April’s eyes drifted shut, enjoying the moment. His kiss overwhelmed her very being. Nothing else seemed to matter, and she melted into him. Wes shuddered. He hesitated, then repeated the kiss, stroking her shoulders and back until she felt a deep longing she thought she’d put away forever after Luke. He folded her into his arms, and she rested against the soft flannel of his shirt and closed her eyes. Wes kissed the top of her head and then rested his check against it, expelling a deep sigh.
After what seemed a very long time, April pulled herself from his embrace, though she longed to stay there forever. “Wes . . . there’s just one other thing that’s been bothering me.”
“What is it?” Wes’s brow furrowed with a questioning look as she stepped back.
April took a deep breath to calm her ignited feelings for him. “That day I saw you going to the saloon—”
“Don’t worry about that,” he said with a wave of his hand.
“I’m not so naive that I don’t know what goes on there.” She pressed on. “That’s another difference between us. It’s one that I just won’t tolerate from any man.”
He looked as though he’d been slapped in the face, and April was sorry for that, but she had to tell him what that meant to her. She’d already loved one man who’d been in love with another woman, and she wouldn’t let it happen again.
“April, that was only—”
April held up her hand. “Please don’t deny that you frequent there, Wes. I’ve heard other people say so.”
“Don’t say that.” Wes took a step toward her, but she backed away. “You would listen to gossip before asking me?” His temper flared, but he waited, shoulders stiff.
“Well, I know what I saw that day. You did go into that saloon, and I can’t help but wonder why you haven’t married before now,” April scoffed.
“What are you saying?” He implored her with his eyes.
April’s throat closed, and she was unable to speak.
Wes looked at her with hurt in his eyes. “Think what you will.” He clamped his jaw shut, then wheeled around on his heel with spurs jangling and headed down the street, leaving April rooted to the spot.
“Well, I never,” she sputtered and stomped her foot. “The saloon’s still open, you know,” April yelled at him, but he never stopped. She watched as he strode back to where he’d left Dakota, shoulders slumped, head down. The sight made her sad, and her anger melted. She lifted her skirts to hurry after him, but by then it was too late. He had disappeared into the dark night.
22
Miss Margaret was the only one in the parlor by the time April returned to the boardinghouse. She sat by the fire dozing, her fingers curled loosely around her Bible in her lap and her mouth slack. She looked so old tonight, and April felt a tug in her heart for the older lady. April started to tiptoe past the doorway, but Miss Margaret stirred.
“Is that you, April?”
April really didn’t want to stop and talk right now, but to be respectful, she paused at the doorway. “I didn’t want to disturb you. Where is everyone?”
Miss Margaret motioned for her to come in. “Come warm yourself by the fire,” she said, pulling herself up. “Louise and Mark picked up all the dishes and they’re still in the kitchen. Beth has gone to bed, and I think Natalie went to her room.” She frowned. “Natalie seemed perturbed when you left, and I have a good idea why.”
April plodded over to the fireplace and stood with her back to the low-burning embers not offering much heat now. “It’s Wes, isn’t it?”
“I’m afraid it is,” Miss Margaret answered. She pushed her wire spectacles up on the bridge of her nose. “I don’t want to see her hurt, but it’s as plain as the nose on your face that Wes has no real interest other than friendship with her, and never has. But that hasn’t stopped her from caring for him.”
April plopped down in the chair opposite Miss Margaret. “Well, he might be interested now.” She stared into the fire as if the answer to her dilemma could be found there.
Miss Margaret leaned forward, her watery eyes big. “You don’t say? What happened on your walk?”
“I hurt Wes’s feelings again.” April’s voice cracked, but she would not cry. Even now she could remember how wonderful it had felt to be in his embrace.
“How so? It’s plain to me that he cares for you, April.”
