Dread filled my stomach. The familiar feeling of embarrassment and shame that I had been carrying with me for weeks had deepened. Not only was I unlovable, but now I was conspiring. Stalking. I had agreed to marry someone against their wishes, was this a new low? What if he hated me?
She had used the word, 'command.' She would 'command him.' Is that how I wanted to get a husband?
I made it to my car without seeing him. I pulled the Prius out of the driveway to the main road, kicking up a sand cloud, and looking behind in the rearview mirror. He had ridden around the corner and was watching the tail lights of my car as I drove away.
He was in for a surprise.
I was so freaking embarrassed. Mortified.
Was I really this desperate for love and attention — an arranged marriage?
I drove halfway to the grocery store before, shaking and unable to concentrate, I pulled over in a parking lot to sit with my eyes closed trying to calm down.
Lady Mairead had made the marriage seem necessary and normal, but that was not normal. I had never met anyone who married someone who didn't like them, and—
Another text from Hayley: Beer (Lots, sounds like at least twelve of us.)
Hamburgers, buns, ketchup, mustard, nope, I have mustard. Pickles, lettuce, cheese. Also chips. Am I forgetting anything? I'll pay you back tonight. Thanks!
I wanted to say, “Girl, wait until you hear what just happened.” But it was too — too — I couldn't put it into words that she would understand. There was no way I could explain it so that she would say, hey you did great, that's an excellent decision. Well done. Glad you signed that paper. God, was that paper binding? Would I need a lawyer? I decided to pretend like it never happened.
It probably didn't anyway.
For sure, that was a hallucination. Last I remembered I was trying to decide whether to drink or exercise. That must have been a crazy jog. Or else I was very drunk. And if I drunk-hallucinated that conversation, I might have a serious drinking problem.
I called my grandma. Her phone rang and rang and rang until finally her nurse answered. “She can't come to the phone right now, she's napping.”
I told her I would call back later. Then I hung up and put my head on my steering wheel and talked to myself. “Hey Grandma, I met someone. I really like him, but — it's super complicated. I'm trying to take your advice and live the best story, but I think I might have screwed up, made a bad decision, and . . . Did you love Grandpa?”
When I raised my head my cheeks were wet.
I scrambled through my purse for a piece of paper and a pen and scrawled a note to myself. Call Grandma back.
Magnus was probably buying tickets to fly back to Scotland right now. Because he was a grown man. He didn't have to do whatever his mom told him to do. He definitely didn't need to marry a girl he didn't like.
It was kind of a green card thing though. Maybe that would be enough of a reason? A business reason? Would we get married in a courthouse? And how long would we have to stay married in order for him to get his green card?
I looked down at my phone, looking up that information meant possibly checking Braden's YouTube account, and there was no way I could handle that right now.
What if Magnus did show up tonight? I couldn't even wrap my head around the possibility. What if the man I was going to marry — without ever even kissing him — what if he showed up tonight and wanted to talk to me?
I needed a new outfit. It was almost four. I needed an outfit and the food for the party and beer, so I drove off the island to Target and headed straight for the women's clothing section. Trouble was there was a lot of red white and blue clothing, for the Fourth of July, or dresses that looked like the ones I already owned.
I bought a little sundress in blue. But I needed a new bra to wear under it. And what about panties? Gasp. Would he see my panties? Was I going all the way with the Scotsman when — I kind of needed to sit down.
I threw a bra and a pair of panties in my cart and headed to the makeup section. New mascara and an eyebrow pencil, not because I needed it, but because I was flailing. Did I need new shampoo? Hairspray? I hadn't used it since 2009. What about a new curling iron, should I curl my hair? I checked the time, I had literally been there for almost an hour. I picked out a pair of flip flops that were metallic and would look excellent with the dress and especially if I shaved my legs, but now it was looking like I might not have time — I needed to get home, quick.
