He returned to the back of the car and leaned against it. So we were going to stay in the garage?
“There's something I must say to ye, Mistress Kaitlyn.”
I leaned beside him on the back of the car. Our view was out the garage door, the driveway, the back end of my Prius, and the road out front lined by low sand, shrubs, and a mailbox.
“Yes?”
Our arms were close enough to touch again. We had been so close like this all day, and I was so aware of our edges — the tiny distance between us, full of intrigue and electric interest.
“I haena known ye long, but you art a bonnie lass, and I like ye and...”
His words were so lovely, formal plus old fashioned; I couldn't wait to hear him say something really romantic.
He stopped and looking out the garage door his eyes went far away. “I wish ye the best, I do. But I hae tae leave. Tis important that ye know I dinna mean tae leave ye, tis nae about ye. I just hae tae go.”
My heart sank to my strappy sandals. The sandals that had been digging into my toes for the last hour, because they weren't made for dancing, but I wore them anyway because they made me look amazing. My calves were freaking perfect even though they hurt like hell, and what the hell was he talking about? “You're leaving? You didn't mention you were leaving. I mean, you did, but…”
“Aye, I dinna intend tae, but I know now I must.”
I scowled at the floor. “I thought...”
“I am pleased tae hae met ye, the maiden with the fiery temper. The ruler of the North Wind. I appreciate ye knowin' how the New World works and shewin' it tae me.”
I scowled. “I don't know how the world works. I'm apparently the most clueless person in the world.”
He shook his head.
I stood straight and smoothed down the skirt of my dress and tried to be the kind of person who wasn't about to cry. “When do you leave?”
“The Buck moon.”
I was incredulous. “What even is that, Magnus, who says that kind of thing? The Buck moon? When the hell is the Buck moon?”
He said, “The next full moon, eleven days on.”
“Great, just great.” I crossed my arms and looked down at my tired feet.
“I wanted ye tae know, so you wouldna think—”
“You know, you don't owe me an explanation, Magnus. You don't owe me anything. Who am I, the first girl you met in Florida? I gave you a ride. That's it. don't worry about it.” I grabbed my purse from the back seat of the car and fished my keys from inside.
He said, almost to himself, “I wish I would hae taught ye tae fight.”
My hands were shaking and my voice wavered. “Whatever, right? Maybe I'll see you around.”
I stalked to my car, ripped open the door and climbed in, started it, and whipped the car out of the driveway. I looked back in the rearview because I kind of hoped he would be standing there, dejected, watching me go, second-thoughting. But no, he had gone inside. The garage door automatically slid down, closing me outside.
Hayley was too drunk for visiting. I went by a convenience store and bought a six pack and a red cup, parked at the end of my street, and walked out on the beach. I popped open a beer and like a poorly built dam during a hurricane, all the tears I had been swallowing down for the past twenty minutes spilled over. I drew my knees up, wrapped my arms around, and cried into my kneecaps. I cried because I was lonely. And unloved. I feared I might be unlovable. But also, worst of all, that I was a joke. The kind of girl that people suffered. A good portion of my tears were about Braden and my whole lost life, and a lot were about self-pity and despair — would my life never be better than this?
But a surprising lot of my tears weren't just about the rejection, they were about Magnus. Because I really liked him.
He had been so exactly right, so easy. Uncomplicated. As if he had been my guy since the first time I laid eyes on him. Mine.
And I know there were issues. He wore a freaking sword. He was from some no-dunk town in Scotland, practically Amish, possibly a cult or something. And Lady Mairead had scars on her cheeks. There hadn't been an explanation about that, not a good one. But Magnus didn't scare me. I felt safe with him. All my worries fell away when we talked.
I cried for a long time, remembering Magnus whispering, you smell like the wind.
And now, this. Stupid ass. He was leaving. He announced it like I was going to be hurt by the news. How asinine, how overly full of himself. I chugged a beer and opened the second. The breeze was a little strong tonight, still warm, but blustering a bit, the tide was coming up.
It was almost chilly actually.
I stood and picked up the rest of the six pack and walked it back to my car and drove it the two blocks to my home. The lights were out, which was good; it was late, and I didn't want my parents interrupting my pity wallow. I would be eating ice cream and drinking beer in my pajamas tonight.
Seventeen
The next day I woke up at noon, because: unemployed, unmotivated, unwanted.
I ate lunch and texted Hayley: What time will you be home today, I'll meet you there with my stuff.
She texted back: Girlfriend, that was some serious partying, hungover! I called in sick. Come on over.
So I loaded my two boxes of clothes, my toiletries, and my bedding in the backseat of my car and drove to Hayley's townhouse.
She had a guest room. She was ecstatic that I was there, but also hungover, so I made us some grilled cheese sandwiches, with cokes and chips, and we ate lunch on the couch, the AC on full blast. Hayley lamented how terribly she felt, and me too; I told her the whole story.
“You like him huh?”
“I did, he was — I liked him. I haven't felt like that in a long time, because Braden was different. We were getting married. It was all boring, planning, and scheming over more subscribers for our channel, marketing.”
“What about James?”
