by Maggie Way
“That’s what this life change is all about. Denying myself and gaining control of my life. I am not dating until I reach my weight loss goals and get the therapy center up and running. I can’t have a man distracting me. Plus, he’s already proven he’s like everyone else I’ve ever dated.”
“Why, because he taught you how to use the rowing machine properly?”
“Yes. The first interaction we have and he’s fixing me. Maybe it was an innocent gesture, but I’m not willing to take the chance of falling back into my same destructive patterns.”
“Because your pattern of over-analyzing and over-criticizing yourself makes you a better person.”
“Shut up. You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to support me. Through thick and thin,” she motioned to her body.
“For better or for worse?” Clarissa chided.
“In sickness and in health,” she added.
“I’m not marrying you,” Clarissa said, going back to her computer. “You’re not my type.”
“I’m no one’s type,” she sighed. The healthiest relationship she’d ever had was over four years ago. Noah Carbonneau had been perfect in almost every way. He was the one boyfriend who had never tried to change Maddie. Unfortunately, there was no chemistry. They’d tried to stick it out, but when Maddie realized the underlying issue to the chemistry problem was that Noah was in love with his best friend, Maddie ended things to put them both out of their misery.
“You might be Darren Brown’s type. You should give him a chance and give yourself a break.”
Chapter Four
Darren was surprised to see his veterinarian. While Doc Clarissa made routine house calls, it was always scheduled or when there was an emergency. Neither was the case today.
“Doc, to what do I owe this pleasure?” he asked, hanging the saddle and walking toward her.
“Hi, Darren. How are you?”
Darren liked Clarissa. She was always friendly and personable. Even though she was an attractive woman, he’d never found himself attracted to her. It seemed that was reserved for a determined brunette who shot him down without even the courtesy of pretending to consider his request. “I’m doing well,” he responded because his vet didn’t need to know about the struggles with his love life. “How are you?”
After they finished exchanging pleasantries and talking about the horses, she finally got down to business. “My friend and I are working on a new business plan, to open an equine assisted therapy center here in Lilac Ridge.”
“Wow, Doc, I had no idea. That’s fantastic.”
“Thanks, and please, call me Clarissa.”
“Clarissa,” he said.
She smiled and continued. “My friend is a psychotherapist, and I, of course, will be responsible for the health of the horses. What we need though, to make the center work, is an equine specialist or what we refer to as the horse person. It’s an essential part of the process. The therapist observes the client and the horse person observes the horse. Their analysis of the situation is based on both the client behavior and the horse’s responses to that behavior.”
“I’m familiar with equine assisted therapy and learning,” he offered. Darren had started exploring it as an option for his sister long before he bought Cocoa. At the time Tawny resisted, insisting she was fine, that the meds were working. Then, he’d met the horse and knew she was perfect for his sister. Tawny didn’t like to talk about her problems, but she sure did love to ride.
Clarissa’s face lit up. “That’s fantastic. Then maybe you can help. We were planning to hire a horse person once we reached that phase of the business, but we’ve run into a bit of a roadblock. Now we are looking to bring that person on as a partner. I thought, given how many people you work with here, you might know someone who would be interested.”
Darren swallowed his excitement. He’d had opportunities drop in his lap before. Coop had been the one to tell him about the stables here in Lilac Ridge, just when Darren was looking to settle someplace new. Granted, he had only moved ten miles, but sometimes the smallest change could make all the difference.
“You have a weird look,” Clarissa said. “Does that mean you know someone or you can’t help?”
Though he was interested, Darren didn’t want to dive in head first. He was busy with the stables and the riding program, but there was still something missing in his life. Equine assisted psychotherapy had been on his radar for years, he just wasn’t sure how to get started with it. Now Clarissa was offering an opportunity. “I might know someone. Can I get back to you in a couple days?”
Maddie stepped off the scale and back on.
She got the same reading.
“That can’t be right,” she muttered. The batteries must be wonky.
She went to the kitchen and grabbed two fresh double A’s out of the chaotic junk drawer and returned to the bathroom. It took an act of God to get the cover off, and then to get the batteries out without breaking a nail. Once she had the new ones in, Maddie put the thing on the floor again.
She tapped it with her foot to get it to turn on. With the digital display flashing, she stepped on, first with her right foot, and then her left.
And got the exact same reading.
What the hell was wrong with this thing?
Slipping on her robe, she made her way to the kitchen and grabbed her phone, hitting Clarissa in her contacts.
“What’s wrong?” Clarissa answered with a groggy voice.
“Bring your scale over.”
Clarissa cleared her throat and Maddie could picture her squinting at the clock. “It’s seven o’clock on a Sunday morning.”
Maddie was a morning person. Clarissa wasn’t. That didn’t matter now. Maddie was in the middle of a crisis. Sunday morning was her personal weigh in day. She didn’t torment herself by getting on the scale every day, but Sunday was the magical day when the digital gadget delivered either good news or devastating news.
“My scale is broken. I need to weigh myself before I go riding. If I don’t weigh myself under the same circumstances every week, I don’t get an accurate reading. I need this, Rissy,” she pleaded.
