by Eden Summers
All inevitable.
But there were things she could control.
Felicity and Slicker were a chart topper away from being a distant memory.
The rumors of her own involvement with Ryan would dissolve without evidence to back up the claims. The last thing he needed was more fuel to the wildfire.
No. She sucked in a deep breath and choked on it as a sob escape. The last thing he needed was their relationship getting in the way of him making the right decision about what he wanted for his future. And the last thing she needed was another threat to her career when she’d already begun to lose the man of her dreams.
Being a parent meant everything to him. Having a family was his aspiration. As much as she wanted to cling to him right now, she needed to step back and give him the space he needed to come to a conclusion with a clear mind.
“It’ll work out.” It had to. Right?
She slid her cell off the counter and scrolled through her contact list. The number of people she could rely on was short. Miniscule. If you took out the three men who would despise her for interrupting the little time they had with their partners, it only left one person she was willing to ask for help.
She tapped Mitch’s name before she could regret it and sent him an urgent message. There was no time to wait for a response. Her plan wouldn’t change if he left her hanging.
She washed her face, brushed her hair, and added a light dash of mascara. While Ryan was quiet on the other side of her apartment, she tiptoed from the bathroom and grabbed a change of clothes. She was in business mode now, and a work dress would give her the strength she needed to smother all the feels and bolster her professionalism.
When she walked back into the living room, Ryan was passed out on the couch, legs and arms splayed in all their naked glory. Quietly, she picked up his clothes, willing to give him extra moments to sleep off the effects of the alcohol. She had his belongings in a folded pile on the armrest when he sniffed and raised his head to give the room a once over.
“Shit.” He swiped a lazy hand over his beard. “How long was I out?”
“Not long.”
He looked her up and down, the narrowing of his eyes taking in her change in appearance. “What’s going on?”
She handed him his clothes as he sat up. “You need to get dressed.”
He frowned as he pulled the T-shirt over his head, his gaze still holding her. “You opposed to having me naked?” He yanked on his underwear and stood to do the same with his jeans.
“No.” She gave him a disheartened smile. “But it’s illegal to go out in public like that.”
“I don’t want to go out in public.”
She squared her shoulders, poised to speak.
“You’re kicking me out?” he whispered.
“I’m giving you space in the hopes it will help you make the best decision for your future.”
He frowned. “You think I want to go back to her?”
“No. But you want this baby. And you’ve already told me you would’ve remained married to Julie for the sake of a child.”
“That was before.”
Before us. Before love. “You owe yourself the time to determine what you want.”
“I want you.”
“I know. And in the heat of the moment, while you’re still in shock, I believe you. But when the alcohol wears off and you’re able to think clearly, and long-term, your outlook might be different.”
“I don’t need clarity.”
“Well, maybe I do.” She swallowed, knowing he wouldn’t give in while this argument remained focused on him. “Bringing a child into our relationship changes everything. If we stayed together, I’d be a step-mom. A parent. I’d have to deal with Julie for as long as we were together.” She tapped her fist to her chest. “Those are huge changes for me.”
He balked, the shock quickly settling to comprehension. “I understand.”
No, he didn’t. He didn’t understand how she had to change her tactics and make this a selfish request just to get him to listen. This was all about him. His child. His life. Her reluctance didn’t matter.
“I’ll get going, th—”
There was a knock on the door. The cavalry.
“Who’s here?”
He backed away and she struggled not to go after him.
“Mitch. He’ll help you get to a hotel.” She strode for the door and pulled it open to welcome Mitch and Alana. There was no comfort from their appearance. Only the guilt of betrayal. “Come in.”
“You OK?” Alana gently gripped Leah’s wrist while Mitch strode ahead.
“I’m fine. I just need help getting Ryan out of here. If he walks out alone, it’ll cause headlines we don’t need.”
“Are you sure that’s all it is?”
Leah nodded and turned to see Ryan at the end of the hall, Mitch at his back.
“Did you tell them?” he asked, his face shadowed.
“No. I haven’t said a word.”
“And we’re not going to ask.” Mitch clapped Ryan on the shoulder. “Whatever has gone down is between the two of you. I’m only here to make sure you get to a hotel safely.”
“Or you can stay with us,” Alana offered. “We don’t mind.”
“For the record,” Ryan started forward, “I don’t want to go anywhere.” He stopped in front of Leah, his hand skimming her waist.
He leaned into her and she welcomed the brief swipe of his lips. Nothing would ever beat the taste of him. Alcohol riddled or not.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he murmured against her mouth.
“OK.” She squeezed her eyes shut, not strong enough to withstand his stare.
There was a brush of his fingers, another swipe of lips, then he was gone and all that was left in his place was defeat.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ryan climbed the jet stairs and pivoted sideways to allow for his heavy duffle to fit through the door.
“Sorry I’m late.”
The hostess smiled and grabbed for his bag. “No problem. Take a seat and we’ll get going.”
He hunched over and worked his way into the main cabin, closing the security partition behind him and flicking on the Do-Not-Disturb light. Everyone else was onboard. Mitch and Alana were in the back in the recliners, looking at him in uninformed pity, while Mason, Sean, and Blake sat on the sofa opposite Leah, staring at the tablet she held up in display.
