by Megan Lowe
“No, but I’m hoping it’s a start. Come on, Josh, we really are sorry and we want to make it up to you,” she pleads.
“Whatever.”
“Okay, well, it’s your choice if you decide to come or not, but we’d really like you to. We’ll be at the Spit around 7:00 p.m., okay?” I make a non-committal sound. Aubrey sighs. “We really are sorry, Josh. You mean a lot to both Mav and me, and we never meant for you to be pushed out of our lives.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I say, my anger at them slightly dissipating.
“So we’ll see you at seven?” she asks.
“I’ll check my diary.”
“Good,” she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. “I love you, Josh.”
“Whatever, just don’t ring the home phone so much next time,” I say.
“There won’t be a next time, but okay, see you soon!”
Maybe Grandpa’s wrong and Mav and Aubrey are forever.
It’s seven fifteen and I still haven’t seen Mav or Aubrey. Granted, there are a lot of people here, but I’m standing just inside the entry so I’m not too hard to spot. I call both their phones but they don’t pick up. I send them each a text telling them where I am, but that doesn’t get a response either. The irony isn’t lost on me that this morning I couldn’t escape their efforts to contact me, and now I can’t get a hold of either of them for love nor money.
It’s nine thirty when I spot Mav and Aubrey through the crowd. His arm is around her shoulders and she’s practically glowing with how happy she is. Meanwhile I’m tired, hungry, and my feet hurt from standing all this time.
“Oh, Josh!” Aubrey says when she sees me.
“Yeah, hi,” I say without enthusiasm.
“We didn’t think you were coming.”
“I texted you to tell you I was here,” I tell her.
“Oh, did you?” She digs around in her bag for her phone, where she sees all my missed calls and text messages. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t hear it, it was so loud and crowded in there. We only meant to go in for a sec and then check back here to see if you were here, but we got carried away. Everything looked so good!”
“Did you get something to eat though?” Mav asks.
“No, I didn’t. I was waiting here for you guys ’cause I thought we were meeting here, you know, so you could apologise for being so terrible to me, but clearly that’s your default setting these days, so don’t worry about it.” I turn and head back towards the tram. As I do, the words Grandpa spoke last night come back to me. Maybe he’s right, and Mav is bad for Aubrey. I’m not saying he’s not a good guy, but I can’t deny what people think when they look at him, and by extension my sister. They all think the same thing as Grandpa, that she’s his slut, and really, isn’t she? She’s all but abandoned her family for him, tossing aside the people who care about her the most to spend time with him. What is she thinking? There’s no way he’ll marry her. All you have to do is look at him and know marriage is the last thing on his mind. Not that I blame him. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? But how could she do this? To me? To our family? All of it is going to come down on my shoulders. And so it should. This was all my fault to begin with. It only makes sense that I be the one to fix it. God, how could I have been so stupid? So reckless? With my own sister?
My phone chirps in my pocket. I pull it out and find a message from Connor. He’s been sending them every now and then, even after everything that went down. So far I’ve been ignoring them, but this one, it comes at just the right time.
Connor: Got good odds on the UFC this week, you interested?
Everything in me is screaming to delete the message and block the number. I know getting involved with him again is a bad idea, that it won’t end well for me, but yet, something is stopping me from doing all that. With a sigh, I type a message and hit Send.
Chapter 22
Mav
Aubrey’s devastated when Josh walks away from us, and I feel like the piece of shit I clearly am.
“Fuck,” I say as we watch him go.
“This is bad,” Aubrey says. I’d say that’s the understatement of the century. “We’re terrible people,” she adds, sniffing.
“Hey,” I say, and lift her chin. “So we fucked up, that doesn’t make us terrible people. Flawed, yes, but we’re human. That means we’ll fuck up sometimes.”
“I can’t believe we did that though,” she says.
“It wasn’t on purpose.”
“Do you think that matters to him?” she asks.