“It was a long time ago that I had any real feelings for him. I just thought he was a good idea.” I dropped the plate to the coffee table and leaned all the way back on the couch and pulled the comforter on me. We had the AC so cold we needed blankets.
“Come to find out, I'm super stupid. I thought James was a good idea, coming this close,” I pinched my fingers together, “to getting some kind of special disease with a name like the clamp or the hat rack or something. I would have been on the cover of People magazine: Unemployed young woman gets case of 'hat rack' from rubbing her thonged crotch on the pants of her philandering ex-boyfriend, because she thought it was a Good Idea.”
Hayley giggled. “Remember when you thought it was a good idea to sneak into the fort at night? We walked all the way there, miles, snuck in a window, got lost inside in the dark, totally freaked ourselves out, and missed curfew?”
“We climbed through the one window wide enough to fit through, and then every window we tried was too small. We were racing up and down the tunnels looking for the right window in a complete panic. I actually thought for a moment that maybe the wide window was gone, like the maze runner, the fort was a puzzle and had shifted in a circle and we were stuck there until the window shifted back or something.”
“Funny how the dark can get so freaky. Like this house. I hang out here all day, but then night comes, and it's a little scary. You'll see. That's why Michael spends the night every night.”
“Why doesn't he just move in?”
“Have you smelled his feet, Katie, seriously? That boy can move in when he finds odor-eaters that work.” She giggled so hard, she had to wipe her eyes. “Nah, he wants to move in. We just have two houses and can't decide what to do about them. He also has a roommate and likes his place; it has a dock. His boat is right there, ready to go. I love my townhouse. Right now we're like those rich people who live separated.”
“They usually hate each other, they do it because it's easier than a divorce. You and Michael really like each other, are you saying that living apart is easier than marriage?”<
br />
“Yep. And I've always loved him, and he's always loved me. We'll figure it out someday.”
She looked at me for a second. “I thought Magnus really liked you too. He had a way of looking at you that was... Crap, I can't figure out the word. I'm way hungover. Like he wanted to eat you for dessert.”
“I pulled the blanket up to my chin. “I thought so too. And I thought he was going to kiss me. And I thought he would invite me upstairs to spend the night. I was wrong on all counts. Just like I was wrong about James being a good idea. Just like I was wrong about Braden loving me. It's hard to be that wrong, so often, without there being a real issue on a systemic level. And six weeks ago, I thought I was amazing.” I burst into tears.
“Oh baby, poor baby.” Hayley sat up on her end of the couch and held onto my knees. “You are amazing. Maybe the dickhead YouTuber, and the dumbass contracter, and the weirdass Highlander aren't the best choices for ye.”
“Ye... God, when he calls me ye I just want to crawl into his arms. Isn't it piping, smoking, hella hawt?”
Hayley said, “When he says, 'Aye,' it has like four syllables, and all of them sound sexy. Michael turns you'all into a four syllable word, but he just sounds like a redneck.” She smiled. “My redneck though. All mine.”
“What is up with him wearing that kilt anyway?”
“What is up with him carrying a sword everywhere he goes? Maybe you're just turned on by mystery and danger.”
“Exactly. I can't be trusted with choices or men or life decisions or really anything.”
“As James would say, 'You just have to be smarter than the tool you're trying to operate.'” She leaned back on her arm on the couch. “My head hurts too bad to know if that applies.”
“It does. He's got one of those quips for every situation. Maybe he would be a good idea?”
Hayley sighed. “Stop with James already. I can't keep getting my hopes up. I think what you need to do is the exact opposite of what you think you should do.”
“The opposite? Like instead of crying I should..?”
“Go to a club, meet a guy, take him home.”
“You forget, that's what I was doing the other day with James. Trying for meaningless sex to get over Braden. Maybe I need to become a lesbian.” I peeked over the comforter, with my eyes crossed.
“I don't think you choose that. You were the most boy-crazy girl I knew through school, so yeah, I think you're stuck dealing with men. Or toys. My head hurts; this has been a hell of a hangover. My point is, what you're doing right now, not working. If opportunities come, take them, make something new happen. Meantime, let's watch a good movie. What about Clueless?”
“Yum, Paul Rudd.”
“See, not a lesbian.”
Eighteen
For dinner that night we had pizza and a couple of beers. Pizza, because we were still laying around like invalids. Michael had worked, although as he put it, “not well.” Everyone had to work the next morning, and it was Friday, so there was no skipping.
We turned in fairly early, but then Hayley and Michael had noisy sex for a while with paper thin walls, which sucked. I wrapped the pillow around my head. Then I used earbuds and Spotify, listening to Ed Sheeren. I thought about how Magnus would probably like Ed, and yet, it wasn't up to me to show him.
Hayley and Michael went to work early. I slept in and promised to do laundry. Then Hayley and Michael came home and Michael reported that Zach told him Magnus had gone to the dentist and the doctor, because Lady Mairead's nurse, Beth, made him, because he had never gone before. Hayley quickly changed the subject, but I was left with a pang of sadness. Too much information about someone I wasn't supposed to care about anymore.
I stayed in, while they went out for the night, feeling terrifically sorry for myself. I was alone and unnecessary. Not one person in the world needed me. I watched tv.
