Because she loves you.
No, because she thinks this is love. Could she really not see how wrong he was for her? She couldn’t have forgotten about their first date, not to mention all the other times he’d managed to drive her insane over the past few weeks.
He didn’t do real relationships. Not with her, not with anyone. She knew that. Or he’d thought she’d known that. It was obvious. They’d spelled out the rules.
A groan escaped his frozen chest, and he saw Caitlyn flinch as though he’d struck her. Gregory was right; she was too naïve and too sweet for this kind of relationship. He should have known she would read more into it than was there. She was a woman who screamed commitment and destiny, not fuck buddy and short-lived fling. Of course she would confuse intimacy with emotions. And that’s all this was. It explained his own confusion, too—why he was so confused over what should be a simple business deal. Why he was jealous of Mr. Perfect tonight. They’d both let themselves get carried away. But he at least knew the difference between this short-term connection and the type of relationship that Caitlyn wanted and deserved.
He would destroy her in the long run. How could she not see that?
This was his fault. He should have seen this coming. He should have listened to Gregory and put a stop to it earlier. Hell, he shouldn’t have started anything in the first place.
But none of that mattered now. It was too late to turn back the clock and do the right thing. He had to make the best of the situation. Caitlyn was still staring at him with impossibly wide eyes, tears threatening to spill.
He couldn’t think of any way to make this right. What would Gregory do? Oh hell, what would Cary Grant do? They would never have gotten themselves into this situation. He was on his own.
“Look, Cait, I—” he started. She continued to watch him in eerie silence. He wished for a phone to ring or the TV to miraculously turn on. Anything to save him from this stifling silence.
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” The words sounded lame, even to him.
“Why not?”
His heart broke in half at the sound of her voice choked by tears. God, had he done this? Of course he had. This was exactly why he was no good for her and why she’d be better off without him. He would hurt her, over and over again. He couldn’t give her what she wanted.
“It’s not you,” he started.
“Oh please, don’t say it’s not you it’s me.” She rolled her eyes and then swiped at them with the back of her hands to wipe away the tears that spilled over. She did it quickly but not quickly enough. He saw the telltale tears and they destroyed him.
“But it’s true.” Forcing aside the paralysis, he reached his hands out toward her, but she backed away. “Cait, I don’t do relationships, you know that. At least, not real ones. It’s not what I want, it’s not who I am.”
She was shaking her head but she didn’t protest.
“My company comes first,” he continued, knowing that his words were hurtful but also knowing that he had to go on…for her sake. He had to end this now before she got hurt even more. “And you’re not the type of woman I typically go for.” When her eyes rounded with offense, he quickly added, “Not that you’re not hot and smart and sexy—”
“But?”
He let out the pent up breath in one long exhale. “But we want different things. You want, and deserve, something long-term, but I don’t do long-term. I do flings and affairs. I have no interest in marriage and kids and a house in the suburbs. I like to party and I like a woman who knows how to have a good time. I’m not the type to stay at home and watch a woman knit.”
It was official—he was a bastard. He was being hurtful and cruel, but he needed to get through to her. It was for the best, like ripping off a Band-Aid. She obviously wasn’t seeing him clearly, and she needed to be reminded of who he truly was. A bastard. An asshole. He was the jerk she’d met on her first date. Oh, he might do a good job disguising it now and again, but ultimately that was who she’d be stuck with and she deserved more, so much more.
She crossed her arms in front of her chest and met his gaze. He was relieved to see the tears were gone, replaced by a steely anger. “You need to get out of my apartment.”
He blinked once. Twice. He gave a jerky nod. “I’ll be out of here tonight.”
She was right to kick him out. And it was for the best, for her and for him. Because he wasn’t sure he could spend the night without taking it all back and begging her forgiveness and taking her into his arms.
Space, that’s what they both needed. She needed to get her head on straight and remember what it was she wanted out of life. It certainly wasn’t him. And he needed space to remember who he was before this beauty came into his life and crept under his skin.
Chapter 14
Caitlyn was well aware of Meg’s gaze on her across the bar, but she chose to ignore her.
“You’ve been nursing that drink for an hour,” her friend said.
Caitlyn swirled the remaining sips in her glass. She didn’t need any more drinks and the bar was about to close up, anyway. So why was she stalling? Because her home was completely uninviting.
She’d been puttering around the empty apartment for the past few days, trying to readjust to being alone. She used to love having the apartment to herself but now it just seemed depressingly empty. The silence was unbearable.
But Meg was trying to finish closing up and even Alice was packing up her belongings and getting ready to go. More and more lately, Alice had been hanging out at the bar, not just to drink but to help out her sister. She and Jake took turns forcing Meg to sit and rest while they took over whatever task she’d set herself to.
How Alice was managing to help out at the bar at night while still holding down her fast-paced job at the PR company was beyond her. Caitlyn was having a hard enough time balancing her work at the store with her new foray into selling patterns online. And moping. She somehow managed to find plenty of time for that.
Alice came over and sank into the stool next to her. “You can’t avoid your home forever.”
