I knew he understood what I was talking about. He’d said those exact words to me when he first saw me in training, and I had messed up and asked for another chance.
“I know you wanted to protect us. I understand,” I said when I knew he wasn’t going to comment on my quoting him. “Can I get some rest before we leave?”
My father nodded and headed for the door. He stopped before stepping outside and said, “Please, forgive me.” Then he walked out.
I wanted to call him back and tell him that I forgave him and that if he hadn’t asked me to train, I wouldn’t have been able to save Mom and Ben, but I didn’t. Because he also once said: Forgiveness should be earned, not asked for.
ACHILLES’ HEEL
*Gideon*
“The most dangerous lies aren’t the ones they tell you.
The most dangerous lies are the ones you tell yourself,
and they are the ones that hurt the most.”
Melody Manful
“So, you spent the night with Abigail?” Valoel asked as soon as I returned to my room. She stood beside my telescope inside my room.
“Are you spying on me now?”
“Let me get this straight. You stayed and comforted her the whole night because you are not in love with her?” she asked smugly.
“I am not in love with her!” I shouted, and the telescope caught fire. I didn’t know why I was acting stranger than I ever had, but I was sure I wasn’t in love with Abigail.
I had gone to D’s after I left Abigail this morning, and we had gone out and hunted so I could get Abigail out of my head, but nothing I did pushed her out of my mind.
“Lying doesn’t change the truth,” Valoel stated philosophically.
I walked over to her. “Val, you know that I can torture you with my mind, right?”
“I know that.” She made a sofa appear out of thin air and sat down. “I just keep wondering why you haven’t yet.” I was pretty sure her wardrobe was going to be the next thing to appear in my room.
“I can’t because I don’t know what you fear, and I have never caught even a glimpse of fear or pain in your eyes.” I walked over to sit beside her. “Don’t you feel?” I made sure my words were believable, because I had a secret I wasn’t ready to tell.
And the secret was that I had never hurt Valoel because, to me, she was the only family I had, since my parents were scared of me and couldn’t handle being near me. Valoel was annoying, but she was the sole reason why I came home every day—I knew I’d have someone to talk with.
Saying I couldn’t hurt her because I couldn’t prey on her fears or pain was a lie. Valoel was the only creature I knew who seemed to know what pain really felt like. There was pain in the way she walked, in the way she talked, and in her smile.
Once, when she was little, I came home and she flew over to me, her tiny little wings flitting about. She was just as annoying as a little kid, and when she’d almost pulled my telescope down on her head, I’d caught her and for a second, I loved holding her in my arms. I was happy for one crystal moment, until my father rushed in and begged me not to hurt her.
I couldn’t tell him that I had no intention of hurting my little sister or that I just wanted to play with her; the trick was to let everyone think that I couldn’t feel at all. The trick was to make everyone believe that I was only what they made of me.
Valoel laughed. “I’m not a stone, Gideon. Just because you can’t feel your heart doesn’t mean I can’t feel mine.”
“Then tell me, what is your greatest fear? Have you ever felt any pain?”
“Pain,” Valoel whispered. “I know more than anyone else.” Quickly smiling, she masked the sadness that started to envelop her.
“It doesn’t seem like it.”
Valoel stood up, “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to distract me so I forget you spent the night with Abigail. I know you love her. You just have to admit it.”
“Not that again.”
“You’re in love with her. And you can deny it all you want, but it won’t make it untrue.”
“Fine, I’ll prove it!” And with a snap, I found myself crouching beside a car in front of Abigail’s house.
Tristan stood invisibly behind Abigail and her parents.
Hello, Gideon. Tristan forced his thoughts into my head when he saw me.
I pretended not to hear him as I tried to come up with a plan to get rid of Abigail.
Abigail was saying, “I know what I said, and I just wanted to apologize for blaming you.”
Her father hugged her. “I am truly sorry, Princess.”
“I know, Dad, and I don’t blame you. I’m happy you had me trained because if you hadn’t, I don’t know what would had happened,” Abigail said, still hugging her father. She sounded sincere.
Her mother joined the hug. “Don’t leave me out,” she said, and they all laughed.
Tristan smiled at the happy family. Abigail was still covered in bandages, and I knew she kept them there so her parents wouldn’t suspect she had healed.
“I can’t breathe,” Abigail whispered in a choking voice. Her parents laughed, but they didn’t let go of her. “I’m serious,” she coughed out. This time they let go of her and laughed some more.
Mr. Cells said, “Come on, let’s go. There’s a bit of a drive before we reach Santa Rosa.” Abigail followed her mother into the car, and as soon as her father pulled away, I followed after them.
I had to prove to Valoel that I wasn’t in love with Abigail. I didn’t care if Tristan was there or not. I’d just have to kill her and get Valoel off my back.
Soon the car was driving across the Golden Gate Bridge, and I still didn’t have a feasible plan to kill Abigail. I blamed Tristan, who flew invisibly behind the car, humming under his breath. I couldn’t concentrate for more than ten seconds with him distracting me.
