He ran his hand down my back and pulled me close enough that my head was pressed against his shoulder. “I know.”
“I’m scared,” I said as he let go of me and threaded his fingers through mine, leading me to a nearby bench.
“So am I. I’m completely terrified, but that doesn’t change anything.”
“Do you know what the tear does?” I asked.
He raised an eyebrow. “Do you?”
“It melts the barriers between the World of Dreams and the Bleak.”
“It’s a portal?” His eyes grew wide as saucers.
“No.” I shook my head. “It’s a trap. A trick. It may melt the barrier, but once you pass through it, you’re trapped unless you can find the weak spot between the Bleak and the next world you’re trying to get to and melt that too.”
“And if you don’t find the weak spot?” Winston asked.
“Trapped inside the Bleak. Forever.”
He grimaced. “Fun.”
“I wish it were really a portal so we could use it…”
“You wouldn’t, though.”
“Not for me.” I shook my head. “But I could send Mercedes home. And you, if you wanted it.”
Winston fell silent, and I looked over to see him staring out at the dark garden, the lights of the fairy circle dimming as they finished their nightly ritual.
“Would you want to go home if you could?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I’d like to tell you that if the Dragon’s Tear were a portal that I wouldn’t use it. That I’d stand and fight no matter what happened. I want to tell you that I’d be brave and nothing could make me go through that portal and leave everyone else behind. But…”
“But?” I asked.
“Then I think about my mom and my dad.” Winston’s hands were now shaking. “I think about playing hoops with Dad and family game nights. I think about what it’s like to score the winning touchdown during a football game and what life was like before we came here, and then all I want to do is find a way back home.”
“I’m sorry that—”
“I want to go back to the life that we had. I want to go back to that day and come up with some reason not to go to the library. I’d do anything to find a way to travel back in time and stop you from picking up that book, but we can’t. We can’t change that moment. Even here, you don’t get a do-over on life.”
“Not unless Esmeralda had another secret she wasn’t telling me.” I shook my head. “Even if we could travel back in time, there’s a chance we could mess with the space-time continuum, and I’m not sure but all those sci-fi novels Mr. Brinnegar made us read last year seemed to make a big deal out of how bad that would be.”
Winston laughed. “My dad was so mad when he found out that we were reading sci-fi in English class. He was screaming at Principal Daughtry about how he sent me to school every day to learn useful information, not how to deal with alien cultures in the far-distant future.”
“It has come in handy a few times here. Think about it: if we hadn’t read all those novels we’d never know that it’s a bad idea to travel back in time and stop the old me from grabbing that book.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I would if I could.” Winston leaned close to me. “And I wouldn’t give a crap about the space-time continuum.”
My pulse fluttered, and I tried not to act too affected by the feel of his breath on my skin. I mean, he was my prince consort now, and my boyfriend. This shouldn’t be that big of a deal. That didn’t change the fact that every time he got close to me my brain and my skin went all tingly.
“I would, too,” I said. “And if we can somehow find a portal, somewhere, I’ll send you and Mercedes back. I promise I will. I’ll get you home to your family again.”
“No.” Winston shook his head. “I said that if I could change things I would, but I can’t. I can’t change things so that means I’m staying right here with you.”
I leaned my head against his shoulder and sniffled once before I clung to him, drawing strength from the boy sitting next to me. “What about your family? Football? All those things you miss about our old life?”
“I’d miss you more.”
“You wouldn’t miss me. You would forget that I exist.”
If he and Mercedes went back, they would forget that I’d ever been a part of their lives. I would no longer exist and Winston would end up with someone else. Probably lots of someone elses, with the way all the girls at school flirted with him.
“I’ll never forget that you exist,” Winston said. “I can’t forget you. You’re Allie. You’re my best friend. My girlfriend.”
“I wouldn’t be if you went back.”
“That’s why I’m not going back—even if you do find some super-secret, hidden portal that would get us there.”
“You could be safe—”
Winston pressed his lips against mine again, shutting me up before I could keep arguing.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed in the smell of brimstone and boy that was unique to Winston, my toes curling inside my brown leather hunting boots.
He scooted away from me, and I had to fight the urge to slap myself in the forehead. Way to keep it cool, Allie. Then he tugged me into his lap and kissed me again. “Nothing is going to happen to me,” he said while he stroked his hand down my back. “No one is going to kill me.”
I shook my head. “You can’t know that for sure.”
“I’ll always do what I promise you, Allie. You know that, right? I will always be here to keep you safe. I just told you I love you after all. I can’t die after that. It would be anticlimactic. Think about how much this would suck as a movie if I copped it in the middle of the big battle?”
“This isn’t a movie.”
“I know that.”
“You can’t promise me that you’re not going to die.” I turned away so he couldn’t see the tears that were forming in my eyes. “No one can promise that… Look at my mom. She said we’d always be together—that we were a team—and look what happened to her. She kept all these secrets and now I’m here and she’s there and who knows what will happen to either one of us?”
“I’m not your mom,” Winston said, “and I promise you that no matter what, I am going to be here when this is over. I’m not going to die, and I have no intention of leaving you here alone.”
