It was hard to think of anything else but Christmas celebrations once they reached the ward. The staff up here had gone all out to make the surroundings festive for people unfortunate enough to be confined to a hospital bed at this time of year.
Garlands of tinsel were strung across the central corridor. Snowflake patterns had been sprayed onto the windows of the rooms. An enormous Christmas tree with coloured lights was positioned by the ward office, and it had an impressive pile of gifts beneath it.
‘We’ve got a private room for your mother,’ the charge nurse told Rory. ‘It’s a full on day here tomorrow, with the chaplain visiting everyone and carol singers and Christmas dinner. You’re most welcome to come and join in the fun.’
Rory smiled, but Kate had the impression he might be gritting his teeth.
‘I’ll be in to visit, of course,’ he said. ‘But I think the festivities might be a bit much for my mother. She’s not aware of the season and she needs to rest.’
They settled Marcella into her room, and the electrodes for the cardiac monitor were put in place and attached to a monitor. Marcella was still staring at the ceiling, taking no notice of what was happening around her. A nurse raised the sides of the bed.
‘I’ll have a nurse sitting with her as much of the time as possible. Is she likely to try wandering?’
‘I doubt she’s up to climbing over these rails.’ Rory leaned over and smoothed his mother’s hair. ‘A domani, Mamma,’ he murmured. ‘Buon Natale.’
‘Buon Natale,’ Marcella echoed. She didn’t look at Rory, but she smiled sweetly. ‘Buon Natale,’ she said again as Kate followed Rory from the room. ‘Buon Natale…’
‘That means Happy Christmas?’
‘Yeah.’ It had touched something deep within Rory, hearing the seasonal greeting in his mother’s native Italian. Something very poignant.
‘She sounded happy.’
Rory sighed as he stepped into the lift. ‘I don’t think “happy” is a word I’ve associated with my mother for thirty years.’ But he could hear her voice again as the lift descended. See that smile. ‘You’re right,’ he said as the doors opened again. ‘She seemed…content.’
‘You sound surprised.’
He tilted his head to acknowledge the correct assumption. ‘Christmas was always the hardest time of year for my family. After Jamie died.’
Kate was walking beside him. The top of her head barely reached his shoulder. He could look down and see the gleam of gold in the honey-blonde waves of her hair. She was so small. Why was there such a large amount of comfort to be found in her presence?
‘What happened?’ she asked. ‘To Jamie?’
This wasn’t comforting. It wasn’t something Rory talked about to anyone. Ever. But Kate wasn’t like anyone else, was she?
She had seen him…saved him…when he was at his lowest. She was carrying his babies. She had the right to know the story of their father. With his mother left content upstairs, it seemed an appropriate time to take away the barrier he’d always kept between his past and his future.
‘We were walking to school,’ he said quietly. ‘A car came around the corner too fast, mounted the kerb and hit Jamie. He died instantly.’
‘Oh, God!’ Kate whispered in horror. ‘And you were right beside him? How old were you?’
‘Seven.’
‘Michael’s age.’ The words were so quiet Rory barely heard them, yet he could hear her comprehension of exactly what he’d been through tonight.
They walked in silence for a minute. Along a totally deserted, dimly lit corridor.
And then Kate spoke. ‘That must have been so lonely for you.’
Rory found his steps slowing unconsciously. How had she done that? Touched on the single emotion that had coloured his world for ever after that day?
‘Why do you say that?’ His words sounded harsh. He stopped. He had to watch Kate. To listen to what she had to say. He didn’t want even the distraction of walking. ‘I was the lucky one. I was walking on the inside of the footpath. I didn’t even get a scratch.’
Kate’s eyes looked over-bright as she looked up at him. ‘Your parents had each other,’ she said slowly. ‘And they still had you. You lost your twin.’
Rory swallowed hard. ‘Yeah.’
‘Do you have any other brothers or sisters?’
‘No.’
‘And your mother never got over losing Jamie.’ It was a statement, not a question, but Rory answered anyway.
