He murmured something about seeing her the next day, but they both knew Alex’s focus was no longer in Carmel. She might as well be home, because that’s where her head was.
“Goodnight, Ridge. Thank you for today.”
“Goodnight, Alex. I wish I knew what I said right before I lost your attention.”
“I’m tired, that’s all.” She put her hand on his shoulder, and kissed his cheek.
She tossed and turned for more than an hour, before she finally picked up her phone and called Maddox. It was just after ten, but they often talked later than that. She called, and then called again three minutes later, and two minutes after that.
Just as she was about to call for the fourth time, Maddox called her instead.
“Alex…”
The sound of his voice startled her. Was he drunk?
“Maddox?”
“Where the hell have you been, Al? I need you so much, and you haven’t been here.”
“I’m coming home tomorrow.”
“That might be too late.”
“What does that mean?”
Maddox didn’t answer. She pulled the phone from her ear, and checked the screen. He’d hung up on her.
Why’d you hang up? She texted him, but he didn’t respond.
Alex felt sick to her stomach most of the way home. It wasn’t just Maddox she needed to tell what Ridge told her about Kade, she also had to tell Peyton. This wasn’t something she could keep secret. If she did, and they ever found out she kept it from them, they’d feel as betrayed by her as she was sure they were going to feel by Kade.
Not long after Peyton met Brodie, and she struggled with her attraction to him, Alex told her that Kade wasn’t the man Peyton thought he was. It appeared Peyton wasn’t alone. Kade wasn’t the man any of them thought he was.
Maddox opened the door when he heard the knock. He still hadn’t gone to bed.
“You ready to leave?” Naught asked.
“I’ll have to meet you over there later.” Maddox gripped the back of his neck with his hand, and rubbed the muscles tight with stress.
“What’s goin’ on? You been drinkin’?”
His first test. Did he tell Naughton what he’d learned last night, wait, or never tell him? The only thing he knew for sure was he wouldn’t tell him now.
“Told you it was a rough night. I’ll see you there later.”
Naughton shrugged and left, and Maddox paced. He felt like shit for hanging up on Alex last night, and then not answering her text. He looked out the window when he saw the lights of a car barreling down the main drive of the ranch, it looked like a light gray BMW.
Alex stopped near the barn doors and waited for them to open wide enough that she could drive in. She’d slept for a couple of hours, and when she got tired of tossing and turning, she decided to get on the road. She left a note for Vivienne, along with an envelope for Ridge. She hadn’t said much in either, only there was an emergency at home that necessitated her leaving in the middle of the night. Her only worry was finding her car keys, but she found them on a peg behind the check-in desk.
She spent the two-hour drive going back and forth about whether to tell Maddox what Ridge had told her, ultimately deciding he deserved to know, and there was no better person for him to hear it from than her.
He was waiting when she climbed out of the car, and pulled her close to him.
“What are you doing here, Al?”
“You hung up on me, Mad.”
“So?”
She had been right last night when she thought he might be drunk. By the look of him, he still was.
“Can we go inside?”
“No. Let’s walk instead.” Maddox walked back out the barn doors.
“Wait.” The sun was just coming up, and it was chilly. She popped the trunk, grabbed a jacket, and raced out of the barn to catch up with him.
He was already a hundred yards ahead of her, and she knew better than to try to run after him.
“Wait for me,” she hollered, not sure whether he could even hear her. He kept walking, and once he crested the edge of the vineyards, she couldn’t see him anymore. When she came over the same crest, he was waiting for her.
“Why are you here?” he asked again.
“I need to talk to you about something.”
“At dawn?” He started to walk again.
“It’s important. Maddox, please, I can’t run after you.”
He stopped again. “If you’re here to tell me we’re through, you’ve found the love of your life, or any other shit related to us, I’m not interested in hearing it.”
“I’m not here to talk about us, Maddox.”
“Really?”
“It’s about Kade.”
He spun around and grabbed her by the arms, pulling her close enough to kiss. The stench of whiskey on his breath made her sick to her stomach.
“Whatever you want to tell me about Kade, I don’t want to hear.” He laughed. “He the love of your life, Al?” he sneered.
“What? Don’t be ridiculous—”
“When it comes to my big brother, nothing would surprise me. Thought better of you, though.”
He still held her close to him. The grip he had on her arms hurt. “Let me go, Maddox.”
“Let you go? Sure, sweetheart. Let me give you a kiss goodbye first.”
Maddox gripped her chin with one hand, while the fingers of his other continued to grip her arm. He moved to kiss her, and when she didn’t respond, he jammed his tongue in her mouth. He wasn’t kissing her, he was taking out his anger on her lips and her tongue. He was intentionally hurting her.
“Who’s the love of your life, Al? Someone who will fuck you better than me? That why you want me to let you go? Is he waiting in your bed?”
She wanted to slap him, but as slurred as his words were, she doubted he’d remember any of this once he sobered up.
Maddox let go, and pushed her away from him. “Leave. Go. Get the hell out of my sight. Go to him, whoever the hell he is.”
