by J Santiago
“I get that. What’s the second favor?”
“Tank’s going to be spent tonight. He probably got, like, two hours of sleep last night. I’m definitely not going to see him. And there’s something I want to do, but I need your help to do it. Would you be okay with not seeing Tilly tonight, so you can help me?”
“Of course,” Keira answered without a second thought.
“Thanks!”
“Are you going to tell me what we are doing?”
“I don’t think I can keep it from you because I need your connections.” At Keira’s raised eyebrows, Amber continued, “Can you call your cousin Kelly? I need her.”
Keira smiled as it all clicked. “Absolutely!”
“You going to see Keira tonight?” Tank asked as he and Tilly made their way home after practice.
“Nah, she has plans with Amber, so looks like it’s just me and you and Call of Duty,” Tilly said, flashing a big smile.
“I don’t know how much Call of Duty I have in me tonight. I didn’t really sleep last night, and I definitely need to get some tonight.”
“What was that conference between you and Franco about? You’ve never walked away from practice like that. It was fucked up.”
Tank took a deep breath, pretending like he was in the midst of looking for something, so he could bide his time. He hadn’t thought much about what he would or wouldn’t tell Tilly. Tank wouldn’t be sharing Amber’s secrets. It all seemed so surreal to him today, like it couldn’t have gone down like it had.
Part of him longed to see her today, to make sure she was okay, to assure himself that pushing her last night had been the right thing to do. Part of him didn’t want to see her yet. He felt raw and gritty, like his body had been dragged across asphalt and the remnants remained, pieces caught in his skin. He wanted this girl; he just didn’t know if he was ready for everything that would come with her, and that made him feel shitty.
“I’m just saying, leaving us with Coach Higgs was wrong. You know the way he yells. You want to laugh, but you can’t. ‘Watching you run that play was like getting bent over and dry-humped. Can’t you give me some finesse?’” Tilly imitated in his best Southern accent.
Tank laughed, despite his mood. “Sorry, man. Franco and I had some things to discuss.”
Tilly’s eyes got wide. “Did some new pictures show up? Did you do something I don’t know about?”
“Nah. At least not that I know of, and I haven’t seen Cy hovering lately, so I should be good.”
“So, what’s up?”
“Franco is Amber’s dad.”
Tilly looked like he’d just been sacked. “What the fuck?”
“Yeah, that’s kinda what I thought.”
Then, Tilly laughed. He laughed till he couldn’t stand up anymore and had to rest on the sofa. He grabbed his sides and rolled onto the couch, hysterical. “He must wanna kick your ass.”
Tank was good-natured enough to get the humor of the situation. He’d shown Tilly the picture of him and Amber, and he had relayed his conversation with Franco. So much of that conversation made sense now when it hadn’t before. The tidbit he’d thrown Tilly was enough. He didn’t ask any more questions or want to know any of the other details, to which Tank was eternally grateful.
“So, what’s up with Keira?” Tank asked, happy to turn the tables.
Tilly shrugged his big shoulders, trying unsuccessfully to fight the inadvertent smile that spread across his face. “She’s cool.”
Tank laughed. “That’s all I’m getting, huh?”
“Yep.”
“That says it all,” Tank acknowledged.
“I knew it would.” Tilly laughed.
At that, Tank retreated to his room, thankful that the day was over and he could go to bed. It had been that kind of day where he was looking forward to the end of it. He lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to ignore the smell of Amber that lingered all over his room. If he were more ambitious tonight, he would have changed his sheets, needing some distance. But being tired from the past twenty-four hours overwhelmed him.
Reaching for his phone, he tapped out a text.
You okay?
He hadn’t communicated with Amber all day. His phone beeped almost immediately with her response.
I’m good. Hope you get to catch up on your sleep.
That was it. No lamenting over not hearing from him all day, no subtle hints that she wanted to see him, no guilt for not checking up on her today. Suddenly, the lingering scent of her in his room felt welcome, like a kind of balm from the grittiness of his emotions. Her response assuaged his feelings, and the burden of her sort of faded away to be replaced by a longing for her to be there with him. Rubbing his hands over his eyes, he turned out his light, thinking that he was in way deeper than he ought to be.
Twenty-Six
A week after the first Bowl Championship Series poll was released, Kensington State University won their seventh game in a row, one of eight teams who remained undefeated. Even with their impressive numbers, they debuted in the poll in the seventeenth spot. They’d all secretly hoped that the voters would think they were better than seventeen, but for a team that had been flirting with the top twenty for two years, breaking through felt good. They watched the games of the teams in front of them with vested interest—never wanting anyone hurt, but definitely hoping for less than stellar performances, so their games would resonate with the pollsters.
As Tank, Tilly, and Iman left the field, with the late afternoon sun rippling across the parking lot, they looked like the perfect picture for a victory poster. Three football players, a lineman, a quarterback and a receiver were leaving their field in triumph. With the adrenaline of the game still pumping through them, there didn’t seem to be any question about where they were headed. Two of the three of them had girls working at the Bear’s Den, and Iman kind of enjoyed being able to roam around while his two partners in crime were otherwise engaged. His dance card had been completely full since Tank had pulled himself out of circulation. Tank didn’t think there wasn’t anything wrong with Iman reaping the rewards.