“Nice of you to join us.” Mason leaned back, one arm spreading across the top of the head rest. “We were about to leave your ass behind.”
He ignored the taunt as the jet engines rumbled to life. “I lost track of time.” Truth. He’d spent the night detoxing, trying to clear his head in an effort to think straight. He hadn’t been able to sleep, hadn’t been able to do much of anything other than type messages to Leah and then delete them again. He must’ve passed out somewhere around mid-morning because he woke with an hour to spare before their flight was scheduled to leave.
“You look like shit.” Sean scrutinized him. “Did you and the boss have a late one?”
“No. I crashed in a hotel.”
Blake narrowed his stare. “Didn’t want to risk getting caught?”
“Yeah. Something like that.”
Leah kept her focus on the tablet, refusing to meet his gaze. It wasn’t hard to see why. Puffiness surrounded her eyes, the pink skin barely covered by make-up.
“What are we looking at?” He dropped down on the sofa beside her and fought not to greet her with a kiss.
“I was explaining the plan to try and get Slicker on a chart. Time is running short and we can’t afford to let this slide any longer.” She swiveled the tablet in his direction, showing the document filled with bullet-points. “The only way we can achieve our goal is to focus all our efforts on one major promotion.”
Right. He should’ve expected this response. While he’d spent the night searching for answers, she’d focused on distraction.
“I’ve sugg
ested the second performance in San Antonio. The show is almost sold out and the stadium holds around nineteen thousand. It’s a good size crowd to get our point across. It also gives me a week to organize promo material and advertising.”
She shot him a two second glance, the sight of those bloodshot eyes enough to suffocate him. “Will seven days be too long for you?”
It wasn’t a question of time constraints with Felicity. Her concern surrounded Julie and how many days his wife would allow before announcing his impending fatherhood.
“I’ll make it work.” He hadn’t spoken to the child incubator since she’d shared the baby news. But he would. Soon enough.
“Any longer than that and we’re cutting our chances to organize something else if our first attempt isn’t successful. Any shorter and we won’t have time to build the hype before the show.”
“Just so you know,” Mason interrupted, “I don’t plan on doing this twice. I’ll pull whatever strings necessary to ensure we get the job done right the first time.”
“Leave the strings to me. I don’t need you causing more headaches.”
Ryan kept his focus on her, hating every second she didn’t return the affection. “Seven days is fine.”
She nodded and swiped to a new page on her tablet.
“Can we hold up for a sec?” Blake glanced between them. “Three nights ago I fell asleep to the soundtrack of you two getting your fuck on in the bunk beside mine. The following night you were all over each other on that very sofa.” He pointed to where Ryan sat. “Now you can’t even look at each other. What gives?”
Leah remained silent, her gaze downcast.
“Things are complicated at the moment,” he admitted. “We’ve got stuff we need to discuss.”
“There’s nothing to discuss,” she murmured. “We need to focus on the tour.”
Silence descended as he stared at her profile, the growing noise from the engines increasing as the jet inched forward.
“What’d you do?” Mason grated, leaving no doubt Ryan was the target of his question.
“He didn’t do anything.” Leah tapped the tablet screen. “Can we please concentrate on the task at hand? I’ll want you guys to sign a heap of promotional material, and we’ll get local media involved. I’m sure Grander will help, too.”
The jet increased its speed, the accompanying sound mimicking the roar in his chest. His friends stared at him in question, some in accusation, while the bird propelled into the air. The velocity had him holding on to the arm rest, his fingers digging deep as words failed him.
He had done something wrong. He’d done everything wrong. And he couldn’t figure out how to fix it. The thought of getting back to the complicated existence of their secret relationship seemed like a fairytale in comparison to the current shit-storm.
“Lee?” Blake inched forward. “We’ll have to pause the business talk because I need to know what’s going on with you.”
Leah raised her chin. “It’s nothing that won’t blow over.” She held Blake’s gaze, her throat working over a heavy swallow as the jet began to level out. “I crossed a line. I made mistakes. And I’m hoping you’ll let me fix them without making a big deal about it.”
“Leah…” He didn’t know what to say. This burden was supposed to be on his shoulders. So why could he see more crushing weight on hers?
“We’re family.” Alana pushed from her recliner and came to crouch at Leah’s side, Mitch following after. “Let us help.”
Leah’s jaw worked, her forehead creasing in a show of self-control. He couldn’t handle it. Her pain was his pain, the agony clutching at his ribs and tearing bones apart. His Wonder Woman was breaking, and the worst part was knowing this was her restrained. Whatever she’d put herself through last night would’ve been far worse.
“Julie’s pregnant.” He tore his attention from her and met Mason’s judgment. “I found out yesterday.”
Silence hit like an atom bomb as matching expressions of horror beamed back at him. There was no happiness. No congratulations. The upcoming birth seemed more like an announcement of death.
“Fuck. Me.” Mason balked.
“Yeah… That about sums it up.”