“Maddox, stop this. There isn’t anyone else.”
“No? That’s funny. You’ve made it pretty clear I’m not the love of your life.”
You are though, she wanted to tell him, but not like this, not when he was drunk.
“Kade—”
“Stop!” he shouted. “I don’t want to hear about Kade. Not ever again. Got it?”
“Let’s go back to the house, I’ll make you some coffee.”
“Leave me alone. I don’t want coffee, and I don’t want you. How’s it feel to hear you’re not wanted, Al? Feel pretty good? No? Yeah, I know firsthand.”
When she put her hand on his arm, he wrenched away from her.
“Get outta my sight, Alex. I don’t want you here. In fact, I never want to see or hear about you again either.” Maddox spun around and walked away from her.
Even if she’d wanted to catch him, she wouldn’t be able to, but since she didn’t want to anyway, she turned around and walked back to the house.
It sounded as though Maddox already knew about Kade’s marriage to Lena, but how had he found out? Or, he’d learned something else about his brother that resulted in him getting shit-faced. It wouldn’t surprise her if there were more things Kade kept secret. They may never know it all.
Shit’s gotten weirder. Naught’s text said. Lena’s gone and so is the wine.
Maddox ignored him. He didn’t care if the wine was gone, in fact, he was glad it was. And as far as Lena was concerned, if he never saw her again it would be too soon.
You coming over here or not?
He turned around, and walked back to the house. Maybe he’d answer Naughton later, after he had a chance to sleep. Maybe not. Trouble? Who cared? He didn’t.
When he got to the top of the hill, he saw the barn doors were open, and Alex’s car was still inside.
What the hell? Why was she still here? Whatever she wanted to tell him, he didn’t want to know. He was sick of hearin
g her talk about how she had to find the love of her life. What was wrong with him that he couldn’t be the love of her life, and Kade spent his whole life lying to him?
He went in the front door, and Alex was waiting for him on the stairs. “I told you to go away.”
“Since when do I listen to you?”
“I don’t want you here.”
“Yeah, I know.” She stood and walked toward him. He stepped forward too.
“I don’t want any coffee.”
“No coffee then.”
When she took his hand, he followed her upstairs. She led him to his bedroom, and then to his bed. She pushed him so he fell backward on the hard mattress.
He let Alex take over, something he rarely did, but he was too drunk to care. He watched as she pulled his shirt over his head, and then worked her way down his body, unzipping his jeans. She moved to his feet, and pulled off his square-toe boots, the ones he only wore when he walked the vineyards or worked in the barns. They smelled like dirt and manure, so when she held them with the tips of her fingers, and set them outside the bedroom door, he laughed.
Next, his socks came off. She made her way back to his waist, pulled his jeans and boxer briefs off together, and threw them in the pile with his shirt and socks.
Instead of climbing into bed with him, Alex walked away. He heard water flowing into the tub, and looked her body up and down when she returned naked. He stood when she reached out her hand, and followed her into his favorite room in the house.
Alex climbed into the swirling water first, and Maddox followed. He sank into one of the molded sections of the tub that was built more like a hot tub or spa, and let his head rest on the contours.
Alex was on her knees in front of him, and gently ran her soapy hands over his body. When she finished washing every inch of the front of him, she wiggled her finger for him to follow. She rested in one of the other molded contours, and Maddox sat with his back to her.
After washing his hair, she pulled him close so he rested against her, and softly ran her fingers over his chest. He loved that, and she knew it. She also knew it was the easiest way to lull him to sleep.
Maddox half-slept, aware of her hands softly stroking his skin, and of the water whirling around him, keeping the nausea from too much liquor at bay. The same thoughts plagued him in his stupor. How could this woman, who knew just what he needed, not love him?
He came fully awake when he felt a chill from the receding water.
“Let’s get in bed, Mad,” she whispered.
He stood and offered his hand to help her stand. She’d set two towels on the edge of the tub, and instead of drying herself first, she dried him.
“Why?”
“Because you’re exhausted, and you need to sleep.”
“No, Alex. Why can’t you love me?”
19
His couple hours of sleep were plagued by alcohol-induced dreams. In them, Alex left him, saying again she’d found someone else to love. Between the dreams and waking up every five minutes to make sure she was still next to him, he might as well not have slept at all.
He only remembered bits and pieces of their conversation from earlier. She came here because she wanted to tell him something about Kade, but he wouldn’t let her. He wasn’t sure he’d let her now. How much more was there to learn about the brother he thought he knew so well? How much more could he bear?
He rested his eyes on Alex’s beautiful face. Her hair was fanned out on his pillows. She never slept with it loose. It was too long she’d tell him when he begged her to. “It’ll be too hard to brush out,” she’d explain, but he remembered asking again, right before he drifted to sleep, and this time, she gave in.
He looked over at his phone on the nightstand, wondering if he should check it or just let it be. Naughton was probably good and pissed at him by now, but he couldn’t muster up enough of a shit to give any.
“Hey,” Alex murmured groggily.
“Hey.” Maddox rested back against the pillow and pulled her naked body close to his.