April felt sick to her stomach. “Our walk was wonderful until I asked him about the time I saw him go into the saloon. I think he took it all wrong, and I’m afraid I didn’t give him a chance to explain. Then he clammed up and wouldn’t say another word and left.” April felt her eyes sting behind her lids. “But Miss Margaret, it won’t work between us. We both have terrible tempers. I’m afraid that we’ll never agree on anything. We’re as different as day and night.” April bit her bottom lip and looked at Miss Margaret, who shook her head and made a “tsk tsk” sound with her tongue.
“That’s not true and you know it. I think you’re afraid to let someone love you, but I’m not entirely sure why.”
The truth of her words pierced April. She shrugged. “I was once very much in love with a man. His name was Luke, and we were engaged. I made all the wedding plans. Trouble was, he loved someone else and had a hard time telling me the truth. He let me go on believing a lie. Then I felt like a fool and was embarrassed to show my face in Steamboat Springs.” She sighed, letting her shoulders sag, and stared at her hands in her lap. “Josh was in love with the same woman Luke loved—Crystal. After Luke finally told me how he felt, it took me two years to get over him, but I finally realized that I wouldn’t want someone who doesn’t love me totally and completely.”
Margaret leaned in toward April, intent on catching every word. Tears spilled out and ran down April’s cheeks, and Margaret’s heart ached along with April’s.
“Wes makes me feel like a woman whose heart is eager to love, but tonight when I asked him about going to the saloon, he told me that it wasn’t anything to worry about. We argued. I don’t want to share him or feel the pain that I did with Luke. Can you understand?” April sniffed.
Margaret got up and stood next to April, then placed an arm around her shoulders and handed her a handkerchief. She waited quietly as April shed her tears. Crying was good for the soul sometimes, and maybe April had never truly let out the pain of losing Luke. A few minutes later, she lifted her head and wiped her nose. Margaret chose her words carefully. “Dear one, love is always a risk, and sometimes there is a high price to pay for true love. Luke was probably never meant to be the one for you. We frequently make bad choices when it comes to life’s biggest decisions, based on how we think things should be, and when our expectations fail, we think somehow it’s our fault. But you must not blame yourself. Lean on the Lord’s unfailing love for guidance. It was unfortunate that Luke couldn’t admit his true feelings sooner, but don’t let that keep you from trusting again.”
Margaret returned to her chair, and April straightened. April’s pretty eyes were red-rimmed, and her face reflected her pain.
“I see you much stronger than you see yourself,” Margaret said. “You were the gal who rode into town looking like a man and confronted Wes. You kicked up the dust like a cowboy heading into the stockyards when you arrived for Josh’s wedding. And though you were used to the finest things in life, you decided to stay with us instead of moving to the Stockton Hotel.” Margaret chuckled, and April forced a smile. “You’re also the sweet gal who’s kindhearted to Billy and Jane. When people laughed at you behind your back, you shrugged it off. You brought my daughter Louise out of her shell, and I’m so grateful to you for that. You stayed calm in a difficult circumstance and brought Morgan, Lenora, and the bank’s money home safe and sound. That’s something to be proud of, April. I don’t think of you the same way I did when I first met you at the wedding. You’re becoming more tenderhearted in spite of yourself,” she said with a little chortle.
“You can see all that?” April’s eyes widened in disbelief.
“I certainly can. You don’t give yourself much credit, but that’s okay. I suggest that you talk to Wes. Give him time to think and then go to him. Unless I’m a doddering old woman, he’ll come around. His pride was wounded. But most of all, give him a chance to explain. I have a feeling you’ll be surprised at the answer.”
April blinked at her. “I guess I was accusatory at the very least. I’ll think about what you said.”
“Why don’t you and Sassy take a ride over to Josh’s ranch in the morning? Andy and Nellie will be happy to see you and show you around before Josh and Juliana return. It’ll take your mind off things, and the ride will do you a world of good.” Margaret rose and laid her Bible on the table next to her chair. “Let’s go up to bed now, shall we?”