‘I don’t think she could. Dad tried to help. So did the doctors. I did my best, but the only comfort she found was to shut herself away. She gave up on living. Slowly. Inexorably. By the time Dad died there was nothing left. Except me. And I’d always been a reminder of what she’d lost.’
‘That’s awful,’ Kate said fiercely. ‘It wasn’t your fault.’
‘No.’
‘But it felt like it, didn’t it?’ Kate held his gaze and Rory saw a tear escape and roll down her face. ‘Dear God, Rory, you were onlyseven.’
He caught the tear with his fingers, but he couldn’t quite swallow the lump in his throat.
‘You didn’t deserve that,’ Kate said with a catch in her voice. ‘Nobody does. I’m so sorry, Rory.’
He opened his mouth, intent on saying that he didn’t need anybody to feel sorry for him, but no words emerged.
‘I’m sorry you had to carry a burden like that,’ Kate continued softly. ‘And I’m sorry your parents couldn’t find a way through their grief and realise how blessed they still were.’ She gave a sniff and let her breath out in a sigh. ‘But things shape our lives, and maybe it was because of Jamie that you ended up becoming a doctor. If your mother could understand how many lives you save, and how many people you help when they have terrible things happen to them, she would be so proud of you.’
She caught her breath. ‘Why wasn’t it enough?’ she asked. ‘That day? When you saved that little boy?’
She could see how hard it was for him. He closed his eyes and swallowed noticeably. Then he opened his eyes and looked directly into hers.
‘Do you remember what happened earlier on in that shift?’
Kate nodded. ‘I remember it all. A compound tib and fib. Big MI. Appendicitis. The fish-hook. You did a wonderful job stitching that man’s hand. I’ll bet he didn’t even end up with a scar.’
‘Do you remember what happened when I was doing that job? The ambulance that arrived when I was halfway through the incision to get the hook out?’
‘The DOA?’ Kate nodded again, but her frown was a little puzzled. Of course it affected everybody when that happened. A sombre ripple would go through the whole department even when the details had not been discussed. And they hadn’t been that day. Braden had said nothing, so why did it have extra significance for Rory? ‘But it was Braden who dealt with that,’ she said slowly.
‘And it was me that Braden came to talk to. To tell me it had been a kid. A boy on his way to school who should have been safe because he was using the zebra crossing to get over the road.’
‘Oh, no!’ Kate breathed. The pull back in time would have been so hard, and nobody knew about Rory’s history so there would have been no one for him to talk to.
‘Braden was almost in tears,’ Rory continued. ‘Said he could only imagine how devastating it was going to be for the kid’s family.’
‘But you didn’t have to imagine, did you?’ Kate asked softly. ‘You knew.’
Rory gave a slow, single nod. ‘I couldn’t think of anything else for the rest of that day. I was distracted, and it could have meant the death of that little boy with meningitis. I’d lost the ability to focus and the risk was terrifying. I had to get out. And stay out. For everyone’s sake. But I knew I was leaving what I’d wanted to do for the rest of my life and it was tearing me into pieces.’
Kate was touching him. Her hand on his arm. But it was her eyes that held him. They were like a mirror. He could see his own pain. Not just at that particular time of his life, but for
its entirety.
‘It was never your fault,’ she said. ‘What happened to Jamie. You don’t have to try and make the world a perfect place to make up for it.’
The power of speech deserted Rory. How did Kate know him so intimately when they’d only ever had that one night together?
She knew things he’d barely formed as thoughts himself. She understood how it had been to lose his brother. How lonely he’d been. He knew how he’d tried to make it up to his mother by being the best he could be in everything he did. How afraid he was to deal with the death of a child professionally. And why.
And she’d known long before he’d told her anything. Because her touch—all those months ago—had done the same as her words were doing now.
Absolving him.
Making him feel special. Worthwhile.
Rory cleared his throat. He found the hint of a smile as he bent his head and kissed Kate, very softly, on her lips.