I sigh. “No, I guess it doesn’t.”
“Maybe I was right when I said Josh and I aren’t really twins. If I was him I wouldn’t want me as a sibling either.” She hangs her head.
“Hey,” I say again, and squeeze her chin, “this isn’t on you, okay? We both fucked up. I didn’t hear my phone either. Besides, if I hadn’t distracted you, then maybe none of this would’ve happened.”
“If this wasn’t all my fault, then it’s not solely yours either,” she says, a hint of defiance in her voice.
I sigh. Realistically I know she’s right, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her take the blame. “Maybe we should take a step back.” It kills me to even suggest this, but the last thing I want to do is ruin Aubrey and Josh’s relationship. I’m not even sure this will help matters, but I feel like I have to do something. I love her enough to do this for her.
“What are you saying?” she asks, her bottom lip trembling.
“I’m saying maybe things with your brother would be better if I wasn’t in the picture so much.”
“Are you b-b-breaking up with me?” Tears pool in her eyes.
“I’m trying to help make things right between you and Josh,” I tell her.
“And you think breaking up with me will help that?” The tears have stopped and anger is replacing sadness on her face.
I shrug. “I just want to fix things. Your relationship with Josh went sour when I came into the picture. Maybe you’ll be able to fix things if I’m out of the picture.”
She crosses her arms over her chest and taps her foot. “And what about your relationship with my brother?” she asks.
I shrug. “Maybe I’m not meant to have friends. I mean, look at the way I treated Jax. Clearly I don’t know how to be a good friend.”
“So how do you explain your relationship with Knley? If you’re such a bad friend, how come you’re still close to her?” Her anger is coming through loud and clear now.
“Knley’s different,” I say.
“How?”
“She just is, okay?” I say, my voice rising.
“No, it’s not okay. You’re breaking up with me because you think you’re this terrible person who’s incapable of having any sort of relationship, but when presented with evidence to the contrary you can’t explain it,” she says.
“It’s different because Knley gets me, that’s all.”
“And I don’t?” The dejected expression on her face breaks my heart even more. Out of everyone in my life, Aubrey knows me the best.
“Of course you do—”
“So what’s the problem then?” she asks.
“The problem is your brother hates you and it’s all because of me!” I shout.
“Oh, Mav,” she says, and wraps her arms around my waist. “Josh doesn’t hate me because of you. Is he jealous we’re spending so much time together? Probably. Should we make more of an effort to include him in things? Yeah, we should. Siblings fight, surely you know this. So Josh and I are going through a rough patch right now. I don’t like it, but it happens. We’ll get through it.”
“You don’t know that,” I argue.
“Did you think Jax would ever forgive you?”
“Huh?” I ask, confused as to where this is going.
“Just answer the question. When you first came up here and tried to talk to Jax, did you think he’d ever forgive you?” she says.
“No.”
“And has he f
orgiven you now?”
I hide my smile. “Yes.”
“And don’t you think the way you left was a bigger deal than us wanting to have some time alone?”
“Josh doesn’t think of it that way,” I say.
“Josh is a big boy, he’ll get over it. Have we got some making up to do? Yes, but we’ll be doing it together, because I love you, Mav Ryan, and I’m not letting you sacrifice your happiness so my brother will stop his sulking.”
“I still think I’m the cause of all this,” I tell her.
She sighs. “I know you do. It’s bullshit, and I’m going to do my best to convince you otherwise, but I know this is who you are. I fell in love with you knowing you have a big heart, so I can’t exactly be pissed off when it comes into play. Just don’t push me away. You’ve been alone for so long, Mav, fighting battles no one else knew about, but you have me now. That means you don’t have to do everything yourself anymore.”
If I didn’t love her before that speech, it definitely would’ve pushed me over the edge. I tilt her head up so she’s looking me in the eyes. “I don’t deserve you. I know you’d argue otherwise, but I figure you know what I think and love me anyway, which gets me right here.” I put my hand over my heart. “For as long as I live I’ll never know what I did to deserve you, but I am so fucking glad you came into my life.”
