by Skye Genaro
I laughed and bit my lower lip.
"You've got something nasty on your mind. Spill it, girl," Audrey said.
I shook my head. I didn't want to spoil the feeling by talking about it.
The party was going full force when we got there. The sun had disappeared into the Pacific Ocean and strings of lights illuminated the pool and patio. The place was packed with more kids than I'd ever seen at Carey's house, and the frenzied tone told me his parents were gone for the weekend.
Audrey and I looped around the pool, weaved through the crowd, and cut into the house. There was no sign of Joshua. Across the room, someone waved to Audrey and I motioned that she should go ahead without me.
I'd gotten to the party late on purpose, figuring there'd be less opportunity for a poltergeisting outburst. My classmates were crammed together, dancing and talking. They shouted over the blaring music and challenged each other to silly drinking games. Probably no one would notice if a few random objects whirled overhead.
I pushed through the sea of teenagers and into the kitchen, bypassed the beer keg, and grabbed a can of soda. On another night, I might have had a beer. Tonight, I needed full attention on my aura.
Where was Josh? Even on my tiptoes, I couldn't see over the crowd. I elbowed my way toward the door and stepped hard on somebody's foot. Bumped someone's beer and sent it splashing onto a girl from my civics class. I was throwing apologies to the left and right when someone grasped my elbow and swept me through the crowd into the cool night air.
Joshua.
"I've been looking for you," he said.
Somebody squeezed behind me, and I was crushed into Josh's chest. It felt warm and solid, and his t-shirt was soft against my cheek.
"This is some party," I managed to say.
"I'm glad you're here," he shouted.
His voice drowned in the din. I pointed to a quiet spot on the patio where we could talk without shouting. But before he could interpret my hand gestures, Josh was grabbed from behind.
"Duuuude!" Michael McHart, the lacrosse team captain, grabbed Josh in a headlock. With a flick of his wrist, Josh reversed the hold and twisted Mike's arms behind his back.
I'd be lying if I didn't say I was impressed.
Josh set his captain free. "Mac, you know Summer," he said by way of introduction.
"Yeah-yeah." Mike looked me up and down. "You weren't kidding," he said. He wiggled his eyebrows at Josh and danced his way into a pack of girls.
"What was that about?" I asked.
Josh's cheeks flushed lightly. "Ignore him, please. Pretend that egg never got fertilized."
The rest of the night was much the same, with Josh's teammates clustered around us and my friends breaking in to say hello. I'd lost all hope of a romantic encounter when a guy I recognized from chemistry class slid up to me. A cutie, I think his name was Noah.
"Hey, how you doing?" he asked with a flirtatious smile.
"Um, fine, I guess."
"Good. Great. Awesome party. Where you been this summer?" He nudged me with his elbow and looked down at the empty soda can in my hand. "How about I get you a refill and we catch up?"
Josh had been talking to a teammate and I didn't think he saw Noah join us. But his arm slid around me in a flash and his hand cupped my shoulder. Euphoria flooded my brain, so I can't be quoted but I think he said, "I've got it covered." At which point, Chemistry Noah slunk into the crowd.
"Do you want another soda?" Josh asked me.
"Um, I'm good." A herd of raging elephants couldn't have moved me out from under his arm. I may have the ability to energetically hurl a desk across the room, but standing there pressed into to Josh while my classmates watched? I'd never felt so powerful in my life.
The pool lights flickered like they were on the verge of shorting out, and the Tiki torches sputtered, but I held my ground. I took a few easy, deep breaths, and the disturbances let up.
Audrey squeezed through a pod of partiers and came to my side. "Not that you care, but your popularity index is spiking through the roof," she whispered in my ear. "And I hate to break it to you, but I need to get the car home."
"Just fifteen more minutes?"
Josh must have seen the crushed look on my face. "What's up?" he asked.
Audrey's face lit up. "I was about to ask if you'd give Summer a ride home."
