by Paul Gait
‘So as well as a training companion, I’ve got my own bodyguard too, great.’
‘And a trained medic too,’ she added.
She had eventually persuaded him to leave the comforts of the gym and to start walking outdoors, as well.
At first, the training walks had been on relatively flat paths in the Severn Valley; but as his stamina improved Carrie planned to take him into the Forest of Dean and the hills and valleys of the nearby Cotswold Hills whose limestone escarpment dominated the countryside.
As a result of their daily training regime, Tim, although still overweight, had lost one stone but was starting to feel marginally better about tackling the challenge.
CHAPTER FORTY SEVEN
Sunday November 2nd – Sunset count 63
Ben was enjoying being home. His mother had welcomed him with promises that she would give up drinking and they would do things together. All of which he hoped for, but realistically knew that neither was likely to happen. Returning from his nightmare stay in London, gave him a different perspective on his life. Irrespective of the angst that his mother caused him, he suddenly appreciated what he had by way of his friends and the pleasure he got from riding his bike. It was while he was making his way home, through an autumn cloaked park, that he saw James, sitting on a bench, clutching a bottle. ‘Oh no! Not again,’ he said under his breath.
Doing a dramatic back wheel skid, he pulled up in front of the bench. ‘James, what are you doing?’ he demanded angrily.
‘Hello, my friend. My life saver! Have a drink Bengie, my boy,’ James said, proffering the half empty sherry bottle.
‘You know I don’t drink.’
‘Just a little sip, for old times’ sake,’ he insisted.
Under the bench Ben could see several other discarded bottles.
‘No thanks. Just look at you. It didn’t take you long to get back into bad habits did it?’ Ben said annoyed.
‘What’s it to do with you, what I get up to? You’re not my keeper.’
‘No but you’re in no fit state to stay here. You’ll get arrested. They don’t tolerate drunks here.’
‘In which case I shall retire to my hotel,’ James said, struggling to stand.
‘You’re in no fit condition to go back to your hotel either. Come on, you’d better come home with me.’
‘I don’t think I want to. Thank you very much,’ James said, clearly well-oiled. ‘I’m having a nice time here…and I have to say the park benches here are much nicer than those in London,’ he slurred.
‘Come on! On your feet,’ Ben insisted.
‘You know. Perhaps that’s why there aren’t so many drunks around here,’ James said, standing unsteadily.
‘Why do I always end up wet nursing adults?’ Ben said quietly.
‘Pardon?’
‘Oh. Nothing! Come on James. Just hold on to my bike,’ he instructed, grabbing James’s free hand. ‘Let me have that bottle. I think you you’ve had enough. Don’t you?’
Ben threw the half empty bottle into a rubbish bin that they were passing.
‘Hey, that wasn’t very nice,’ James said, resigned to the loss.
Ben wheeled the bike and James erratically out of the park. It was a slow and meandering trip through the back streets. Ben kept constantly remonstrating with James, to hold on to the bike. Eventually they arrived at the semidetached council house.
Propping James up, Ben dropped his bike on the grassless lawn. Opening the shabby front door, he shouted. ‘Mum, I’m bringing my friend James in. Are you decent?’
Ben led James into the hallway, just as his mother was staggering out of the kitchen with a glass, half filled with some ‘golden’ liquid. She was obviously, also drunk.
Ben’s spirits sank.
In spite of her ‘problem’, she prided herself on her appearance. Her first job every morning was to apply the ‘warpaint. She was never seen in public with a hair out of place. And at 30, and inspite of her dependence on alcohol, she still kept her attractive, youthful looks.
‘James. You must be the man that found my boy in Lunnun,’ she slurred, planting a kiss on James’s cheek. ‘My name’s Beth.’
‘Hello Beth, Ben’s Mum. Beth, that’s a nice name,’ said James, hugging her briefly.’
‘Come in to the lounge and have a drink,’ she said, swaying her way towards the door off the hallway. ‘Pardon the mess,’ she said, pointing at the dining table, still covered in the previous night’s dinner plates. ‘I haven’t had a chance to tidy up yet.’
