Harry’s eyes widened, but Lucy thought he looked pleased.
‘Of course,’ he said, setting the folder aside and Lucy wondered if there was some kind of conspiracy in the wind.
What on earth did they want to tell her?
Her mother looked tense and a bit sick now, sitting forward, arms folded, hugging herself. ‘I know you’ve always had lots of questions, Luce – all the things I’ve never wanted to talk about. And I know I’ve driven you mad the way I always clammed up about England and Kalkadoon.’
Lucy’s throat felt suddenly tight and sore. So many times she’d pestered her mum, but what was she about to hear? Now, when it seemed she was on the brink of getting answers, anxiety settled like a brick in her chest.
Be careful what you wish for.
‘The thing is,’ Ro said, staring at some spot on the carpet, ‘Primrose was kind, not telling you the truth, but I was a little monster in England. I played up at school. I drove the Myatt family around the bend and in the summer I turned seventeen I ran away to London and fell in with a bunch of Aussies living in Earls Court. They had bought a Kombi van and were planning to drive back to Australia via the Middle East and Asia.’
Her mum paused and then hugged herself tighter. ‘It was the start of a string of bad choices. They were a dodgy lot, but I was very naïve and desperate for a huge, grand adventure and I was so excited, until the Myatts caught up with me in Dover. We had planned on taking the ferry across to France.’
Lucy wondered if she was supposed to comment, but she couldn’t think of anything. She was too enthralled.
Her mum sighed. ‘Stupidly, I told them I was pregnant.’
‘Were you?’ The question just popped out. Already, Lucy’s imagination was running wild, racing ahead and picturing a long-lost half-brother or sister.
Her mum nodded sadly. ‘Yes, I was eight weeks pregnant, and I told Alice because I thought she would let me stay with the baby’s father. I thought she’d be relieved to offload me.’
‘But you were in her care,’ Lucy said. ‘She probably felt responsible.’
Her mum nodded. ‘Unfortunately, I’ve never been very good at seeing things from someone else’s point of view. But of course, the Myatts’ family honour was at stake.’ Ro’s lips trembled and her face looked on the verge of crumpling, until she caught Harry’s eye.
Watching, it seemed to Lucy that Harry’s mere presence in the room gave her mother fresh courage. Ro let her hands drop back into her lap and she sat a little straighter. ‘The Myatts were very well connected,’ she went on, in a calm, almost deadpan voice. ‘There was an uncle in Harley Street, London, and Alice was able to bundle me off to the exclusive clinic that he worked at. It was all very hush-hush.’
‘A clinic,’ Lucy whispered, reaching to grip her mother’s hand.
‘I was so naïve and foolish,’ her mum said next. ‘I hadn’t told my boyfriend I was pregnant and I had no real plans for how I was going to manage when I got back to Australia. Not that it mattered. My so-called mates dumped me as soon as the Myatts turned up and accused the Aussies of abducting me.’
‘God, Mum.’
‘I had no one on my side and there was so much pressure. I couldn’t fight them.’
‘How awful. You poor thing.’
Ro nodded and sat very still with her hand clasped in Lucy’s and her lips tightly compressed, as if she didn’t trust herself to say more without bursting into sobs.
Harry cleared his throat. ‘It was unforgivable. The Myatts didn’t consult me, either. They just terminated the pregnancy and packed poor Rose off home. All Alice cared about was avoiding a family disgrace.’
Lucy tried to imagine it – to be seventeen and lonely and scared and then pressured into ending a pregnancy whether she wanted to or not.
‘I don’t suppose you got counselling,’ she said.
Ro shook her head.
‘I can see now why you called Alice a bitch. You must have been so devastated and so bloody angry. Mum, you would never really get over something like that.’
As she said this, Lucy experienced a blinding light-bulb moment. In a blink, the answers to so many questions that had plagued her all her life were glaringly clear, and every answer sprang from the appalling fact that her mother had been forced to have an abortion at the age of seventeen.
No wonder Ro had never wanted to talk about England, and of course something like that would have stuffed up her later relationships with men. No doubt this issue was also at the root of her tension with Harry. After all, he’d sent her to England in the first place.