"That's cool, if you don't have to go right away. I'm parked in four deep," Josh said to me.
"It's okay, I'll go with Audrey." The night had been perfect, and I was afraid I'd ruin everything if I were alone with him in his car.
"But I've got you for fifteen more minutes, right?" Josh asked me.
I nodded. He took my hand and led me to the far end of the pool, away from the crowd and the pounding music. The light was softer here, and a bunch of my classmates were making out on the lounge chairs. Watching them kiss made my palms sweat.
"I'm really glad you came." He gazed into my eyes.
"Me too," I said, and my stomach fluttered.
Josh put his hand on the small of my back, and I curved my body into his. His fingertips brushed my cheek. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.
Snap!
A shock crackled our lips, and we both jumped.
"Ow!" I pressed my lips together. My mind reeled. Something was terribly wrong.
"What was that, static electricity?" he laughed.
I tried to stutter a response but Josh leaned in again. This time his lips sank into mine. They were soft, tender. It was the most heavenly thing I'd felt in my entire –
ZAAAP!
The current threw Josh backward. My lips stung, tasted singed. Josh held his fingers to his mouth and looked at me with a mix of fear and puzzlement. He pulled his hand away and ran his tongue over his lips. His lower lip began to bleed.
"What the hell. You okay, Josh?" someone behind me said.
"Check it out!" somebody else yelled, and everyone's gaze turned to the pool. The water roiled in a frothy boil.
I froze.
"Hey, are you doing that?" another voice called to me.
All eyes were on me. "God, no, of course not," I stammered.
"I'm sorry," I whispered to Josh and pushed through the crowd.
"Summer, wait," he called out, but I snagged Audrey by the arm and ran for the car.
*****
Audrey dropped me off a block from my house.
"Are you sure you don't want to tell me what happened?" Her voice was heavy with concern. I hadn't said a word the entire way home.
"I'm fine," I choked and climbed out of her car.
My yard and house were pitch dark. The only sounds were the stirrings of the ghostly trail I left on the way to my room: the crinkle of dying foliage, the eerie creak from the porch swing, the muffled knocking inside the walls.
I lay awake the entire night, the wretched horror of the night's climax running like a film loop through my head. How I'd betrayed Josh's gentle kiss with an electric slap. The stunned expression on his face.
I woke up to an empty house. My mom had left a note saying she and Ram Dass wouldn't be back until lunch and my dad had gone into the office for a while. I climbed the ladder to my sanctuary, dropped onto the mat, and buried my face in a pillow.
By now, rumors would be running rampant among my classmates. Eventually, someone was going to ask me what happened by the pool. What if that someone was Josh? What would I say?
Don't worry, it's just a phase I'm going through and by the way, you should duck because there's a chair catapulting toward your head?
My life was over in this town. I'd have to drop out of school. Leave the city. Maybe I'd join a leper colony. It's where I belonged anyway, in a community of untouchables.
"Summer, can you come down here please?" My mom called.
I dropped down from the loft and dragged into the house, wishing she would leave me to suffer in peace. I found her in the studio, holding wrought metal artwork up against one of the walls. Two similar p
ieces lay at her feet.
"What do you think? I found these at the gallery," she said.
"They're fine, I guess."
"I was thinking of putting the big one here and the other two by the window." As she said this, the two pieces slid across the floor and slammed against the far wall.
"Summer, be careful. These were expensive."
"Oops," I lied.
My mom's eyes narrowed, and she took a purposeful breath. "It's not fair to be angry with me about being grounded. You brought that on yourself."
I huffed and curled my upper lip.
"I had to survive this phase too, you know, and sometimes it was hard. I understand what you're going through," she said.
"You couldn't possibly,"
"You'll just have to trust me. And I know there's something else you want to tell me. About last night."
My breath stopped short. "I don't know what you're talking about. The wall hanging looks fine. Can I go now?"
