by Maggie Way
“Are you?” Skye asked.
Maddie understood her angst, even expected it.
“Of course. You and I don’t know each other well, but you were special to Noah and he was special to me, so I cared about what happened to you. Plus, you’re a soldier,” Maddie added, her heart heavy missing her brother. “I respect and admire that.”
“Was a soldier,” Skye mumbled. “Now I’m disabled.”
Maddie didn’t believe that for a minute. “Are you?”
“The army says so.”
“What do you say?” Maddie asked.
There was a long silence, Skye sitting still, staring at the concrete walkway before gripping the rail to pull herself up. “I should go.”
Maddie stood too. “I was heading over to the stables to spend some time with my horses. Why don’t you join me?”
“You were just heading into your office,” Skye said.
“I left my cell phone in the office. I came back for it. Give me a minute and you can follow me.”
Skye shook her head. “I don’t like horses.”
Just like Noah. “Have you ever spent time around horses?”
Skye shook her head again.
“Maybe you should give them a chance.”
“Fine,” she said without a lot of conviction.
Maddie wasn’t confident Skye would be waiting when she returned, so she hurried inside, grabbed her phone, and was back in a flash. Skye still stood on the step. “I’m parked around the back,” Maddie said.
Skye pointed to a car across the street. “I’m over there.”
“You’re facing the right direction. Give me a minute and follow me. The stables aren’t far.”
Maddie rushed around to the lot behind the Victorian where she rented office space and jumped into her old pick-up. It roared to life and Maddie felt a little luck from the penny when it didn’t backfire.
She waved as she passed, happy Skye followed. Her parent’s road was only a few miles, so the trip didn’t take long.
This had to be a struggle for Skye. From what Noah had told her, she wasn’t the type to ask for help, but showing up at Maddie’s office was doing just that.
Maddie’s own struggles had made her stronger. Gaining weight was easy. Losing it was a challenge, not just to control her eating, but to reel in her impulses. Being with Darren had done a number on her impulse control, but as long as she moved forward with her goals, Maddie could handle whatever impulses Darren inspired.
Wanting to help Skye work through her struggles, but not wanting to make it more difficult, she let Skye get out of the car without being watched. Maddie made her way to the barn, patting the upturned horseshoe outside the door for luck before opening the large door and waiting inside.
“Is this your house?” Skye asked when she joined her.
“No, it’s my parent’s. I grew up here, but I live in town. I come out a couple times a day to take care of the horses.” All that would change once the equine assisted therapy center was open. The horses would be moved over there. The only drawback was not seeing her parents each time she tended to the horses, but they’d soon be on their RV journey.
Maddie led the way down the middle of the barn, spotting her dad in one of the stalls. “Hey Dad.”
Hank stepped out of the stall, wrapping Maddie in one of his bear hugs. “Hey, girlie. You doing a session?”
Maddie shook her head. “No, this is Noah’s friend, Skye.”
His eyes went wide for a moment before he held out his hand. “Thank you for your service,” he offered. Skye shook his hand but didn’t say anything. “My son is a soldier, too,” Hank added.
“The horses in the turnout?” Maddie asked, hoping to ease the obvious tension for Skye.
Hank released Skye’s hand and nodded. “I’m going to finish the stalls. Do you want me to ask your mother to make coffee?”
“Coffee would be great,” Maddie said.
“It was nice meeting you, Skye,” Hank nodded.
“You too, sir,” Skye said.
“Please, call me Hank.”
Skye nodded and smiled, and Maddie stepped off, hearing Skye’s footsteps behind her.
Crystal, ever the friendly one, trotted over to greet them when they left the barn and stood outside the fence.
“This is Crystal, my girl. She’s very friendly and curious. The other lovely lady is Cleo, my best friend Clarissa’s horse, and that big guy there is Sergeant Matty.”
“Sergeant Matty?” Skye asked.
“After my brother, Matt.”
“Right. You have a twin, in the army. Noah told me that.”
