Dylan

by Brittany Dreams

That leaves me with free time in the day to get my act together.

  It’s exactly one o’clock when I walk into the bookstore Mom runs with Allison. Mom works on different days but usually does a four-day week. She told me some time ago that she gave Allison more control over the place because she’s so passionate about it.

  It was also Allison’s idea to have the little coffeeshop inside so people could read and have coffee.

  Since I’ve been home I’ve only come here when I knew she wasn’t going to be around. Today is the reverse. I know Mom isn’t going to be here today.

  I look ahead to the cashier desk and see Allison standing there. She’s had a haircut since I last saw her and as she steps from behind the desk my gaze lands on the little bump on her stomach just barely visible. Mom told me Allison was expecting her second child.

  She was talking with a customer and when she glanced over to me she did a double take.

  Except for that day in the park, I haven’t seen her since the last time we spoke, and that was when she broke up with me. Two years now.

  I go over to her because it’s me who needs to make the first move and as I do I don’t feel it anymore. I don’t feel that angst I experienced from just the thought of her. It’s hard to be with someone for ten years and then you aren’t with them anymore.

  “Hi,” I say, and her eyes widen.

  “Hi there.” Her eyes search mine and I’m stuck on what to say. “How are you?”

  “I’m good.”

  “You’re mom isn’t here today. Did…you want me to leave a message? She sometimes comes in later in the day if she’s passing by, but I doubt it today.”

  “No, I know she’s not here. I came to see you,” I clarify.

  I feel like an ass when her eyes brim. She looks like she’s about to cry because it’s simple. I did act like an ass.

  I was hurt and I never want to feel that hurt again, but I shouldn’t have behaved the way I did.

  “You came to see me?” She points to herself.

  “Yeah, I just wanted to congratulate you, but it looks like congratulations are in order again. It’s a good look on you, suits you.”

  “Thanks, it means a lot. Dylan…I was really sorry to hear what happened to you. It terrified the hell out of me and I realized whether or not I was with you, the hurt and the pain would have been the same if something worse happened to you. So I’m really glad you’re okay.”

  “I appreciate you saying that. I really do.” It probably means more hearing her say it to me now than it would a few months back. Time has passed and I wouldn’t deny that being with Abby healed me in some ways.

  I’m not hung up on the past. It isn’t that. While I accepted Allison’s reason for ending our relationship, what I haven’t moved past is actually the same thing.

  The reason. It’s going to be a problem for me no matter who I’m with. It’ll stick in my mind.

  She smiles. “What’s happening now? You’re mom said you’re doing better.”

  “I am. I’m hoping to make a full recovery so I can get back to work.”

  “So…you’re going back? I mean after what you’ve been through you’d go back?” she asks tentatively, and I see a hint of the problem we’d have if we were together. I understand why people would just assume I’d retire, but that’s not me.

  “If I get the chance to go back I’ll take it,” I reply.

  “Of course. I get it. It’s who you are.”

  It is who I am…and not what she wanted. “Yeah. It’s me. But hey…we know what I’m like right?” I joke to add a little humor.

  “We do.”

  “I’d better get going.”

  “Thanks for coming by. It meant a lot to see you. Is it okay to hug you?”

  “Of course.” I smile and hug her to answer her question, careful of her little bump. It feels weird to hold her, but I’m glad I came. It’s given me some closure and distanced me from that tension I’ve felt for so long.

  “I’ll see you around,” I tell her.

  She smiles. “That would be nice.”

  As I leave I think of later with Abby.

  The woman with her craziness has convinced me to buy the lake house. I haven’t told her yet though. I guess that means she’s convinced me to stay in Chicago regardless to what happens with the Marines.

  I’m very aware of what she’s doing to me. I still can’t get her out of my head and I don’t want to.

  I’ve been thinking of what will happen in a few months when our little arrangement ends. It’s strange to think of it ending. I don’t want it to, but seeing Allison has given me the reminder that I need to be careful when it comes to relationships. Assuming something is one way is never good.

  I need to be careful. I remind myself that’s what I need to do when Abby skips into my arms later that night too, but then I forget all the lessons I’m supposed to remember and want her more than I thought possible the moment her lips touch mine.

  It’s like magic, an enchantment.

  A spell to make me want only her and nothing more.

  A charm to make me bypass all my fears and lull me into everything that is her.

  It pretty much sounds like I’m a goner and no matter what I do to stop myself from falling, I’ll lose my heart to this woman.

  Being careful isn’t an option anymore.

  Abby

  I stare out to the open waters of the lake and get lost in the smooth ripple of water.

  It’s a subtle day. Colder with that first spike of chill in the air that heralds the start of autumn.

  I don’t mind it though and I definitely don’t mind the chill of the breeze against my skin as I sit on the deck of the boat and look at the beauty all around me.

  Tomorrow is the day. Jack’s anniversary. And while I feel the sadness from the memory, I don’t feel the desolation.

  Footsteps sound near me and I turn to see Dylan.

  We set out sailing a few hours ago. He wanted me to bring the little box I shared with Jack.

