by Duarte, Judy
He’d fallen for Jillian. As much as he’d like to dispute the possibility, he couldn’t. Not here. Not now.
As he walked to the door, she followed him. But he let himself out.
Then he headed for his pickup without looking back.
As Jillian watched Shane climb into his truck, she wanted to call him back, to tell him that they had more to talk about. But fear caused her tongue to freeze and her feet to root to the floor.
After she and Thomas had split, she’d been determined to protect herself from getting involved in another bad relationship—and the pain and disappointment that went with it. So she’d resisted Shane and her growing attraction to him.
So how’s that working for you? a small voice asked.
To be honest? Not so well. Her heart ached at the thought of losing him for good, and she wasn’t sure how to make things right. Was it too late to even try?
She had to admit that she’d handled things badly when he’d stopped by, but his surprise visit had thrown her off balance, and so had his mention of marriage.
Yet somewhere, deep in her heart, she’d hoped that they could have become a couple someday—and a family. But Shane hadn’t said anything about love, and there was no way Jillian would ever consider making a lifetime commitment without that one critical ingredient.
So she closed the front door, locking herself into her apartment.
Yet instead of gaining the sense of security she’d been expecting, a cold, lonely chill settled within her, leaving her feeling lost and more alone than ever before.
For nearly twenty minutes, she continued to struggle with her emotions, as well as her plans for the future, but she was still no closer to a resolution.
Jillian could certainly use a friend right now, but Katie, her old college roommate, wasn’t going to fit the bill this time. She didn’t just want to chat and vent; she needed some guidance from someone who loved her unconditionally.
So she picked up the telephone and called the one person in the world she could always depend upon for level-headed advice.
When Gram answered, Jillian gripped the receiver as though she could reinforce their connection, strengthening it.
“I’ve got a problem,” she told the older woman.
“What’s the matter?”
In the past, while talking to Gram about the night she’d met Shane and invited him back to her room, Jillian had held back a lot of details, but she wouldn’t do that now. If she wanted her grandmother’s advice, she would have to lay it all on the table, letting the older woman know just what the problem was—and how it was tearing her apart.
So Jillian told her grandmother everything—about the romantic dinner they’d had, the arousing kiss they’d shared on the dance floor and the fact that Shane had turned her broken heart on end, jump-starting the healing process and making her feel like a desirable woman again.
She didn’t go into the specifics of their lovemaking, of course, but she did admit that they’d been sexually compatible.
Compatible? that small voice asked. How about down right combustible?
There was no disputing that, but she did her best to shake off the heated memories. Then she mentioned that Shane’s young son had died. She also shared what she’d read about his assault of the suspect who’d been in his custody, the resulting suspension from the force and, of course, his reinstatement after a thorough investigation. She ended by telling Gram that he’d ultimately left the HPD altogether.
Jillian even went so far as to admit that Thomas had been abusive at times, although he’d never gone so far as to strike her. And her concern that Shane might have a short fuse or a violent streak, too.
“Has he given you any reason to believe that about him?” Gram asked.
“Honestly? None at all.”
Gram seemed to ponder that response for a moment, then asked, “When did he lose his child? Was it before or after the incident with that suspect?”
“His son died first, I think. Why?”
“Because that time in his life must have been filled with grief.”
“I’m sure it was.”
“When he snapped with that suspect, he might have been in a bad place emotionally. And if that’s the case, then maybe you should cut him a little slack, honey.”
Jillian hadn’t thought about that, even after that day at the park when he’d told her about Joey’s death. For some reason, she hadn’t put the two incidences together, and she probably should have.
Either way, how could she make an assumption about Shane’s character without even asking him what had happened that day? Or to consider the reasons that may have led up to it?
“Thanks for talking to me, Gram. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“I haven’t met that young man, Jilly, but I trust your judgment. And it’s time that you started to trust yourself again, too.”
After saying goodbye and ending the call, Jillian sat back on the sofa.
Gram had been widowed after losing the love of her life, so it wasn’t any wonder that she had a romantic streak, that she believed marriages and relationships could go the distance, even though Jillian’s personal experience suggested otherwise.
As hope began to rear its head, Jillian couldn’t help thinking—and believing—that the older woman might be right.
Had she made a big mistake by letting Shane leave before telling him how she felt—even if she wasn’t entirely sure?
She could have told him how much she’d appreciated all the little things he’d done to make her visit in Brighton Valley special—and enjoyable. Having him with her in the E.R. that day had been comforting, too.
As she thought about the sonogram, about her and Shane watching their baby move within the womb, she remembered his excitement, his support.
And in spite of her fear that he considered their baby a replacement for the son he’d lost, she realized that he’d seemed pleased to learn that their child was a girl.
He’d even been willing to get a bigger place to live and to purchase a brand-new rocking chair for her to put in the nursery she planned to create.
As Jillian took it all in, she blew out a sigh. Why hadn’t she realized that there was far more to Shane Hollister than met the eye, although what met the eye was enough to set her heart soaring and her hormones pumping?