‘Look at the pair of you! Pissed as rats,’ Ben said disconsolately. ‘Is it any wonder I want to get out of this shit hole?’
‘It’s a nice shit hole,’ James said looking around.
‘Please sit down,’ Beth said gesturing to the large L shaped sofa. ‘We don’t stand on ceremony around here.’
James did as instructed. Sitting down on a wellworn soft leather sofa, whose weak springs gave way as he did so.
‘ This is hard looking after you two. I could do with a holiday, to get over it. Not that that’s likely to happen, though,’ Ben said sarcastically.
‘I have taken you on holiday,’ Beth riposted.
‘Yeah. But you spoil it, by immediately heading straight for the bar?’
‘That’s what holidays are all about. Booze and sun. Isn’t that right, James?’
‘S’right.’
‘No Mum. How about THIS son, for a change?’ Ben said, pointing to himself.
‘You’re alright. You’re a big boy now. Why. You’re almost a man.’
‘He’s right Mrs.’
‘Call me Beth.’
‘He’s right Beth. I know what it’s like to have no childhood.’
‘He’s OK. He just doesn’t like my men friends, that’s all,’ she said, tousling Ben’s hair.
‘No. Because they use you. They don’t respect you,’ Ben said, clearly ashamed by his Mother’s conduct. ‘My friends think you’re on the game. How do you think that makes me feel?’
‘Well. They’re wrong aren’t they? I like a bit of male company, that’s all,’ Beth confessed.
‘So did I! until..,’ said James, his eyes and thoughts distant.
‘Are you gay, James?’ Beth said, after a few minutes while her fogged brain grappled with the implications of James’s comment.
‘I had a wonderful man, as a lover. Yes.’
‘Oh no! And you’ve been alone with my Ben,’ she said, wrapping her arms around Ben’s shoulders.
‘Mum, he’s gay. He’s not a Paedo,’ Ben said, pushing her, and her ignorant concern away.
‘Is there a difference?’ she demanded, still trying to cuddle Ben.
‘Yes of course! I don’t get off with kids! I don’t sleep around!’
‘Not like you Mum,’ Ben said hurtfully, hoping his words would penetrate to her alcoholically desensitised conscience.
‘I’ve not been in a relationship since…since…’James said, starting to cry.
‘Oh dear! He’s upset. Don’t cry James,’ Beth said. And, forgetting her previous concern, she slid along the sofa, and hugged him.
‘His friend died. James found his body,’ Ben informed her, coldly.
‘Oh, that must have been terrible,’ Beth said, patting James’s back unnecessarily.
‘I couldn’t cope. He was everything to me,’ James sobbed.
‘Let me get you a drink,’ Beth said, attempting to stand.
‘No Mum,’ Ben admonished. ‘That’s your answer to everything, isn’t it? I’ll get some coffee.’
‘He doesn’t understand. He’s only a kid,’ Beth said sympathetically. ‘I find a drink helps, at times like this.’
‘I loved Sebastian so much. Why did he leave me? Why?’ James asked irrationally, sobbing.
‘Oh don’t upset yourself. You’ll make me cry too,’ Beth said, putting her arm around him again.
Ben returned from the kitchen with three mugs of instant coffee and set them down.
‘Mum. He died!’ Ben said patronisingly.
‘Oh yes! Of course! I’m so sorry to hear about him. But I do know how you feel,’ she confided.
‘Do you?’ James said through his tears.
‘Yeah, it was like when Ben’s father left me. I really loved him. He was my first lover. It broke my heart, when I found out he was already married and had kids.’
‘Father left you?’ said Ben surprised.
‘He left, as soon as he knew I was pregnant. Perhaps I never got over it either.’
‘But you always told me my Dad was dead, when I asked you about him,’ Ben said reproachfully.
‘I didn’t want to hurt you Ben,’ Beth said, suddenly realising her blunder.
‘Did you try to see him, after I was born? To show me to him?’ Ben demanded.
‘Yes of course I did. He didn’t want to see you,’ she continued, adding to her insensitive revelation.