I raced to the food section and grabbed hamburger patties, buns, ketchup, chips, and beer. And got in line almost to the counter and remembered ice. I begged someone to hold my place while I went to grab it and so by the time I was headed to the car I was harried and worried.
Had she said tonight? Or this afternoon? What if I missed him? What if I blew it, and did I care?
Why would I care?
I had entered a contract and what was it even, marriage? What the hell had I been thinking?
I drove back to the island and Hayley's townhouse. I frantically packed the ice into the coolers and flung beer cans onto the ice and wished I had done that in reverse. I tried to paw aside the ice and dig the beer further into the ice cubes, but I had botched the most important step to a successful party: cold, perfectly iced beer.
I checked my phone. It was after five. Should I shower — what if someone arrived? Anyone, like someone else. Michael was coming first right? I was having trouble thinking and remembering Hayley's instructions. I left Michael a note:
Hey! In the shower, make yourself at home. Beer in the cooler.
Xox, Katie.
I hurried up the stairs to shower, shave, beautify, tearing tags off clothes as I went.
Twenty-one
I was freshly washed and beautiful. And I had done it fast. When I sauntered downstairs Michael and Quentin were out on the porch. Hayley had just arrived. “You look beautiful, new dress? Do I have to look that good?”
I said, “This? I just threw it on. And you know, life of leisure.” I giggled awkwardly because somehow now I could not get my face to work. Or my lungs. Or my words.
“Still, I should get out of my work suit, back in a jif.” Hayley bustled away.
Hayley's townhouse butted up onto a hill. You couldn't see the ocean from here, as it was lower than the beach, but it was only a block away. She had no yard, but a big, very big deck. With a table and chairs, a beer pong table, a large gas grill, a bar, and lots of railing to lean and perch on.
I sat on the railing and watched Michael and Quentin play beer pong for a few moments until Hayley returned and corralled me into helping shape the hamburger patties. While we were in the kitchen more and more people showed up, heading directly around the house, filling coolers, and joining the game.
To call me nervous was an understatement.
I was back in eighth grade, with Maisy Johnson telling me she was going to kick my ass after school, and then waiting those excruciatingly long four and a half hours. It never happened. She lost interest or whatever.
Maybe, probably, that's how this would work too. Just nothing.
That would be nice.
I was having serious doubts as to whether my conversation with Lady Mairead was even legal. Was it legal to marry someone to help them get citizenship, to establish access to their fortune? Weren't there rules?
I needed to get a grip.
I played a round of beer pong and was very good. Also getting a little buzzed. I needed food. James and Michael were flipping patties on the grill. Hayley opened bags of chips and piled napkins, forks, and plates near the grill. Dinner was about to happen, a perfect ending to a perfectly weird day. Nothing. At least I got a good dress.
The music was loud, Green Day. I was perched on the railing, beside Hayley, who was flirting with Michael, while I teased James about his incompetence as a grill chef.
And then there was the unmistakable sound of hooves coming up the street.
My stomach dropped.
No
one else seemed to notice. I tried to pretend like I didn't hear. Did he actually come? Hayley's front door bell rang.
“Weird,” she said, and traipsed through the house to get the door.
I took a large swig of beer and tried to act natural.
A moment later Hayley returned, followed by Magnus.
He looked amazing, handsome, powerful, strong, his eyes swept the deck and landed on me. Hayley announced in her loud voice, “Everyone, this is Magnus, Magnus, everyone.” Most of the party said some form of, “Hi Magnus,” but he was focused on me, walking directly for me.
James intercepted him, with a hearty handshake. Then Michael had to say something. But finally he turned to me, still sitting on the railing, as if I had no idea he was there to see me. Hayley looked from his face to mine.
He asked, “Mistress Kaitlyn, might we go for a walk?”
I said, “Yes.”
Twenty-two
He checked on his horse, tied up on a low railing beside the driveway. I asked, “Do you want to go to the beach?”
“Aye, I would like tae.”