“So we’re not breaking up?” she asks in a small voice.
“I still think it would be easier for you to fix your relationship with Josh if I wasn’t in the picture, but no, we’re not breaking up.”
“Good,” she says.
“Come on,” I say as I tuck her under my arm and start heading towards the car park, “let’s go home. We’ve got a brother to win back.”
She leans up and kisses my chin. “Good thing you know all about that then, huh?”
My mouth drops open and she giggles. “I can’t believe you said that to me!”
She snuggles into my side. “But you love me anyway.”
I smile and kiss the top of her head. “Yeah, I really do.”
I come out of my lecture and smile when I see Aubrey waiting for me. “Hey,” I say as I throw an arm around her shoulders and lean down to kiss her.
“How’s it going, cutie?” I blush every time she calls me that, which only adds to her enjoyment.
“Is Josh all right?” I ask. It’s been six weeks since he walked away from us at the Spit, and since then I’ve hardly seen him. Our attempts to get back into his good graces have fallen flat. Even in lectures he sits on the opposite side of the room to me, and rushes out before I can get to him so we can talk. He’s also taken to emailing his parts of our assignment to me as well. I still feel terrible about the way everything went down. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt someone else the way I hurt Jax, but I can’t seem to help it. It’s what I do best apparently. Forget uni, forget FMX, Mav Ryan’s best talent is hurting those who deign to be his friend.
“He’s fine, he’s just sulking,” Aubrey says.
“Still? It’s been six weeks.”
She shrugs. “My brother’s weird. Who knows what’s going on in that head of his.”
“He’s not gambling again, is he?” I ask. Josh has a serious gambling problem and I know that times of emotional instability or upheaval can push addicts back to their vice. The last thing Josh needs is to get himself in another hole with Connor. Sure, he can be angry with Aubrey and me, but the next time he ends up owing his arsehole bookie, I’m willing to bet he won’t be as easy to pay off as he was the last time.
“No. At least I don’t think he is. He barely speaks to me when we’re home, so I’m not really sure what’s going on with him, but I’m relatively confident he’s not that stupid.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “Okay, good. I’d hate to think we pushed him back into that. Did he end up going to any of those meetings?”
She bites her lip, which drives me crazy. “Um, I don’t think so?” she says, but makes it sound like a question. “I mean, I know the situation he got himself in with Connor was bad, but surely having to deal with the consequences was enough to scare him straight,” she says.
“I hope so, but still, it might be a good idea,” I say, and she nods. “Maybe we should invite him over, you know, to catch up and check in.” Even though Aubrey hasn’t moved in, I still feel like my place is hers as well, especially considering she’s there most of the time.
“We, huh?” she asks, jostling me.
I feel my cheeks heat. “Well, yeah.” I scratch at the scruff on my cheeks. “I mean, you practically live at mine, and I have no problem sharing my space with you, so yeah, we,” I finish lamely.
She stretches to kiss me. “I like we,” she says, just before our lips touch.
“I like we too,” I say when we break apart.
“Okay, that’s starting to sound like something else entirely now.” She laughs.
I kiss her again and pull out my phone to text her brother.
Mav: Hey man, haven’t caught up in a while. Was wondering if you wanted to come over and have some pizza and beers. Aubrey and I promise to be on our best behaviour.
When I don’t see the bubble indicating he’s writing a reply, I slide my phone back in my pocket.
“Any response?” Aubrey asks.
