by Robyn Carr
“Aren’t you afraid, Geoffrey?” she asked him, her face wrinkled into a frown. He almost answered her, thinking she was talking about the danger in war and privateering. “Aren’t you afraid there will never be enough?”
He studied her for a moment before answering. “There are so many times I can’t bear to be near you,” he said softly. “I envy so much about you.”
“Envy me?” she laughed. “You are not only ruthless but foolish!”
But Geoffrey was serious, and for the first time since they’d met, he was actually finding himself wanting to share some of himself with her. He was comfortable talking; the brandy had soothed, the fire was warm, and but for the regular snorts from the sleeping servant, the room was quiet.
“It does not take much to make you happy. Indeed, the simplest things amuse you.”
“That’s not completely true, my lord,” she said with a hint of guilt. “I left the inn with your man because I could not be happy in the country with a simple farmer.”
He reached out and touched her cheek. “And was there a farmer, Alicia?”
“No,” she said with a sigh. “No, there was no one. And I had no dowry, no family, no schooling but for some simple reading and ciphering when I was very small.” She looked up at him and raised her eyebrows. “I would have nothing if it had not been for Rodney... and you. You’re right, I should thank you more often and ask you for less.”
“I can’t believe the country lads did not chase you from brook to woods.”
“Believe!” she laughed. “There were no combs for my hair, my clothes did not fit, and most of the time I did not have shoes to put on my feet. Aye, there was not much to chase.
“Yeomen are like nobles, my lord. They, too, look for a wife with money or land or at least one cow to bring to the marriage.”
“Most country girls and especially tavern maids can find ways to better their lot.”
“I know you think I’m a whore,” she said quite easily. “But the truth is that I was not. Armand held quite a stick over the head of every maid who served for him. A pregnant lass was not as quick on her feet.”
“He beat you?”
“Regularly.”
“But he did not sell you to his customers.”
“No, he did not do that, but then most of us sold ourselves, but not for gold.” She laughed ruefully. “I don’t think I know of a lass who did not fall in love with at least one courtier passing through. They lied so well; promised a life of ease in London with such perfection.” She sighed and played with the hem of her gown. “What poor shoeless wench wouldn’t want to believe?”
Geoffrey was quiet for a moment. “And is that what happened to you?”
“Yes. And it shan’t happen to me again. Your hundred pounds put me above that trickery.”
“I think I see the bruise of your last beating,” Geoffrey said with affection. “Your broken heart.”
“But it is mended,” she said defensively. “I name myself as much the fool as my vanishing courtier, the blackguard. I had seen the same happen to maids before me, yet held myself as something special.”
The fire gave off sparks as a log fell, and Geoffrey moved to the hearth to throw on another log. Alicia shivered and pulled her cloak tighter around herself, tucking it in around her knees. As he moved back to the feather tick, Alicia appeared to be a small bundle of misfortune needing his care, and he put an arm about her, pulling her close.
“Perhaps things will go better for you from now on,” he said.
“And for you,” she said.
“True,” he returned. “We have helped each other. Let us take great care not to hurt each other.”
“And how could I hurt you, my lord? You have had my word that I won’t confess the truth of our arrangement. I can’t leave you and I can’t stay with you. There is nothing I can do to hurt you.”
“I don’t believe that you have accepted the conditions of this marriage, Alicia,” he whispered, his lips against her ear.
“What matter in that,” she said, somewhat breathless from his nearness.
His arm went around her waist and his lips touched her neck. “You must remember everything we share is for now.
“You must take what you can from me and let go when the time has come. Or you will be hurt.”
She pulled away from him a very little bit so that her lips were close to his and her voice was soft, her breath in his half-open mouth. “And you, Geoffrey. You must let go when the time has come. Do you think you can?”
His mouth came down on hers and they tumbled onto the feather tick, caught in a passion that surprised neither and delighted both. Alicia circled his neck with her arms and held him fast, for this was no test or game; she would not release him. She meant to know how far he would take this bargain.
Geoffrey felt her response and a wanting grew in him. He cautioned himself to move slowly, to conceal his desperation if he could, to love her gently. But he was a man starved, and control was difficult, for he had suppressed his hunger for her so completely that he had not taken any woman since Alicia came to London. He had not acknowledged how passionately he wanted her. His fingers moved along the buttons on the bodice of her gown, and a groan escaped him as he touched the soft skin of her breast.
“Please, do not expect to find me a virgin,” she reminded him.
His hands worked a magic on her and he ignored her quiet plea. The only sound from him was the soft murmuring of her name. “Alicia. Alicia ...”
“I am not your bride,” she whispered. “This is not a part of the bargain.”
“Don’t deny me, Alicia. Don’t deny yourself. Love me.”
Her body needed only what he offered, but her heart needed something more, and though she made no effort to stop him, she let her lips break from his to voice her questions. And while she felt the hem of her gown sliding up to expose first her knee and then her thigh, she whispered to him.
“Am I to take? Or am I to give?”
“Love me, Alicia. I’ve wanted you for so long.”
“I do love you, Geoffrey. But do you know who I am?”