Tank’s excitement built as they pulled into the Bear’s Den parking lot. He hadn’t seen Amber since they’d traded war stories. There was something about being with a girl who understood his schedule that appealed to him in a way that he hadn’t anticipated. He’d always assumed that having a girlfriend meant having to explain everything. Amber didn’t seem to want or expect that. He knew part of that had come from her time with Rowdy. She wasn’t going to become anyone’s other half. It was just another thing that he decided he liked about her. There were still all sorts of things that he was on the fence about, but the lack of curiosity over his whereabouts wasn’t one of them.
He did a quick but thorough sweep of the place, looking for that platinum-blonde hair. When he didn’t see it, part of the edge from the game wore off. He felt a major letdown, and again, he found himself questioning the depths of his feelings for this girl. He followed Tilly to the bar and sat down between him and Iman.
Keira immediately came over and greeted them. “Amazing game!” she gushed without really meaning to. “Tank, they were talking about you after the game on SportsCenter, saying how you were putting up numbers that people couldn’t argue with. It was awesome.”
Keira leaned over the bar and gently swiped her lips across Tilly’s. Tank watched with amusement and a little bit of envy.
Iman just laughed. “PDA!” he chanted a couple of times.
Tank and Tilly rolled their eyes and murmured, “Freshman.”
Tilly picked up the mantle for Tank. “Where’s your PIC?”
Keira nodded her head to the side. “She’s over there, waiting on a couple of customers,” she delivered matter-of-factly. “She’ll be over in a sec. What can I get for you?”
They placed their orders and were watching the multitude of TVs when Amber bounced around the side of the bar with a smile on her face, excitement evid
ent. Her fist was out, heading for a down-the-line fist bump. “Now, that was some amazing fucking football,” she said.
Three pairs of eyes widened, three mouths dropped open, three fists bumped with hers, but no one said a thing. They could only stare.
Keira laughed. “She didn’t tell you about the hair, huh?”
Amber stood before them, but her platinum hair had disappeared. Gone was the long hair that she constantly pulled to her right to cover the scar that would always be with her. Instead, her natural black hair, hung in a silky curtain to her shoulders. She’d cut bangs to draw the attention away from her chin, and the effect was startling. As the stunned silence continued on, Amber started to fidget, and the perma-grin left over from the thrill of the game started to fade.
Tank saw Keira’s eyes widen as she attempted to communicate something to him. He fought his shock and tried to come up with an appropriate response. Amber looked amazing, but he felt like whatever he said at this point, after the prolonged silence, was going to come out wrong.
“No,” he finally said to Keira, “as you can tell from my shock, she didn’t tell me.” He looked directly at Amber and said, “You look amazing.”
No one could doubt the sincerity of his words, and Tilly and Iman sat on their stools, nodding their agreement. She smiled tentatively at the three of them, but Tank could tell that his reaction wasn’t what she had been hoping for. Trying to find a way to put them on equal footing, he cocked his head slightly and asked, “What’s the critique for the night? I know you have something to say about our play.”
Again, Tilly and Iman followed his lead, waiting to hear her opinion on how they played. Tank could see her try to regain her momentum.
“You guys played amazing.” She said the word amazing exactly as Tank had, a perfect parody of him. “I’ve got to check on the other side of the bar,” she offered as an explanation before her abrupt departure.
Tank’s eyes found Keira’s. “Seriously? Not even a clue? Shit!” he exclaimed, shaking his head.
Tilly and Iman were mute, leaving Keira to try to help him with the situation.
“Look, she wanted to surprise you. I forgot that you guys didn’t know her before…ya know, before everything went down. That’s how she used to look, so it didn’t shock me. Sorry!” she shrugged.
“Two steps forward, ten steps back,” Tank muttered as he glared at her.
She glared back, saying, “What the hell do you expect? That’s just Amber!” Then, she left them, too.
The elation the three of them had felt when they entered the bar had gone flat.
“You gotta get my girl mad, too?” Tilly lamented.
Tank threw his arms up in the air. “Fucking women!”
Amber bounded to the other side of the bar—this time, with anger and embarrassment rather than excitement and hype. Wow, she’d misplayed that. She’d thought Tank would fall all over himself when he saw her—mostly because it’d been five days. But, instead, he’d gone all speechless and stupid. She’d been anticipating this moment since she’d made the decision to put her hair back to right. She’d imagined it a number of different ways but not like it’d just happened. Maybe he only liked blondes? Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she remembered the website and all the women. The only thing they’d all had in common was that they had a vagina. So, she didn’t think she could blame hair color.
This was the problem with expectations. She’d always been a glass half-empty kind of girl, so it had been a bit odd for her to be so excited about seeing Tank. He was just a guy in a bar who hadn’t given her the reaction she wanted. Big flippin’ deal—except that he was also the guy whom she had bared her soul to five nights ago and hadn’t seen since.
