by Jess Bryant
“That’s a big project.”
“Yes, it is.” He nodded.
“Seems like you could have just built a new house from scratch for yourself and it’d probably have been easier.”
“Maybe, but like I said, I like demolition.” He finished his sandwich and wiped his hands on a napkin, “Besides, this is my home. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”
For a man of few words, when he spoke he said a mouthful. It was his home. He was making it his own but it would always be his home, the place he belonged. She could understand it though she’d never had it for herself.
“What about you? Don’t you ever miss it? Miss the ranch and the house you grew up in?”
And there was the change of topic back to her again. She shrugged, “I told you at the wedding, the ranch never really felt like home to me, not like you feel about this place. I never worked the land or the animals or really got involved.”
“Why?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m a girl.”
He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms across his bare chest. His eyes dragged down her face, lingering on her lips, her breasts, her thighs poking out from beneath his shirt. When he looked back up he smiled, “Yes, that part is obvious.”
“You had brothers. You don’t understand.” She rolled her eyes, “Maybe if I’d had a brother it would have been different but I’m an only child. My Daddy wanted a son.”
“Okay.” He still looked confused and a little frustrated again, “That still doesn’t explain why he wouldn’t have taught you about the family business.”
“You don’t know my Daddy. He’s very old-fashioned, very set in his ways. To him, ranching is man’s work, always has been, always will be. He tried to do right by my mama and raise me how she’d have wanted. In his own way, excluding me was his way of trying.”
“You think your mother would have wanted you to feel excluded in your own home?” His brows were down and his eyes were dark now so she avoided looking at him. “Even if that was his reason, it sounds pretty crappy to me.”
She didn’t look at him when she answered, “It doesn’t matter what his reasons were, he kept it from me all my life but he can’t do it anymore.”
“What’s that mean?” He tilted his head as she’d begun to realize he did when he was trying to figure something out.
“It means I’m the last in a long line of Montgomery’s even if my last name is Carter. I’m the only child of an only child. Girl or not, my raising or not, I’m the only heir left. When he passes I’ll have to deal with the ranch one way or another.”
“Has he told you that? Talked to you about it?”
“No. Not yet.” She played with the label on her beer bottle.
“You don’t think that’s weird? That he knows he’s dying and he hasn’t talked to you about something so important?”
“Confusing would be if he had.” She admitted in a near whisper.
Everything to do with her father and Montgomery Oaks was confusing to her, it always had been. Her feelings about the man and the place had darted all over like wild ping pong balls throughout her life. She simultaneously loved and hated. It was her past and her future but not her present, at least not until she’d come home for a weekend wedding and figured out just how in the dark she’d been all this time.
More confusing was the fact she was sitting here telling Zach these things she’d never told anybody. Maybe it was because he was a virtual stranger. Maybe it was because he was only temporarily in her life.
Whatever it was, she needed to shut it up and lock it back down. Talking about it wouldn’t do her any good and was just a waste of a nice distraction. Zach didn’t really care. He was just making small-talk until they could go back to bed.
That’s what this was all about. This one night and then he would go on his way. She had better things to do with her mouth since that was the case.
She shoved her beer aside and looked up at him finally, “Are you done eating Zach?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I think you owe me.”
A smile tugged at the corners of his lips, “I thought we were even.”
“I seem to recall a promise to show me who was in charge but if you’re not up for the challenge…” She shrugged indifferently and started to stand but she didn’t make it half a foot before big arms wrapped around her waist and hauled her off the floor.
“Zach!” She squealed as he threw her over his shoulder caveman style and she knew her ass was on full display.
“I’m going to show you up to the challenge. You can bet on it.” He nipped her thigh just below her panty line and she squealed again.
Yes, this was the kind of conversation she was allowed to have with Zach. Flirting innuendos were fine. Dirty talk would be fine. Discussing her father, not so much.
He was a one-night stand. He was sex on legs. He was a dangerously handsome man that gave her exactly what she needed. He was a great distraction.
Chapter Eleven
“You get laid last night?”
Zach looked up from where he lay beneath the tractor trying to replace the oil and found his youngest brother standing nearby. Riley leaned a shoulder against the side of the barn. His dirty baseball cap hid most of his face but he was obviously grinning that self-satisfied smirk that had always made Zach want to smack him upside the head.
What did he know? Had somebody at the bar seen them leave together and ratted him out? Or had Riley seen Bluebell’s less than inconspicuous car in his driveway at some point last night?
“Huh?” He played dumb.
“You’re listening to country music.” Riley pointed to the radio. “You only ever listen to country when you get laid.”
“Do I?” He snorted, “That’s kind of embarrassing.”
“So you admit you got laid.” Riley chuckled and for the first time all morning Zach was happy to be underneath the big tractor so his brother couldn’t see him smiling.
The truth was, he had gotten laid and he was in a good mood. It was probably his first good mood since his brothers had started their push to run the ranch themselves. He’d spent an entire night not worrying about anything or anyone else in his life. He hadn’t had to think about any of his commitments or make any decisions other than which position he might put Bluebell in next.