“I just remembered. I have a gift for Natalie.” April’s face brightened. “You do? See, you’re already thinking outside yourself.” Margaret smiled and thought Josh would be very pleased at the new April when he returned. Margaret’s prayers were being answered. She’d never had a doubt that they would.
The moon lit the trail back to the Rusty Spur. Dakota knew the way, and Wes let him poke along and stop for a drink from the stream. The moon’s silvery light glittered across the water, which rushed over the rocks, its soothing sound peaceful on this cool, autumn night. He was in no hurry to return to his lonely house. Maybe he should get a dog. One just like Shebe. She was a friendly dog. At least a dog would be someone to come home to and sleep near his feet on a cold Montana night.
April’s face was uppermost in his mind, and he tried to push it aside. She was right. They were different, but the difference was that he was willing to test out his love for her. He would risk it because he was sure he loved her. He sighed and admitted that he was smitten with her. Her very presence, her feistiness, her long legs in her jeans, that silky blonde hair, and those luscious eyes made him go weak in the knees. The way she walked and talked and softened in his arms . . .
Oh, Lord, help me. She doesn’t want me. I’m not good enough for her. Maybe I’m not good enough for any woman, or I’d be married by now. I’ve been talking to You now for a while, and I guess I don’t see Your answer for me. I don’t want to make her unhappy, but I can’t give her everything she has in Colorado. I’m in the dust now, completely discouraged. Please revive me with Your Word.
He decided he’d just back off and let April go back home. He’d put her totally out of his mind except as a sweet memory he could pull out from time to time, like he did his mother’s cedar chest.
April hurried to her room to get the dress for Natalie. Everything always made more sense to her after talking with Miss Margaret. She was usually right about everything. April thought about her own mother and missed her. She hoped she was having a wonderful time on the anniversary trip and could hardly wait to see her again. The thought made her stop short. Since when had she thought about her mother that way? Usually it was her dad she was dying to talk to.
Since you started talking to Me and Miss Margaret.
April felt a strange tingle go down her back, but it was true. She was beginning to see her mother in a completely different light now.
She picked up the package in her room, rapped on Natalie’s door, and heard the padding of feet crossing the floor. The door opened, and Natalie stood there in her nightgown, her long dark hair in a plait down her back and a book in one hand.
“What do you want, April?” Natalie’s tone was curt. “I’m busy reading.”
“I can see that. What book do you have there?”
Natalie gave her a cool look. “If you must know, it’s Little Women.”
April stood in the doorway and wondered if Natalie would ask her in. Apparently not. “That’s a wonderful book. Mind if I come in?” This wasn’t going to be easy, she realized.
Natalie shrugged. “I guess.” She stepped aside to let April in.
“Natalie, I’m really sorry if your feelings have been hurt where Wes is concerned. Wes and I took a walk tonight, that’s all.”
Natalie took a seat on her bed, tucking one bare foot under her, and gestured for April to have a seat. “What makes you think I care? It’s none of my business what you do.” She placed her book to the side.
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings because you’re my friend, but I need to be honest with you. I do care about Wes. That’s no lie. I think he cares for me too, but I don’t see a future for us. I know that you like him—”
“Not anymore. It’s obvious to me now that he was only being a friend to me, nothing more. How could I have been so blind?” Natalie plucked at a thread on the blanket.
“Natalie, you weren’t blind, you just saw what you wanted to see. Sometimes we do that when we don’t have control over another person, hoping that the feeling is mutual.” April reached out and touched Natalie’s hand. “I’m truly sorry, but let’s just say I have a little experience with loving someone who didn’t love me in return. I don’t want the same thing to happen to you.”
“I know it’s not your fault, really. I guess he wanted to be friends and I misread that. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’m sorry.”
“There is no need to say you’re sorry. Believe me, I do understand.” April handed her the brown paper package. “Here, I bought something for you.”
Natalie took the package. “What’s this? A peace offering?”