Saturday was Hayley's day off and we lazed around all morning. Then we went shopping and met up with Michael and James for dinner. They told us Magnus had gone with Quentin to Jax Beach to check out the military base there. Again, not enough information, and too much, at once.
Hayley asked, “Is he going to come out tonight?”
James said, “Who, Magnus? Nah, Quentin is dropping him off before he comes.” I could have sworn I saw him flick his eyes toward me.
Everybody showed up, Sarah, Quentin, more friends from James's work, some from Michael's work. We filled four tables and the band was loud and good. We danced and talked and finally uber-ed home.
I tried to be fun through this whole thing. I mean, I only knew Magnus for a couple of weeks. It was ridiculous to pine for a man I barely knew. But, it was a small island. I had forgotten how hard it is to break up with someone in a small town. Not that we broke up. We hadn't been anything at all. Just friends. And now he didn't want to be around me at all.
What had I done?
That was the phase I was in now—what had I done? Had I come on too strong? When I was alone with my thoughts, they always came back to one thing, I was unlovable. It's not an easy thing to come to terms with at the ripe age of twenty-three.
Sunday, James, Michael, and Hayley arranged to have a cookout at James's house. During it I heard about how James was planning to take Magnus to work with him Monday because Magnus wanted to see houses being built. My friends mentioned this stuff because they didn't want to be accused of hiding it, but it all came out like a confession, with shifty eyes and apologetic glances, which, quite frankly, hurt my feelings even more than before. I didn't know what I would do if I saw him, but also, ouch. He had cut me from his life completely, and it stung.
And that's why I decided that if nothing changed by the next weekend I would do something drastic. Like tinder. Maybe, especially, because Hayley and Michael were noisy as hell, and I needed to spend the night somewhere else, but she wanted me to extend my visit. She loved having me here, the one person in my life who actually liked me.
One night, home with Hayley, having a beer, talking over her day, she said, “Let me get you a job.”
“A job? Like temp work?”
“I need someone to do a call center for credit card billing. It's the bottom of the pile, but it would get you out of the house.”
I feigned horror. “But I like the house. I want to stay in the house. Maybe I could be a bartender. Then I would see you more often.”
“Yes! There's an idea. I would love to be best friends with a bartender. Do that.”
“How do I do that?”
“I think a class. I'll research it tomorrow.” She swigged from her beer.
“Good, because ever since I was a little girl I thought, I want to grow up and serve alcohol to people.”
“You joke, but it's a good idea. It's the opposite of what you've been doing. Lying around here, being a super, sad, cautionary tale.”
“Yeah.” I stared off into space. “Does Magnus still live here?”
“He's still in town. Zach still loves working there. He told Michael that Magnus's favorite band now is Foo Fighters. Also, that he's teaching them self-defense, with swords. Which is so cool. I'm the best temp company owner in the world that I got him that job.”
“You know I kind of got you the jobs.”
“Yeah, true, but not as cool. I wish we knew what happened — you were his main go-to person for everything. It was clear he liked you. I wish I understood what happened there.”
“Is he dating someone?” I tried to make it sound casual, like whatevs.
“No, definitely not. Emma told me he acts like he's leaving. He's getting everyone ready to run the house while he's not there.”
“That's why. He said he couldn't go out with me because he was leaving.”
“At least it was true. Not much comfort, but he wasn't lying at least. That's an improvement for you.”
“Yeah, but why won't he see me until he goes? Am I repulsive?”
“You know that's not what it is. It's more likely he liked you too
much. That he was worried he would —”
“Oh god, are you going to be one of those kinds of friends? A guy doesn't want to be with me, tells me, goes out of his way to avoid me, and you're going to tell me it's because he liked me too much? By that logic Braden must love me so, so, very much.”
“What's your theory then?”
“That I'm repulsive. And that you're right, from now on I need to do everything the opposite.”
Nineteen
The following morning I was laying in bed, trying to decide between getting up and putting on yoga pants and exercising for an hour, possibly topping it off with a run on the beach, because I used to run all the time and hadn't exercised in weeks and weeks. Or start drinking.
I was only joking about the start drinking. But was I? Maybe it was the opposite thing. Or maybe because I thought of it, the opposite was not drinking, and exercising was the opposite. But then again I used to exercise all the time. So was drinking all day the best idea?
My phone rang. Mom. “Hey.”
“Hello dear. Two things, your father and I want to see you Saturday for dinner.”
“Okay.”
“Are you still in bed?”
“How can you tell?”
“Your voice.” She sighed deep and loud.
“I'm thinking about going for a run.”
“Good. Do that. Also, look for a job. But the main reason I'm calling is Lady Mairead Delapointe wants to see you. I was just there, talking to her about their lease. They intend to continue living here, which is fabulous. And she asked if you would come see her this afternoon. Do you have any idea why?”
“No idea. Did it sound like a visit or a meeting?
“I couldn't tell. I tried to get clues, but she said she had something to discuss with you. Is it about her son? I told you to leave him alone — did you break his heart?”
“Nope, we're not even speaking right now.”
Kaitlyn and the Highlander Page 12