by Tara Omar
“Henry, Stew, what are you doing here?” asked Norbert, looking down at the roaches. “Do you think I should warn him myself?” Stew scurried down the dashboard right to the edge of Norbert’s knee. He hissed.
“What is it, Stew?” asked Norbert, “What are you trying to tell me?”
Stew hissed again. A fat dung beetle was rolling a ball past Norbert’s feet. Just beyond the beetle a truck for Boar Du Breez Florist & Perfumery was unloading a shipment of flowers for the Palace. Norbert’s eyes lit up.
“You’re brilliant, Stew, absolutely brilliant,” said Norbert, jumping up. His movement sent Stew flying off his knee; Stew hissed as he bounced to the ground. Norbert turned to the dashboard, scribbling something on the corner of his printout. He ripped off the corner and tucked it under Henry’s wings.
“Henry, head back to the beach; tell Gill to collect my cyclapod from the Palace gate, and ask him to deliver this message via aquamail. Stew,” said Norbert, looking to the ground, “come with me. There is some saving to be done!”
C H A P T E R 4 0
“Sorry to disturb you, Madam,” said Wilhelm from the front stoop of Jia Li’s house. “There was some activity at the casino today; we have a lead that the gentleman we’re looking for may have headed here.”
“Activity? What kind of activity?” asked Jia Li.
“I’m not allowed to say, though nothing much to worry about. May we search the premises?” asked Wilhelm.
“If you have a warrant I do not have much say now, do I?” asked Jia Li, as she opened the gates.
“We won’t be long, Madam. It’s just a formality,” said Wilhelm. “Come along, guards.” Several guards filed past and began looking around the house, knocking on walls and opening cupboards, while three more waited at the door, their blades out and ready.
“Be careful not to disturb anything, especially in Hiram’s workshop. I do not want you upsetting him,” said Jia Li.
“We’ll be the picture of cautiousness,” said Wilhelm.
Hiram glared at him.
“Ah, that’s a good boy now,” said Wilhelm. “We’ll be out of here in a jiffy, I promise.” Hiram gave Wilhelm one last look of loathing before shuffling back to his workshop to protect his things. Wilhelm turned to Jia Li.
“So how’s business?” asked Wilhelm.
“None of yours,” said Jia Li.
“Did you have any visitors today?”
“No,” said Jia Li. Wilhelm moved toward the fireplace, looking around at the armchair and furniture as he walked.
“It’s a bit warm for a fire today, isn’t it?” asked Wilhelm.
“Hiram needs the fire for metalworking,” said Jia Li.
“Delia told us someone was looking for you,” said Wilhelm.
“Did she now?” asked Jia Li.
“Do you know of anyone who may be looking for you, Jia Li?” asked Wilhelm.
“Oh I don’t know, given I sell metal and this neighbourhood is crawling with drunks and drug addicts looking for a quick buck, I would say yes, I know a lot of people who may be looking for me,” said Jia Li, staring ahead.
Wilhelm nodded.
“May I open this cabinet?” asked Wilhelm. He opened the cabinet without waiting for an answer and looked around. There was nothing inside except some pots, a few candles and a jar of fish food. Wilhelm closed it again and turned to the pond.
“That’s a lovely pond. Goldfish?” asked Wilhelm.
“Koi,” said Jia Li.
“Very nice,” said Wilhelm, raising a hand. One of the other guards hurried toward him with what looked like a camera and a metal egg attached to a cord.
“May I?” asked Wilhelm as he untangled the cord.
“You will disturb the fish,” said Jia Li.
“It will only take a moment,” said Wilhelm. He lowered the camera into the pond and pressed a button on the egg; immediately a bubble emerged from the top of the egg, showing an exact replica of the inside of the pond. A koi bit on the end of the camera; the image of the pond changed to the inside of the fish’s mouth. Wilhelm wiggled it free, only for it to be bitten by another koi and then another.
“Hmm, they seem to like the camera,” said Wilhelm.
“The fish think it’s food,” said Jia Li, looking in Hiram’s direction.
A crash sounded from the workshop. Hiram started shouting.