She went back to being a bartender and handling her customers. It was game day, which meant that they’d remain busy through the night. She never got busy enough that she forgot that Tank was on the other side, but at least she was busy enough that her mind wasn’t replaying that awkward scene over and over on repeat. When she got a break, she carefully made her way to the back. Thankfully, she was on the side of the bar that allowed her to slip away without any notice. She headed back through the kitchen into Mark’s office, knowing that he wouldn’t care if she took a couple of minutes to regain her inner bitch.
She closed the door behind her and sat heavily in the chair in front of the desk with her back to the door. When she heard the door open, she almost sighed in relief, knowing that Tank had followed. She stood up quickly but awkwardly and found herself face-to-face with Tilly.
“You were thinking he’d follow you back, huh?” Tilly said knowingly.
She turned her back on him and fell back into the chair again. “Shit shouldn’t be this hard,” she said more to herself than to him.
Tilly walked around the chair and leaned on the desk behind him. “He feels like an asshole.”
“He should,” she said quickly.
Tilly just laughed. “Look, I feel like a dickhead, too. I didn’t expect you to come out, looking all not blonde and shit.”
She smiled reluctantly. “It’s not really that big of a deal. I’m making more of it than it should be. I wanted to look different, and now, I’m crying in my beer because I do.”
“Just cut him some slack. I mean, you set him up with Franco. You kind of owe him a free pass.”
“Ouch!”
“I’m just saying. A man’s gotta feel some sort of way when he knows the kid who’s banging his daughter. You kinda put them both in a shit spot.”
Amber was taken aback by Tilly’s stance. She was so used to garnering sympathy that having someone call her on some shit felt a little new. “Tilly, just so I’m clear on this, you’ve got Tank’s back, right?” She’d said it like a joke, but it wasn’t received like one.
“Never doubt that,” he said like a warning.
“You don’t like me?” she stated but with enough emphasis on the end that it sounded like a question.
“I haven’t decided yet,” he said as he pushed up from the desk before leaving the office.
Amber’s head rolled back on the chair. She was tired. Were twenty-three-year-olds supposed to be this tired? she thought.
When the door opened again, she braced herself for another confrontation. But, once the door closed, her body knew that Tank had come looking for her. He didn’t say a word. He just leaned down and dropped a kiss on her head before he came around to the front of the chair. Taking up residence in the spot recently vacated by Tilly, Tank looked down at her with apprehension starkly reflected in his eyes.
“Hi,” she said as she smiled tentatively at him.
“Sunshine,” he said. He smiled back, obviously appreciating the opening.
“I know it’s not supposed to be this hard. And I would love to be able to claim that I’m worth it, but I can’t even guarantee that.”
He laughed. “There ain’t no guarantees.”
“I’m not even a good bet.”
“We’ll see.”
“I missed you the last couple of days.” It was not something she would have considered saying even five minutes ago, but Tilly had shaken her, and on some level, she knew he was right.
Tank dropped to his knees and filled the space between her legs, resting his forearms on her thighs. She sat up and scooted forward, so their upper bodies were flush, and his hands had no option but to wrap around her waist and hold her tight.
“All you had to do was ask, and I would have made time to come see you.”
She hated being this close to him and trying to have a conversation. She couldn’t think straight. Being so close to him made her forget any of her reservations.
“That’s never gonna be me,” she said.
“I know. But I want you to know what kind of response you’d get if you asked.”
He leaned forward and lightly kissed her lips. It was a teaser, meant to merely connect them briefly. But, somehow, it always seemed like more. Before she could think o
r stop herself or form another thought, her mouth opened on his, pulling him in. She explored and tasted, as if she hadn’t been there before, learning his mouth all over again. She didn’t know how long they kissed, but when her body screamed for more, she gently bit on his lower lip and then pulled away. Resting her forehead on his, she worked to catch her breath.
“I have to get back to work,” she said, forcing her breathing to slow and her body to unravel itself from his.
“I know.” He scooted away and held her from him.
She saw him scan her, starting at her new/old hair and moving down to meet her gaze, before looking hungrily at her lips. Then, he softly kissed her.
Pulling her to her feet, he hugged her. “See you after work?”
“Of course,” she said, as if it was the most natural response in the world.
He turned her around and gently pushed her to the door. Before she opened it, he leaned in and said, “Your hair is badass!” Then, he kissed her on the spiderweb on her jaw.
And she went back to work with a smile.
Twenty-Seven
When Tank asked Amber sometime during the night, he’d been somewhat apprehensive. Taking her with him to breakfast with his mother, Chantel, was a gamble. But he found himself thinking about Amber virtually anytime his mind was not otherwise engaged. Somehow, it just didn’t seem right that his mother hadn’t met her. He knew Sunday breakfast was sacred mother-son time, but there wasn’t another opportunity for them to meet.
The question, while rather innocuous last night, seemed to throw Amber out of whack on Sunday morning as they were getting ready. She was jumpy and short, and he almost immediately regretted his decision to bring her along.
“Look, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” he conceded to her, hoping just a little that she’d take the out he was offering.
She been sitting on the bed, lacing up her boots, when he tossed it out there. “Ugh!” she said as she fell backward on the bed and dramatically threw her arms over her head. “I’m just not ready. I’m sorry. Just meeting your mom seems like…so…formal. That’s not the right word.”