“You’ll be safe there. Here you might die. Think about it. Heidi and Jesse died here. They died, Win. We buried them. They are never going home again no matter what.”
“I could die there, in the World That Is. The difference is that here I get to be with you.”
“You can’t—”
“Quit telling me what I can and can’t do, Alicia Munroe. I won’t leave you here while I run away.”
He kissed me again and instead of arguing, this time I decided to enjoy it. Even if the Fate Maker was coming for me in two days, it didn’t mean I was going to let him ruin the time I had left.
“Your Majesty,” Ardere said, appearing in front of us.
Winston let go of me and turned to bow his head to the gold dragon who had been acting as his mentor.
“Troops have been spotted along the north road. We’re going to fly a night patrol to scout out their plans if we can.”
“I’m coming.” Winston nodded and turned back to kiss me once again.
“Don’t.” I grabbed his arm. “We need you here in case they attack the palace. He said two days, but it could be a lie. They could be out there waiting in the dark. It could be a trap.”
“I have to go.”
“No, you can stay.” I kept a tight grip on his arm. “Other dragons can go out on patrol, and you can stay.”
“I can’t. You’re the queen, and you have a job to do.”
“And I’m doing it,” I protested.
“So let me do mine. I am a dragon and that means I need to be in the sky with my clan.”
“But—”
“Try to ge
t some sleep, Allie.” Winston looked me in the eye. “I’ll be back in the morning.”
“What if something happens to—”
He kissed me one last time before following Ardere out of the garden and toward the aerie.
“Be safe,” I said quietly as I watched him leave. I pressed my fingers to my lips and closed my eyes, focusing every ounce of my being on the wish I was making. “Please be safe.”
Chapter Twelve
Early the next morning I sat on a bench next to my window, staring out at the labyrinth, and waited for the sun to come up. Winston and the dragon scouts hadn’t made it back to the palace yet and I couldn’t sleep. Not until I saw them on the horizon and heard them landing in the gardens. Until I knew that none of the warriors who had gone out there had died.
So instead I’d paced. Then, when pacing had gotten to be too much, I’d cleaned out my closet. Then I’d organized the soaps in the bathroom. Anything to keep busy. Anything to keep my mind off the dragons who were putting themselves in danger in my name.
I looked at the bracelet on my wrist and shook my head. A fire a million times hotter than the combined breaths of all the dragons… But according to everything I’d seen in the library there was nothing in Nerissette hotter than the fire of a dragon. Nothing. Not even the legends of the Firas—the fire worshippers who lived in the southern part of Nerissette—hinted at anything hotter than the flames of a dragon.
I sat at the dressing table and glanced at my jewelry box. I undid the clasp on the crystal necklace Winston had given me and placed it inside. Then I looked over at the container my crown was kept in, a box that only the Fate Maker and I could open. It was such an obvious place to hide it I had to hope that he wouldn’t look there. But at the same time, the box was imbued with magic. It would keep the tear safe.
I dropped the bracelet into the box and slammed the lid shut. “I don’t know how exactly you work,” I said to the box, trying not to feel stupid talking to an inanimate object. “But I think your fate and mine pretty much depend on you not opening up again for anyone but me. So if the Fate Maker, or anyone else, tries to open you…”
The box began to vibrate against my fingers like it could understand me.
“Slam your lid down on their fingers hard enough to break the bones,” I whispered. The box began to hum even stronger then, like it enjoyed the idea. Apparently, my bed wasn’t my only bloodthirsty belonging.
I walked into my closet, leaving the door open behind me, and brushed past the dresses that lined the walls. I reached for the plain brass door handle at the end of the room, turning it and letting the door swing open.
Heidi’s room. Or her cell, as she’d called it.
The room was plain, barely big enough to hold a bed and a hook for her clothes. There wasn’t even a window, but it held the only furniture in my tower that would allow her to sleep on it. The only room that wouldn’t slam its door in her face. The only place in my entire palace that made her feel at home.
I sat down on her lumpy bed and sighed. I should have done more to help her adjust. To protect her. She’d been trapped here because of me and I should have done more to keep her safe.
The changes we’d faced here in Nerissette had been hardest on Heidi. She’d gone from being most popular person in our class to picking up after the girl she’d spent years bullying. She had to bow and scrape to someone she’d tortured just because she could get away with it.
Part of me had wanted to torture her back when we’d gotten here. I’d wanted to make her life as miserable as she’d made mine. Everyone in the school had worshipped her, and she had everything she’d ever wanted. But when the time came and our roles were reversed, I couldn’t make her feel as small and insignificant as she had made me feel every day. I just couldn’t.
I reached for her pillow, and my hand brushed against something underneath it. I tossed the pillow to the foot of the bed and found the pile of stuff stacked underneath it. The clothes Heidi had been wearing when we arrived. Her cell phone. Lip gloss. A mirror to check her makeup.
I reached for her cell phone and turned it on, surprised to see that it still had a charge. Her phone beeped and her wallpaper lit up. It was a picture of her and Jesse at Kennywood, the amusement park less than twenty minutes from school where we always had our end-of-the-year school trips, smiling for the camera with a roller coaster in the background. I stared at the picture of our home, my heart clenching as I remembered how much easier it had been back then. Back when Heidi was still the queen bee and the world made sense.