“It’s something Noah and I had in common, both of us dealing with someone we love being in the army and deployed.”
Skye nodded. “They’re beautiful.”
“Thank you. You can pet Crystal if you want. Like I said, she’s friendly. She loves making new friends.”
Skye followed Maddie’s lead, stroking Crystal’s long neck.
“Do you do therapy here?” Skye asked.
“Sometimes. I do equine assisted therapy at a center in Sugar Falls a couple times a month, but I’m working with Clarissa to open our own center up here.”
“Is she a therapist too?” Skye asked.
“She’s a veterinarian. She loves horses and believes in their ability to help people heal. We’ve dreamed of doing something like this together since we were kids.” That dream was finally going to be a reality, thanks to Darren.
“That’s great,” Skye said.
Maddie smiled before focusing her attention on Crystal. If Skye wanted to talk, she would. Maddie had the patience to wait her out.
“I’m not sure what to do about Noah,” Skye said after a long silence.
Maddie offered an encouraging smile, knowing just what it was like to be in a dilemma about a man. waiting for Skye to continue.
“We fight a lot,” Skye sighed.
“You’ve been through hell, I imagine. Now you’re adjusting to a new life you didn’t choose and Noah has a tendency to want to fix things. I’m sure that makes for a lot of tension and conflict between the two of you.”
Skye chuckled, the first sign of her tension easing. “I know he’s trying to help, but he won’t accept that I don’t need help.”
“We all need help, Skye, even those of us who aren’t combat veterans.”
As the silence extended once more, Sergeant Matty joined them. “He’s friendly, too,” Maddie said. “He likes a firm nose rub.”
To Maddie’s surprise, Skye stepped closer to Sergeant Matty. When she held out her hand, he nudged it and Skye laughed. “Wow, he knows what he wants.”
“He does. He’s a decisive one.” Maddie loved that about the horse. He might be a bit on the free-spirited side, but he always knew what he wanted. Maddie thought of Darren. There had been a time when she went after what — or who — she wanted without hesitation, just like her handsome stud. If she was still living that kind of life, she wouldn’t hesitate about anything when it came to Darren.
“Are you still in love with Noah?” Maddie asked, trying to focus on Skye and not her own issues. Plus, Skye needed the push to get talking.
“Noah told you.”
“Not until we broke up, but deep inside, I always knew. That’s why it could never work between me and Noah. We loved each other, but we were never in love. It took us a long time to acknowledge that.”
“I’m not the kind of person who tries to steal another woman’s guy,” Skye said, as close to an apology as Maddie figured she’d get. Despite Skye asking Noah to leave with her because she was in love with him — and Noah saying no, because he was with Maddie at the time — Maddie didn’t hold any ill will. It wasn’t in her nature to hold a grudge.
“I know that. I don’t blame you, Skye. Like I said, I loved Noah. I still do. He’s a good man, but he wasn’t the man for me.” No, the man loved horses, had amazing dimples, and had the worst timing in the world. Why couldn�
��t Maddie have met Darren after she’d achieved her goals? “I just wish we’d acknowledged that sooner. Then maybe you wouldn’t have been hurt.”
“I’m fine,” Skye said.
Maddie smiled, not believing Skye for a second. “You haven’t answered my question yet. Are you still in love with Noah?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that.”
“Love is always complicated,” Maddie advised, chuckling inside her head as she thought of Darren. “But it’s also simple.”
“I was engaged. He died.”
As Maddie moved around Crystal to give Skye’s arm a gentle squeeze, she offered her condolences, surprised by Skye’s admission. Did Noah know? He hadn’t mentioned it when he came to see Maddie. “I’m so sorry. What was his name?”
Skye’s eyes filled with tears. “Rafe.”
It all made sense now, why loving Noah was complicated. “So the complicated part is guilt?” Maddie asked.
Skye nodded and nuzzled Sergeant Matty, who was content to comfort Skye. Maddie would reward him later with a trail ride. For now, Maddie gave him a quick pat before returning her attention to Cleo.