Caitlyn studied her friend, who somehow still managed to look chic even with her hair tossed up in a messy bun and wearing an apron. “How do you do it?” she asked.
Alice’s brows drew together. “How do I do what?”
Caitlyn considered her next words. It was no secret that Alice was a fan of the casual fling. For the nearly ten years that she’d known her best friend’s younger sister, the woman had never had a serious relationship, and not for a lack of suitors. She seemed to be content to have meaningless, short-term flings and never got hurt. At least not that Caitlyn had seen.
“How do you not get attached?” Caitlyn asked.
She thought she saw a flicker of something in Alice’s eyes…something she couldn’t name but that looked suspiciously like pain. Caitlyn instantly regretted her words. “I didn’t mean,” she started. “I mean, that came out wrong, I just meant—”
But whatever emotion she’d thought she’d seen in Alice’s eyes was quickly replaced by laughter as her friend waved away her concerns. “Don’t worry about it. I know what you meant.”
Caitlyn waited for her to continue. She honestly wanted to know how to do it. Maybe keeping distance was a learned skill. Lord knew she failed miserably with Ben.
Instead of answering, though, Alice grew unusually serious. “I’m sorry.”
Caitlyn blinked in surprise. “For what?”
She shrugged and cast a look over her shoulder to Meg, who was watching them both with concern. Turning back, she said, “Maybe we gave you bad advice. Maybe you shouldn’t have told him how you feel.”
Caitlyn mulled that over. “No,” she said finally. “There’s a lot of things I regret about the way things ended between us, but I don’t regret being honest with him.”
Now it was Alice’s turn to blink at her in surprise. “Really? Even after…everything?”
/> Caitlyn gave a definitive nod. “I don’t regret sleeping with Ben. And I don’t regret telling him how I feel.” She turned to her friend, hoping Alice might understand. “Being with him changed me, you know? I’m different, in a good way. I’m braver and more confident and willing to take chances….”
“You didn’t need a guy to do that for you,” Alice said.
Caitlyn grinned. “Maybe not. Maybe I would have gotten there on my own eventually. But I can’t deny that he helped. He saw that part of me when I couldn’t and he challenged me, pushed me to be that person. The person I want to be.”
Alice’s expression grew thoughtful. “Then maybe that’s all he’s meant to be. Maybe he was sent into your life for exactly that reason. Maybe you should be grateful for that and move on.”
Caitlyn was stunned by Alice’s words. And Meg, who’d been listening from where she stood washing dishes, looked just as surprised. Alice was not one to talk about destiny or relationships being meant to be.
Tamara’s arrival just as the last customers left jarred them from their shocked silence, and Meg came over to join them. “Or maybe,” she said, giving Caitlyn a long, searching look. “Maybe you need to give him time. It took you a while to realize how you felt about him, but once you did you acted on it.”
“Yeah, but Caitlyn is brave,” Alice interjected. “I don’t know if Ben will have the balls to own up to his feelings.”
Brave? That was definitely not how she’d describe herself. Caitlyn shook her head. She didn’t even know where to begin. They were assuming that Ben must feel the same way, but he’d made it abundantly clear that he didn’t.
Meg wrung out the dishrag in her hand. “Yeah, but…isn’t it possible he just needs time?”
A surge of irritation made it hard to keep her temper. “Time for what? He’s gone, Meg, and he’s not coming back.”
Meg ignored her.
Alice looked from Meg to Caitlyn and back again. “He did seem to really care about her.”
She sighed. Now they were talking about her like she wasn’t even there. Finally throwing back the last of her drink, she set it down with a little too much force and said it again, as a reminder to herself more than anything. “He’s gone,” she said again. “And he’s not coming back.”
The silence that followed her grim statement was broken by Tamara’s soft voice. “Maybe that’s for the best.”
All three of them whipped around to face their quiet, sweet friend to find that she looked outright tortured.
“What’s going on?” Meg asked.
“Tam, are you okay?” Alice asked.
Tamara ignored them, keeping her focus on Caitlyn as she told her story. “I was in the owner’s office tonight, working on the books, and I saw something….”
A pit settled in Caitlyn’s gut. Somehow whatever bad news was coming, it had something to do with her and Ben. “And?” she prodded.
Tamara tucked a strand of long blond hair behind her ear. “I saw a proposal on his desk. It looks like it’s from a developer who wants to buy the property and tear it down.”
This was met by groans of despair all around—their worst fears were coming true. But Caitlyn kept her gaze fixed on Tamara, who looked far too nervous. “And?” she said again.
Tamara swallowed visibly. “Ben’s name was on the plans.”
Caitlyn felt ice wash through her veins. What were the odds that Ben—her Ben—was behind this plan? “Are you sure?”
Tamara nodded. “It was his firm’s name. He works for Lewis and Hurley, right?”
Caitlyn gave a jerky nod. “That’s the name of Ben’s firm.” Her mind started to race. Ben wasn’t the only employee in the firm, maybe he hadn’t even known about it. Maybe it was one of his partners.
But that hopeful thought was cut short as Tamara continued. “I looked through the developer’s letter to the owner and he named the investor. Ben is working with him on the plan to tear down the theater.”