Clarissa groaned, but Maddie was sure she heard movement. “I hate you,” she said before the line went silent. Maddie looked at the phone and confirmed the call had ended. Since Clarissa lived in the apartment two floors down, Maddie would give her five minutes before she got dressed and banged on her door.
Two minutes later, Clarissa busted into Maddie’s apartment, scale in hand, scowl on her face.
Maddie grabbed the scale and retreated into the bathroom. Stripping out of her robe, she held her breath and stepped onto the device. Then she let out an exasperated sigh.
Clarissa’s scale must have been broken too, because it gave the exact same reading.
A knock on the door was followed by Clarissa’s concerned voice. “Everything okay in there?”
Maddie stepped off and put her robe back on before opening the door. “I lost 11 pounds.”
“Mad, that’s great!” Clarissa squealed.
“That’s a lot. I’ve never lost that much in a week. I didn’t do anything different.” In fact, the past week had been a bit more stressful than usual, what with Hot Shirtless Guy talking to her at the gym and then asking her out.
Not to mention getting rejected by the bank and having to come up with a new plan, a plan that included Hot Shirtless Guy.
“I think your body is motivated because it wants to date Darren.”
Maddie shook her head. “He’s one of your clients, so that’s a bad idea.”
“If you go by that rule, you won’t date anyone in a thirty mile radius. Plus, the horses are my patients. It’s not like I’m checking Darren’s glands.”
For a split second Maddie wanted to say she better not be, but before she said something stupid, she closed her eyes and took in a deep, cleansing breath.
“You want to. I can tell. You want him to be the one who brushes away your cobwe
bs.”
“Not gonna happen,” Maddie insisted without an ounce of conviction. She was close to her goal, but not quite there and she was toying with the idea of rewarding her hard work by going on a date with Darren. The whole idea had self-sabotage written all over it, which was no surprise since that was Maddie’s best skill.
“Chicken,” Clarissa teased. “So what are you up to today, besides your ride this morning?”
“I’m going to take the trail to Coop’s. Someone else is interested in Chocolate and Coop wants me to meet him. I don’t know why. I love that horse. I wouldn’t give her up for all the chocolate in the world. You should come with, you know, since you’re up and all.”
Clarissa smiled. “You’re funny. I’m going back to bed. You enjoy your ride. Good luck with the competition. And congratulations on another 11 pounds.”
They hugged before Clarissa left as quickly as she’d arrived. Maddie had no doubt her friend was going back to bed.
Thirty minutes later Maddie pulled into her parent’s driveway and headed for the barn. It was a small barn they’d built when Maddie was in high school. Since she and Matt were both into riding, and they’d both been given horses for their 13th birthday, her parents had decided it was worth the investment to build the barn. When Clarissa had bought her first horse, instead of buying a car, they’d allowed her to keep Cleo there, too, instead of boarding her somewhere else.
Maddie still rode Crystal, but only in the field. The painted horse was old and got lame, so couldn’t go far. Today, Maddie planned to take Sergeant Matty, not because she was going for a long ride, but because she missed her brother. He was the horse’s namesake and even though his personality was closer to Maddie’s than Matt’s, she still felt connected to her brother when she was with the horse.
Only four months remained in Matt’s deployment. Then he’d be safe again — until next time.
The barn was one of her favorite places. She almost preferred the pre-ride routine to the actual ride. Almost.
If Sergeant Matty had been a cat, he would have purred as she brushed him. This was almost his favorite part of their time together, too. There was no doubt, though, that the horse loved being out on the trail.
After she cleaned his hooves — Sergeant Matty’s least favorite part of their routine — and checked him for injuries, she tacked him up, saddled and bridled him, and checked all the pieces. Satisfied everything was a go, Maddie led him out of the barn and mounted him. “You ready, Sir?” she asked and got a snuff in response.
They started at a slow trot, but because Maddie loved the rush and Sergeant Matty loved the freedom, the trot increased at her commands until they were galloping across the long field toward the trail.
As they approached the woods, Maddie eased back and brought the horse to a slow trot. They both knew this trail well, and it was easy riding to the old railroad tracks that now functioned as an ATV trail. Fortunately ATVs didn’t bother Sergeant Matty. He didn’t spook easily, one of the many reasons Maddie loved him so.
There were no ATVs out this early on a Sunday anyway, and they didn’t meet even one before they got to the trail to Cooper’s stables.
Maddie was hoping to arrive early enough to spend some time with Chocolate before meeting the guy who wanted her to drop her offer. She was only meeting him out of courtesy. She had no intentions of giving up this horse.
Cooper confirmed yesterday that none of his mares were in heat, so when Maddie approached the stables, she wasn’t worried about Sergeant Matty. After dismounting and tying him to the post like in some old black and white western, she pulled an apple out of her pack and offered him the treat.
Sergeant Matty wasn’t shy about taking the apple. Maddie stroked his mane and told him to be good before heading into the stable, only to stop short when she found Hot Shirtless Guy with Chocolate.
He was talking to the horse but not loud enough for Maddie to hear what he was saying. The horse was angling her head again, just like she had the other day. The affection between the two was clear, as if they’d known each other for years.