And that was enough to put a smile on his face despite the fact she’d run out on him again. He’d fallen asleep after his fourth or fifth climax, he’d honestly lost count. When he’d woken the sun hadn’t been up yet and he’d stretched to pull her against him one last time before they went their separate ways. Except she hadn’t been there.
He wasn’t mad about it. He wasn’t even upset she’d taken off on him again. Well, maybe he’d been a little upset because he’d have much preferred a round of morning sex to a cold shower but he didn’t blame her.
He’d lain out exactly who he was and what they were and she’d signed on for a night of fun, carefree pleasure. He knew she’d had fun and so had he. The morning sun could have shed a light on the other things they’d shared and he hadn’t wanted that any more than she obviously did.
She’d saved them from that awkward morning after moment. The one where you have to decide if you swap numbers and make two nights of bad decisions or the worry that somebody is going to say something stupid or want more. As it was, he could smile and enjoy the aftereffects of a night of fun without any repercussions.
“Who was she? One of the Little sisters? I saw them hitting on you in the feed store the other day.”
“I don’t kiss and tell.” He snorted.
“Both of them?”
He rolled his eyes, “If you’re so interested in my sex life you must not be getting any.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve been busy.”
“Doing what?”
“Working the ranch for one and then helping Devin on the land deal too.”
Damn it. Zach smashed his fingers with the wrench. There
went his good mood. Just like that he knew Riley hadn’t tracked him down in the barn for small-talk. He’d been confronted by his mother and Devin so far. Apparently it was now Riley’s turn to harass him.
“Don’t start.” He warned.
“I just want to talk to you about it. Get your opinion.”
“I told Devin if he wanted to look at it to do it. He’s handling it. Isn’t that what you both wanted?” He growled and shoved out from beneath the tractor so he could sit upright.
Riley had moved closer and he loomed over where he now sat. He was taller than Riley, always had been. Zach didn’t like giving him some semblance of advantage though even if it was height so he pushed to his feet and leaned against the tractor while he used a dirty rag to wipe grease and oil from his hands.
“We want you involved.”
“See now, that’s the exact opposite of what Devin said.” He shrugged, “You two wanted more responsibility, you wanted to call the shots. I told him and I’ll tell you. I don’t want the extra land. I don’t think it’s a good deal but you won’t listen.”
“That’s because it’s a good investment. You just don’t want the extra acreage to take care of.”
“Doesn’t matter. You two together own two-thirds of the ranch. You can push it through without me if you want. You wanted the right to make the decision I’m giving it to you. You have the fancy business degree, handle it.”
“We still want your input Zach. You’ve run the ranch and you’ve done it really well. At least help us look over the documents, verify that what we think its worth is right. You know more about this than we do.”
“Yeah.” He wiped at his hands and sighed as the tension began to build in his shoulders again, “I do.”
Riley’s plea for help turned to a hard glare, “That’s just because you kept us out of it for so long. Don’t act like we haven’t wanted to help you run this place for years. Devin’s been asking for more since he was eighteen.”
“He was eighteen!”
“Yeah, the same age you were when you took over.” Riley argued.
“Sure and I fucked up a lot of shit in that time. We nearly lost the place, lost everything. I couldn’t let that happen again just because Devin thought he was ready.”
“I knew you were going to be a stubborn son-of-a-bitch about this. I just figured you’d have come to your senses by now and realized this is what’s best for the ranch and also for you. We own the other two-thirds just like you said but you’ve never given us that amount of decision-making power. If you did, you’d have more free time to work on the house, do what you want, to have a life.”
“This is my life.” Zach bit off the angry retort.
“It’s our lives.” Riley sighed, “And look how great they are?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means look at us. You’re still playing big brother, still making sure mom remembers to buy groceries and takes her medicine and that Devin and me don’t get into trouble.”
“That’s my job.”
“No. It was your job maybe, when we were little kids and needed you like that. We don’t anymore.”
“That’s gratitude for you I guess. You don’t need me anymore so I’m just supposed to back off?” He could feel his anger bubbling now.
“Yes. Back off, get a life of your own, let Devin and me grow up and help you. You could finally do something you want, have something you want for yourself.”
Zach clenched his jaw at the same words Devin had spoken to him weeks before. The same strange need his brothers had to set him free was disconcerting. He still wasn’t sure what to do with it or how to respond.
“You sent me to college. I got my degree and I came home to help. Let me help otherwise what was the point in telling me I could live my dreams?” Riley shrugged.
“What about Devin?”
“What about him? He never wanted to go to college. Hell, he was lucky to stay out of jail and that was thanks to you. All he wants to do is be on the ranch, to work the land and live his life. That’s his dream, it’s all he’s ever wanted.”
“Good. Well. I guess you’re both happy you got what you wanted. I know I’m happy for you.” Zach tossed the rag down, “I have to get back to work Riley.”