‘You…’ He had to clear his throat again because his voice sounded strangely hoarse. ‘Are going to make the most amazing mother.’ He touched her belly, and it was firm and warm beneath his fingers. ‘These two are the luckiest babies.’
‘Yes.’ Kate’s voice sounded a bit strangled as well. ‘They are.’ She brushed at her cheeks with her fingers and her smile wobbled. ‘They have you for their father.’
What did she mean by that? Rory had to start walking again, as though movement might jog the puzzle into place. Did she want him to be involved in their upbringing?
To the point where she was reconsidering his im petuous proposal?
He hoped so.
And not just for the sake of his unborn children. Rory wanted to be with Kate for himself. To be with someone who instinctively understood him and was prepared to accept him for who he was. With all his scars.
To be proud of him, even.
It was as much as anyone could hope for, wasn’t it? A partnership that was based on acceptance and respect? And maybe love could grow from that. Maybe Rory could learn to open the part of his heart that he’d locked away. And maybe Kate would grow to love him the way he knew she would love their children.
The carol service was winding up as they passed the chapel. ‘Away in a Manger’ was being sung softly, and Rory found he had to increase his pace a little to overcome the sudden urge to pull Kate into his arms and hold her.
Never let her go.
Rounding the corner, they saw Mary Ballantyne talking to a police officer. It was a relief to have something else to focus on before he did something that might shock Kate even more than his proposal had.
‘Everything all right?’ he queried briskly.
The police officer was smiling. ‘We’ve caught the gang who stole the kids’ Christmas presents. They’re all being loaded into a patrol car as we speak, and will be here in no time.’
‘I’m going to order some taxis,’ Mary added. ‘Just as soon as I’ve popped upstairs to see Michael and Flo. We can load the presents into them.’
‘I’ve got a better idea.’
They all turned to look at Kate.
‘Let me take the presents,’ she said eagerly. Her smile was strong and sure this time, and it lit up her face. ‘I’ll get there first and put them under the tree… It’ll be as if Father Christmas remembered while they were all in here, and it’ll be…’ Her smile widened. ‘A bit of Christmas magic after all the bad stuff they’ve had to deal with tonight.’
‘It’s snowing,’ the police officer said cautiously. ‘Driving conditions are appalling.’
‘Braden Foster’s got a big four-wheel drive. He’ll let me borrow it.’
‘I don’t know, dear.’ Mary was frowning, which seemed to make her swollen nose and black eyes look all the more serious. ‘It’s a lovely idea, but in your condition…’
‘I want to do it,’ Kate said. ‘Please?’
Rory’s heart twisted as he saw the plea in Kate’s eyes and heard it in her voice. She wanted this so much. To help others. To make their Christmas special. She was…amazing.
They were all looking at him now, as though he had the authority to give permission or not. And he did. And he took it.
‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m not going to let you do that, Kate.’
CHAPTER NINE
KATE WAS STUNNED.
Rory was going to stop her doing this? Doing something that she desperately wanted to do because it would bring joy to a bunch of kids who’d been through pos sibly the scariest Christmas Eve of their lives?
His face was so stern. Implacable. The decision had been made and that was that.
Well, she’d see about that! Kate sucked in her breath and lifted her chin, ready to do battle. It was only then that she realised Rory was still talking. She had to pull words almost spoken back into her head.
‘Not without me. I’ll drive. And I’ll carry anything remotely heavy.’
‘We could send a patrol car,’ the police officer suggested.
‘No.’ Rory’s lips curved into a smile. One that held an invitation. ‘We want to do this our selves—don’t we, Katie?’
She could only nod, and hope that the action wouldn’t dislodge the moisture accumulating rapidly in her eyes.
Mary didn’t bother trying to stem her own tears. She looked from Kate to Rory and back again. She smiled and sniffed loudly.
‘Bless you,’ she said. ‘And while you’re there do you think you could have a quick peek at Josephine? She’s our donkey, and she’s out in the stables behind the main house. Across the courtyard. She’s well overdue to deliver a foal and I’m a bit worried about her.’