As if struck by a bolt of lightning, Maddie realized Darren must be the one trying to buy the horse out from under her.
The warmth she felt at their affection rose to a boil. She’d been careful the other day not to reveal her intentions, but maybe she was more transparent than she thought.
“Good morning,” she said, biting back the angst. She didn’t know Darren’s story, and it was obvious there was one with this horse. He at least deserved a chance to explain.
“Maddie,” he said as he looked up, the surprise clear in his voice. She hated that her heart practically went into cardiac arrest from hearing him say her name.
Not to mention how more intimate parts of her body responded. There may not be any mares in heat in this barn, but Maddie was pretty sure Darren had just made her ovaries explode.
Chapter Five
Darren’s breath caught as Maddie walked toward him. Her hair was pulled into a braid and she wore black knee high trail boots over loose faded jeans. The long sleeve t-shirt was also loose. She was casual but beautiful and he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and see how her soft curves fit against his body.
His chest tightened, reminding Darren he had to breathe. “I wasn’t expecting to see you,” he said after clearing his throat. She wore the same schooled expression she’d had the other day when he saw her here. It revealed nothing and Darren made a mental note never to play poker with her.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you either, but I’m guessing you’re the reason I’m here.”
Her voice held a hint of something that resembled anger, and Darren quickly figured out why. “You’re the one trying to buy Chocolate?”
“I am buying Chocolate,” she said.
Well, damn. Darren knew Lilac Ridge was a small town and he supposed after seeing Maddie with Chocolate the other day he should have guessed she was the buyer.
“I used to own her. Well, I bought her for my sister. Her name used to be Cocoa.”
He turned and stroked the horse then, but she seemed more interested in Maddie. He could hardly blame the horse. The woman demanded his attention too.
“How did she come to be here?” Maddie asked, her hand nuzzling Chocolate’s nose.
“I don’t know. My sister died, my parents sold the horse, and I’ve been looking for her for two years.” That was the short version. He knew if he was going to get Maddie to give up her bid for Chocolate, he had to tell the whole story.
Maddie’s hand dropped to his, sending a jolt of awareness right through him. “I’m so sorry. What was your sister’s name?”
Her voice had lost the previous neutrality, softening with sincerity that was like taking a sucker punch to his gut. “Tawnya. I called her Tawny.”
“Pretty name,” Maddie said. “How did she die, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Darren took a deep breath, somehow finding strength in her sympathetic touch. “Drug overdose,” he admitted. “Intentional, though it was ruled accidental.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said again, her thumb absently stroking his. Then, as if she realized what she was doing, she pulled her hand away and started stroking Chocolate’s neck. “I thought you were going to tell me it was a riding incident.”
Darren stroked the other side of Chocolate’s neck, but the horse seemed to prefer Maddie’s attention. “No, I think this girl might have helped my sister survive a few extra years.”
Maddie looked at him in question but didn’t ask. It was as if she was waiting for him to reveal whatever truths he felt like sharing. Darren didn’t talk about his sister because it hurt too much. Plus, no one understood the person she was underneath the mania and depression. He got to see Tawny, the sweet, determined girl, more than anyone else. It wrecked his heart that his love wasn’t enough when she gave in to the darkness.
“Tawny was bi-polar.”
“Oh,” Maddie said. “How o
ld was she?”
“She was twenty-five when she died. She’d been diagnosed as a teen.”
“Was she medicated?” Maddie asked.
“On and off lithium for years. When she was off, it was because she was tired of the side effects, but then she’d have a manic episode before falling into a major depression episode and she’d go back on it. It was a constant battle for her.”
“And for you, too, I imagine. You were close?”
She was incredibly insightful. He wondered if she’d had experience with someone with bi-polar disorder. “We were. I was the one who found her.”
“That’s tough. Have you gotten help, Darren? For your grief and your guilt?”
Her question knocked the wind out of him. He hadn’t gotten professional help, but he’d taken charge of his life and for Darren, that meant everything.
“I’m fine. It’s been two years. I’ve coped and moved on,” he said.
“That’s what everyone says, but it isn’t always that easy, especially in circumstances like yours. You were close, she was young. I’m guessing you knew she was hurting and she wouldn’t let you help her. That’s why you want this girl,” she said, resting her forehead against Chocolate for a moment.
It wasn’t that simple. “I got over the guilt a while ago. I miss Tawny and being with her horse makes me feel connected to her. I know, it sounds crazy, but—”
“It doesn’t sound crazy at all. I’m a twin. I understand connections.”
“A twin?” he asked, surprised at her admission.
“My brother Matt is a soldier. He’s deployed right now.”
Darren put his hand on her arm, feeling that jolt again. “I’m sorry. That’s got to be tough, too.”
Maddie shrugged. “He promised not to die on me. He hasn’t broken a promise yet and this is his fourth deployment.”
Seemed like that would be a difficult promise to keep, but Maddie was sad enough talking about her brother. Darren didn’t need to point out the flaws in that promise. “Next time you talk to him, thank him for his service. Our troops have given up a lot.”