by B. M. Hardin
~***~
After having sex with Elroy, I felt dumb and weak.
It seemed as though he’d taken more than my goodies that day. He’d taken my power.
Now, I was struggling to keep him off of my mind and I had to force myself not to reach out to him. And every time he called or texted me, even though I didn’t answer it, I wanted to. I really, really, wanted to.
So, I had to get my power back. What we’d shared was just sex and it didn’t change what was going on between us. It still didn’t change the fact that he’d hurt and lied to me. So tonight, I was going on my third date in a week. Every man that approached me, I’d given him my number. I was doing anything to keep my mind off of Elroy. The first two dates struck out, but I was hoping that the third time was the charm. If I was going to replace Elroy, they had to be damn near perfect. Well, if I was going to replace the Elroy that I’d known prior to his confession.
I checked myself out one last time in the mirror, and then I was on my way. Listening to a song on the radio, yet again, Elroy crossed my mind.
I reminisced about some good times that we’d shared. We’d always had so much fun. Elroy loved to sing and dance and even play pranks. I’d never laughed so much until I met Elroy. He brought out a side in me that I didn’t even know that I had. He would do or say anything just to make me smile. How could that be the same man that I’d just found out had been lying to me our entire relationship?
“Maybe I could call him. Maybe I could just forgive him. Maybe…,” I said aloud. I mean, he’d lied but maybe I could give him another chance. If he was willing to be done with her, and if he really wanted us to work, maybe we could get past this. People forgive and work things out all the time. This wasn’t my college days and unlike Rodney, Elroy wouldn’t, and didn’t want to leave me alone. He was constantly bugging me and asking for a second chance. Maybe I could stop being difficult and give it, us, another try. I pondered the thoughts a little while long and then I picked up my phone. Before I could change my mind about calling him, I dialed his number.
“Serenity? I’m surprised that you called me.”
“So am I. Elroy you keep calling and texting me. What do you want from me huh?”
“I want you to forgive me. I just want you to forgive me Serenity.”
“And if I did, then what Elroy? Then what?”
“You tell me.”
“So, it would be over? Between you and her?”
“What?”
“Is it over?”
“I haven’t seen her. She’s on the road. That’s a conversation we would have to have in person.”
“But it’s over? If I forgive you, it’s over?”
“Yes Serenity. Yes,” Elroy said without hesitating. I was quiet and so was he.
“How do I know that you aren’t lying again? How do I know that it will really be over?”
“You’re just going to have to trust me.”
Ha! I might as well trust the Devil himself if I was going to do that. After I laughed in his ear for a while longer, he spoke again. “It will be over Serenity.”
I tried to get my thoughts together but pulling up at the restaurant, I was all out of time. “I’ll let you know,” I said and hung up on him before he could say anything else. I might just get lucky tonight and not even have to worry about forgiving him at all.
My date for the night was Neil Costner.
Neil was also a lawyer. Not at my father’s firm, but he was also well-known for his achievements in the business. He’d been trying to get with me for years, but I never gave him the chance. But tonight was his chance. And he only had one shot to get it right.
“You are the definition of beauty,” Neil complimented me as soon as he spotted me. Good start already. “I can’t believe you finally agreed to go out with me. But I’m glad that you changed your mind,” he said.
“Me too.”
I felt my phone vibrate, but I forced myself not to look at it. I knew that it was probably Elroy, but I didn’t bother to check. I could possibly be on my first date with my future husband.
“Shall we order a drink?” And from there, the night went by swiftly and smoothly. The conversation wasn’t forced and we even shared a few laughs. I hadn't expected him to be so charming. I guess I assumed that he would be cocky or arrogant, but he wasn’t that at all. He was sweet, refreshing and seemed to be so in to me. I just might’ve hit the jackpot with this one.
“So why are you single?” I asked him the dreaded question. There had to be something wrong with him.
“By choice. I was married for five long years. And now I’ve been divorced for about the same. Since then, I date, amongst other things, but I don’t desire to ever get married again.”
And there it is.
“So, you’ve chased me all of these years, just to take me out on a date?”
He chuckled.
“You’re attractive. Smart. And with the complications and long hours of our profession, if a woman your age isn’t married already, I assumed that it was by choice as well. I mean, statistics say that if you aren’t married by a certain age or milestone, you probably never will. And I guess I figured that you just didn’t want to be. I assumed that we could get to know each other and become well acquainted.”
“You mean sex?”
“No. I mean well acquainted. I would be lying if I told you that I was looking for Mrs. Right because I’m not. But I do enjoy the company of a woman. Dates. Walks in the park. Occasional breakfast in bed. I just don’t want anything with a label. I just don’t want anything serious. If you are looking for a husband, I’m sorry Serenity, but I’m not that man. Only because at this point in my life I don’t desire to be,” Neil concluded. Well, at least he was honest. Honest enough to let me know up front and he didn’t try to waste my time. He wasn’t the one, but at that moment, I wished that he was.