“No No NO! He… he… my ki… it… AH!” shouted Hiram. Wilhelm spun around.
“What did you do?” asked Wilhelm.
“Nothing. It was Hiram, I swear,” said the guard.
A clay model of a lily lay broken on the floor. Wilhelm grimaced.
“It wasn’t me, I swear!” stammered the guard.
Hiram sat on the ground and picked it up, rocking his broken flower as if it were an infant.
“He po. He po, he is,” said Hiram.
“What?” asked the guard.
“He’s calling you a chamber pot,” said Jia Li.
“My ki… oh my ki,” stammered Hiram, barely able to contain his sobs.
“Come, let’s go, before we all lose our jobs,” said Wilhelm, glaring at the guard in the workshop.
“I’m telling you it wasn’t me,” said the guard.
“Now,” said Wilhelm. “We cannot afford the press any more fodder on which to feast, or headquarters will eat us alive.”
The guards left their positions and filed out of the house. Wilhelm followed them to the door, turning to Jia Li as he reached the stoop.
“Thank you for your cooperation, Madam. It is unfortunate that this little incident occurred, but as you know we only ever have your safety and welfare as our utmost priority. I therefore urge you to keep that in mind before consulting those for whom sensationalism is more important than your welfare, as such actions could make our duties unnecessarily more difficult.” Wilhelm glanced up at the rest of the house. “Seeing how you seem to share our concern for security, can I be confident of your cooperation?”
Jia Li slammed the door. She grabbed the purse from under the armchair and walked to the pond where the koi were already nudging David toward the surface. He popped his head above the water.
Smack.
Jia Li slapped him across the face.
“What the—”
Smack.
“How dare you,” said Jia Li. “You didn’t tell me Ibex was after you. Don’t you know you could have gotten us killed… or worse, jailed?”
“I’m sorry, I—”
“Don’t speak. Diamond,” said Jia Li, holding out her hand.
David squinted at her.
“Diamond, or the whole thing is off,” said Jia Li. “Actually make that three, since you also put Hiram in danger and there are damages to his sculpture. That was too close. Too, too close.”
David pulled himself from the water and opened the compact again.
“That’s all that’s left,” said David, holding it out to her. The compact held two diamonds. Jia Li eyed it.
The cuckoo clock began to moan with strange sounds as it rang the hour, like a muffled saw interspersed with the clicks of two sticks tapping together. Jia Li swiped the whole compact.
“Come, let’s get you out of here. You’re dripping on my floor,” she said, throwing David the seashell purse. “Hiram, suit up.”
“Aw, Ma…”
“You can fix your lily later, Hiram,” said Jia Li. “For now, you need to suit up.” She pulled two racing suits, a bucket of tools, a flowery swim cap and a rain hat from a closet, mumbling to herself as she stepped into a pair of boots. “In all my life I have never…”
“May I help with anything?” asked David.
“You can carry the lollipop,” said Jia Li, putting on the swim cap.
“Alright,” said David. “What’s a lollipop?”
>
Jia Li pulled a long pole from the closet and shoved it toward him. At the end of the pole was a round sign with the word Brake written in bold letters.
“Ah, lollipop. Got it,” said David.
“Hiram, bring the calamari,” said Jia Li.
Hiram pulled on his racing suit and hat and collected a large pot of fried calamari rings from the fridge. It was the size of an oil drum.
“What’s with the calamari?” asked David as he followed him out the back door. Jia Li was already waiting with a golf cart and her bucket of tools.
“Load it in, Hiram,” said Jia Li. Hiram set the drum in the back of the cart and hopped in the passenger seat. David squeezed himself into the back seat, with the long side of the lollipop sticking awkwardly out the side. He fell back against the seat as Jia Li sped off and turned, stopping in precisely two seconds. David looked around. They were about fifteen metres from where they had left. Jia Li turned off the engine and exited the cart.