She would have come home in shame, with a huge sense of failure, with the feeling that she’d got her life wrong from the start and that she needed someone to blame.
‘I can see why you didn’t want to tell me,’ Lucy said. ‘And, for heaven’s sake, you must have been so stressed when I took off for England.’
‘Yeah,’ said her mum softly.
‘I’m afraid I talked Ro into telling you now,’ Harry admitted.
A faint smile warmed Ro’s face. ‘And I’m amazed I’ve got through it without having a nervous breakdown.’
‘See, you are stronger than you think,’ he said.
‘Either that, or there are no tears left in me after yesterday.’ Her mum let out her breath with a soft huff, but she looked relieved and almost triumphant, as if she’d conquered a mountain. ‘It’s been a weekend for getting things off my chest.’
‘Do you feel better for it?’ Harry asked.
Her mother nodded. ‘But I still feel ashamed that I blamed you, that I never really took responsibility for my own mistakes.’
‘It’s okay, love. We’ve sorted that.’
Lucy had never seen anything quite as satisfying as the warm smiles Harry and Ro exchanged. She wondered if Primrose’s letters had been a catalyst. She liked to think that her journey to Cornwall had achieved some good for someone, even if it had left her feeling like debris thrown up on a beach after a shipwreck.
‘Anyway, Dad, I stopped you from showing us your folder,’ Ro said now, plumping up a cushion and then sitting straighter. ‘No more interruptions, I promise. I’m all ears.’
‘Ah, yes.’ Harry picked up the folder again. ‘This is my will,’ he said, placing a large craggy hand on the document’s cover. ‘I daresay you will know its contents soon enough, but I’ve decided I also want you to hear about it now.’
Ro made a soft sound of dismay and looked as if she was about to protest, but she’d just promised not to interrupt and perhaps she caught the resolve in Harry’s eyes. She shut her mouth firmly and sat back with her arms folded across her chest. But there was no mistaking her tension.
Lucy was also feeling nervous. Wills and death went together and she wasn’t ready to face the reality of Harry’s death. She certainly didn’t want to hear him talk about it.
‘As you might expect, I’m leaving everything I have to the two of you,’ Harry said quietly.
Lucy’s head spun. Her mother’s news had been quite a shock, and yet somehow, strangely inevitable. But this sudden discussion about inheritance was so coming from left field.
‘I know Ro has been worried about the responsibilities of Kalkadoon,’ Harry continued. ‘And Ro, I’ve fobbed you off, telling you it’s all in hand, which is more or less true. As you know, I’ve had managers out there for many years now and most years the profits have been ploughed back into the property. But whenever there was a little spare cash, I’ve invested it. Usually in the north-west in mining.’
Harry gave a casual shrug. ‘The money’s built up over the years. There are several hundred thousand there now, and I’m leaving this house and that money to you, Ro.’
Lucy heard her mother’s gasp, saw her eyes widen with shock, but for once she seemed to have nothing to say.
This was understandable. Lucy was gripped by a similar numbing shock. Harry had always lived so modestly in his little worker’s cottage. She’d never thought, n
ever dreamed that he might have several hundred thousand spare dollars stashed away.
‘As for you, Lucy.’ Harry’s face was still set in serious lines, but the faintest hint of a smile glimmered in his eyes. ‘I’m leaving you Kalkadoon.’
Oh my God.
Lucy couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. She almost couldn’t breathe.
‘I know this will come as a shock,’ Harry said with surprising gentleness. ‘You’ve probably never given Kalkadoon any thought. You’ve never been out there, have you?’
‘No. I – I’m afraid I’ve never been on any cattle property.’
Harry nodded. ‘If you have time before you go back to work, I’d like you to travel out to Kalkadoon. For my sake, I’d like you to at least take a look at the place.’
Lucy’s head was still reeling. She was trying to picture herself living way out west and running a cattle property, but it was like trying to imagine herself working in a lab in Antarctica or tackling brain surgery. She had absolutely no qualifications for working with cattle. She hardly even knew how to ride a horse.