We walked the block and a half in the heat and sunset light of 7:45 pm in July in Florida. We were both totally quiet. I chewed my lip.
Magnus's face was clouded over. He seemed very upset. I stole glances and tried to calm my nerves.
His boots thudded on the boardwalk to the beach. I walked a half step ahead, so we weren't directly side by side, bumping elbows. The whole time felt a lot like being called to the principal's office. I was trying to get my story straight. I didn't mean to sign a contract with your mom forcing you to marry me, it just kind of happened.
We got to the end of the walkway and the steps to the sand.
“Wait, Mistress Kaitlyn.” He leaned against the railing. “Might I speak tae ye here?”
“Of course.” I was having trouble meeting his eyes. A very warm breeze rose and whipped some of my hair across my face, I tucked it behind my ear. He didn't speak, but I could feel his eyes on me, watching me, intently.
It was too much pressure, I blurted out, “I'm so sorry Magnus, about today. I'm sorry I got in the middle of this with Lady Mairead, I didn't know what to do. I didn't plan it, I promise, I just — I'll go back to you not seeing me, I can do that, can we just forget this happened?”
“Kaitlyn...” He didn't finish and seemed to not know what he wanted to say.
I stared down dumbly at my hands.
“Kaitlyn,” he said again simply. “Tis nae…” He shook his head and shifted his feet. Then he took a deep breath. “Lady Mairead and I hae a strong disagreement about which of us ought tae return tae Scotland. We left something there, something verra valuable, and she wants tae retrieve it. I believe I am better suited tae the task. We hae been arguing about it for weeks and now she has involved ye, Kaitlyn. I'm deeply sorry for that.”
He was saying my name, without the 'mistress.' It threw me for a second, and I didn't know what to do. “Oh. It's okay, I mean, you made yourself very clear the other night; you don't want anything to do with me. I just felt terrible all day about this and so worried about — what I'm saying is you can un-involve me.”
“Nae, I canna.” He shuffled his boot on the sandy boards. “I thought I could. I planned I could away tae Scotland without seeing ye. I told myself I would see ye if I returned someday. But now...” He shook his head. “I hae been overturned.”
“That's what I mean, Magnus, consider me gone. I can't even believe this was — look, Lady Mairead took me by surprise, in retrospect I should have refused to sign it. I'm sorry I put this pressure on you and—” I turned to walk back to Hayley's.
Magnus said, “Kaitlyn, please, stop.”
I turned to him. “Let's just consider the matter closed. It's giving me a stomachache, and I feel really really foolish about it. I just — I can't figure out what's wrong with me that I do this…”
“Ye do what?”
“I don't know, like get my hopes up. Not that I hoped to marry you, that's not it, but just hoped someday someone might want to, um marry me — it's stupid and doesn't involve you, not really.”
Magnus nodded and stared out at the ocean. “I was verra upset when Lady Mairead told me about your meeting. I was furious she involved ye. Our argument this day has been long ranging. But she has shewed me your signature and I — I canna — she is a formidable adversary — she knew what would make it impossible for me tae leave.”
“What would?”
“You, Kaitlyn.” He leaned on one side of the walkway. His eyes met mine across the space.
“But you didn't want to see me anymore.” I leaned on the railing across from him.
“Tis nae that I dinna want tae see ye, tis that I canna. Because I am a dead man, Kaitlyn. There is nae altering that fact. And when I look at ye I want tae live.”
“Oh.”
He took another deep breath and finished, “Without ye I can do what I need tae do; go tae Scotland, retrieve what we lost, and I will die there. Tis the natural order of it.”
“Don't say that Magnus.”
“What, that Lady Mairead wants tae save my life. That she has dragged ye in on it? You will save me Kaitlyn? You winna allow me tae die?” His eyes were intense.
“I won't. I signed it because I didn't want you to die.”
He nodded. “Aye.” He stared off at the ocean again for a long while.
Then he said, his voice low and rumbling, “Ye mean tae marry me tae keep me alive?”