  Apart from that time a few months back, I haven’t looked in it.

  Jack’s mom always has a memorial get-together at her house back in St. Louis, and I’m going. Dylan wanted to do something with me to give me strength.

  He looks at the little box in my hands and sits next to me.

  “You okay, baby?” he asks.

  “I think so.”

  “I thought this would be a nice spot to stop for a while,” he says, leaning against me.

  “It is. It’s beautiful. Dylan, this is really sweet of you to do this with me and for me. I know you don’t have to.”

  “But I want to. I think it will help you, so I’m here.”

  “Thank you.”

  He grins at me and shuffles around to face me. “Come on Miss Thing, let’s see what’s in the box.”

  “It’s just a bunch of paper in there. We literally wrote down on a piece of paper everything we wanted to do.”

  “Did you get to do many things?”

  “Yeah. Well, let’s see what else we were supposed to do.” My hands are shaking but I open the box and smile down at the little crumpled pieces of paper.

  We stopped filling the box when we were eighteen and decided that we’d make a whole new box when we’d done everything inside this one.

  There’s six little crumples of paper. Six different things. There was a time when we had close to a hundred pieces. Every month we’d pick a few things to do. There was no set rules, we’d just do what we could.

  I reach in and take the first bit of paper.

  It’s one of mine. It says:

  Go to the Vatican.

  “This is mine.” I show it to Dylan and he smiles.

  “That is a good one.”

  “I had this obsession with Rome. I’ve been to Tuscany but never got to do Rome.”

  “I’ve been to Rome, you’d love it, and the Vatican is amazing.”

  I smile at that then I take the next piece of paper and see it
’s one of mine again, so is the next and…the rest.

  They’re all mine.

  Tour Europe, see the Eiffel Tower, eat a lobster, sail the open sea, and swim in a coral reef.

  My hands still. They’re all mine. My stuff.

  The things I wanted to do with Jack.

  Nothing is left from him.

  He did all that he wanted to do with me, but these are all the things left that I wanted to do.

  I thought there would be a mixture of different things from both of us. But…they’re all mine.

  I feel so foolish for the way I’ve behaved over this box.

  “What’s up, baby?”

  “These are all mine,” I say, and Dylan takes the box from me to look at them.

  “These are good,” he states.

  “Yeah, I just…well, all that’s left is the stuff I want to do.”

  “Well, maybe Jack won’t mind if I do them with you,” he says with a tentative expression.

  I look to him and all I can do is stare.

  “Maybe he’ll be okay with it, if I covered for him and took you to Europe. I’d love that stuff. I’ve had lobster many times but I’m not sure that you’d like the taste if you don’t like shrimp.”

  “You’d want to do all that with me? Really?”

  “Yeah…if it’s okay. Europe is best to tour in the spring though.”

  I give him a weak smile. I was trying to be playful but he has me so overwhelmed with awe right now, I can’t hide it. “Spring…that sounds like it goes past our expiration date.”

  There’s a sensual flame in his eyes that reaches out to me. “Maybe…I don’t see us expiring. Maybe I like you more than I thought I would.”

  I like this game of maybes. It doesn’t feel all that much like maybes to me anymore, though but I’ll play.

  “Maybe I like you more than I thought I would too,” I confess.

  “Maybe?”

  I smile a smile I suddenly feel all over, inside and out. “I do,” I correct.

  We stare at each other and he sets the box down on the side. Cupping my face, he leans in for a kiss.

  A soft, gentle searching kiss that makes my toes curl and pleasure rise within me.

  He pulls away so he can pick me up and we kiss as he carries me into the little cabin.

  His lips spoil me rotten with kisses all over my skin as he peels the clothes from my body. I do the same to him and eventually we lie naked, skin to skin, tangled in the silky sheets.

  We devour each other in the middle of the lake, in the lock of serenity, and as his cock sears into me—branding me—I feel like his. I feel like I belong to him.

  The way that he touches me makes me believe nothing less. I believe it’s true and this time between us feels like more, and I realize why.

  Love.

  The answer fills my mind and soul, and its beautiful.

  It gives me hope. The hope I longed for and never thought I’d feel again.

  It’s hope I wanted that came to me in the most unlikely of ways, and people.

  It’s something I want because it’s him.

  Dylan.

  I want Dylan.

  I carried that thought with me right into the next day.

  It was strange waking up in Dylan’s arms on the anniversary of Jack’s death.

  But it felt right and that was a good start.

  I’d gone sailing with him, spent the time with Dylan overnight, and it was okay. I was okay.

  It never even crossed my mind that it wouldn’t be when we first did it, and that was a few months ago.

  It just isn’t like what I experienced with Wade. Not at all, not even close, which shows the progress I made in these few months.

  What is hard though is taking the trip to St. Louis.

  Like last year, I head out early and go straight to Mom’s. She lives in a little cottage by the river and looks happier than I’ve seen her in years. There’s no reason in particular for the change in mood but I kind of hope it means she’s finally move on from my father’s departure in our lives. She’s never gotten over that.

