by B. M. Hardin
Now, I had Big Nate tailing her. I wanted him to hit her. I wanted him to run her over. Hit her as hard as he could and keep going. The car would be crushed. The license plate was a fake. All he had to do was hit her, and follow my instructions. I had everything set up and I promised him that he wouldn’t go down for anything.
But so far, he hadn't gotten the job done as of yet. This was his third day following her, and as of yet he hadn't had the perfect opportunity. We were both trying not to make things messy. He’d asked if I’d wanted someone to shoot her, but I was trying to avoid that. To be honest, after thinking about it a little more and maybe it was because each and every day she lived, it gave my conscious more and more time to kick in, so now I was thinking that really, she didn’t even have to die. It would be nice. But it wasn’t a must. He could just hit her, make her lose the baby, and that would be enough for me. If the baby was no longer in the picture, I knew that I had a chance. I knew that I would have a chance to get back Elroy.
“I haven’t been sleeping. I need something strong. Very, very strong. And in liquid form please,” I said to my doctor, Cesnee, who was also a decent acquaintance of mine.
“Is everything alright? Stress? Work?”
“Definitely work. I have a new position, and I just can’t seem to go to sleep at night, so I need something strong. I need the strongest stuff that you have. I’m so tired and I just need to rest.” Part of my statement was true, but that wasn’t why I wanted the medicine. Actually, I was getting everything together that I needed, just in case I had to take care of Kera myself. In my own way. I had something in the works. I had another idea. One that wasn’t messy and one that I thought that I might really be able to pull off without trying to burn her house down or anything elaborate like that. I hadn't quite figured it all out yet, but I was working on something. That’s if Nate couldn’t run her over like road kill today.
I waited for her to write me a prescription and then after small talk, I was on my way. I checked my phone again once I was outside.
Elroy still hadn't texted me back. I was calling and texting him nonstop and he barely answered my calls. He might take hours just to text me back. And he never called or texted me first. It was as though he’d completely forgotten about me. It was as though I’d never existed.
Before I called Nate back to see if he’d had any luck hitting Kera, I tried my luck and I called Elroy.
“Hello?”
“So you’re just going to ignore me Elroy? You’re just going to act like I don’t exist? Like we didn’t just spend the last three years of our lives together?”
“I’m not ignoring you Serenity. I’m just trying to deal with all of this the best way that I know how. There’s no point in leading you on or continuing to give you hope when I know there is none. I know that I want to be with my baby and in order to do that I have to be with Kera. This isn’t easy for me either, but it’s the result of my actions and choices. And now I have to live with them. I have to live with never having you. So, I’m not ignoring you. I’m just trying to move on because I know that I have to.”
“What if I accept the baby?”
“It still wouldn’t be enough. I know how bad you want a baby. I wouldn’t even want to put you through that. I can see us arguing every day about the baby and to be honest, the whole thing would be unnecessary. And then with me wanting to be able to be around all the time, with a new baby, we wouldn’t have any time for each other. It’s just best. I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
“The right thing to do is be with me Elroy.”
“No. The right thing to do is be with my child. I have to go Serenity.”
“Did you tell her about me?”
“What?”
“Did you tell her about me?”
Elroy breathed. “No. I didn’t.”
I exhaled loudly.
“Why?”
“Because she doesn’t need to be upset while she’s pregnant Serenity. There’s already been a lot of stuff going on and I’m just trying to keep her calm and stress free.”
“So what do you expect me to do huh Elroy? I’m hurting too. I’m the one left with the short end of the stick so what about me?” I started to sob but I didn’t want to. I was so sick of crying. I was ready for action.
“Live. I expect you to live Serenity. Your life isn’t over. You’re beautiful. Successful. Amazing. You will find someone else that can give you what I can’t.”
That’s where he was wrong. I’d tried that already and I couldn’t. “No I won’t. I won’t find another you.”
Elroy took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry Serenity. But you have to. Goodbye Serenity,” and with that he hung up without even bothering to say “I love you”. I called him back over and over until finally he seemed to block my number and send me straight to his voice mail.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!! This was bullshit!
B-U-L-L…SHIT!!!!!
It really was. He had no right to treat me like this! I didn’t deserve this! I’d done everything that he’d ever asked me to! He just had no right!
I started my car and drove like a bat out of hell to the hardware store. This whole thing was making me insane! All I could think about was doing something to take the thoughts and the voices in my head away. All I wanted was for the voices in my head and the pain in my heart to just go away.
Elroy had to pay. Elroy had to suffer. I had to make him suffer. I had to take Kera and that baby away from him. And I wasn’t going to stop until I’d found a way to do it. He’d ruined me. I was confused, hurt and broken. And a broken woman was a dangerous woman….especially if she’s desperate! And there was nothing scarier than a dangerous, desperate, broken woman, with a plan! And I was on a mission.
I talked to myself aloud, by yet I scowled myself internally. After all of this, how could I still love him?
Why couldn’t I just count it as a loss and walk away?
Why, how, could he just treat me like I was nothing?