He rose above her slightly, looking down into smoky gray eyes, her hair loosed and tousled on the feather tick. He felt as though his breeches were a vise, needing to be loosened, but she stayed him with her words.
“Alicia, you are noble, strong, sweet…”
“A tavern wench—already used and cast aside.”
“That was another time, another Alicia. It matters little. You’re the woman I’ve come to love.”
And with that, the last stronghold she claimed as her own tumbled down, for she had heard the words that made her heart give way. And then she felt his hardness slide up between her thighs and she pulled him closer. She would bind him to her, and then what he chose to do with her love would be left to his honor. She was, to all the world, his wife.
“And can you let go, Geoffrey?” she whispered.
“Nay,” he moaned. “Nay, how can I? You’ve cast your spell.”
TEN
Alicia stirred as she felt the warm presence leave her side. She opened her eyes to see that Geoffrey was putting another log on the fire, and she sighed contentedly. With a little shifting, she was able to take the cloak she lay upon and draw it over herself. As he turned back toward her, she lifted the cloak invitingly and he slid down on the mattress, taking her into his arms.
“We are foolish,” he said. “How long can the woman sleep so soundly?”
“A little longer, I pray,” she sighed, drawing him closer.
“I would not have thought this haunted old trap could provide so much comfort on a cold night.”
“Ha! You give credit to the house!”
“Come, wench, until we see the sunlight, do not taunt me. Give me ease of your complaints.”
She ran a finger around his ear and smiled at him. “I do not complain so much, Geoffrey.”
He had not conditioned himself to so much affection in one night, a
nd for a brief moment he feared that it would be too much for a man who had lived, eaten, and slept mostly on the ship. But at the touch of her lips, and with the feel of her arms around his neck, he found he had more stamina than he had given himself credit for.
Women were not strange to him, but the truth was that he had always worried so with his performance as a lover that he was somewhat intimidated by them. Something in the way Alicia responded to his touch fed his masculine pride and he could barely contain himself. She was someplace between his last enthusiastic whore and a vestal virgin. She was neither aggressive nor acquiescent. When his touch thrilled her, he heard her sigh. When he moved against her, she moaned softly. With his hands on her hips she moved with him. She made him master and slave.
The urgency of lovemaking was gone, and he leisurely worked the buttons that went the length of her gown, laying it open to his gaze. His mouth tasted the sweetness of her skin and his senses were tuned to the texture and scent of her. While he believed he controlled her every quiver, something in him wondered if she perhaps controlled him.
“What a witch you are, Alicia. You’ve taken possession of my soul. I cannot ever be without you.”
“And you need not, Geoffrey.”
“How could I think it?”
“From too great a distance, I think.”
With his fingers woven into her hair and his body hovering over hers, he claimed her leisurely, moving carefully, slowly, until he had to cover her lips with his to cease her soft moans. He felt the power of the captain of a fleet, for he could moor her now, halt her, send her home, or take her to the sea.
“Please...” she begged softly, and a low chuckle rose from his throat, for he was not the captain at all. The velvety softness of her and the sweetness of her breath had poisoned his will, and he could do nothing but end the agony of waiting. She made him feel powerful, a feeling he knew himself to need heavy doses of, but he was not in power at all. She held the power. He had, in their first coupling, tasted her ecstasy, and he knew he would not be satisfied unless he could feel that again. He held himself until he felt her trembling nearly out of control and then let himself match her.
She lay quiet and pliant in his arms, her breathing even and shallow. Geoffrey had thought himself to be lucky in his encounters with women and he had indeed lain with experienced whores earlier in his manhood. But what had happened with Alicia had surpassed anything he had ever known. It did not occur to him that this was his first encounter with the emotion—love. He laughed to himself, for he thought he had had lovers, but no lover gave him the joy this woman did.
The thought struck hard. Lover?
He had not intended to make her his lover, though for a long time he had longed to touch her, hold her. And he’d held himself away from her because of the complications making love to her might involve. During those times he could not control his fantasies, he had been able at least to promise himself that he wouldn’t commit himself any further until he could see a way out of the tangled mess of lies he had begun.
He moaned softly at his own discomfort, and Alicia moved trustingly nearer. The softness of her cheek was pressed against his lips and he wondered which would be worse: asking her to leave with her hundred pounds, or rotting in Newgate without her.
But for the moment he could think of nothing but her presence and the comfort he felt in holding her near. With a sigh, he tightened his arms around her and joined her in sleep.
At the first faint glow of dawn, Geoffrey jostled Alicia. “Madam,” he beckoned. “Come, Charlotte...” Her eyes opened and she looked at him in some confusion. She had nearly forgotten that name existed. Geoffrey tilted his head in the direction of the sleeping servant, and Alicia smiled. “Clothe yourself, cherie,” he whispered. “Before the others are upon us.”
Disappointment slowed her movements and her face formed a pretty pout. Nothing would please her more than to doze longer in the arms of her lover, but they’d spent their moment too publicly already, and she reluctantly pulled her clothes around her, her fingers lazily doing the buttons.
