Soon though, it had to be done soon, but not tonight with Liz looking so incredible and acting so even and trying so hard to warm up and not argue.
But if not tonight, when?
It was vastly important for each of them to never forget that past transgressions could return to destroy them at any moment. Montgomery had been forming a contingency plan for some time. He was thinking Mexico. He could take his earnings from Maize and open a place of his own south of the border.
Would he be starred and revered – a world famous chef as he had dreamed all of his life?
No, but then again he had violated mankind’s number one law. Fame would shine a spotlight, would dig deep and uncover skeletons. Too much success was likely to compromise everything he struggled so hard to keep together. As painful as the reality was, he traded such dreams the moment he took a life and indulged his selfish palette.
But for now, all of these thoughts would hold.
Now he simply wanted to soak in Liz’s beauty and enjoy her company. She was a radiant woman and it was a waste to not worship a bit. She had taken his dinner date invitation seriously. Yes, they were at home and it was after four in the morning, but she put on a nice evening dress and a few pieces of elegant jewelry, her makeup was flawless and her long dark hair was piled high in a hair-do worthy of a night on the town. While staring at her, a little fuzzy thing fluttered in his chest and he remembered what it felt like to swoon.
In between bites Montgomery studied her gorgeous face. Liz smiled coy like and looked at him expectantly for an explanation.
“You look very pretty.”
Liz’s smile widened, her alabaster cheeks blushed, color glowing gloriously, as she shook her head and took in the compliment with bashful pleasure.
They met in Jamaica. Montgomery spent two weeks there for a culinary summit. Liz was down for some fun in the sun with her friends. Their courtship began as many in Jamaica are apt to – nightclub, drinks, attraction, dancing, and since Montgomery and Liz leaned a bit conservatively – a kiss on the cheek with a promise to meet up the next day which quickly turned into the next and then the next, until by the end of the trip they had graduated from sweetly holding hands to heavy petting and hot make-out sessions.
Amazingly, as if fate was playing them like a deck of cards, they discovered they lived in the same city. Not the same state or the same county, but the same exact city. They quite literally lived only twenty-two miles from one another. Montgomery, who was single, out of his last relationship (a college romance) for years upon years and not really looking for a girlfriend - his career ascent and forbidden indulgences kept him out of the dating world – took this as some sort of a sign. If he was meant to return to the world of relationships there would never be a more perfect set of circumstances.
She was beautiful, tall and dark and in possession of the loveliest green eyes he had ever seen.
She was smart – pre-med, driven, ambition for days.
She was single – her last boyfriend cheated on her a few months before (hence the trip to Jamaica with friends) and she was finally beginning to leave all of the emotional garbage behind.
In essence, the planets aligned and their paths crossed.
Though he usually got on fine by himself, life and career had begun to settle and Montgomery found that he was feeling lonely more often than not. Something was missing. One night stands weren’t cutting it. Either the woman ended up in his freezer, or if he happened to be well stocked, she ended up rubbing him the wrong way and not making it past another date or so. Liz was the first woman in a long, long time to really strike a chord and fill him with unmitigated desire.
Perhaps it was Jamaica with its alcohol and amazing beaches and wild nightlife, or perhaps it was more – a deep look in her eyes that enthralled him, but once they got back home and a natural rhythm began to establish itself they held on and continued building a relationship.
For the first few weeks they kept a little distance, seeing one another for a few formal dates, getting their lives back in order after the time away, but by the third week things got pretty heavy. They finally solidified their forming union and made love. Montgomery hadn’t had sex (aside from masturbation) in some time and it was beyond incredible. Liz was equally shaken by the experience and against both of their conservatively better judgment she moved in a few months later. They had been cohabitating ever since.
Initially, Montgomery had no idea how to breach the cannibal issue.
Not just any woman, in fact, no women would understand. It was a repulsive, horrid thing and he fully expected Liz to flip out. If he told her she would leave him. Worse, she would call the cops and send him to prison. Any sane, rational person would have done so.
Red flag #1 – When he eventually worked up the nerve to tell her, Liz did nothing of the sort.
It was a weird thing. Montgomery finally decided to reveal all a year into their relationship. He had been hiding his habit, only eating the meat stored in the back of the freezer when he was alone, only re-supplying once when Liz was away visiting a friend in New York. Luckily, her daily schedule permitted such deception and Montgomery was able to carry on with no problems, but all was not right with the world. He felt off, half in, half out of a relationship that Liz was investing her entire mind, body and soul into.
The guilt compounded: murder, and now lying to his significant other, ate him alive.
He had to tell her. He had to, and if she thought he was a monster and couldn’t accept his quirks, he would have no choice but to kill her and regretfully eat her narrow minded brain.
He could remember that fateful evening well, its significance clawing at his heart, a beginning or an end, death or acceptance. Going in he hoped and hoped and hoped she understood (impossible)… But alas, Montgomery lowered his head and sighed heavily for there was no escaping the inevitable. There was simply no way around this. It was who he was and to make things work it had to be brought out into the open.
Alongside the amassing dread that he would have no choice but to do away with her, there were a few clear-cut signs that pointed to the possible potential of a lovely future together.