“Well, that was interesting,” said David, as he stepped out onto the black tarmac. The whole of Jia Li’s backyard was covered in smooth asphalt and surrounded by walls twice as high as average, with an electric fence on top. It all looked very industrial except for the pink and red plastic daffodils that lined the fence, and the massive, rectangular pool at the end. Jia Li was already walking along the edge of the pool, toward a Wendy House that looked like some sort of control centre.
“Sorry, how exactly am I getting to Larimar? Is it by boat?” asked David, but Jia Li did not answer. She put on a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and turned the dials up on a control panel in the Wendy House.
“Right on schedule,” said Jia Li, flipping another switch. “On your mark, Hiram; we have an approach in nineteen… eighteen…”
Hiram grabbed the lollipop from the cart and stood on a neon, green line at the edge of the pool, holding the sign out toward the water. David looked for the second line which he assumed would mark the other end of the boat; it was far away from Hiram, nearly a third of the length of the pool. The pool was walled in on all sides—the only place something could be coming from was the air or underneath. David took a step back and scanned the skies, finding nothing.
“Thirteen… twelve… eleven… ten… oh crap,” said Jia Li.
“What?” asked David.
“Hiram, stand your ground; I think he’s going to breach,” said Jia Li. She shut the door to the Wendy house as Hiram slid into a lunge, bracing himself. David looked around.
“Four… three… two…”
The waves pushed up over the tarmac as something the size of a bus barrelled out of the water and crashed down, blasting David and Hiram with salty spray. David’s feet collapsed under him as they turned into fins; he hit the asphalt with a hard scrape as the water poured over his head.
One thing he knew for sure, it was definitely not a boat.
C H A P T E R 4 1
Jia Li opened the door to the Wendy house and collected her bucket of tools from the sodden golf cart. Both Hiram and David were soaked to the bone, but Jia Li didn’t seem to notice; she was too busy fawning over the massive lump in her swimming pool.
“Squeaky, darling, how are you? How’s mommy’s favourite dragon? Did you have a nice dive?” asked Jia Li as she sat down at the edge and dug in her bucket. The creature moaned and spurted a cloud of spray into the air; it rolled onto its side, waving a tiny fin in the air.
“Is this a sperm whale?” asked David.
“Dragon,” said Jia Li.
David turned his head. The bluish-grey creature in the water had a blunt nose and a very large fin, but no appendages. Chaotic, white markings surrounded his mouth, as though someone had scribbled on him with a giant piece of chalk. David nodded.
“I’m pretty sure he’s a sperm whale,” said David. As he finished speaking the whale righted itself and slapped its massive fluke against the surface, sending another wave pouring over David. David hit the pavement as he legs again gave way.
“He’s a dragon, and that’s final,” said Jia Li.
David nodded and tried to stand up but fell again, his shaky legs unsure if they were supposed to be fins or feet. Jia Li frowned.
“Why don’t you just get in the water?”
“Good idea,” said David. He inched himself into the pool, careful to avoid the range of the whale’s fluke, which was nearly three times his body in length. As he let go of the edge, David sank like a dead weight.
“Um, Jia…” said David, just managing to stick his head above water before sinking again.
“Jia Li…”
Jia Li rolled her eyes and dug in her bucket.
“You have got to be the weirdest mer I have ever seen,” said Jia Li, throwing him a pair of inflated water wings. She dug in her bucket again and pulled out a broom, a pair of scissors and a tube of toothpaste. Squeaky moaned and rolled onto his side again, exposing a narrow jaw like a log studded with bananas. As David swam nearer he could see several of the teeth had been replaced with gold ones. Jia Li cut the end of the toothpaste open, squirted the whole tube onto her broom in one thick ribbon, and started to brush Squeaky’s teeth. She flicked a hairline crack in one of the teeth with her nail. Squeaky moaned and waved his fin.
“How many times do I have to tell you, Squeaky? Do not bite the beaks,” said Jia Li, shaking her head. “I tell you again and again but you never listen.”
She was referring to the hard, parrot-like beaks found on squid, Squeaky’s favourite food. David swam around the whale as a half mer, half man. His feet had elongated into fins, but his gills remained hidden, and his hair wasn’t glowing, since he was partly out of the water. David ran his hand along Squeaky’s wrinkly back, which felt like a rubbery raisin. As Jia Li brushed his teeth, Squeaky took deep, puffing breaths out of his blow hole, which looked like a pair of giant, rubbery lips on the left side of his head.
