With My Whole Heart

by MariaLisa deMora

  “A few loads?” He took two stair treads to her one, and somehow they still managed to reach the top together.

  “On the bus,” she said, seeing she was wrong because Nate was missing but the apartment door was open. She squeaked when Connor abruptly stopped, turning her to face him. He looked puzzled, and maybe slightly pissed. “Connor?”

  “You’re moving, you rent a truck. If you don’t rent a truck, you rent a van. If you have a friend with a truck—” He lifted his other hand, hooking a thumb at himself. “—you ask that friend if they can help.” He folded his fingers into his hand, rubbing his knuckles across his chest, a movement she’d seen him do before. It looked painful, but he didn’t even seem to notice he was doing it. “Jaime. Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I didn’t think about it, Con. I was already planning the move before”—she gestured between them—“this happened. I didn’t mean to slight you.”

  Narrowing his eyes, he stared down at her, then broke into a broad grin. “I’ve got a lot of vacation time because I do clinics during the summer and breaks.” She shook her head and shrugged, not understanding. He leaned in and kissed her softly. “Looks like I’ll be using one of those vacation days on Wednesday.”

  ***

  Connor

  “You movin’ the bitch?” The question was so unexpected Connor missed the first step on the staircase, thumping his shin painfully against the edge of the tread. He turned to see the sleazy manager leaning against the hallway between the office and where Connor stood. “’Bout time she got her ass in gear and got out the fuckin’ door.”

  Connor took a moment to study the man. Tall and thin, he looked like he spent his days inside a tiny room, never seeing the outdoors. Tipping his head back slightly, the man tried to stare him down. “Miss Grimes is moving today, yes.” Connor shifted, adjusting to balance on the balls of his feet. “She’ll mail in the keys.”

  “Save her the postage, follow you up.” The man turned his head, and Connor wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d spit on the floor. Connor didn’t try to hide the disgust he felt and didn’t care that it showed when the man looked at him again. “You tappin’ that ass?”

  Connor glanced down at himself, taking stock. Jeans and a button-down shirt, the guy probably thought he’d be an easy target to intimidate. Think again, asshole. Lifting his chin, he stared at the manager, taking a step closer, crowding into his space. “Here’s how this is gonna go. You’re gonna turn your ass around and head to your office. You’re not going to speak to me again. You’re not going to speak to my girl. You’re going to keep your fap dreams to yourself, and lose the fuckin’ attitude you copped because she didn’t have the time of day for a fuckin’ loser like you. I’m headed up, and when I come back down with the first load of boxes, you need to be absent. That means—” He tilted his head, not looking away from the man’s face. “—that you need to not fuckin’ be where I can see you. I’m not what you think, asshole. And you—” Connor let his gaze flicker down and up. “—ain’t anything I’m worried about.”

  Without another word, Connor turned and went up the stairs, two at a time, trying to burn off the anger roaring through him at the idea of Jaime having to deal with that fucker for however long she’d lived here.

  Outside her door, he took a minute, taking deliberate deep breaths, reminding himself of every reason he could think of to not go back downstairs and beat the shit out of that ass. I just want to take care of her, take care of them both. At least the asshole on the bus had been handled for Nate. Getting a reaction out of a school administrator is easier when you’re the teacher, he thought. Thankfully it was a moot point now, since Nate would be on a different bus route coming from school to the new apartment.

  Lifting a hand, he rapped the backs of his knuckles sharply against the door. Footsteps approached and a moment later he heard the chain being taken off. Then the door opened and Jaime stood there. More beautiful than she’d been last night, more beautiful than any woman he’d ever seen. He held her gaze as he leaned in, losing her eyes at the last second when she let them dip closed, her dark blonde lashes touching her cheeks as he brushed his lips across hers. She made a throaty sound, a cross between a gasp and a moan, and he deepened the kiss, tracing the seam of her mouth with his tongue, diving inside when she opened to him.

  Stepping close, he swept his arms around her and crushed her to his chest, holding her tight as he slanted his head, working his mouth across hers again and again. She was trembling when he broke away, realizing he was calculating the amount of time it would take to get her undressed and to the couch. “We can’t,” he said, feeling his voice rip up his throat.