I flipped through her photo folder, ruthlessly invading her privacy in a way that would’ve mortified me if the tables were turned, but right now I wanted to see what our world, the world that made sense, had been like for Heidi. Inside were pictures of her with the other cheerleaders, her parents, a little boy I thought might be her younger brother. And hundreds of pictures of Jesse. Jesse at football games. Jesse at the movies, playing soccer. Pictures of the two of them at last year’s spring formal.
Her life had been filled with Jesse—a guy who had dumped her for me the minute our roles were reversed. Not that I’d wanted Jesse. Sure, he was the hottest guy in school, but he wasn’t my type—he wasn’t tall or dark or able to turn himself into a large black dragon. I felt a small stab of sadness in my heart as I looked at her pictures, though. He’d told me once that I didn’t know how rough Heidi really had it, and I’d laughed at him. As far as I could see she’d had the perfect guy, the perfect family, and the perfect life. Now, though, looking at her pictures of the “perfect guy” and remembering how he’d treated her, I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been right. I’d had no idea what sort of crap she was going through.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I turned the phone off, saving the last of her phone battery for no real reason besides the fact it seemed like the right thing to do. “I’m really, really sorry. No matter how crappy you were to me I didn’t want you to die.”
I took a deep breath. Sorry wasn’t going to do either of us any good right now. I set the phone down on the pile of her stuff and dropped the pillow back on top of it. I shuffled back into the closet, closing the door to Heidi’s room behind me, and stopped at the rack of flimsy shoes in the corner. Standing on tiptoes, I grabbed the gold shoes that I’d worn for my coronation and pulled the right heel down carefully.
Flipping the shoe over, I felt inside the toe and fished out the shard of mirror that I’d hidden inside it. Another one of my lies. My mother had been on the other side of that mirror—the Fate Maker was right, there was no way I was going to destroy my last link to her. No matter how risky it was to keep.
I tried to focus my mind on Gran Mosely, watching the mirror go dark and spiral through the other woman’s memories before it settled on the image of my foster mother, sitting on her couch with a blanket on her legs.
“Roberta?” I heard a voice call out, and I knew it was Mr. Wapperly from down the road. He and Gran Mosely had dated before she’d taken me in, and I knew from watching them in the mirror that if I hadn’t been there the two of them would’ve ended up together. “Do you want some popcorn?”
“No, thanks, Frank,” Gran Mosely replied. “You know—”
“If I eat late at night it gives me heartburn,” I said at the same time she did.
Gran perked up and looked around, confused.
“Roberta?” Frank Wapperly called out, his voice closer this time. “Are you okay?”
“Fine. Fine.” She shook her head. “I thought I heard something. Must be my imagination playing tricks on me.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“It was nothing.” She glanced at the front windows and started to get up before stopping and sitting back down again, turning to look away from me, toward the kitchen. “Some bleed-through noise from the street. Nothing important. I’m just being a goose.”
“Well, come on then, Mother Goose.” A hand appeared and Gran Mosely took it, letting him help her off th
e couch. “Let’s get you tucked in bed before any more nursery rhymes decide to haunt you tonight.”
“Good night, Gran,” I whispered as he led her away, my heart catching in my throat as she turned her head to look back at me, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror, even though she couldn’t see me.
“Roberta?” Mr. Wapperly asked.
“It’s nothing.” She shook her head and started up the stairs, glancing back over her shoulder one last time. “Must have just been a shadow.”
“Sleep well.” I ran my finger over the mirror’s face and the reflection went blurry.
I closed my eyes and focused on my mother, trying to picture her in my mind. The mirror vibrated, humming lightly, and when I opened my eyes her memories played across the shard’s surface. The day I was born. The first time she sang on stage. Bright flowers flashed across it, and as they faded away, the image of my mother lying in her hospital bed appeared. The reflection was dark, and the only light in the room was a faint glow over the sink. I heard the beep of monitors and the whoosh of the machine that breathed for her. Tilting the mirror, I stared at my mother, her dark hair laid out on the pillow in a neat braid, and her eyes closed like they always were. Her blue hospital gown looked fresh, and heavy white blankets were tucked in around her.
“Mom?” I tried not to cry as I stared at the unconscious woman in the mirror.
Why couldn’t she be in a coma there and ruling Nerissette here? Why couldn’t she be around to give me advice? It wasn’t like there were any pressing plans on that side of the mirror to keep her occupied. If Esmeralda could visit people in their dreams why couldn’t my mom? Why couldn’t she be here with me?
A flash of anger at the unfairness of it all shot through me, and I tightened my grip on the mirror. The jagged edges dug into the palm of my hand like a sharp bite. I jerked my fingers open, letting the glass fall to the floor.
I stared at the gash in my hand and bit my lower lip. Man, it stung—and it was bleeding. Bad enough that I was pretty sure I would need a bandage. Which meant I was going to have to come up with some lie about how I’d hurt myself. More lies. More deception. More secrets. It seemed like that was all my life was made up of anymore.
Evanescent (Chronicles of Nerissette) Page 11