Over the course of their first year they learned a lot about one another. Liz didn’t have the happiest childhood or the best adolescence and the slight chance she would support Montgomery’s habit, slim as it was, was there. As a child she was abused quite severely by her grandfather on her mother’s side. Her older brother was killed in a car crash when she was a teen (he was in his early twenties). She ran away from home and lived on her own for a few years before focusing and getting back to school.
Red Flag # 2 – Damaged goods.
There were lots of cracks in the armor and she had seen some fucked up shit in her dating history. She had tolerated inhuman behaviors and wasn’t lost to idyllic fantasy like most of us were.
She had boyfriends that beat her, that burned her with cigarettes and that verbally tore her down. There was one asshole (and Liz would kill Montgomery if he ever told anyone – including you, dear reader) that had the audacity, that was disgusting enough, to piss on her after they had sex. Why? Because he could. Because he was a motherfucker. If Montgomery ever had the chance to meet this particular man, he was hamburger, no worse; he was scraps to be fed to the neighborhood dogs.
Red Flag #3 – Intimacy and trust issues.
So there was hope and Montgomery clung to the idea that eating human flesh was not nearly as bad as any of the above. He treated her like a queen and hoped that this alone was enough to overlook his singularly, odd preference.
At the time he had no intentions of quitting killing. The deeper ceded implications of murder had only really begun to manifest themselves in the past few years. As far as Montgomery was concerned he was going to keep it up forever and he needed a relationship that would permit as much.
Over an exquisite, home cooked meal (not human) he stuttered and stammered and then came out of left field and hit her with it.
The look in Liz’s eyes was perplexing. She didn’t seem as phased as he figured she would be. Instead she sat for a few moments trying to process the information. She looked as if she was trying to remember something – thinking hard.
Montgomery repeated, “Liz, I eat people. This isn’t a joke.”
The following seconds felt like the longest of his life. He stared deeply into her thought glazed eyes and tried to make heads or tails of her reaction. It was as if he teetered on the edge of a great chasm and her look, conciliatory, unreadable, pushed him closer and closer to his doom.
Liz was a litmus test of sorts. He had never shared his secret life with anyone, and this was his one true shot at love. If she failed him she would fill his belly for the next few months. Montgomery could imagine himself taking Liz sandwiches with him to work or the park. He could imagine the doleful look on his face as he took glum bite after glumly delicious bite. Sociopaths like him weren’t designed for the pleasures of monogamy or the safe haven of a shared life. Conversely, if that suspended look brightened into a smile and Liz’s eyes filled with commiseration, his entire world would shift for the better. His future would blossom with unblemished possibility.
The revelation finally sunk in.
Liz’s expression darkened.
Her brows dipped and her mouth formed a line that tightened in disgust.
Montgomery prepared to leap into action. He had a nasty looking butcher knife ready and waiting on an unoccupied chair to his immediate left in case she freaked.
When she finally spoke she didn’t call him a ‘Murderer’ or cower in fear or regard him with disgust as if he was covered in filth. Instead she said, “How long?”
Montgomery was ready for the worst, “Pardon?”
Tears began to brim and spill over her lower eyelids and Montgomery felt something in his chest hitch. A little lump rose in his throat. It hurt to see her cry. She continued, “How long have you been doing this behind my back, Montgomery?”
It was time for nothing less than honesty, “Since we met.”
“You have been lying to me during our entire relationship?” Her voice creaked with hurt.
Interesting.
He expected her to either flip out or run for her life, or… or… or he didn’t really know. Maybe she would just smile and accept things. Maybe she would get a maniacal look in her eyes and creep him out with over enthusiastic interest. Instead, she didn’t seem to listen or care about the meat, she was only upset about the fact that he had been dishonest with her.
“Liz, I am trying to make this as clear as I can,” Montgomery spoke slowly and deliberately, “I kill and then eat human beings.”
That should do it.
And it did, but it didn’t. There was a flash of disbelief within her eyes, but it was quickly erased by mounting anger.
Liz flashed him an evil look. Her eyes narrowed to slits and her mouth trembled in sad frustration. Though any sort of compliments would have been lost on her at the moment, Montgomery thought she looked as sexy as hell. Passionate. Fiery. Smoldering. With a few, controlled, seething words she broke up with him, called him some rather uncouth names, and then retreated to the bedroom. Montgomery spent over two hours slumped against the bedroom door, trying to explain himself through the wooden barrier.
He told her about Michel and his experience in Paris and the odd compulsions that began to sprout like angry, needy weeds about his heart several years later.
He told her about his first few victims, about how every time he murdered someone for their flesh he felt like complete scum.
He told her about the addictively exquisite taste.
And because he was doing the groveling he made a few untrue promises – he promised to quit if she wanted him to, he promised her she was safe, he promised her he would get help if need be.
Liz let him twist all night. Montgomery abandoned the bedroom door and paced and picked up the butcher knife and gripped it with white-knuckled intensity. A primal part of him wanted to just say ‘fuck it’, kick in the bedroom door and slit her from neck to navel. Yet another part, the fibers comprised of white light and warmth and girlie romance fantasy, held off. She hadn’t run or called the police. Oddly, the meat didn’t even seem like much of an issue.