  “No.” She buried her face against his chest, fingers fisted in his shirt that had somehow become unbuttoned. She choked off a laugh, telling him, “Not a problem I expected to have.”

  He kissed the side of her head softly, smiling. “Me, either.”

  Abstinence. Demanded of the donors, and hers was the more critical of the two, at least for the delicate period before a positive pregnancy test.

  “I’ll do my best to keep a handle on it from here out.” He smiled when she groaned. “You got boxes packed?” Without picking her head up, she nodded, rocking her forehead against the bare skin of his chest. The brush of her hair on his skin was torture. “I should get to hauling them downstairs then. Sooner we get done, the sooner this place is in your rearview mirror.”

  ***

  Jaime

  “Nate’ll take the new bus here after school. I called and talked to Mr. Paterson to make sure. I think that makes it official. We’re moved in.” Jaime stood in the kitchen, unpacking the last box, arranging the serving spoons and utensils in the drawers.

  “Okay.” Connor’s voice was closer than she expected. When she looked up, he was only a few feet behind her, a puzzling expression on his face.

  “What?” He’d been finishing up with Nate’s things, arranging the books on a set of shelves they’d moved from the living area into his bedroom.

  “You”—he moved closer—“have a bedroom now.” Connor held out one hand and took the box she’d just unpacked, making quick work out of breaking it down before he tossed it on the floor to one side. “I just realized that.”

  “I do.” Jaime dropped her gaze, suddenly unsure of herself. God, I don’t know what to do with my eyes, so what am I going to do with my hands if it comes to that? “But, the clinic—”

  “I know,” he said, moving closer. He lifted one hand and traced along her eyebrow with a fingertip, making her shiver. “Nothing we can do about that part. But—” He lifted his other hand, applying pressure along the edge of her jaw, and she lifted her chin for him. “—we can do lots of other things.” He dipped his head, and she felt the heat of his breath across her mouth. “Like this.” The kiss started slow and gentle, more of an exploration than a possession, and she swayed towards him. “And this.” He’d pulled back the tiniest amount and now skimmed his lips along her jaw, finding her earlobe with his teeth, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive flesh. “With you,” he whispered, sliding his cheek along hers, “I’m up for anything you’re interested in, Jaime.”

  “Nate—” she began, but he was there before she could finish her thought.

  “Has a bedtime.” When he pulled back to look down at her, the smile he flashed her was knowing and naughty. “We’ll do homework, then dinner, then whatever the two of you want to do. And then, he’ll go to bed.”

  “First night in a new place. He might be nervous.” She shook her head. This was a bad idea for so many reasons.

  “He might not be.” Leaning in, he nuzzled the soft skin behind her ear. Then he whispered, “Nothing to be worried about, Jaime. At this point, there are no wrong answers to anything we do, or don’t do, as long as we color within the lines. Be easy, honey. Be easy.”

  Seated on the couch after Nate made his way to bed, Jaime was cuddled into Connor’s side. He had music playing on his pho
ne, something soft and instrumental. The evening had gone amazingly. Nate was happy with his room and pleased with having Coach around another night. She’d cooked, and Connor had eaten two servings of her sausage potato bake, which had stroked her ego just enough. He didn’t seem in a hurry to pick up where they’d left off in the afternoon, and she was content to sit here for as long as he was willing.

  He shifted, and she changed positions slightly, relaxing against his side again. “Hey,” he said softly. “Tell me about your brother.”

  “God, Jacob. That’s a big topic. What do you want to know?” She couldn’t remember what she’d told him about Jacob and didn’t want to broach a sensitive subject like his sexuality if it would ruin the mood. That was why he’d had to move away from Memphis, after all.

  “Tell me about growing up.”

  “Pitching me a softball, I like it. Thanks, Coach.” Jaime tipped her chin up and Connor leaned down to give her a kiss, something he’d done at odd times all day. Something she liked. “We grew up in Memphis, but Jacob had a tough time of it. After high school, he got a scholarship to a California college. He’s a graphic artist. Amazing artist, honestly. Every medium he uses, Jakey can produce breathtaking things.”