“Will you just shut up?” I finally shouted at him. He didn’t seem alarmed. He just smiled in appreciation, as if I just gave him an award for annoying me. The carefree expression on his face told me he was used to my outbursts, and they no longer bothered him.
“Gideon!” Abigail shouted from inside the car. I whirled around and saw my own reflection in the rearview mirror. I quickly turned myself invisible.
At the sound of Abigail’s voice, the car jerked. Her scream had taken her father by surprise. Both her parents shouted as the car began to spin out of control.
The whole incident happened rather quickly. The car skidded, and Mr. Cells lost control of it. When he tried to regain control, he accidentally overcompensated in the wrong direction. A car approached them, and the driver inside was frantic. Mr. Cells jerked the steering wheel again, and the car raced at full speed into oncoming traffic.
There wasn’t much Mr. Cells could do. The car speeding toward them was trying its best to avoid a collision. Before the two cars could crash into each other, Mr. Cells swerved again, and with great force, the Cells’ car careened through the railing and shot off the bridge.
I heard people screaming. All around, the cars seemed to shift into slow motion. Cars screeched to a stop, and some bumped into each other. Many of the drivers jumped out of their cars and rushed to the railing. The Cells’ car descended toward the water. I turned to see what Tristan was doing and, to my great surprise, he was staring at me incredulously.
What the hell are you doing? Why aren’t you saving her?
Well, my excuse is that I’m testing a theory. What’s yours? Why aren’t you saving her? He asked calmly.
I couldn’t believe that Tristan was doing nothing. I felt panicked, a feeling I was sure couldn’t be mine. I knew it was Tristan’s, and yet he was staring at me with his stupid smile still on his face, as if he didn’t feel pain ripping through his soul.
I was about to attack him when I heard Abigail’s scream, and in that split second, I saw the end—a world without Abigail. I couldn’t decipher the feeling of desolation accompanying that thought,
so without thinking anymore, I spread my wings and flew at top speed toward the car, hoping to save her.
I didn’t know what I was doing.
I have to save her! No, I don’t! But I must! My own thoughts confused me. Goddammit!
In less than a second, I was beside the car. I jerked open the side door. Abigail clung to the seat in front of her when the door opened. I tried to take her invisibly, but I couldn’t do anything without her cooperation. I needed to act quickly because the car was nearing the water.
I didn’t know how else to get her out of the car. I snapped my fingers, turning my body visible. Abigail’s shocked seemed to double when she saw me. I didn’t have time for any explanations.
“Let go, Abby. Trust me.” I tried to pull her out of the car. She glanced at her family. Her parents were both screaming, both watching the rapidly approaching water.
With another sad look at her parents, she let go of the seat, and I took her into my arms as though she were a sick little girl. She threw her hands around my neck and closed her eyes. I flew us away just before the car crashed into the water.
I flew Abigail to dry land. The moment she stood safely on the ground, a force pulled me crashing into a boat that was behind us, and the boat exploded. Abigail looked around in panic as she watched the flames. I knew there was no invisible force. I got hurt because I chose to do something good, something against my nature. I figured it was the universe’s way of punishing me.
I looked painfully at where the car had slammed into the water. I knew that Abigail’s parents were still trapped. I knew Abigail, and I knew how much pain she was going to be in if something happened to them.
I didn’t like the idea of doing something good and ending up hurt, but I had to save Abigail’s parents—if they were still alive—so I rushed back to the edge of the bridge and dove under the dark water’s surface.
The Cells’ car was already sitting at the bottom of the sea. Mr. Cells floated weightlessly in front of the driver’s seat. I swam over to him and yanked the door open. The moment I saw Mr. Cells’ lifeless body, I knew I was too late. I wanted to pull him to the surface anyway, but I didn’t because I wasn’t sure what Abigail would do if she saw her father’s dead body.
I looked around for Mrs. Cells but didn’t find her, so I swam back to the surface. The moment I burst out of the water, I saw Tristan standing invisibly beside Abigail’s mother, and he was soaking wet. Tristan’s eyes met mine, and I realized he could have saved both of Abigail’s parents; the only reason he didn’t was because of the balance of life crap King Daligo always talked about. I remembered him saying that even though we have power, we shouldn’t interfere in what didn’t concern us.
I was relieved that Tristan found it in himself to at least save Abigail’s mother.
Abigail raced toward her mother. Tristan snapped his fingers to dry himself. Beside him, Abigail knelt beside her mother and tried giving her CPR. I saw people running toward her, and next came the sound of the ambulance and police sirens.
Several people arrived, and some rushed into the sea where the car had fallen. Abigail was still giving her mother CPR when a paramedic jumped out of an ambulance and pushed her aside. Two EMTs loaded Abigail into the ambulance to check her for injuries.
“Mom!” Abigail cried.
“She will be fine, honey. Try to relax,” I heard the EMT telling her.
Abigail caught her breath as she tried to stop the tears from running down her cheeks. “Where is my…the man in the car?”
“Calm down,” the EMT said slowly. “Calm down.”
Abigail wept harder, and I started feeling weak. If I wanted, I could feed off her pain and become stronger, but I resisted doing that, and my pain consequently increased.