Why wasn’t he trying to find something that worked for all of us?
That’s all he had to do. That’s all that I was asking him to do. I mean, no I didn’t want to, but had he given me the option, I would have forced myself to accept her child. If only I could still have Elroy. I could have gotten over it and we could have still been together but all he cared about was her. All he cared about was her and that damn baby!
You know what, that’s my baby that she was carrying! That is my baby…by my husband! I tried to shake the thoughts away, but they consumed me and finally I allowed them to.
“She’s not having that baby. She’s not having that baby! She’s not having my baby! I’m going to have our baby! I’m going to have a baby by Elroy. Elroy’s baby. My baby. She’s not having that damn baby!”
I called Nate to see if he’d had any luck. After he told me that there had been just too many people around, and that she never parked where he could get a good hit, I sighed and said those magic words.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m going to handle this myself,” I said and I hung up the phone. I still might need his help, just a little, but I would call him when I was ready. I didn’t worry about him telling anyone, anything, because I knew that a man like him, was going to need me again. Even if not for himself, everyone that he knew was involved in something illegal, and I knew that he thought that if I could get him off, I could get them off too.
So whether as a favor, or for some kind of payment, I now had a partner in crime for life.
I had come to the hardware store because I knew that whatever it was that I was going to need, I was going to find it there. Thinking about it, I probably should have hired someone off of the streets to steal it for me or at least go in and buy it, so that nothing would ever link back to me or make me look suspicious if something went wrong.
Yeah. That was what I was going to do. I would just get a few items, but I would send Big Nate back later to get the rest.
“Sereni
ty? What are you doing in here? This isn’t exactly the place for a woman,” my friend Dion chuckled and approached me for a hug.
Damn it! He was the last person that I wanted to see me there. We hadn't seen each other or even spoken since that awkward moment at my house, those days after I’d caught Elroy at the mall. I hadn't really known what to say and I guess neither had he since he hadn't called.
“Hey you! Elroy asked me to come and pick up a few things, but I can’t even remember what they were,” I lied, sitting the locks back down.
“So I guess everything is okay?”
“Yes. Everything is fine.”
“When is the wedding?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m working on it.”
“You know, men find it offensive when you take off the ring. Not that you should be wearing one from him anyway,” Dion said. Of course I didn’t have on the ring. I didn’t even know where it was since I’d thrown it at Elroy.
“I always forget to put it back on. I take it off at night before bed. You know I like to sleep on my hands,” I commented, hoping that it was enough to keep him from asking more questions. Dion just stood there. He looked at me. He studied me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Why?”
“I can tell Serenity. It’s all over your face. Have you been crying? And your voice. It’s hoarse as though you’ve been screaming. Are you okay? Is it Elroy? What did he do huh? Why won’t you tell me? Do I need to have a little chat with him or lay some hands on him?”
“No. Elroy and I couldn’t be better. I moved up a position at work and I’m always so tired. I barely sleep and I have so many cases to keep up with. I can’t hardly remember anything, which is why I don’t even know what I’m in here looking for now. But I’m fine. I promise you. I’m fine.”
I pretended to call Elroy and pretended as though he hadn't answered to tell me what I was supposed to be getting out of the store. I walked out with Dion and after chatting a little more, we pulled off at the same time. I’ll just get Nate to go back and get everything that I needed.
Turning in the opposite direction of Dion, I thought about Elroy again. He still loved me. I know that he still loves me. He’s just confused because the baby is in the way.
I wasn’t going to find another man like Elroy. I wasn’t going to find a man with all of my must-haves and even if I did, he still wouldn’t be Elroy. No one would ever be my cooking, singing, sexy, gentleman, hardworking, attentive, hair-washing, feet rubbing, car door opening, joke telling, let me get mine first, Elroy. It was going to be impossible to replace him.
How was I going to find someone else to do all of the things that he did…minus the lies? If I didn’t get him to marry me, then who would?
She was young, she could still go out and sleep around and find someone else. She still had time. But my clock was ticking. I was the one that needed Elroy to marry me. Not her.
Driving and discussing my plans with myself, I’d made up my mind to go through with them. And it wouldn’t be long before I came face to face with that pregnant huzzy!
The more and more I thought about it, the more I felt like my plan just might work. It just had to because if it didn’t, the man that I loved was going to marry someone else. And I just couldn’t let that happen. I had to stop it. Or at least try.
~***~
I called Elroy a few more times, but he still didn’t pick up his phone. He never bothered to answer my calls anymore. Throwing my phone in the passenger seat, I headed to my parent’s house.
It was Saturday, so I knew that they wouldn’t be home. They would be off on their weekend date or whatever you wanted to call it. My grandma lived with them, but I knew that she would be at bingo, so the house would be empty. Good.
I pulled up and just as I expected, no one was home.
My parent’s house was huge. It was a different one from the one I’d spent most of my youth in; once my father started making the big bucks. It seemed like the less kids that they had in the house, the bigger the houses kept getting. Their excuse was that they needed all of the room for their grand kids. Well, I guess they had a point there.