“I mean, I signed the paper, but I told Lady Mairead I needed to speak to you first. If you don't want to, we can not.”
“She means tae hold ye tae it, Kaitlyn. I mean tae.”
This was all very irritating and round about.
“You mean to . . . what, hold me to it?”
“Aye.”
“This isn't how it works — we can choose to get married or not. Lady Mairead gave me a lot of reasons, but we can probably figure something else out. We don't need to—”
“We do.”
“But you barely know me.”
“I know ye. Tis enough.”
I huffed.
“I hae spoken tae the priest, we will see him two days on.”
“Oh, so soon?”
“I will still need tae return tae Scotland even though we are married. Lady Mairead means tae go soon; I will go before she has a chance. I must. It will be good for ye though; ye would keep the estate if I daena return.”
“Good for me? No it wouldn't be, Magnus. Don't be so dark and dramatic. If it's this dangerous you shouldn't go. Nothing is worth that.” I huffed. “And I'm not in it for the money. I mean, I just want that to be—that's not why. I just want to help, and I couldn't think of any reason not to.”
“I can think of a thousand reasons, but I still want tae marry ye, Kaitlyn.”
I looked up at him.
“This isn't how this is normally done.”
“Explain it tae me.”
“We're supposed to have loved each other for a long time. We're supposed to plan a big wedding, invite too many people. You're supposed to make a grand gesture, declare your undying love. Plus there is supposed to be a ring.”
“I hae made an appalling mess of it, but I would wish my meaning tae be clear — I will marry ye, Kaitlyn, and I will become better as time goes on.”
I arched my brow. “I'm supposed to just trust you that you'll get better in time?”
“You will be there ta guide me, Rionnag, I will follow you.”
“What does ru-nak mean?”
“Star.”
“That's better.”
“You hae become mo reul-iuiel, my North Star.”
“That's a lot better.”
“I will give ye a ring when we marry, two days on.”
“We're really going to do this?”
He nodded slowly, watching my eyes. “And when ye art my wife, twill be verra hard tae leave ye. Mairead is verra wise in this. For you are sollier, 'bri
ght', the sun, 'ghrian', Mo Ghradh.
“What does 'mo gra' mean?”
“I'll tell ye one day.”
“See, that's not the way to teach people things, you have to tell them when they ask, no judgement.”
“'Mo ghradh' means my own love.”
“Oh. That's a lot, lot better.”
We stood there awkwardly, because this was the moment for him to sweep me into his arms, but he didn't seem to intend to.
He straightened. “We are decided?”
I said “Yes,” and we walked back to Hayley's house.
Twenty-three
We returned to the deck. It was pretty obvious we left the party to be alone to talk, but when we returned Magnus stood with the boys on one side of the deck, and I rejoined Hayley on the other. She whispered, “You okay?”
“Yes, I'll tell you about it later.”
People were watching me, watching Magnus, curious, but he sent no signals that we were together. Instead, he jovially laughed and talked with the boys. So I laughed and talked too, and soon everyone seemed to forget that I had gone off with him. Clearly there was nothing going on with us.
And I began to doubt that anything was really going on. I wasn't in a relationship with him. Not publicly. Maybe he meant it to be a secret? I had forgotten to ask. He had spoken very romantically, but only after I asked him to. Perhaps this was simply a green card marriage, and we were going to keep it strictly legal, business-like, secret.
Which was fine. Because now I needed to actually tell people, it sounded freaking crazy. Like maybe Katie-needs-to-go-away-for-a-while crazy, for a rest, at like a Lindsey or Britney kind of spa.
I piled a plate with a burger and chips and ate at the railing beside Hayley. Michael across the deck teased Magnus about eating his burger the wrong way. He glanced at me and I pantomimed turning mine over. He turned his burger right side up and grinned at me. As if we had inside jokes. Like flirting. I laughed and swigged more beer.
Kaitlyn and the Highlander Page 14