Her mind flashed to Cornwall and the riding lessons that she’d so thoroughly enjoyed. Sadly, it was probably Nick’s company that had made the experience so much fun.
To be in the outback on her own? It was such a different proposition.
‘Just take a look is all I ask,’ added Harry.
Lucy gave a bewildered shrug. ‘I don’t know what to say, Harry. Obviously, I’m still getting used to the idea, but sure, I’d be happy to take a look. I hope that doesn’t sound ungrateful. I’m just so stunned.’
‘I should warn you there’s a proviso written into the will.’ Harry was still watching her with a gentle smile. ‘You won’t be able to sell Kalkadoon for at least four years.’
Lucy gulped. The possibility of selling the place had already crossed her mind. Had her grandfather guessed? ‘So you’re definitely hoping that I’ll give it a go,’ she said.
He shook his head. ‘Nothing definite about it. Last thing I want is for the property to be a millstone around your neck. All I’m asking for now is that you at least check the place out. If you decide you want to leave it to the manager, he’ll happily take care of everything. It’s entirely your call, Lucy, but you shouldn’t make any decisions without seeing the property.’
‘No.’
Ro spoke up. ‘Well, I’m speechless. About all of this. I simply don’t know what to say, Dad.’
‘I haven’t dropped off my perch just yet.’ Some of the old twinkle shone in his eyes. ‘So you’ll both have a little time to get used to the idea.’
Lucy’s thoughts were still racing. ‘If I did decide to live at Kalkadoon, I’d have to leave the army.’
Her grandfather simply nodded.
‘Is that what you want, Harry? You’d like me to give up the army?’
He didn’t answer straight away.
‘Don’t tell me you’re another one.’ Lucy instantly regretted that she’d said this out loud. The words had spilled from her, frustration joining the bubbling cocktail of her emotions.
‘Another one?’ asked Harry. ‘Who’s telling you to leave the army?’
Lucy sighed. ‘Mum would love me to and so would just about every guy I’ve fallen for.’
Both Harry and Ro looked surprised by this confession.
‘It’s a bit of a sore point,’ Lucy said.
Harry was shaking his head. ‘I’m not trying to push you one way or the other. As I said before, it’s your call, Lucy, and I certainly don’t want you to take on something that doesn’t interest you.’ He held her in his steady gaze. ‘On the other hand, you never know – perhaps you’re ready to take on a new challenge.’
As he said this, a tiny ping reverberated inside her. A new challenge. The words caused an unexpected, fragile stirring of excitement.
Rubbing at her forehead, she tried to calm her rushing thoughts. ‘I really would like to get out there.’ A new challenge could be just what she needed. ‘But I don’t have much time left. I’m due back at work at the beginning of next week.’
‘Well, I’m free,’ piped up her mum with surprising eagerness. She shot Harry a rather sheepish smile. ‘It’s high time I saw the old place again.’
‘We’d have to get cracking, Mum. It will take a few days to get out there and have a good look around, then home again.’ Lucy quickly calculated. ‘Would you be prepared to leave tomorrow?’
Ro shrugged. ‘Can’t see why not.’
31
‘Do you feel like Thelma and Louise?’ Lucy asked soon after daybreak the next morning, as the outskirts of Townsville flashed past them.
Ro laughed. ‘I might if we were in a sports car with the sun roof down, not this great big thing.’ She settled back comfortably into the well-padded passenger seat. ‘But I do feel as if we’re starting out on an adventure.’
‘Yeah, me too.’
‘I’ve spent a restless night,’ Ro added. ‘I’m feeling guilty that I never took you out there when you were younger.’
‘Harry could have taken me.’
Ro shook her head. ‘He was too diplomatic. He knew how I felt and he didn’t want to upset me.’
‘Oh well. I thought we established yesterday that you should stop feeling guilty.’
‘It’s not a habit you can break overnight.’
‘Maybe you need to forgive yourself, Mum.’
This was met by a long silence before her mum said, ‘When did you get to be so wise?’