“How do you feel?”
Better than he’d expected to, but still like crap. He shrugged. “Less drunk than I was, but still more than I should be.”
Alex picked up her phone. “Naughton’s called me, so has Peyton.” Alex rested her head back on his chest. “Should we let the world in yet?”
He sure as hell didn’t want to, but the call from Peyton worried him. Had she somehow found out that the man she thought she’d been in love with was a liar?
“Did she leave a message?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t listen to it.”
“What were you going to tell me about Kade?” he didn’t want to ask, but he had to.
“Are you sure you want to talk about that now?”
“Yeah, I found out a few things about him myself last night.”
“About Kade and Lena?”
Maddox nodded. “Is there anything else?”
“No. Just that the land was part of their divorce settlement.”
“Who told you?”
“Noah Ridge. We were talking about land for sale in the valley, and he mentioned the property on Old Creek Road. His family made an offer on ‘the daughter’s land.’”
“Why were you with Noah Ridge?” Maddox’s gut lurched. Was Noah the new man in her life?
“That isn’t important—”
“Stop right there. It’s important to me. Why, Alex?”
“Coincidence. We happened to be the only two guests at L’Auberge, and had dinner at the same time.”
“He isn’t the new love of your life?”
Alex sat up in bed. “Look at me,” she demanded.
Maddox turned his head and met her eyes. Here it came, and he wasn’t sure he was ready. He might never be ready for Alex to tell him she was in love with someone else.
“What are you thinking right now?”
“Are you kidding? Whatever it is, just say it, Alex.” Every muscle in his chest was tight, as though he was trying to protect his heart from the words she was about to speak.
“I kissed Noah last night.”
“Jesus, Alex—” Maddox tried to get up, but she laid her body across his.
“Wait, and let me finish.”
Did she think didn’t have a heart? Or that he was made of steel?”
“It felt wrong, Mad. I got this feeling like something was terribly wrong.”
So had he. “When?”
“Last night.”
“When last night, specifically?”
“I don’t know, around six or seven, I guess. Why is that important?”
Because he’d felt it too. That was why he didn’t go upstairs, because he’d felt it too. Could he tell her without sounding crazy?
“Why, Maddox?”
“I think I knew.”
“How?”
“Like you, it was a feeling of dread.”
Alex’s eyes filled with tears. “You asked me if Noah’s the new love of my life. He isn’t. There’s someone else I’ve been in love with since I was a teenager. Someone I can’t stay away from. For a long time I thought it was just sex between us, but it isn’t Maddox.”
“Are you saying—”
“You are the love of my life, Maddox. You. If you can’t accept that, then we are done, because I can’t live another day knowing I love you, but you don’t love me.”
“I asked you before we got in bed why you couldn’t love me.”
“Yes, you did.”
“You didn’t answer me.”
“I wanted to tell you how I felt when you were sober.”
“I’m not all the way sober yet.”
Alex sat up, and climbed on top of him, straddling him with her nakedness. She pulled her hair back, twisted it in a makeshift ponytail, and then folded her arms over her breasts.
Maddox reached up, moved her arms away, and covered her breasts with his hands.
“How long?” he asked.
“Prob
ably since I met you.”
“Same for me.”
“Why didn’t you—”
“Why didn’t you?”
When her eyes filled with tears again, he shifted, and rolled her on her back. He laid his body over hers, like she had with him, and pinned her hands above her head.
“Look at me,” he demanded in the same way she had. “What are you thinking right now?” He smirked.
She smiled. “You’re such a jerk.”
“It’s called torture, Alex, and it’s what you’ve been doing to me.”
“I didn’t realize.”
“I guess I didn’t either. Or I did, but I didn’t think you felt the same way.”
“Me, too.”
Who would say it first? After all these years, could either of them swallow their pride enough to finally admit how they felt?
Yeah, he could. He brought his face close enough to hers that he could kiss her, but still see her eyes. “I love you, Alex.”
“I love you too, Maddox.”
She held him so tight. What he’d give to show her right now how much he loved her, but he didn’t want to hurt her.
“Maddox, stop thinking and make love to me,” she implored.
Alex knew her own mind, and her own body. If she wasn’t healed enough, she wouldn’t do this.
She pushed at him until he was on his back. “Better this way,” she said, before straddling him again, only this time, she made sure he was tucked inside her warmth.
They’d just finished ravaging each other when they heard someone pounding on the front door.
“What the hell?” Maddox yelled.
“Who is that?” she whined and put the pillow over her head.
“Maddox, open the damn door.”
“Naughton,” they said in unison.
The clothes he had on earlier were filthy from his long day yesterday, and then long night. He opened a dresser drawer, pulled out a clean shirt, and a pair of shorts. “Be right back.” He stopped to look at her one more time before he went downstairs.
Today was going to be a shit-storm of Kade’s deceit. Did she know that as long as she was beside him, he felt as though he could make it through the crap that swirled around him?
He pulled open the door. “What’s up, Naught?”
The Truce (Butler Ranch Book 2) Page 16