“How did Rafe die?” Maddie asked.
Skye wiped away her tears, her posture stiffening. “The same explosion.”
“Do you believe in the spiritual influences of the universe? Things like coincidence and fate?”
Skye looked at her. “I don’t know what I believe.”
“I believe you and Noah are meant to be together. For whatever reason, he wasn’t ready when you asked him to leave with you. Maybe you weren’t ready either. You found love with someone else and that’s not a bad thing.”
“He died. That’s a bad thing.”
“He might have died anyway, with or without your love.”
“So you’re saying everything happens for a reason so I shouldn’t feel guilty about loving Noah?”
It was a sobering revelation. Maddie had been trying to keep Darren at a distance, worried letting him into her heart would sabotage her goals. Maybe she was looking at it all wrong. Maybe Darren offered a motivation she didn’t have before.
“You’ve always loved Noah,” Maddie pointed out, focusing on Skye again. “You tried to forget that for a while, even let someone else in because you were hurt, but you never stopped loving him. You don’t have to stop loving Rafe, either. We are capable of infinite love, Skye. We don’t have to feel guilty following the path the universe has laid out in front of us.”
“I still don’t know what to do,” she confessed.
“You know what to do,” Maddie encouraged. “Follow your heart. Everything else will fall into place.”
Skye nodded, giving Sergeant Matty a final pat before stepping away. Maddie followed her through the barn to the cars. “Hang on,” she said, wanting to be sure Skye had the means to contact her. Maddie snagged a business card and a pend from her purse before meeting Skye at her car. “You can call me anytime, Skye. On the books, call my office, but you can call me off the books, too.” Maddie jotted down her cell phone number on the back of the card. “This is my personal number.”
Maddie didn’t give out her personal number, but she had played a part in all this, hanging on to Noah longer than she should have. Skye was hurt because of that and Maddie wanted to make it right by helping in whatever way she could.
“Why?” Skye asked, looking perplexed.
“I told you, Noah is my friend. He loves you, so that makes you my friend, too. Plus, the horses like you. They don’t get as much attention as they’d like.”
Skye nodded. “I’ll think about it.”
“Oh, and here,” Maddie said, digging the lucky penny out of her pocket. “I found this today, just before I went back to the office for my phone. It was head side up, so it’s lucky. I want you to have it.”
Skye shook her head. “I don’t believe in those kinds of superstitions.”
“You don’t need to,” Maddie advised. “You need to believe in yourself. Let that penny serve as a reminder to that.”
It was advice Maddie needed to take for herself as well. The words she said to Skye echoed in her mind, like a song that was stuck on repeat. Follow your heart. Everything else will fall into place.
Chapter Fifteen
Maddie had been on edge all day. She chalked it up to lack of sex and lack of clients. Business was ridiculously slow, which was good from a mental health perspective, but terrible for Maddie’s checking account. Despite the amazing night she’d shared under the stars with Darren, they had only seen each other in fleeting moments for the past week. Missing him made her crave him more, as if he had replaced chocolate as her vice.
When Clarissa walked into the barn at Maddie’s parent’s place in a sexy black dress that belonged anywhere but in a horse barn, she knew her friend was the harbinger of bad news.
“I thought you had a date,” Maddie said, trying not to jump to the worst possible conclusion, which, at this point, could be anything. For the life of her she couldn’t remember who Clarissa had a date with. Either it wasn’t that significant or Maddie was way too distracted with thoughts of Darren.
“I was on a date. Then I got a call.”
Maddie narrowed her eyes. “A dog barking call?” she asked, referring to the ring tone that signaled there was a veterinary emergency.
“Not a dog barking call.”
Maddie’s heart dropped into her stomach. There was only one other kind of call that would have Clarissa standing in the barn in a black dress.
The ominous feeling she’d been trying to push aside since she’d gotten the urge to not just muck out the stalls, but give them a thorough scrubbing, now made perfect sense.