  “You call him Jakey? That’s cute.” Connor’s arm tightened around her.

  “He calls me James.” She laughed. “I hated it growing up. Love it now.”

  “Cole called me Conman.” She looked up in time to see the smile on his face fade away. “I called him Coleslaw, of course. Coop has always just been Coop.”

  “Kids.” She said this like it didn’t need explanation, and she supposed it didn’t since he agreed with a laugh. “Nater Potater. Don’t tell him I told you. It’s something he outgrew a couple of years ago, but I’ll slip up and say it sometimes.” He laughed again, chest rumbling with the sound of his humor.

  “I should go,” he said, and she sighed. “I don’t want to. I’ll make that clear, Jaime.”

  “I don’t want you to go. But, you have school tomorrow.” Shaking her head, she said, “That sounds odd to say to a grown man. You have school.”

  “Only because you’re a mother, and you’re used to telling your nine-year-old the same thing.” He moved, leaning in, and she lifted her chin, meeting his lips with hers. This time it was her tongue dipping into his mouth for a moment, until he chased it back into hers, groaning into her mouth. “I want to stay, Jaime.” He shifted her and stood, drawing her to her feet. “So I’ll promise you that one night soon,” lips against hers, he whispered, “I will.”

  Chapter Ten

  Connor

  “You didn’t see her the last time.” Connor was on the phone with Cooper. Tomorrow Jaime would be undergoing the procedure again to collect the eggs. Connor would be at the clinic earlier this time, to do his part, then planned to stay with her, from beginning to end. “Did the clinic talk about the other method?”

  “Intrauterine? Yeah, but there’s less of a chance of success and a greater chance of multiples going directly into the uterus with the donor sperm. IVF is accepted as the best way to manage the process.” Cooper had a patient tone in his voice that grated on Connor’s nerves.

  “Yeah, but you didn’t see her puking her guts out for hours. So out of it from the anesthesia that she didn’t even know I’d left until I got back, three hours later. Marie did, ask her. Coop, IUI works and it’s not as traumatic.” Connor raked his fingers through his hair, turning to look out the front window of his office and into the gym. “Fuck, man.” He scanned the players working through drills, making a mental note to work with two of the juniors on making their passes snappy. “It’s less expensive than in vitro, right?”

  “Connor. I know you have a thing for Jaime right now—”

  Connor cut him off. “It’s not a thing. It’s just…I like her, man. It killed me to see her like that and I barely knew her then. I know her now.” He sighed, then growled out a rough, “Fuck.” He forced himself to pull in another deep breath, then carefully said, “Sorry, Coop. I didn’t mean to get in your business like that. I know Jaime’s totally on board with whatever you’ve agreed to do. I’m on board, too. I just forgot for a minute what the end goal is.”

  “You really like her, don’t you?” The surprise in Cooper’s voice was clear, his voice warm. Happy. “It’s not a quick thing. This really is it for you. She’s it.”

  “Feels that way,” Connor admitted. “Fast, so fucking fast I can’t catch my breath, but I like her. I might love her, Coop. Her and Nate. He’s amazing. I’ve never met a kid like him.”

  “Been spending some evenings over there I hear.” Now Cooper’s tone was sly, and Connor could envision the sideways grin on his face.

  “Not like that. We play by the rules, man.” That was the truth, but just thinking about their goodbye kiss last night had his cock straining at the front of his pants, threatening to tent them. “Hard as that’s been.”

  “It’s hard.” Cooper snorted a laugh, and he and Connor finished the phrase together, something that had always made all three of the teenaged Thompson boys crack up. “So hard.”

  “Fuck you,” Connor said, laughing. “See you in the morning, old man.”

  “You’re not much younger than me. Better get your ass in gear, catch up on living.” They disconnected and Connor stood, staring out the window to where his team was practicing, but he wasn’t seeing two dozen sweaty teenaged boys. Instead, he remembered the flush on Jaime’s face when he’d finished kissing her last night.