‘We heard.’ Rory nodded. ‘But a vet might be more appropriate than a doctor and a nurse.’
Mary looked at them both again. ‘I doubt it,’ she said sagely. ‘I have the feeling that the two of you could manage anything.’
KATE FELT LIKE THAT, too, when they pulled out of the ambulance bay in Braden’s car only a short time later.
‘It was nice of Braden to let us borrow this.’
‘It was.’ Rory was fiddling with the controls—turning the heater up, because it was freezing outside, and speeding up the wipers to cope with the thick sleet they were heading into.
‘And those police officers were so helpful—shifting all the gifts.’
Kate looked over her shoulder. The back seats of the large four-wheel drive vehicle had been folded down to create a space the size of a small storeroom. A space that was crammed full of wonderful-looking parcels. The two tricycles weren’t wrapped in colour ful paper, but they had tinsel wrapped around their handlebars and a huge red bow attached to the seats.
The main roads around the hospital were clear and the traffic light, thanks to both the bad weather and the time of night. Most people would be tucked up safely in their own homes by now, Kate thought. Drinking eggnog, maybe, and admiring the twinkling lights on their Christmas trees. Or stuffing small gifts into the stockings they would hang on the ends of their children’s beds, or over the handle of bedroom doors. There were probably a few stressed mothers out there, fretting about the logistics of catering for a large family gathering, knowing how tired they would be because of being woken up at some ungodly hour by over-excited small people.
It would be magic, wouldn’t it?
Rory was concentrating on his driving as the houses became more sparse and the snow on the road deeper. Kate didn’t want to distract him by talking, so she closed her eyes and allowed herself just a moment or two of fantasy.
Of imagining herself and Rory in a huge old bed with a soft feather quilt and lots of pillows. They were sound asleep. Then being woken by small bodies leaping onto the bed. Two little faces peering at them. Girls? Boys? Not that it mattered, but this was fantasy so Kate made them boys. With dark curly hair and big brown eyes like their father. It was so easy to imagine the glow on those faces. ‘FatherChristmas has been!’ they’d shriek. ‘Come and see!’
Or maybe she and Rory would get up after they’
d been woken by suspicious crackly noises, and they’d creep hand-in-hand, through the dark house to find two naughty children with half the gifts under the tree already unwrapped.
And they’d look at each other…and smile.
‘THIS IS GETTING WORSE.’
‘Is it?’ Kate yanked herself back to reality and peered through the windscreen. Visibility was reduced to only a few feet. ‘We’re not going to get stuck, are we?’
The thought was disturbing. Not that she wouldn’t want to spend time alone with Rory, but it might be very hard, and she might end up telling him something he really wouldn’t want to hear.
‘I don’t think so. The actual road surface isn’t too bad yet. As long as we take it slowly we should be fine. I’m not sure about the ad visability of a fleet of taxis full of children trying it, though. Not at night, anyway.’
‘They could stay in the department overnight. Or maybe the police could help.’
‘Mmm.’ Rory was driving very slowly.
‘Turn left.’ The seductive female voice with a strong deep southern USA accent coming from Braden’s satellite navigation system was startling. ‘In two hundred metres, turn right.’
Kate laughed. ‘I know Braden’s keen on working in the States, but this is just sad!’
‘He wants to leave London?’
‘He’s ready for an adventure. Like you were.’
‘I didn’t go for adventure, Katie.’
‘I know that,’ she said softly. He’d gone because he was broken. He’d fled to try and heal himself. ‘Did you find what you needed?’
‘I think so…yes.’ Rory took the right-hand turn with care. Tiny flakes of snow amongst the drizzle shone in the glare of the headlights. It felt as if they were having an adventure of their own. Driving into the unknown. A dangerous but compelling journey.
‘That’s good.’ Kate’s mouth felt suddenly dry. ‘I’m…glad you came back. And that you’re going to stay.’
He took his gaze off the road for just a heartbeat. Long enough to touch hers. ‘Me, too.’
Twins For Christmas Page 7