"No, you may not." She set the artwork down and gazed at me. "I've been picking up images of you all morning. I know what's bothering you, and I'd like to talk about it."
"Images?"
"My psychic channels have been wide open."
My eyebrows shot up. She took my hands. Closed her eyes. Inhaled deeply.
"I know you weren't in your room last night," she said.
My mom's eyes stayed closed, but mine were bugging out of my head. I concentrated on staying calm, afraid I'd give too much away.
"You had to go, because you're feeling overwhelmed…don't know where to turn…everything feels so unfair."
My expression softened. I curled my fingers around hers, hoped she'd tell me more.
"This quest for approval…so much hardship and loss…oh sweetheart, you're feeling enormous strain."
Was it possible? Could my mom actually know the torment I was going through? My lower lip began to tremble. My shoulders relaxed as the weight of my solo burden lightened.
Her voice was nearly a whisper. "Your heart is heavy…"
I clenched my jaw and tried not to cry.
"...from the weight of our expectations. And I think that's why you spent the night in your loft sanctuary," she said.
Did I hear her right? The urge to cry disappeared as quickly as it had come.
"Your father and I are expecting far too much from you while you're going through this energy transition. If you want to quit your job, that's fine with us. If you'd like to seek counseling, we can look into some options."
I pulled my hands away. She opened her eyes.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"That's what you think? That I'm upset because I have a job?"
"Well, sweetheart, that's what I was reading."
"I love my job. I love everything about it."
"Honey, my channels are open and I'm feeling your resentment and resistance to the responsibility in your life."
"Oh. My. God. Mom, you don't have a clue."
"Summer, you watch your tone with me. I'm trying to help," she snapped.
"Well, maybe you're picking up the neighbor's vibe, or, or maybe those are your issues or, you know what? Maybe you're not that great a psychic."
The French doors swung on their hinges. The curtains whipped as though caught in a tempest. Books flung themselves off the shelf and onto the floor.
"I wasn't even here last night, okay? I left and went to a party with Audrey."
"You snuck out?"
Oh, crap. I just frigging outted myself. There was no going back.
"So stop trying to tell me how you relate. You have no idea how I feel or how totally messed up my life is. You don't even know who I am!"
My mother cleared her throat and looked away. "I see."
We stood there for a full minute, looking everywhere but at each other. An unexpected calm settled over me as I tried to compose myself.
"I know you're going to ground me again. Probably until school starts. It's all the same to me."
My mother didn't respond. I'd never seen her this hurt. On top of everything, I was a total loser of a daughter.
"I'll be in my room." I said.
I slumped on my bedroom floor, wishing I could take it all back. The argument, the party. The entire summer. Wondering if the poltergeisting was my fault, if I'd missed a cue or a chance to suppress it before it started. Audrey and my mother had tried to convince me that this ability was a gift. No, it was a punishment. I was sure of it.
My dad believed in karma and reincarnation. He says that after we die, we're born again into a new life on this planet. If we were jerks or criminals in our previous life, by the law of karma, our next one would be harder in order to make up for the wrongs we'd done in the past. This seemed incredibly unfair, but more than anything, the idea scared me.
Was my dad right? Was I living in retribution for crimes I'd committed in another life? If his theory was true, I must have done something horrendous.
My mom stood in the doorway and rapped tentatively on the doorframe. "Can I come in?"
I nodded without looking up.
She came in and sat on the floor beside me. "We really messed up, huh?"
I shrugged.
"I'm sorry I've been so presumptuous. You're right, I have no idea what you're going through. But I know one thing for certain. Whatever you're struggling with, I wish I could shoulder your troubles for you." She stroked my hair. "I wish I could scoop the pain and craziness out of your life and carry it for you. I'd give anything in the world to be able to do that."
Tears welled in my eyes. I didn't know how to help her understand. Didn't even know where to start. She cocooned me in her arms and caressed my back in slow, soothing circles. Her breathing slowed to match mine.