Lucy laughed. ‘It’s easy to be wise about other people’s problems.’
Truth was, very little would quell Lucy’s chirpy spirits this morning. Zinging excitement had been building in her ever since Harry’s amazing announcement yesterday. It was the same edgy, buoyant sense of anticipation she’d felt when she’d first set off on her deployment to Afghanistan. A journey into the unknown.
‘I must admit I’m very grateful to Keith for insisting we take his Pajero,’ she said. ‘It has masses of grunt and I can really feel the tyres gripping the bitumen.’
‘Yes, he’s a sweet man.’ Her mum’s mouth curved into a fond, secret smile.
Lucy grinned again, confident now that Ro and Keith were quite securely ‘Ro and Keith’ – even though their new-found happiness highlighted her own misery.
Annoyingly, even with this new adventure ahead, the pain of losing Nick still held her in a sharp-taloned grip, which was another reason she was determined to enjoy their road trip. With any luck, the journey to Kalkadoon would provide the perfect distraction.
Lucy felt quite optimistic about this experience. She knew she had Harry’s blessing, her mum was practically purring with contentment now, the Pajero was eating up the kilometres, and the country looked extra beautiful after the recent rains.
She tuned the car radio to a station that played country and western. ‘To get us in the rural mood,’ she said. And so it was to the accompaniment of crooning singers and soft, twanging guitars that they drove on to Charters Towers, then through the majestic White Mountains country to the west of the old mining town. Eventually they found themselves on vast, wide plains so flat they could see the curvature of the earth.
Here, paddocks of waving, champagne-coloured grass stretched as far as the eye could see, broken only by occasional clumps of low leafy trees or eroded black soil gullies. Big mobs of silvery Brahman cattle grazed, and telegraph poles tracked the straight line of the Flinders Highway into the shimmering distance till they looked like mere wisps of smoke.
‘You can see why they call this Big Sky Country,’ said Ro.
‘And it just goes on and on.’
‘It’s not boring though, is it?’
‘Not so far,’ Lucy admitted. ‘But I’ll reserve judgement till we’ve been through Hughenden, Richmond, Julia Creek and Cloncurry.’
Her mum grinned. ‘Sing out if you get tired of driving.’
‘Sure. We can change after we stop for lunch.’
&
nbsp; The radio crooned on, the landscape rolled out like a multicoloured carpet and Ro settled lower in her seat. Lucy was sure her mum was asleep and, dangerously, she allowed her thoughts to wander.
Unfortunately, they zeroed straight to Nick Myatt.
Major mistake. The mere thought of the man brought a raw stab to her heart. Valiantly, she tried to swing her mind elsewhere. A huge petrol tanker thundered past and she considered the logistics involved in running a cattle property so far west that everything had to be trucked in or out. Not so very different from her work in the army, really.
Then, fiendish things, thoughts of Nick slammed back again, and this time she couldn’t halt the flood of memories. She was reliving that first night in The Seaspray Arms when she saw Nick at the far end of the bar. By now, those impressions were probably embedded in her DNA. Nick’s height, his black sweater, those cheekbones and wild hair. His magnetic masculine intensity.
Oh God. How she ached for him.
She remembered the day he’d shown her over the Hall when she’d seen the photograph of Georgina with Alice and then another of him with Simon. Then there was the horse-riding morning and the dizzily happy day they’d spent on the Lizard Peninsula.
The blissful nights in his bed.
True, she’d only known Nick for a very short time, but in those few magical days, he’d lifted her feel-good factor to immeasurable heights.
It was hard not to make comparisons with Sam, but Nick hadn’t been merely cute and sexy, he was an entertaining companion and a considerate and thoughtful host and Lucy suspected these were qualities Sam could never aspire to. He’d always been too self-centred.
Nick had shown her a glimpse of the way things should be. The way things could be.
If only . . .
‘So these fellows you’ve fallen for . . .’
Her mother’s voice, coming out of the blue, made Lucy jump.
‘Sorry,’ she said quickly. ‘My mind was miles away.’
The Secret Years Page 32