“Nah, but he may not have heard his phone.” At least I hope that’s the reason. I know I’ve been a shitty friend lately, even though I’ve tried not to be. The last thing I wanted when I moved up here was to alienate someone else I care about. But that’s all forgotten when Aubrey and I get on the tram and take a seat at the back. She sits close to me and it isn’t long before my tongue is exploring her mouth. God, this girl. I tell ya, she’s amazing. I never thought I’d have this, someone to love and who loves me. After Mum died and until Bria showed up, I never had a female influence in my life; none of us did really. And with Park and Reed as role models, well, let’s just say that influence looked to be a long way off. Then Bria showed up one night. It’s like her presence really did break the cycle of meaningless interactions with women that was all we knew. She changed all of us and made us realise that we could love and be loved, that we deserved it and needed it as well. With Aubrey, I get that now. I see what was missing and how everything that came before her was me covering for something I didn’t think I needed, but God, do I need Aubrey. I need her like I need oxygen, but I don’t need to embarrass her on the tram. Pulling back slightly, I see that her lips are red and swollen, her breasts are heaving, and her eyes are slightly unfocused.
I cup her cheek and rub my thumb along her cheekbone. “You’re incredible, you know that?” I say, and feel her cheek heat beneath my palm.
“Right back atcha,” she says, with a wink.
I chuckle. “Come on.” We walk hand in hand the entire ten-minute walk back to my place.
“Have you heard from Josh?” she asks.
I pull my phone out and check the screen, which remains blank, just the picture of me and Aubrey as my wallpaper. “Nope.”
“Do you think he’ll come?” she asks hopefully.
I sigh. “I hope so. I feel like shit that we’ve basically abandoned him. That’s the last thing I wanted to happen, but it seems like the only thing I’m good at.”
She squeezes my hand. “You know it’s not your fault Josh is acting the way he is. Yes, we’ve been spending a lot of time together, but when have we ever told him to get lost? Never. We’ve always made sure not to get too carried away when he’s around. If he’s uncomfortable, that’s on him, not us. Besides, he was the one who was pushing me to give you a chance. He can’t be pissed when I take that advice and find out he was right about you all along.”
My heart warms when she says that, and I know, no matter what happens with our personal relationship, I’ll always owe Josh James for introducing me to the love of my life. That joy is dampened, however, when we get to my apartment and find the front door off its hinges.
“Stay h
ere,” I tell Aubrey. Cautiously I go inside, and find the place has been trashed. All the cupboards have been emptied, every cup, plate, and bowl has been smashed to pieces. The fridge and freezer are wide open, the contents also on the floor. My bed and pillows have been hacked up, along with most of my clothes and the couch. The bookshelf has been pulled over and there’s a massive hole in the TV.
“Oh my God!” Aubrey gasps, peering inside. “Who would do this?”
“I don’t know, kids maybe?” I say.
“It’s a lot of damage for kids.” I shrug and pull out my phone to call the police. “Are you insured?” she asks, when I hang up after being told a unit will be around when they can.
“Yeah, but that’s not the point, is it?” I ask.
“I suppose not,” she says, and comes to hug me around my middle. “Did they take anything?”
“I don’t think so. My car’s still here, which is odd, but at least I can sleep there tonight if worst comes to worst.”
“You don’t have to do that.” She leans up to kiss me. “What about your bike?” she asks, looking around. A rush of panic hits me, and I spin around, looking for it as if I’d missed it under the pile of rubbish, but it’s not there.
My bike, they took my bike.
Chapter 23
Josh
My phone chimes with a message, but I don’t stop to check it; I know who it’s from anyway. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to Mav, it’s that I feel terrible about what he’s about to walk into. The conversation I had with Connor a couple of days ago runs through my mind.
“I warned you last time what would happen if you didn’t pay.” The arms holding me tighten and I whimper in pain as my joints scream from the unnatural angle they’re being forced into.
“I know, I’m sorry,” I sob. I’ve really done it this time. I knew I should’ve ignored the text from Connor, but I was upset and angry and thought I knew better. Now look at me, thirty seconds away from getting my arse kicked. Connor draws his fist back, and I close my eyes, not in fear of the hit, but because of what I’m about to do.