All at once, I knew how to tell her everything.
"I'm so ashamed," I said, and I buried my face in her lap and bawled. All the hopelessness and disappointment flooded out of me.
My mom sniffled as she pulled me closer. For once, I didn't care if she was trying to empathize with me. Or maybe she wasn't. Maybe, even if she'd never endured the humiliation I had, she really did understand. From the way she sat, hugging me and stroking my hair, I think she probably did.
I ended up telling her what happened with Joshua. It wasn't nearly as embarrassing as I expected. She took it in stride when I told her about the electric kiss.
"If he's worth anything, he'll be back," she said.
I shook my head. "He'd find out what I am."
"Then you'll know what kind of guy he is. I remember when your dad and I started going out…"
I held up my hand, sniffled a laugh. "Mom, please stop."
She shook her head. "…and on our first real date, your dad took me to an elegant restaurant. It was about the time my auric energy was peaking. I was so nervous, when we walked to our table, the chandeliers were swaying and some poor man's wine glass shattered right in his hand. I didn't think it could get any worse until my soup bowl flew across the table and into your dad's lap. Vegan lentil soup was everywhere."
"Oh no."
"Oh yes. Your dad went to the bathroom to clean up, and I was sure that was the last I'd see of him. But he came back and we finished our date. I found out later he paid the waiter twenty dollars to make sure I didn't bolt while he was in the bathroom."
During the moment of truth, my mom had stayed; I had fled. And I hadn't found out if Josh was the right one for me.
My mom gave me a fresh start and told me I was no longer grounded. "But here's the deal," she said. "We've got to keep the communication lines open, okay? I don't want to be left deciphering the chaos in your energy field."
I said I'd do my best.
Josh called three times that week and each time, I signaled to my mom that I wasn't home. She dutifully wrote down the messages. The slips of paper with his number gathered in a small pile next to the phone.
I called in sick for work and didn't leave the house the entire week. Audrey came over
and reported that Joshua hadn't been to the restaurant since the party.
"You should at least call him back," she said.
We were lying in lounge chairs in the back yard. I reached my hand over the chair and held my palm against the grass for a few seconds. When I pulled it away, the green blades had shriveled and burned.
"He'd ask too many questions," I said.
Two days later, the doorbell rang.
"I got it," I yelled on my way down the stairs, expecting Audrey to arrive any minute. Ram Dass beat me to it. He stood at the threshold pointing a plastic sword at whoever stood on the porch.
"State your name and business," he challenged the visitor.
"Yeah, is Summer around?"
My eyes bugged. I recognized the voice immediately. It was Josh. He caught a glimpse of me when I reached the bottom of the stairs. I let out a low groan.
"Hey," he said.
"Hi."
Ram shuffled forward and poked his sword into Joshua's breastbone. "You must battle the troll to enter," he said.
"Give it a rest or I'll tell Mom you're playing with a weapon," I told Ram.
"It's okay because I'm merging the masculine and feminine." Ram spun to face me. He'd drawn a bandit mask around his eyes with my lipstick. Swiped my eye shadow across his cheeks in a tribal design. "You're running low on glitter gloss," he said, and he shifted into a fighting stance. "En garde!" he commanded Josh.
I stepped onto the porch and closed the door in Ram's face.
"Wow," Josh grimaced.
"Welcome to the house of freaks." I wasn't sure what I was feeling at that moment, but the porch swing began to move. Not a good sign.
"I thought we had a good time at Carey's. But now I'm wondering if I did something to piss you off?" Josh said.
It took me a moment to process this. "You came here to ask me if I'm mad at you?"
"I'm here to ask you out again. Did you get my messages?"
"You want to go out." This I didn't expect to hear. "Why?" I pressed.
He shrugged. "I think you're cool. And I want to know more about you."
"You do."
"Yeah. Like why you, I don't know, do some of the stuff you do."