“I heard the buzz, but I didn’t answer it. Then it kept beeping, so I knew there was a message. Since no one leaves me messages, I figured I better check it. It’s an unknown number, but the voice is clear.”
Clarissa pressed a few buttons on her phone and held it up. “Riss,” Matt’s strangled voice was quiet, but he was the only one who called Clarissa that, so there was no guessing who the call was from. “I’m fine. Tell Mad-dog I’m fine,” he choked out. “I’ll call her when I can. Riss, I, I’m sorry.”
Maddie’s cheeks were already soaked with tears, and when she looked up from the phone to Clarissa, she saw anger mixed with sadness, her friend’s cheeks also wet and shimmering.
Maddie was angry too. Clarissa had barely spoken to Matt since their break-up almost ten years ago. While Clarissa was sure her best friend was still in love with Matt, and he was still in love with Clarissa, Maddie was the twin. She should be the one getting the call.
Yep, she was selfish, but she owned it. Twins were special and she and Matt had a special bond.
“What does that even mean, that he’s sorry?” Maddie snarled.
Clarissa shook her head. “I don’t know. Sorry for calling me, sorry for … I don’t know.” She shoved the phone in her purse. “I delivered the message. I need to go.”
“Where are you going? Back on your date?” Maddie made it no secret she wanted her twin brother and her best friend to get back together. She didn’t understand the break-up. If the two loved each other, and she knew they did, they should make it work.
“Look at me,” Clarissa bellowed, waving her hands around her tear-soaked face. “Do you really think I’m going back to my date? I’m pretty sure that was a first and last. Who wants to go out with a woman who gets calls from her ex and runs off crying?”
“Are you going to tell my parents?” Maddie asked.
“That’s your job. I’m going home to binge watch Monty Python and gorge on salt-n-vinegar chips and lemon meringue pie.”
Sounded more like Clarissa was going to binge on the Knights Who Say Tums. Maddie wasn’t into the salty and sweet therapy Clarissa liked to turn to. Gorging on chocolate, though? That sounded like a fantastic idea.
But first, she had to talk to her parents.
Maddie finished up the s
tall because she wasn’t going to abandon the horses like her brother had abandoned her.
Since her parents were Matt’s official next of kin anyway, they would be notified if something was wrong, which obviously, something was.
His strangled voice played over and over in her mind. She missed him so much it felt like she had a gaping hole in her chest, but more than that, she worried about him. As a combat medic, she knew he had to deal with some pretty traumatic situations. Add the level of danger guaranteed in a combat environment and it was PTSD waiting to happen.
Matt wasn’t even the adrenaline junkie, thrill-seeker kind of person that often put himself in such situations. He was empathetic, a natural healer, and had wanted to join the army since they were kids so that he could help people and his country.
He didn’t talk about the war when he called or messaged. Her twin never put his burdens on anyway else, not even when Maddie asked him to. She just hoped he was getting the help he needed to survive mentally in that unforgiving environment.
With the stall she’d been cleaning put back together, she brought the horses in from the paddock, giving each of them a little attention because they were her friends and she wasn’t going to ignore them. Then she headed across the lawn to her parent’s house.
When she walked in, the smell of chocolate sent her salivary glands into a tailspin.
Well, shit.
Baking — particularly, baking anything with chocolate — was a comfort activity Maddie had inherited from her Kelly Carson.
“What happened?” Maddie asked.
Her mother’s disheveled hair and tear-streaked face were an even bigger clue that something awful had happened. Kelly swallowed a couple tearful gasps and waved toward the living room. “Talk to your father.”
Maddie wanted to comfort her mother, but she couldn’t stay in the same room with all the chocolate temptation. She made her way through the dining room and into the living room of the old Victorian house. Her father relaxed in his recliner, feet up, the TV turned to a news station. “It wasn’t a big enough incident to make the news,” he said. “I suppose we can be grateful for that.”
“What happened, Dad?”