In fact, even though she’d been dragging her feet about getting physically involved with him, she liked sleeping with him and waking in his arms. She even wanted to make love to him again.
And again.
Did all of that mean that she could fall in love with him?
Or maybe she already had.
So now what? she wondered.
The urge to talk to him grew until she had no choice but to act upon it.
He was probably already at his parents’ house by now, with his family. Maybe she should call him, discuss her thoughts and feelings over the phone. But a face-to-face conversation would be best.
My folks live in the Woodlands…just off Arbolitos Drive.
Jillian didn’t know exactly which house belonged to Mr. and Mrs. Hollister, but she could certainly find the street. And then she could drive up one side and down the other until she spotted Shane’s pickup.
There would probably be a party in progress, but she wasn’t going to let that stop her. She was going to walk right up to the front door—baby bump and all. Then she would ring the bell and ask to speak to Shane.
He hadn’t said much about his family, and she wasn’t sure why he hadn’t. So she wasn’t sure what his family would think of her showing up unannounced, unwed and pregnant. But she didn’t care. She needed to talk to Shane and make things right.
She just hoped it wasn’t too late.
After climbing into his pickup and leaving Jillian’s house, Shane had sworn under his breath, ashamed of himself for practically groveling.
Right then and there, he’d been tempted to head back to Brighton Valley, with its clear blue ski
es and wide-open spaces, where he’d created a new life for himself.
Instead, he drove across town to the Woodlands, turned onto Arbolitos Drive and proceeded until he arrived at his folks’ house.
There were a couple of cars parked in front already, as well as two of his nephews playing catch on the lawn. He sat in his truck for a moment or two, watching his brother John’s sons.
The boys were getting bigger, Shane noted. It was nice to see the oldest coaching the youngest. John must be really proud of them.
Deciding he’d sat in the truck long enough, he climbed out of the driver’s seat and headed for the house. As he made his way up the sidewalk, he stopped long enough to say hello to the boys and to add, “Good arm, Trevor.”
“Thanks, Uncle Shane. You want to play with us?”
“Maybe later. I have to check in with your grandma first, or I’ll be in big trouble.” Then he made his way to the front door and let himself in.
He’d barely entered the living room when his sister Mary-Lynn spotted him.
“Hey, Mom,” she called. “Come quick. Look what the cat drug in.” Then she wrapped Shane in a hug, which he held on to for a beat or two longer than necessary.
For some reason, it felt especially good to have a physical connection with another human being, especially since Jillian had sent him on his way earlier. Not that she’d asked him to leave, but she hadn’t done anything to convince him to stay.
“You’re certainly a sight for sore eyes,” Mary-Lynn told him, as they stepped apart. “You really should come around more often. We miss you.”
“I missed you, too.” And at that very moment, as the words rolled off his tongue without any conscious thought, he realized they were true.
“So what’s new around here?” Shane asked his sister, knowing that she was the go-to girl when it came to learning the scoop about the comings and goings in the family.
“Well, let’s see… Colleen’s setting a wedding date— November tenth. And Andy will be heading for Camp Pendleton soon, although I’m not sure when.”
Before Shane could question whether their baby sister was old enough and wise enough to tie the knot, or whether Andy should have considered another branch of the military, his mother entered the room and clapped her hands.
“Shane! I’ve been hoping and praying that you’d surprise us one Sunday and come home.” Then she wrapped her arms around him in a mama-bear hug, letting him know just how glad she was to see him.
After the welcome-back embrace ended, his mom and his sister headed back to the kitchen, just as Jack, his oldest brother, came into the house from the backyard.
“It’s good to see you, little brother.”
“Same here.”
“So what’s new?” Jack asked.
Nothing Shane was ready to talk about yet. So he said, “Not much.”
“Are you dating anyone special yet?”
“Nope. I’m too busy riding fence and mucking stalls for that.”
“Sounds like a crappy job, if you ask me. If I were you, I’d much rather be chasing after the bad guys—and dating the ladies.” Jack, who loved his work with the police department, nodded toward the sliding door that led out to the patio. “Come on outside. I’ll buy you a beer and let you know what’s been going on at the HPD.”
As Shane followed his brother out to the yard, he thought about the dating question and his lack of honesty.
Of course, he and Jillian weren’t what you’d call an item. In fact, after today, they weren’t really anything—other than coparents, he supposed.
He’d been a fool to stop by her place earlier, and he’d been an even bigger fool to mention marriage or to hint at them having a life together.
From day one, he’d known that a permanent relationship with Jillian wasn’t in the cards—even if he’d wished otherwise.
Jack handed Shane a can of beer, and they made small talk for a while. A few minutes later, their father, who’d been napping, joined them outside. They greeted each other, then talked about the scuttlebutt down at the precinct.
As Shane scanned the yard, watching the kids play tag and the adults crack jokes, listening to the bursts of laughter and the escalating voices, he realized that it would take a special woman to appreciate a Hollister get-together.