‘That must be terrible for you Ben. Knowing that your father didn’t want to see you,’ James said, inadvertently adding to Ben’s misery.
CHAPTER FORTY EIGHT
Ben felt as though his head would explode at this devastating news. Deeply upset, he ran from the house in tears. Leaping on his bike, he recklessly tore off down the road.
Beth chased after him. ‘Ben, Ben. Come back,’ she shouted. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’
But Ben was lost in his own wretchedness, and continued his headlong dash away from the source of his hurt.
As he turned the corner, Beth returned to the house. James was leaning against the door frame.
‘Ooops,’ he said unhelpfully.
‘Oh dear,’ she said. ‘Now I’ve lost him again.’
‘That wasn’t very smart was it?’ James said witheringly. ‘Don’t worry, ‘I’ll find him. I found him once before. But then again, he was on my territory,’ he said, suddenly realising where he was. ‘I guess, you’ll have to help me this time, though.‘
‘No! He’s best, left to himself,’ Beth said, gently dabbing a tear from her eye, vainly trying to avoid smudging her mascara.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ James said, trying to think of a plan.
‘I know my son,’ she said firmly.
‘I don’t think you know him very well,’ James said perceptively.
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘He loves you! He cares for you! He hates seeing you, demean yourself with these men.’
‘He’s never said,’ she replied defensively.
‘Does he have to?’
‘Well, how would I know?’
‘Just look into his eyes. Look into your heart. He’s your child,’ James said gently. ‘Come on lets go.’
Beth led him through a bewildering labyrinth of alleyways. Together they staggered and swayed their way through the estate. They had been searching for thirty minutes without spotting Ben.
‘I hope he’s OK. Only we’ve had a few young people kill themselves round here,’ Beth said fearfully.
‘Don’t think like that. I’m sure he’ll be OK,’ James said, sobering up at the thought.
‘I’ve never seen him so upset like this before.’
‘He’s a tough kid. But sometimes, hurtful truths can breach even the toughest of veneers.’
‘I wasn’t thinking. What have I done?’ she said, wringing her hands.
‘When we find him, you’ll have to make up for it, big time.’
‘I know where he’ll be!’ she said suddenly. ‘At the park! Why didn’t I think of that earlier?’
As they approached the fenced off grassy area, they could see a lone figure riding up and down on the bike stunt ramps. It was Ben.
‘Oh thank heaven for that,’ Beth said relieved, putting her hand to her heart.
Ben ignored them, as they approached the quarter pike, and continued riding his BMX backwards and forwards with clockwork regularity.
‘Ben! Look! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,’ Beth said, struggling to find the right words.
Ben continued riding, ignoring his Mother.
‘Ben, your Mum is trying to apologise,’ said James, trying to broker the peace.
Ben continued his metronomic riding.
‘I’m sure if your Dad saw you now, he would be very proud of you,’ Beth continued.
Ben stopped his bike and stared at her. ‘My Dad doesn’t even know I’m alive,’ he said angrily. ‘So why would he?’ Why are adults always so self-centered?’
‘Not all adults are the same,’ James said, trying to find a plausible explanation.
‘No. Just the ones in my life,’ Ben admonished. ‘Look at the pair of you! Neither of you can live, without getting courage from the inside of a bottle! So what chance do I have? Oh, what’s the point?’
Ben resumed his riding.
‘You’re right Ben. We have been weak. Unfortunately, there are some things in life, emotional hurt, which are hard to face without…without help,’ James said gently.
‘Yes. But other people cope without being permanently drunk. Why can’t you?’
‘We’re not all as strong as you. Sometimes, we need a morale prop to help us,’ James added.
‘So why don’t you get help, and get off the booze?’ Ben retorted.
‘It’s easier said, than done,’ Beth said quietly.
‘No it’s not! You’re not kids! You don’t have people telling you what to do. You can do it yourself,’ he shouted, as he still continued his bike manoeuvres.
‘If only it was that simple,’ said James thoughtfully.
‘What’s so difficult? You just make up your mind, and change things.’
‘But we….,’ Beth started.