April bit her tongue to keep from snapping back. The old April would have, regardless of Natalie’s feelings. “No, give me a little credit. I’d already bought this before I knew you would be upset with me. Open it.”
Natalie untied the string and ripped the paper away, revealing the sage green dress. “Oh, April! It’s that dress I wanted,” she exclaimed, blinking away tears. “You shouldn’t have done this. It know it cost a small fortune!” Natalie jumped off the bed and held the dress up to her body.
“Call it an early birthday gift. I know you have one coming up in a few weeks, but I’ll be back in Colorado by then, I’m sure.” April slipped off the bed. “You could turn any man’s head in that dress. It suits you.”
“You think so?” Natalie twirled around, her eyes shining with hope. “Of course, I have to find an eligible man to flirt with first.” She giggled.
“You will. Don’t worry. Anyone as pretty as you and as nice . . . Well, the right one hasn’t come along yet. But he will. Just wait on the Lord, Natalie.”
Natalie gave her a serious look. “Sounds like you’ve been talking to Mother.”
“I have. Talking to her has helped me so much. She’s been a great encourager to me. You have a precious mother, and that has made me miss my own.”
“Yes, Louise and I are very blessed. But I’m blessed with your friendship too. Are you sure you won’t stay, April?”
April shook her head. “Only until my brother returns, then I’ll stay a few days and visit with him before I leave. My parents will be home soon.”
“We’ll miss you.”
“Then you’ll have to come and visit in Colorado,” April said as she walked to the door to leave.
“I’d love to. Thank you so much for the dress.” Natalie followed her to the door. “I’ll have to do something special for you sometime.”
April leaned in and gave Natalie a quick hug. “Your friendship is enough. Now get back to bed, because that’s where I’m headed.”
“And Louise put fresh sheets on everyone’s beds today. See you tomorrow.”
“Ooh, fresh sheets sound heavenly. Good night,” April said. She slipped out the door and down the hallway to her room.
23
April saddled Sassy and headed in the direction of Josh’s sheep ranch with instructions from Miss Margaret on how to get there. A stiff breeze blew over the majestic mountains this morning, whispering that cold weather wouldn’t be too far away. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and just above the timberline, April could see snow-capped peaks that seemed close enough to touch but were really miles away. She wa
s always amazed at the beauty around her, and here in Montana the bitterroot flower flamed brightly, waving in the wind. The trees showed signs of Chinook winds—they were bent over permanently from the constant onslaught. A bushy-tailed black squirrel and its mate scampered nearby, looking for food for winter storage. There was no place she’d rather be than on the back of her horse, surrounded by nature’s incomprehensible splendor. Only God could have created such magnificence and wildlife.
She heard the bleating and smelled the sheep before she even saw them. The furry creatures in thick groups appeared as a white ocean rolling before her. April still had to wonder why Josh gave up cattle for this, but she knew he would have thought it over long and hard.
As she drew closer, she saw Andy amid the sheep and a dog running alongside them. She reined Sassy in and slowed her to a walk as Andy approached.
“Well, hello there, April. Fine horse you got there.” He removed his hat, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve.
April slid off Sassy and greeted him. “Thanks, Andy. I got him from Wes.”
“Well, I hope he didn’t charge you too much. Some of his horses go as high as five hundred dollars. He raises some fine horseflesh.”
“Let’s just say we came to an understanding on the price,” April said with an evasive smile. The dog ran up to them, barking.
“It’s okay, Shebe. April’s our friend,” Andy said to the dog. To April, he said, “She won’t hurt you at all. She just wants to say hello. If you hold out your hand, she can pick up your scent and remember you.”
April did as Andy requested, letting Shebe lick her hand. “So this is the wonder dog Josh wrote me about.” She chuckled as Shebe wagged her tail in delight while April continued to pet her through the thick fur. “She’s a beautiful dog.”
“What brings you out on this gorgeous fall day?” Andy asked, putting his hat back on his shaggy brown hair.
A Love of Her Own Page 22