“Madam, please,” Geoffrey begged, giving assist with the buttons. Alicia’s soft laughter was his answer and he did more of the work of garbing her than she.
He held up her cloak for her and helped her to her feet. She sighed as she pulled it around her and frowned as she looked around the room. There were no luxuries for nobles here; no dressing table, basin of hot water, or chamber pot. Alicia shrugged and resigned herself to the very chill outdoors.
She lollygagged along the path, took her leisure in the convenience, and when she would have returned to the house, she found Geoffrey leaning against a tree, waiting for her. She smiled her appreciation and moved sleepily toward him. She did not recognize his tenseness.
“Alicia,” he fairly whispered, looking over his shoulder suspiciously. “I must apologize for last night. I am sorry.”
Her perplexed look caused his heart to plummet.
“I had no right—and you tried to caution me when I would not hear you. It was not a part of our bargain.”
“No, it was not,” she said evenly.
“I should not have used you without...I should have given greater thought to...That is, I was taken with your softness and the brandy and—”
“Pish,” she said, stopping him. “That is not what you said.”
“I know I spoke words of love and made promises that I’m not sure I can keep. I beg your forgiveness. I would have you forget—”
“What are you telling me?” she questioned, her ire raised. “That you lied to me?”
He scuffed a foot in the dirt and cursed himself for having woven yet another web for himself. “They did not feel like lies.”
“But in the morning, is that what your words have become? Lies?”
He could not look at her. “Aye, I said words I was not sure I felt and made promises I am not sure I can keep. I promise you this in sound mind; it will not happen again.”
He looked at her and saw her eyes darken. Anger was etched into her delicate features. “What did you expect would happen?” he asked her. “Did you expect this could go on?”
“Aye,” she answered. “And why not? If that is what we both want, to be wed and to carry on, why not?”
“Of course, you would expect such, what have you to lose? You do not risk your fortune or your title. You have everything to gain if we never end this—this arrangement.”
“Lord Seavers,” she whispered in barely controlled rage, “what will I gain by allowing this arrangement to go on? A life as an impostor, with the world about to come down on my head at any moment? The constant worry that fear will force us to separate and plan a ‘death’ to relieve the threat of being imprisoned? Aye, I could play this charade forevermore, and when there are children, I could be forced away from them for fear of exposure.”
“Then you agree—it is foolish to—”
“I agree that it is foolish! Coming to London was the most foolish thing I’ve ever done. For now, when there is risk, you think that you alone—” She stopped and let out a heavy sigh and looked at him in the most complete frustration. She thought he had come to a decision; a time of knowing what he wanted. “You are the most complete fool.”
When he looked into her eyes, he felt for a moment like a small boy looking into his mother’s eyes. A few hours earlier he had felt like the most powerful man in the world and he hated to let go of that feeling. Rebellion rose within him. “I hope you are not hurt,” he said rather tersely.
“You are finished with me, then?” she asked caustically.
“I will keep my word, but I will not be bound to a woman now.”
“And I will hold you to your word. You will not touch me again.”
She lifted her skirts and took long, quick steps into the manor house, tears stinging her eyes.
Oaf! Beggar! Thief! Bastard! Her mind railed on and on. Passion in the nighttime and cold calculating indifference in the morning. But she s
topped short as she arrived in the room where their coupling had occurred. She moved slowly to the feather tick and dropped to her knees to touch the place where they had slept.
“I pressed him for promises and words of love he was not ready to make,” she reminded herself. “And now he would have me believe it was lust and brandy that brought him to me. And harden yourself, heart, for his ships are his love and he may never be ready. He warned me that this was only for now, and now—the moment has passed.”
She heard his footsteps and turned to see him standing behind her. Tears coursed down her cheeks. She turned away.
The sight of her tear-stained face ripped through Geoffrey’s heart. He wanted to run to her, take her in his arms, and beg her to be patient, he would find a way to ensure their future so that they might never again live with fear. But he found himself afraid to comfort her with those words. He was afraid he might fail to find a way to safely keep her.
He moved toward her slowly and lowered himself to kneel on the floor behind her. He rubbed her upper arms with his hands. “You will not feel this hurt for long, cherie. I promise.”
She sniffed back her tears and straightened her back.
“Tell me you do not love me, Geoffrey.”
He sighed and struggled for the words. “What matter love, Alicia? That I love you enough to buy you the moon and the stars would matter little if the king locks us both away. That I love you beyond the value of every ship England owns would buy neither of us freedom from the charge of treason against the crown.” He used a finger to turn her face that she might see his eyes. “If I tell you I love you, Alicia, it will not change the fact that our bargain could turn on us at any time and devour whatever love we thought ours.”
She stared at him with angry eyes, her pupils sharp as pinpoints. “I pray you take care with what you so carelessly claim and throw away. One day you will regret that you are not a man who knows his mind.”
The coach was loaded with baggage and the group made ready to depart, their visit to Bellerose cut short by days because of the condition of the manor. Alicia sat within the coach with her cloak pulled tight, a veil from her hat covering her face. She pulled back the drape from the window of the coach, and tears gathered in her eyes as she looked at the disheveled building and overgrown lawns.