‘But you don’t want to change do you?’ Ben shouted angrily. ‘That’s the point. You want to carry on in the same way, and nothing will change. So don’t tell me you’re sorry.’
‘No you’re wrong,’ James said quickly.
‘Yeah!’
‘Yes. Geoffery is going to send me to a clinic to help me, sort things out,’ James was amazed to hear himself say. For up until that moment, he had no intention of accepting Geoffery’s offer to enter a clinic.
‘Well, I’ll believe that when I see it,’ Ben said sceptically.
‘No I promise. Cross my heart,’ James said to reinforce his, new, unexpected but, serious intent.
‘What will you do now Ben?’ Beth asked, apprehensive of his response.
‘Probably run away again,’ Ben said miserably.
‘Ben. You’ve seen what it’s like on the streets. Why would you want to go back to that?’ James said, reminding him of the dreadful time he’d had in London.
‘Because …of you…because of her…I don’t know!’
‘You know, my life was so different before… before Sebastian died,’ James reflected. ‘I had pride in myself. When I put on these new clothes and met Geoffery, it felt different, almost like old times,’ James confided. ‘I do want to change.’
‘But you went back on the bottle,’ Ben reminded him.
‘I know. I’m not proud of it. But then again I had never intended to give up anyway.’
‘So you lied to me.’
‘No. I said I hadn’t intended to. That doesn’t mean I won’t do it now that I’ve said I would,’ James clarified. ‘I know it won’t be easy, and I’m sure there will be times when I revert to the bottle, but I’ll try. Right!’
Ben nodded.
‘You have given me a reason to try to climb out of this…this alcoholic abyss…and perhaps we can help your Mum sort herself out too,’ James continued, looking towards Beth for a reaction.
‘Mum?’
‘Well I…it’s difficult. It’s the only bit of comfort I get,’ Beth muttered.
‘See! I told you. She doesn’t want to change.’
‘No, no I do but… We haven’t got any money to spend on going in
to these posh clinics. They’re for rich people, not for the likes of me.’
‘No you’re wrong. They are for everybody with a problem,’ James said encouragingly. ‘In any case, I’m sure Geoffery would help.’
‘Well I don’t know.’
‘As soon as she gets with those men again. She’ll be back to her old ways,’ Ben added knowingly.
‘OK, I’ll give it a try,’ Beth said after some hesitation. ‘I won’t promise though.’
‘OK, we’ll do it then. Together,’ James said, grabbing Beth’s hand.
‘Are you serious?’ Ben quizzed them both, looking carefully at each one to see if they were showing any signs of deceit.
‘Yes,’ they said in unison.
Ben dropped his bike, ran over and hugged them both.
‘Thanks. I’ll help you when things get tough,’ he said smiling. ‘Remember now. You promised,’ he reminded them. ‘You won’t break your promise will you?’
‘So you won’t be running away again then?’ Beth said, hopefully, already fearful of a life without the anaesthetic comfort of alcohol or someone close to help her battle the demons.
CHAPTER FORTY NINE
Monday November 3rd – Sunset count 64
A week after Geoffery helped him escape from the ‘house of torture’, Rupert returned to work still bearing some of the facial injuries that Sue had inflicted on him. He told anxious work colleagues who asked him how he got them, that he and some mates were messing around, after a night on the beer, pushing each other around on large supermarket, high sided merchandising cages. When he had a go, the thing toppled over into a pot hole and, unable to get his hands out of the mesh in time, he took the full force of the collapse on his face.
Knowing this type of behaviour was out of character, many of them were sceptical about his story. Consequently there were various rumours circulating about how he had got injured, including car crashes, being beaten up by his girlfriend’s former lover. Thankfully, he thought, nobody dreamt of the real reason.
Rupert returned to his car after work that evening, relieved to be back in to a familiar workplace routine, the stress of the previous weeks at last starting to ebb away. He drove out of the car park after swiping his security card through the reader at the exit. As he joined the queue of traffic heading towards the main roundabout, he heard a noise from the back seat. Looking into the rear view mirror, he was horrified to see Sue’s face staring back at him.