them starts chattering like a room of old church ladies at a potluck. Not that I would know what that sounds like, but my mom always says it and it sounds fitting right now.

  The night wears on and they persuade me to their way of thinking. Putting Butthead Ben in his place will be my mission at that event. But I’m afraid I’m the one that’s going to end up paying. Ben is savvy. Way too savvy for me when it comes to women.

  The next couple of weeks, I don’t have time to think about Ben or his pulsating peen. Or at least that’s what I try to tell myself. I’m so busy with work and trying to get his company’s event worked out that I leave my house early and don’t get home until late.

  When the weekend of the event arrives, I’m nothing but a bag of nerves. The girls are helping out, but won’t be staying the night. They’ll leave after the golf and spa outings are over.

  We start things off with the lunch for all the clients and their significant others,
and then it will be off to golf or the spa. None of the men chose the spa, only the women—shocker.

  When Nick and I arrive, we head directly to where the lunch will be held to make sure all is in order. Not long after, Martin and Julia arrive. I introduce Nick to Julia, and go over the menu and some of the other items on the agenda.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ben enter the room, followed by two women. I pretend not to notice and grab the attention of one of the staff. Heading to the back of the room, I make sure the water stations are filled and do my best to look occupied. Both women are gorgeous, but one sort of favors him, so I’m wondering if it’s his sister. The other one hangs close to him and he has his arm around her. She leans into him and they appear to be extremely friendly with each other. I feel the green monster inside of me show his pointy teeth. If this keeps up, I’ll want to tear that bitch’s hair out before the day is over.

  Why can’t I be beautiful like that?

  “Hey, everything okay?”

  I jump as Nick moves beside me.

  “Fine, why?” I snap.

  He inspects me for a few seconds, then shrugs. “No reason. Everything is on schedule. Guests are arriving.”

  “Good.” I walk away from him and head to the bathroom. I wish this day was over and it hasn’t even begun yet. Forcing myself to leave my little sanctuary, I resume my stance at the back of the room, trying to appear happy.

  Nick comes up to me and says, “I think everyone is here. I’ve got the headcount at one twenty-five.”

  “Great. Thanks.”

  I move in the direction of Martin to let him know. When he sees me, I give him the thumbs up to start and turn to return to my back-of-the-room position when I collide with a brick wall of a chest.

  “Sam. Sorry.”

  I’d recognize his scent anywhere.

  “Mmm. Right.” My tone is off the charts sarcastic. I move to sidestep him and he moves in the same direction. We do this two-step again.

  “Annnd we’re dancing.”

  “Hardly. I usually enjoy my dances,” I say and I walk away. I’m not sure if he moves or not. I only know I need to get hell away from Ben. Besides, he has a girl waiting for him somewhere. I wonder if it’s that lawyer, Karen, his fiancée or whatever she is. This isn’t the place for me to worry about that now, but it’s difficult with the way he’s practically flaunting her in front of me.