Marcia certainly hadn’t been able to. And Jillian, who was an only child, too, didn’t seem able to handle it, either.
Besides that, Jillian had also experienced the best that life could offer when she’d been married, so how could she ever live happily in a blue-collar world?
She’d be miserable. And Shane would find himself back in that same marital turmoil he’d been in before.
No way would he ever want to live like that again.
“You ready for another beer?” Jack asked, as he dipped his hand into the ice chest.
“No, I’m good for now.” Shane turned back to the game of tag that his nieces were playing on the grass.
“Shane?” his mom called out.
“Yeah?” He turned to face the sliding door, where his mother stood.
He assumed that she wanted him to do her a favor, like carry something heavy outside or reach a bowl in the top shelf of the cupboard.
Instead, she said, “You have company.”
“Me?” He wondered who knew that he’d be here today, since he hadn’t told anyone in the family that he was going to show up.
“Yes, you,” she said.
“Who is it?” he asked.
“That’s what I’d like to know.” His mother crossed her arms and raised her brow. “She’s a beautiful blonde who’s obviously pregnant. And she’s asking for you.”
“Uh-oh,” Jack said. “Sounds like you might have been doing a little more than riding fence and mucking stalls while you were in Brighton Valley.”
Shane might have had some kind of snappy retort if he hadn’t been floored by the news that Jillian was here. And it had to be her. Who else did he know who was blond, beautiful and pregnant?
Trouble was, when he went inside the house and headed for the front door, everyone else seemed to follow him like a string of ducklings.
Chapter Twelve
Jillian stood on the Hollisters’ front porch, waiting for Shane’s mother to call him to the door.
She’d been invited inside, but until she had a chance to talk to him and he issued the invitation himself, she thought it would be best if she waited here.
But when footsteps sounded—a lot of them—she glanced past the entryway and into the living room, where Shane strode toward her, several of his family members following behind.
Certainly she wouldn’t have to tell him what she’d come to say in front of an audience, would she?
He wore a slightly bewildered expression, although she had no idea what her own looked like—uneasy? Embarrassed? Contrite? Maybe a little bit of each?
Still, as he approached, she managed a smile. “I…uh…need to talk to you.” She glanced beyond him—at Mrs. Hollister, as well as a man who could be his brother, and several children.
Shane peeked over his shoulder, at the curious onlookers, then back to her. “Do you want to take a walk around the block?”
“Sure.”
“It might be the only chance we have at some privacy.” Then he turned to his mother and said, “Don’t wait for me to get back. Go ahead and eat whenever those steaks are done.”
Then he stepped onto the porch and closed the door behind him, shutting out the audience.
They started down the sidewalk to the curb, then proceeded down the shady, tree-lined street.
“How’d you know where my parents live?” he asked.
“You told me the neighborhood, as well as the street. I took a drive, then looked for your truck. Actually, I knocked at one of the neighbor’s houses by mistake, and a lady told me to go next door.”
The sun had risen high overhead, and a breeze ruffled the leaves in the trees, as they continued a casual walk.
/>
“I hope you don’t mind that I came by,” she said.
“No, that’s fine.”
“It’s just that I wanted to apologize to you—in person.”
He pondered her comment for a half beat. “About what?”
“For not being completely open with you about the way I feel. For holding back and for not trusting you.”
His steps slowed, and hers did, too. As he turned to face her, as their gazes met and locked, she braced herself for what she’d driven across town to say.
“I think you’ll make a wonderful father for our baby. And I’ll be happy to share custody with you. But I plan to nurse her, and so… Well, you can understand why I wouldn’t want you to take her away from me or keep her overnight.”
“I never planned to do that. At least, not when she’s little. That’s one reason why I…” He glanced down at his boots, shifted his weight, then looked back up again. “I guess that’s why I suggested that we work something out, where we could… Well, eventually where we could raise her together.”
“You mean move into the same house?” she asked. He’d mentioned marriage, so that’s what he must have been thinking.
“I’m willing. But if you’re not ready or even interested, I understand.”
“It’s not that.” She cleared her throat, hoping to cut through the complicated feelings she was struggling with, then pressed on with the honesty he deserved. “I enjoyed my time at your place in Brighton Valley. You were a perfect gentleman and… Well, you seem to be too good to be true, and that scares me.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m afraid of getting hurt again.”
“I can understand that.”
“Can you? Because I can’t. And it doesn’t seem fair to you. I mean, my ex-husband was a lying jerk. And I’ve been holding you at bay because I’m afraid that you might not be the man I want you to be.”
Shane reached out, caught a strand of her hair, letting it slip through his fingers as though it were spun gold. “You scare me, too. I had a lousy marriage, and my wife never could appreciate my family or my job. Hell, most of the time, she didn’t even appreciate me. So now I find myself involved with a woman who lives in a world two hours from mine, and she’s having our baby.”