I enjoyed the rest of my night with him and once I was alone inside of my car, I thought about a few things that he’d said. I thought about how he’d assumed that I didn’t want to be married because of my age and because I wasn’t married already. I was only thirty. I wasn’t that old. But I guess most women, like my mother and sisters, did get lucky enough to find someone and get married while they were in their early twenties. But he was wrong. I wanted to be married more than anything in this world. It was finding the right man to get married to that was the problem. But I tell you what, I wasn’t going to be some damn statistic!
Yet just hearing Neil’s thoughts and comments, made it all the more real to me. Time was ticking! I’d spent three years with Elroy. Three years that I couldn’t get back. Time that had pretty much been wasted. But the more and more I thought about it, maybe it wasn’t so much of a waste at all. Elroy had been lying to me but other than that, he’d been everything that I’d wanted in a man. Everything that I’d wanted in a husband. And now he was saying that he wanted to make it right. He wanted to make it work. He said that he would cut things off with this other woman and that he and I could work things out, get back on track and eventually end up happy and married.
But could I really get over it all?
Furthermore was he really going to do what he agreed to do and never do it again? It definitely wouldn’t be easy for him to earn back my trust. I already knew that it was going to take time and patience, but did I have any more time to give? I already had the new position and I was trying to take my career to the next level. Could I do that, and try to watch and learn to trust the man that had broken my heart?
I thought for a little while longer. I didn’t want to be a sucker for love, but I guess no one ever wanted to be. But everyone makes mistakes. But I tell you what; he damn sure couldn’t afford to make another one!
I pulled up at Elroy’s house. I was sure that he was there. His car still didn’t have any wheels on it and he didn’t have a job. I snickered at myself for the things that I’d done to him out of anger.
What if he did something as extreme
as this again? That would really piss me off. And I mean really, really piss me off!
Was it worth that risk?
Was he and the love that I had for him, really worth it?
After sitting for another few minutes or so, mentally I came up with a list of demands and I headed towards Elroy’s front door. The sad part was that because of him, marriage wouldn’t be in the picture anytime soon, but the sooner that we started trying to fix it the sooner we could be headed back in that direction again.
I silently prayed as I knocked on the door instead of just using my key.
Please don’t let him make a fool out of me, again, or next time I wasn’t only going to try to ruin his life. I was going to try and take it!
~***~
“It doesn’t look the same,” Elroy complained.
I’d just purchased him brand new tires, minus the rims.
I’d offered to get him new rims, but he refused to take that much money from me, without having a job to pay it back. Surprisingly he didn’t seem to suspect that I was behind it all. Or at least he didn’t say anything if he did. I stared at his left eye. It was still red from him attempting to put the contact lens in it, not knowing that the solution that he’d soaked it in was mixed with vinegar. All he’d said was that maybe the solution had expired or something and red eye and all, he simply went to get another bottle. I had to force him to go get his eye checked out just to make sure there wasn’t any permanent damage or anything.
“It looks fine. At least now you can ride out and find another job,” I assured him and with that statement he nodded his head in agreement. He mumbled that he would simply replace them when he got the funds and also complained about the police not doing their job since they hadn't found out who was behind it all. Stupid ass, I thought to myself.
“I love you baby and thank you. I’ll pay you back. I have a little something saved up, but I want to hold on to it just in case I don’t get another job opportunity anytime soon,” Elroy said.
“It’s okay.” It was the first and probably the last thing that I would ever do for him. As I said, he liked to pay for everything.
We continued to talk, and he seemed to be happy that we were trying to work things out. So far, so good.
Things had been going smoothly. But I still had questions. There was something that I wanted to know and I’d been dreading to bring up the conversation but I had to. I had to know if he’d done what he’d told me that he was going to do. As far as I knew he still had some unfinished business to take care of. And I needed to know when it was going to be handled.
“So, when do you plan to talk to her?” I asked Elroy.
“She called. She said that she plans to be back in town at the end of the month. I’ll talk to her then.”
“I don’t see why you won’t just tell her over the phone Elroy,” I pouted.
“Did I tell you over the phone Serenity? Don’t forget that she and I have been in a relationship longer than we have.”
“And you’re bragging about that?”
“No. I’m just saying that it’s a way to do something to somebody.”
Oh, now he wanted to have a heart?
Where was his heart when he was dealing with two women? Where was his heart when he was lying to me? Where was his heart when he was breaking mine?
“Hell, look at the situation. I’ve already done more than enough. You see how much I hurt you, so I can imagine that she is going to feel the same way or at least something close to it. But like I told you, when she gets back in town, she and I are going to have a conversation. I’m going to tell her. I don’t have a choice but to tell her because I want to be with you,” he said assuring me that he wanted us. I frowned but he only gave me the look as to say that he wasn’t doing it any other way. I didn’t like it but I knew that he wasn’t going to budge.
“So, the whole relationship, with you two, was pretty much like this? With her always on the road?”