  The past month had been hard on her. With Sam, Connor hadn’t cared about the other parties involved. Had no idea how much commitment it took on the part of the donor. Daily shots, weekly visits, hell, Jaime had joked one evening it seemed like she spent half her time on her back. That hadn’t sat well with Connor and he couldn’t imagine how couples did this. If she hadn’t already been invested in helping Cooper and Marie, he would definitely have tried to talk her out of it.

  Last night had been…interesting. Connor had driven her to the clinic and then he and Nate sat in the waiting room chatting while she got her shot. On the way back to their apartment, Nate made a statement that shocked Connor. Shocked, and pissed him off.

  “I remembered, Mom. I’ll pick up all my homework for the rest of the week tomorrow.” Connor met Nate’s eyes in the rearview mirror, seeing concern on the boy’s features. “I explained and all the teachers were cool with it.”

  Jaime perked up, twisting in her seat to smile at her son in the backseat. “Perfect, Nate. Thank you.”

  “Why did you need to bring extra work home?” Connor looked away from Nate and to Jaime. “That’s procedure day.”

  She nodded. “I’ve made arrangements to have someone bring me back to the apartment, and then Nate will stay with me. He’s just being cautious and covering his bases in case I’m sick again.” She smiled, leaning close and whispering, “He’s a good kid.”

  “Nate is a good kid,” he told her, pitching his voice low, but not trying to whisper. “But I’m going to be there. He can go to school.”

  “I’m staying home with Mom.” Nate had clearly heard their conversation and was trying to put a stop to any chance of an argument. “You’ve got work, and I heard about the tournament. You’ll be busy, Coach.”

  Connor stared out the window again. Nate had been right, of course. He was taking off tomorrow, which was Thursday, but Friday and Saturday he’d be tied up in the district basketball tournament. Last time she was just sick the one day. He shook his head, stomaching rolling. His hand lifted to his sternum, knuckles rubbing hard. Some of the material he’d been reading said it could last longer, though.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jaime

  “I’m fine, Connor.” She smiled up at him. He’d been hovering over her for the past thirty minutes while the tech started her IV and got the other monitoring hooked up. “In and out, half an hour, tops. Then once I can walk and talk—” The tech laughed and Jaime glanced in her
direction with a grin on her face. “—then we can get out of here.” It was strange how her nerves had calmed just because Connor was with her this time. A lot has changed in just a month.

  He was frowning at her and she squeezed his hand, wrapping her fingers around his. “Promise, Connor. I’m fine.”

  “I’ll be right here when you come out.” He leaned down, getting close as he whispered, “See you on the other side, beautiful.”

  Regaining her senses in recovery seemed easier this time, and she was carried upwards on a swell of awareness by Connor talking to her. It didn’t matter what he was saying, just knowing he was there like he’d promised was enough. She blinked and rolled her head to the side where he was sitting, seeing how he dwarfed the tiny recliner pulled close to her bed. “Hey, Jaime. There you are. How you feeling?”

  She licked her lips and tried out her voice. “Good.” She lifted a hand and scrubbed at her nose, careful of the needle in the back of her hand. “Pretty good. How many?” Letting her eyes close, she relaxed back into the bed. “Eggs, how many?”

  “Seven, really good ones, too. Coop and Marie just left. She’s over the moon.” Jaime smiled, knowing that would be true. She and Marie had hoped for that many, or more. “They’ve already introduced them to their swimmers.” Eyes still closed, she laughed at that. “So now, we wait.” She fumbled in the covers, feeling around for the button on the cord she’d used last time. “What do you need, Jaime?”

  “Call button.” Instead of the hard, cold plastic, her hand encountered something warm that gently gripped her fingers. Connor’s hand. “I’m thirsty.”

  “I’m right here, James.” She heard the sound of water being poured into a glass, then paper tearing. “Open.”

  Obediently she opened her mouth and accepted the straw, wrapping her lips around it and taking a long drink of cold water. “Thanks,” she said, finally opening her eyes again to see him staring at her mouth, a familiar expression of frustration on his face.