In the morning Montgomery gave up trying to rationalize his cannibalistic ways and played the dishonesty angle. He was sorry for lying to her and all of that. And he was. And it was the worst of conundrums, because when you lied to someone for whatever reason it was nearly impossible to get them to believe that you were sorry and that you would never lie to them again. Declarations of trust, promises not to lie anymore, ended up sounding like more and more lies. But, Montgomery persevered and in time he won her trust back and after a few more weeks of hammering out the cancerous effects of betrayal they sat down to their first, shared, human meal.
Liz backed out. She couldn’t handle it. She wanted him to quit.
Montgomery spent another few months working on it with her. They talked openly about the morality of murder, the taboo of consuming human flesh and every other issue, big and small, that circumstance provoked.
In the end she came around.
In the end it appeared as though he may have created a monster.
She became a fiend for it and was always on top of Montgomery about their ever-dwindling supply. If (and when) he balked she would lay the guilt trip on thick. It was all his fault. He got her addicted. They would be fine. It wasn’t murder so much as it was survival of the fittest. Justifications flew fast and furious. All of his pro-cannibal rhetoric was thrown back into his face.
Montgomery understood. The meat was mind blowing. It was divine. But again, for the millionth time, killing took its toll. As cool as Liz had become about the meat, she had become just as crazy about cutting it off. She didn’t seem to get that it was beginning to affect him much more deeply than it ever had and it was getting to the point where he had to quit. Not that he was losing his taste for the meat - human flesh was still the best, he just felt like he was continually under a maddening amount of pressure.
And yet, as wonderful a girlfriend as Liz could be, she didn’t assume any of the responsibility that went in to maintaining their habit. While his hair fell out and his stomach ate him alive with worry, she went on as if he was making a mountain out of a molehill. She went on elated even, her face a mask of contentment pure and simple, joy pouring from her eyes in absolving waves of light. As long as she had a little meat (human flesh, you pervert!) a few times a week she was walking on air. It was completely selfish (and completely his fault) and it drove Montgomery apeshit crazy.
The fact loomed: if he continued killing he was going to get caught. Society didn’t understand, nor would they ever. He wasn’t a total idiot and he thanked his lucky stars that providence had kept him safe thus far, but a slip up was bound to happen. It was an eventuality and the older he got, the harder maturity pushed and reasoned, the more fearful he grew. Their downfall was a mere mistake away. Forensic science was hard at work against him and it only took a fraction of a misstep.
Despite, Liz remained insistent.
Despite, Montgomery kept on. For her. For his love.
It was funny how sometimes things changed so gradually it was impossible to detect shifts until it was too late. Liz was addicted to human flesh and she was his responsibility. He couldn’t let her down.
Why?
Why not just bail?
Why not just kill her, make her the final meal and then rejoin the non-human eating masses?
It wasn’t that easy.
He was fully invested.
He was physiologically wired in. Something in Montgomery’s near-perfect upbringing made him want to help fix this beautiful mess of a woman no matter what it took. Her allure was intoxicating, as addictive as flesh and as influential as God. Make no mistake, for all of her internal scarring and her strange acceptance of his cannibalistic tendencies, she was as strong willed as any type-A power
player. Strength oozed from her pores. She was clearly not the sum of her parts – instead she was an interesting dichotomy of hard and soft, an ever-altering puzzle that had Montgomery forever intrigued. Forever enrapt.
Though they made no headway in The Great Quit or Kill Debate, Montgomery and Liz had a wonderful evening nonetheless. They moved from the menial – pleasantries, compliments, workday garbage – to deeper conversations about life and love. Montgomery really valued Liz’s intelligence and her ideologies. He was lucky to have someone that could understand his extreme behaviors, but still be rather normal and grounded.
The talk of late centered around family.
Babies mostly.
Montgomery could kill a man, rend his head from his shoulders if need be, and bathe in his cooling blood, but he shivered in absolute terror when he imagined himself a father. Something about the little suckers creeped him out, their malformed hands, their soulless eyes, their toothless mouths. Yuck!
Yuck, except talking about the possibility of a little one running around always led to the bedroom and heat and passionate, blissed-out euphoria. Suddenly babies became his favorite thing in the world.
So, after dinner and an hour or so of conversation, they adjoined to the bed and made love with the ferocious abandon of teenagers until the sun came up and reminded them that they were tethered to the responsible world of over-stressed adults.
The next day Liz didn’t have to work until late night and Montgomery still had a couple days left of his mini-vacation so they spent some quality time just hanging out. A ‘let’s quit’ speech poised itself on Montgomery’s tongue and scratched at his brain, but he ignored it. They had already fought over Heather being a female and even though it had to be done, he didn’t think now was the time. They were quitting whether she liked it or not. All Montgomery had to do was get the nerve up to tell her how it was going to be.
Another day passed and still no ultimatum, still no declarations or renouncements. Montgomery enjoyed Liz’s smile too much. She was on an extremely nice streak and her sexual interest was running unusually high as well. He would be stupid to try and cool things right now. His idiot guilt would have to exercise a bit of patience.
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