“Squeaky’s an interesting name for a sper… dragon,” said David. “And he’s going to take me to Larimar?”
“Yes, he will take you to Larimar,” said Jia Li.
David nodded.
“How exactly?” asked David.
“With that,” said Jia Li. She pointed to Hiram, who was sitting on the tarmac with a clear, plastic sack that looked like a deflated air mattress. He was stringing rings of calamari onto the end of it, like a garland.
“Well, that should do it,” said Jia Li, dumping a bucket of water over Squeaky’s newly-brushed teeth. “Get some rest now; I’m going to need you to go to Larimar for Mommy.”
Squeaky moaned again and rolled onto his stomach, motionless like a stony, grey island in the middle of the pool. David pulled himself out of the water and sat at the edge.
“Hiram, is the I.S. almost ready?” asked Jia Li.
“Ya,” said Hiram, as he strung the last of the calamari on the hanging strands.
“Right then,” said Jia Li. “Squeaky will be ready to dive in the next five minutes. Now it’s very important you stay in the first stomach—”
“Stomach?” asked David.
Jia Li glared at him.
“What did you think, you’re going to ride his back and take photos at the border? Of course you’re going in his stomach, you’ll be killed any other way. Now as I was saying, it’s very important you stay in the first stomach, or you will be digested and come out as a big ball of—”
Squeaky’s stomach gurgled and grumbled; the water in the pool swished to the side as a sticky, black bead the size of a soccer ball emerged from near the tail and floated on the water.
“Hiram, will you get that?” asked Jia Li.
Hiram sprinted toward the pool with a net and sifted the bead out of the water. Jia Li dragged the plastic sack with the garlands of calamari toward the edge of the pool. Squeaky dropped vertically and stuck his massive head out of the water so that h
e looked like a wrinkly, bluish-grey potato. He stared at the sack with hungry eyes.
“It will take about thirty minutes to reach Larimar,” said Jia Li, “fifteen minutes down, fifteen minutes across the bottom. He’ll lie in wait for several minutes and spit you out at the edge of the Abyss; you’ll be on your own from there. Are you ready?”
“Not actually, no,” said David, looking at Squeaky’s toothy jaw.
“Well you can’t very well stay here,” said Jia Li. “It’ll be a bit uncomfortable going down and you’ll have to hold your breath for about a minute. Once you’re in the stomach, the fan will engage and you’ll have air again. Do you have everything?
“I think so,” said David, looking down at his seashell purse.
“Good,” said Jia Li. “Squeaky, are you ready to dive?”
Squeaky dropped into the water and lay on his belly, sending a cloud of spray into the air as he breathed. Jia Li opened the plastic sack and held it out toward David.
“Get in,” said Jia Li. David pulled himself up from the pool scooted himself inside. Jia Li zipped the sack up to his chin. “Hiram, are you ready?”
Hiram bent down and hugged David’s knees.
“And… deep breath… GO!”
David took a gulp of air as Jia Li zipped the bag over his head and jumped back. Hiram hoisted David by the knees and dropped him back into the pool. Squeaky sucked the water toward him and opened his mouth, pulling David into his jaws. In another second he was sliding headlong down Squeaky’s throat, the muscles squeezing him from all sides as he plummeted into the stomach. He somersaulted around as Squeaky arched his back and dove headlong toward the bottom of the pool, which was already retracting and opening to the sea. David felt horrendously sick inside Squeaky’s stomach, like he would pass out or vomit from all the tumbling and lack of oxygen. He levelled out just as he closed his eyes. A small fan turned on by David’s feet and sent a cool breeze of air up to his mouth. David breathed. In another moment the bag was fully inflated and a dim, blue light flicked on above his head. As David looked around he saw the bag in which he stood was actually oval-shaped, with ten strands of calamari rings floating underneath him. The fan and tank at his feet was shaped like a beak.