Anyway, my grandmother also had a house that she no longer used. My parents had it built from the ground up, just the way that she’d wanted it, years ago, but as she got older, she wanted to move in with them.
Over the years, she’d had a few renters, but here lately she’d fixed it up and had it just sitting, waiting to give it to one of her grandkids as a graduation, or wedding present. She said that she didn’t want anyone else tearing it up, so she would just save it for someone in the family. But as for now, I could use it for what I was planning to do.
It was perfect. It was on a good piece of land, her neighbor’s houses weren’t too close, it had a tall fence, but most importantly, the house had a basement.
I used my key to get into my parent’s house and I scurried to my grandmother’s room. I looked around on her dresser until I came across a box. I was sure that she didn’t have the key on her key ring. She hated to get confused so she only kept her car key and my parent’s house key on her chain, so I was sure that it was around there somewhere. And it was. I found a key and I knew that more than likely it was the key to her house, so I hurried to get a copy of it so that I could come back and return it. But when I returned, my parents were now home. And so was my grandmother.
“Hola hija,” my mama said hello daughter to me in Spanish. I smiled at her but she frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
Dang. Was it that obvious?
“What? Why do you think something is wrong?”
“It’s in your eyes. I could always tell that something was wrong with you by your eyes. When people would mistreat you, your eyes always told me before you mouth did. Is it Elroy?”
“No mama. Maybe I’m just tired. Anyway, I came to see grandma,” I said to her and headed to my grandma’s room again.
“Grandma?”
“I’m in the bathroom. One second.”
I hurried and put the key back in the box on the dresser and sat on the bed. Shortly after, she came into the room.
“Que pasa niña?” she said.
“I’m not a girl grandma. I’m a woman. And nothing is up. I just came by.”
“Mentirosa,” she said calling me a liar.
Well, I guess I had to say something since everyone seemed to sense that something was wrong with me.
“Well, I wanted to talk to you about Elroy,” I said to her. Her face lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning. She lived for moments where she could give advice so I knew that she was going to love this opportunity.
“I think I love him more than he loves me,” I said to her.
“Well, I’ve seen a lot of love in my time. With five dead husbands, may they rest in peace, I think I can spot true love from a distance. I can tell you this, Elroy loves you. I’ve watched him with you. How he cares for you. How he feels the need to touch you when he’s near. Even the way that he looks at you. There’s always so much love in his eyes for you. He has always played his part as a man. Believe me, he loves you.”
If only she was right. And maybe she was. Maybe he does love me, but not more than he loved the woman carrying his baby.
“I think he really is the one. I see the connection. I feel the energy. That is your husband Serenity and don’t let him get away. You do what you need to do to keep him. He is the one for you Serenity,” she said and kissed my forehead.
See. I wasn’t the only one that thought that. That was confirmation and her words did nothing but assure me that my devious plans were for the best. Her comments washed away any second thoughts that I was having and I knew that I had to go through with them.
Elroy was supposed to be my husband and I was going to get him back. I was too damaged to even think that I could try all of this all over again with someone else. It would take me years to even halfway trust another man and by then I was sure that my eggs wou
ld be boiled, cracked, and surely out of service. I couldn’t deal with never having the life or the family that I deserved.
“Now. Prisa y casarse y tener un bebé!” My grandma screamed in Spanish as she left the room. She’d said for me to hurry up, get married, and have a baby!
I smiled as I stood up to follow her.
Yes ma’am! Will do! I most certainly will do!
~***~
I’d been following Kera every chance that I could; between work and court. I was hoping for the perfect opportunity to conveniently run into her. The perfect chance to approach her. Her stomach still looked small to me, and I was trying to make a move before she got too big or too far along.
I’d been down to my grandmother’s house and I had the basement set up, waiting for her. Nate had helped me with a few things. He even gave me encouraging words, saying that sometimes you had to go to the extreme for the people that you loved. He’d said that sometimes folks just needed a little help, or something to force them into making the right decision. A decision that worked best for everyone involved.
After going back and forth with myself, and even after trying to pray, I told myself that I really wasn’t going to kill her. No. I wouldn’t kill her. At least I didn’t think so. Not unless I had to. Not unless she made me. She was innocent. A problem. But still yet, innocent. I just needed her and her baby out of the way so that Elroy and I could get back on track. If she wasn’t in the picture, and if the baby was gone, then according to what he’d told me, we should be able to get back on better terms.
So, I was going to kidnap her.
I had it all planned out too. Of course my plan involved Nate’s assistance, a little bit, but he was ready and waiting on my call. He needed me to help him out with a personal matter again anyway, so he didn’t judge what I was doing. He actually gave me a few pointers.
I just wanted her to disappear for a while, lose the baby, and then eventually I would let her go. She had to disappear so that Elroy would assume that she ran off. I had to make sure that he was angry enough to hate her. He had to hate her for this to work. He had to be angry enough to come running back to me. That way, he would be willing to do anything I requested him to do, just to have me back in his life. And I would request that in order for me to forgive him, we would have to get married…as soon as possible!