“Not the first year and a half, no. Six months or so before I met you, she got the gig, and she’s been doing it ever since. Even when she’s not on the road, she’s in L.A. for practices and rehearsals. Before I knew it, we were in a long distance relationship and I was lucky to see her once a month if that. And half of the time that she’s in town, she’s trying to make her rounds and catch up with family and friends too, so it’s not like we always spend all of our time together when she was home. It became easy once I met you. When she was here, I would see her and then tell her that I had to work that night, and come home to you. Even before I actually went back to work at all. I’m not proud of the lies that I told, and I wanted to just tell her the truth, but I couldn’t. For a while I thought the love had gone away, but every time that I saw her, I remembered why I loved her in the first place.” My body temperature was heating up and I was trying not to get upset. He was being transparent. He was being honest and open, and I didn’t want him to think that he couldn’t be that way with me by flipping out on him.
“And you don’t love her now?”
“I never said that. Love doesn’t just go away Serenity. But I want us. So, I gotta’ do what I gotta’ do. It’s as simple as that. I gotta’ make it right so that we can move forward. I’m making a choice. You are my choice. So, let’s just drop the subject. You’ll be the first to know when the conversation takes place, okay?” Elroy said as he opened the car door.
“What about sex?”
“I just told you I hardly ever see her. I can’t even remember the last time that we were intimate Serenity. Get in.”
I mean, I knew the situation and I’d chosen to forgive him, so I guess I had to go with the flow. But he had better hurry the hell up! I was already uncomfortable with the situation and I didn’t want to take matters into my own hands. I already had a first name and I was searching for a last and trying to figure out more and more about her every day. So he had better hoped that he told her, before I found her. Or I would surely beat him to it.
We rode in silence all the way back to Elroy’s house. I’d been staying at his house since the night that we’d made up. I had to learn to trust him all over again and I already knew that it was going to be a process but I was trying. I was all over his ass, constantly, but he didn’t seem to have any problems with it.
I’d searched his house from top to bottom, trying to find something that would indicate that he’d been seeing another woman our entire relationship but there was nothing there. It was as though she didn’t exist. I mean no pictures, no pieces of clothing that wasn’t mine; nothing! But here lately, he was guarding his phone with his life though. He knew that I was looking and he’d made the statement plenty of times that I was not going to get into his phone and get her number. I wouldn’t be surprised if at this point, it wasn’t even in there. Before he’d let me touch his phone whenever I wanted, but I didn’t remember seeing her name, unless he had it saved under something else.
“Come on so I can cook for you. I’ll run you a bath,” he said.
“Sounds good. I need to look over some cases, so it’s going to be an all-nighter for me.”
Elroy ran my bath, lit a few candles, and I headed in to relax. The workload at work was ridiculous and it only made matters worse that I was trying to watch Elroy while I was there. I was calling him all the time, checking to see what he was doing, and barely getting any work done at all, so I was so behind. I had a court case the next day and I wasn’t anywhere near ready. Once I was in the bathtub, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head.
I started to think about my childhood.
Other than the mean kids outside of our home and at school, inside of our home was heaven. My parents were the most adorable couple that I’d ever seen. My father Roger, treated my mother, Louisa, like a queen. I’d watched him give her the world. I’d watched him love her with everything that he had in him and he made sure that she was always happy. Even though he was a very busy man and worked long hours, every Saturday, for the past thirty plus
years, it was their day. He dedicated that entire day to her and no matter what is going on around him, he found the time to love the woman that he vowed to spend the rest of his life with and take her on a date. I mean, unless he was out of town or something. But when he was home, it was all about my mother.
Am I wrong for wanting that for myself?
I’d had the pleasure of seeing love, being done the right way, and I just wanted a piece of that if I couldn’t have it all.
And I’d thought that I’d found just that with Elroy, and I just couldn’t let someone take it away from me. Or maybe I was the one taking it away from her since she’d been there first. But I was here now. And Elroy was mine. He was just right for me. We were perfect for each other. So sorry…not sorry. She just had to find someone else.
I heard the music come on as I got out of the tub and found a towel. I looked at myself in the mirror. I deserved nothing but the best and I wouldn’t let anyone take the best away from me. Elroy was the best fit for me. Despite the lies, and the other woman, he really did have everything that I needed and wanted in a man and I just couldn’t give him up. I’d made the right decision to stay around and fight. And I was going to fight for him. I was going to fight for us.
I glanced at the new toothbrush and baby powder on the sink that I’d replaced for Elroy. Too funny.
Walking down the hall, still dripping wet, I entered the kitchen, only to find that Elroy wasn’t there. Confused I went to look out the window to make sure that his car was still outside. It was. And so was Elroy. He was standing right beside of it. His back was towards the house but he was on the phone. My guess was that he’d turned on the music to make sure that I didn’t hear him open the door.
Why was he outside?
Who was he on the phone with?
Was he talking to her?
Even if he wasn’t, I felt like he was. And the fact that he had gone outside, to take a call, I knew that he had to be. Frustrated and uneasy, I didn’t act out like I wanted to. I didn’t walk outside, naked and cause a scene. Instead, I headed back to the bathroom, locked the door behind me and sat on the toilet.