Leah crossed her arms over her chest and stared in a daze. He couldn’t stand the indifference. She needed to scream at him. To react. The hollow detachment was pure torture to his guilt.
“I want to say congratulations, man,” Sean started, “but that shit won’t leave my mouth without me cringing.”
He shrugged. “I hadn’t expected high-fives.”
“Please tell me you’re not thinking about going back to her.” Blake rested his elbows on his knees. “She’s toxic. With or without a kid.”
“But a baby needs a father,” Mitch argued. “He can’t leave her high and dry.”
“Christ,” Leah hissed. “Cut him a break, he only found out yesterday.”
He returned his focus to her, loving how she stood up for him. Loving her more than life itself. “Truth is, I’m still struggling to come to terms with it.”
Personally, he was confident he could make a rash decision and handle the consequences. But Leah needed time, and through all the mess and destruction, his main focus remained on her.
“You’re stupid if you think that kid is yours.” Mason didn’t hide the disgust in his tone. “She could’ve spread her legs for half the US population while you’ve been separated.”
“Mason…” Alana warned. “I think we need to be supportive.”
“We’ve been supportive of Julie’s crap for years.” Sean slunk back in his seat. “I think I’ve reached my limit.”
“God, you’re an asshole.” Leah shoved to her feet and squeezed by Mitch. “I can’t stomach the garbage all of you are spewing. With the myriad of defiled women lying in your wake, you’d think the four of you would be less judgmental about an unplanned pregnancy.”
She strode through the cabin, her footsteps shaky, and shut herself into the bathroom with a slam of the door.
Then the silence returned. This time thicker. Heavier. Nobody looked at him. He was visually shunned and made to feel like a leper, and rightly so. His friends had put up with Julie’s bullshit for years, keeping the majority of their thoughts to themselves even when his wife hadn’t.
“I’m sorry, Ryan.” Alana broke the tension. “I wish I knew what to say.”
“Yeah, me, too.” Mitch leaned forward and landed a soft punch to Ryan’s shoulder. “I gather Leah didn’t take the news well.”
“How could she?” He stared at the bathroom door, wishing he was comforting her instead of explaining himself. “All I want to do is tell her it’s going to be OK, but I can’t bring myself to lie to her.”
“Oh, Ryan.” Alana took Leah’s seat on the sofa beside him. “It’ll work out.”
“You might just need a break,” Mason offered. “Forget about her while you pull your shit together. It’s not like she’s going anywhere.”
“Forget?” He gave a bark of laughter. “I wish. She’s all I can think about, but now I’ve got a kid, and no matter what happens, it’s going to affect her.”
“Fuck, man.” Mitch shook his head. “I wouldn’t know what to do.”
Alana’s hand rested on his thigh with a reassuring squeeze. “Like Leah said, you only found out yesterday. There’s no rush to make a decision.”
“Yeah, no rush.” He sighed. “Apart from knowing I’m holding her happiness hostage.”
Leah sat on the lowered toilet seat, staring at the unfavorable reflection in the bathroom mirror. She looked like death. No exaggeration. There was major luggage under her eyes, her skin felt dirty, and even her hair lacked the usual bounce. And no amount of foundation or mascara could diminish the carnage.
It hadn’t been an easy feat to scrape her heart off the living room floor. The process required numerous boxes of tissues and a scathing mental chastisement before she reclaimed her resolve and pieced together the broken parts of her so
ul.
Like always, distraction helped. It soothed and consoled, shoving away the spiral of demise hovering over her shoulder like a shadow.
She spent hours working out a plan to get the Slicker-Grander issue out of the way. She even gave the duo a nickname—Slander—but the title seemed a lot funnier at two in the morning when she was delirious and recovering from her emotional breaking point.
A gentle tap sounded, followed by Alana’s soft voice from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” Leah reached out and flicked the lock.
Alana pushed inside, an apologetic grimace on her face. She leaned against the clear wall of the shower and cleared her throat. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No. Nothing can be done. And losing my shit at the guys doesn’t help.”
“They deserved it. Ryan needs their support, not their judgment.”
“True.” Leah stared down at her hands in her lap and wondered why she hadn’t grown smarter with age. The last few weeks had been spent in the mind of a love-struck teenager. A careless, love-struck fool.
“You should’ve told me yesterday. I could’ve stayed with you.”
“I couldn’t broadcast his private life.” She continued speaking to her hands. “And besides, it’s not like we had a three-year relationship. We were together for a few days. I’ll get over it.”
Eventually.
“You’re not going to fight for him?”
“No.” In this she was adamant. “It’s too risky. It always was. We were stupid to think this would work out differently. If Julie hadn’t been the detonator, my job would’ve been.”
“But the two of you are great together.”
“And so are fries dipped in ice cream but that shit isn’t healthy. We’ve gotta move on.”
Alana remained quiet, the silence voicing innumerable questions Leah didn’t want to answer. This wasn’t going to blow over in a day, or a week. Her feelings for Ryan were always going to hover, no matter what he decided. There was no easy out. No quick fix. Just pain and torture she needed to ignore for the sake of her career and the band.