Tristan stared at me. For a second, I felt like killing him. I needed to get away, away from everyone, but I couldn’t move. I wanted to stay with Abigail and comfort her, but I was still denying what Valoel told me.
“Gideon?” Abigail called from inside the ambulance. I was beside her in a flash, forgetting my confusion and pain. She looked around her. I wanted so much to take her hands and tell her everything was going to be all right, but I couldn’t, and with that thought, I crumbled down onto the ground.
Tristan was immediately beside me, trying to help me up. “Stay away from me!” I yelled.
Tristan backed away, his hands up in surrender.
The theory I had—it was that you are in love with Abigail, and if I stayed away just a second too long, you would realize it and save her…and I guess I was right.
I am not in love with that stupid human! I yelled in my head.
Are we still going with that lie?
I can feel you, feel every inch of your body ripping with unthinkable pain, and yet you still look like you’re fine.
I told you, I’m good at being happy. When you have the weight of the universe on your shoulders like I do, you learn to live through anything. And as for the pain, I can’t allow myself to break down because if I do, I take the universe with me, and I can’t have that. And just like that, he flew back to Abigail.
“Are you still here, Gideon?” Abigail called, looking around her. The paramedic who was checking her out looked at her concernedly, his brow creased in confusion. Abigail continued to scan the faces around her. Her mother was nowhere to be seen.
It took awhile before Mr. Cells’ body was finally located. They pulled him out of the water and rushed him toward the closest ambulance. “Abigail,” I muttered under my breath as the ambulances started pulling away from the scene. I watched her grief-stricken face as the ambulance she was in followed after the rest. “Abigail…I…ich liebe dich,” I whispered, admitting at last that Valoel and Tristan were both right. I was in love with Abigail.
The cars drove away, leaving me restless. All I could think about was Abigail. I felt furious and sad at the same time. I couldn’t control my emotions anymore, so I just gave up and let them wash over me.
“Gideon!” D’s voice called, trying to pull me out of my stupor. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Wait, D being here could only mean one thing.
“D, what…no…why are you here?”
“I’m here for a Brian Cells.”
I felt as though something sharp was shoved into me.
“No, no, you can’t take him. It’s Abigail’s father,” I told her. “If you take him, Abigail will be sad and—”
“Gideon, I have to take him. And what do you care?” she asked, not understanding why I was acting like I was. “Anyway, his name has already been crossed out because he’s already dead.”
“No! You have to give him back. There has to be a way. I’ll do anything.” I grabbed her hand to make my point. “You name it, I’ll do it.”
“Gideon, I can’t bring him back. Once his soul leaves his body, it’s too late.”
“This…this is my fault.” What the hell had I done?
I managed to raise my head, only to see the taillights of the cars far away in the distance.
“Your fault? Did you cause the accident?” D asked.
It had to be my fault. I was the one Abigail saw. Come to think of it, why didn’t I know I was visible?
“I think I did,” I answered.
“Then why are you—?”
“Valoel was getting on my nerves, saying I love the girl, and I wanted to prove her wrong and—”
“If you don’t love her, shouldn’t you be—” D stopped herself, and I knew it was because she already knew the answer to her question.
AMAZING GRACE
*Abigail*
“I know someone will cry for me when I’m gone.
Whether they are tears of joy or pain,
I’m sure they’d make it count.”
Melody Manful
Three days ago, my mother had a husband, and I had a father.
My father was gone. He was dead because I was seeing things that weren’t supposed to
be real.
Because the CIA told the police my father was a new bodyguard we had hired, we buried him using a fake name, together with Felix. At their funeral, a fake family member who was acting as–my father’s family cried for him, but the casket we buried was empty.
The CIA held on to my father’s body because my mother wouldn’t allow him to be buried with a fake name, so after his fake funeral, we had another one where he got all the respect he deserved.
I couldn’t look at my mother’s face without feeling guilty. She hadn’t stopped crying since she learned he didn’t survive the crash. I hadn’t cried since I learned it.
Even when I stood and watched my father’s casket being lowered into the ground, the tears didn’t come. My heart was filled with emptiness. No one dared tell me to cry. I felt as if I were crashing through invisible walls.
The CIA said there wouldn’t be any more danger now that my father was gone. Andrei had sold out the rest of his team to the CIA in exchange for his family’s protection. Even though they said nothing was going to happen, Ben was still supposed to stay with us, and they kept agents around the house.
After my father’s and Felix’s burials, I refused to go inside, staying outside on the field, since it was where we trained and the only place I felt connected to my father. I refused to eat and went inside only to sleep and to try to forget the world.
Even now as I stood shooting reactive targets outside, the tears still wouldn’t fall. I had emptied every gun we had, except for the gun in my hand, which was also about to run out of bullets. My head was filled both with regret and a pain I couldn’t show because I knew my father’s death was entirely my fault. It was me who had screamed and distracted him.
“Miss Cells, please come eat something,” Ben said the moment he reached me.
I didn’t even bother turning around to look at him. I heard and felt the sadness in Ben’s voice, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to keep on shooting and let the noise shut out the rest of the world.
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