“What do you want Zach? It wasn’t this ranch. Dev’s told me about the fights you had with Dad about going to college, doing something else when he wanted you to stay here. You stayed because you had to, because it was the responsible thing to do when he died and we all owe you everything for that. So now it’s your turn. What do you want?”
Zach had been walking away because his anger was building but it suddenly flat lined. He felt his shoulders sag. He could feel Riley’s eyes on him, waiting, watching, for what he didn’t know. Finally he sighed, “Honestly Ry, I don’t know.”
“Then figure it out.” He heard the barn door slam and knew Riley had left.
That night the dream came again. The dream that was always the same. He shut his eyes and he was an adult. He was responsible and in charge. But when he opened them on the other side he was just a sixteen year old kid again and the terror of that night came back to him.
His father had gone out of town to sell some cattle and for the first time he took their mother with him. He’d left Zach in charge of his younger brothers for the weekend. It was the first time his dad had ever given him that kind of responsibility and he’d thought he was finally a real man to be taken seriously.
He’d been a total ass to his brothers all day. He’d played the big brother card time and again. Riley wanted to watch cartoons? No way, those were for babies. Devin wanted to play Super Mario? No way, that was his game and off limits to little kids. He’d given them a bedtime an hour earlier than their parents usually did and ushered them off to bed so he could go see his girlfriend.
Peggy Sutton had been the prettiest girl in school. She was head cheerleader and a full grade ahead of him. She was also easy which he’d really liked about her and he hadn’t intended to waste his parents being out of town by babysitting. He put the little brats to bed, hopped in his truck and went for a drive down by the river with the pretty brunette.
He hadn’t meant to stay gone as long as he had but they fell asleep and hours passed before he woke up and looked at the clock. Peggy had been pissed when he threw her clothes at her and told her to get dressed. He didn’t even kiss her goodnight or take her up to her house. He dropped her at the road and made her walk the last quarter mile home so her daddy wouldn’t see his headlights. She’d never spoken to him again but that had been the least of his worries by the time the night was over.
When he got home the house had been dark and he’d grinned that he’d gotten away with it. He hung his keys on the hook and had the balls to grab one of his dad’s beers out of the fridge. Heading upstairs to his bedroom he peeked his head in and found Devin fast asleep. Everything was just as it should have been so he continued down the hallway.
The light coming out from Riley’s bedroom had been the first sign that something wasn’t right. His youngest brother hadn’t quite turned eight yet but he hadn’t slept with a light on in years. He twisted the doorknob, stuck his head in and immediately looked around in confusion.
Riley’s room was a mess of clothes and toys. He wasn’t the cleanliest of children, what boy was, but it looked like a tornado had hit the room. Drawers stuck out at odd angles from the dresser. The closet was open and empty hangers glinted inside. The bed was unmade and Riley was nowhere to be found.
“Riley?” He’d immediately assumed the little brat was hiding.
As the minutes passed and Riley didn’t come out he’d turned angry. He smashed a few of Riley’s toys under his feet. He yelled and threatened to beat him to a pulp if he didn’t stop hiding. When that didn’t work he’d promised he wasn’t mad and that he wouldn’t tell their parents. Still nothing.
His angry yelling had woken Devin and sleepy-eyed he’d wandered in on
ly to face the full brunt of Zach’s wrath. He shoved his brother into a wall. He got in his face and yelled at him for not looking after Riley. He blamed him until Devin wrestled free and glared at him.
“You were the one supposed to look out for him. You’re the big brother.” He’d said.
That had been the minute the anger got buried under the worry. He and Devin had searched the house high and low. They got flashlights and searched the yard. Devin went to check the bunkhouse and Zach had gone to check the barn.
Hours passed before he finally found Riley in the loft of the barn. The little boy had been curled into a ball in his batman pajamas. He had his suitcase loaded beside him and when Zach woke him up he’d insisted he was running away.
“Oh no you’re not.” Zach argued.
“Yes I am. I hate you. I hate you. You’re the worst brother in the world and I don’t want to live with you anymore.”
“Shut up and go inside.”
“No.”
“I said go inside.”
The argument had escalated and Riley tried to run from him. He reached for him but only caught a flailing leg as the little boy rounded a corner. It wasn’t enough to stop him but it had been enough to send him tumbling to the floor. In slow motion, he watched his little brother roll off the ledge of that loft, his eyes wide, his scream of terror deafening, and despite racing towards him, trying to reach him in time. He hadn’t gotten there soon enough.
That was the moment in the dream that Zach always woke up in a cold sweat with his heart pounding in his chest and disoriented. He sat straight up, trying to remember where he was and it slowly came back. He was in the house. He was in bed. He wasn’t sixteen and Riley was okay but the memories didn’t end there.
He didn’t need to still be dreaming to remember the sound of bones breaking as Riley’s little body hit the floor of the barn in a hard thud. He could still remember every cry and whimper and every accusation that it was all his fault. He could remember the pain of knowing he’d failed and his little brother had been hurt. He hadn’t been able to protect him.