She was keenly aware of all the eyes that were on her, waiting for her response. Her first instinct was to deny it, to insist that there was some sort of mistake, but Tamara looked so certain. And it’s not like Tamara had any reason to lie.
If it was true…if this wasn’t a misunderstanding…
She took one look at the grim set of Tamara’s lips and knew that this was no misunderstanding.
Oh, she was going to kill him.
* * * *
Ben was going to kill Darren. “What do you mean you approached the owner? I told you to wait.”
Darren was a hothead, he’d known that from the beginning. But now, sitting across from the twentysomething trust fund kid with his slicked back, blond hair and that cocky little smirk—he was seriously starting to doubt his own judgment for getting into bed with this guy in the first place.
“What are you so upset about?” Darren asked. His arms were flung wide, draped over the back of the sofa in Ben’s office.
Ben turned his back on the younger man and looked out the corner window to the Hudson River. He’d had this office for two years, but he felt like he was seeing it for the first time after working from home for so many weeks.
Home. That thought brought up an image of Caitlyn’s small but cozy flat. That was home. Certainly not Gregory’s penthouse or the new condo he’d be moving into in a couple weeks.
But he couldn’t think about Caitlyn now. He had to focus on business and this deal, and his reaction to Darren’s latest move had nothing to do with her.
Liar.
Okay, so maybe it had a little to do with her. But putting her anger and pain aside if she ever found out about this deal and his involvement, Darren’s move had still been rash. Rubbing his eyes with his palms, he struggled with how to make his new partner understand.
“Look, I know you’re excited to get this moving, but there is red tape surrounding that property that will make it a landmine to deal with if you don’t do it properly.”
“You mean the historical preservation?”
Ben hated the knowing smirk on the younger man’s face. “What did you do?”
Darren leaned forward so his elbows were resting on his knees. “It’s not what I’ve done but what you’ll do. I’ve done my research. I know you have friends in high places who can make sure the right people rule in our favor.”
He wasn’t wrong; that was the worst part. If Ben really wanted to make this deal happen, he could.
“We’ve been through this,” Ben said. Pacing in front of the other man, he spelled it out yet again. “That block isn’t the only location in the city where you can build your new hotel. I told you, my people have found other alternatives, better options.”
Darren shrugged. “But this one is available now and the owner is eager to sell.”
And you would be crushing the dreams of a small group of volunteers who are fighting to preserve the neighborhood’s history.
But of course he couldn’t say that aloud. He did not do emotion in the workplace. Hell, he didn’t do emotion, period. One mention of the L-word and he’d bolted.
Nope. He would not relive that night. Not again. Or at least, not right now when he was in the middle of a business meeting. Lord knew he’d be replaying it over and over all night when he should be sleeping.
For now, he had to focus. “Even if this development isn’t in danger from the historical preservation commission, you could still have lost our negotiating power if the owner has gotten wind of how eager you are.”
Darren’s smug smirk fell a bit at that. Good, the young developer was too arrogant for his own good.
“So what do we do now?” he asked.
Ben pulled his mind back from where it had strayed—where it always strayed—to Caitlyn. Turning to the other man, he said, “Let me handle it from here. In the meantime, check out the other proposals I put together for you. I think you’ll find some even more appealing than the old theater’s space.”
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br /> Darren looked doubtful but he agreed, leaving Ben alone in the office. One thought had been nagging at him since he’d told him how he’d gone and approached the owner of the theater without his consent.
He had to tell Caitlyn.
She would find out eventually, especially if this deal went through, and it was best if she found out about his involvement from him. The thought of telling her was not pleasant, but he couldn’t deny the surge of adrenaline that pulsed through him. He would be lying if he told himself that excitement had nothing to do with seeing Caitlyn again. Even if it was to give her news that she’d hate, that could make her hate him. He’d still get to see her.
This past week had been torture, sheer and simple. He missed her laugh, he missed her sense of humor, and he missed talking to her at the end of the day. He missed talking to her first thing in the morning. Not to mention her kisses and her body and making love…
Making love? Was that what he was calling it now? Holy hell, she really did have an influence on him, for better or worse.
“Am I interrupting?” Natalie was in the doorway, watching him. She’d been hovering like a nursemaid since he’d shown up in the office, probably afraid that he was going to lose his shit if he ran into Alejandro by the water cooler. There was still no love lost there, but he couldn’t bring himself to get too riled up over a woman and relationship that had been a toxic waste of time.
Besides, he would have to face Alejandro and Olivia at the Christmas party that weekend. Alone.
Natalie took a step toward him. “You all right? You look like someone killed your cat.”
Ben let out a weary laugh. “I don’t have a cat.”
“So then what are you moping about?” Natalie’s mouth was pursed in that know-it-all way of hers, which he was certain drove her real children nuts. As one of the many people she treated like her child, he could only imagine their pain.
“I’m not moping.” He turned to take his seat behind his desk in the hopes that it would make him look busy and important—too busy to answer any of his assistant’s prying questions, at least.
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