  I saw Aunt Lurlene too and we had a great catch-up session.

  The shift in everything came when we made our way over to Jack’s family home.

  When I saw a picture of him that his mom specially prepped for the evening, that was it for me. I caved and crumbled.

  At the same time I realized that everyone was experiencing the same. I wasn’t alone in it. It helped in some way. Over the last few months I came to accept that the small steps and the small things became part and parcel of the bigger picture. So I had to acknowledge that I felt a little stronger this year.

  Maybe it was okay to feel the pain on this day. It was definitely better than feeling it all the time.

  I stayed for two days and took another day off work when I got back because I just wasn’t feeling up to seeing anybody.

  I needed to process and think, and I didn’t want anyone seeing me cry again.

  Most of my day was spent sitting on this sofa in my living room with the TV on.

  As to what was on the TV, I wasn’t sure what I was watching. My mind wasn’t really all there.

  I remember seeing the news, then there was a documentary about ants.

  The sadness from the last few days is still with me but mostly I am thinking about Dylan.

  Going to St. Louis and seeing everything to do with Jack pushed me back to those issues I had with myself in regards to moving on. I’ve come far over the last few months, but going to Jack’s memorial seems like the last part.

  It seems like the last thing I have to do to set me on the path to truly move on.

  It makes me think of where I am with Dylan and where I want to be.

  Him saying he doesn’t want us to expire means a lot, because I don’t want that either.

  That means I have to take a good look at the picture of us and be real with myself.

  He is a marine and hell-bent on going back to active duty. When he told me what happened to him I couldn’t believe it. It was so horrific and it made me question why he’d want to go back to the nightmare.

  He nearly died and I worry that if what he described is his usual daily expectation then the chances of him dying aren’t exactly slim.

  If he goes back and something happens to him, what I would I do?

  The problem with falling for two guys so different from each other is exactly that you fall differently for each of them. One doesn’t surpass the other in emotion. They each get my heart.

  Dylan has my heart now and he makes me happy.

  I look to my front door when a piece of paper slides through.

  My apartment is small and dinky, more like a dorm room, so I see and hear everything as and when it happens.

  I make my way over to the door and look down at the paper.

  It’s a note that says:

  Just checking on you. If you want to be alone it’s okay.

  Dylan xx

  A little smile lifts the corners of my mouth and I open the door in an instant. He is just about to walk away but stops when he sees me.

  As low as I feel, the sight of him picks me up. I’m sure the sight of me is a different story for him.

  I saw my face earlier and I doubt that the puffy, red-eyed look is a good image to present to the guy you are dating.

  “Hey…” He smiles at me. “I know you probably want to be alone. I figured if you saw the note and wanted to see me you’d come out, but it’s seriously okay if you just want to be by yourself.”

  The warmth of his concern reaches out to me and I appreciate it.

  “I’m okay to see you,” I answer, my voice coming out a quivery rasp because I haven’t spoken to anyone in two days.

  He sees in an instant that while I may be okay to see him, I’m far from okay.

  The tear that trickles down my cheek is confirmation of that.

  “I could go get you something. Ice cream? Pizza? Anything you want.” He loo
ks like he’s trying to think of all the things that make me happiest.

  I can just think of one thing now that I want. “Can I just have you? You here is good.”

  He blinks at me, surprise suffusing his handsome face.

  “Of course. Yes baby…I’m here.”

  He comes in, slips his arm around me, and I snuggle against him on the sofa.

  “I guess it’s foolish to ask how it all went,” he says. “But I’ll still ask.”

  “It was hard,” I breathe.

  I wish I could give a different answer because it was beautiful too with the way people remembered Jack. It was beautiful that everyone wrote speeches and talked about the good things they remembered. But what it mostly was, was hard. Jack’s mom was still a mess. Everyone was still a mess. So I’m not at fault in saying it was hard.

  “I felt stronger than last time so that was good, but it was still hard.” I shuffle so I can look at him properly.

  “Feeling strong is good. Small steps, remember.”

  “Yeah…I just look forward to the day when I reach that point where I don’t feel like this. I don’t want to feel like this forever. I’d rather not feel like this ever again.” I swallow hard and try to push my sorrow away. It’s nice he’s here, and looking at him now makes me return to my prior thoughts about him going back to the Marines.

  It’s me who’s hung on to my loss for Jack and while I know I would worry sick over Dylan and worry that he’s safe, there’s no way I’m going to allow worry to stop me from being with a guy I want.

  It’s another step in the right direction.

  It’s something else that feels right, and healing.

  “Thanks so much for coming. You make me feel better,” I tell him.

  “Do I?” Worry fills his handsome face.

  “You make me feel happiness. The kind of happy that takes away sadness.”

  I hope that despite my lowliness my words express how much he’s meant to me. How much he means to me. He’s helped me in so many ways to move on and that’s the best thing anyone has ever done for me.

  And, there…there it is. As I look at him I feel it. A spark of something that reaches beyond the chemistry.

  It’s hope. There’s a change inside me and it feels like hope.