“With...?” he asked, fearing he already knew the answer to that, given the terms of her sister and brother-in-law’s will and the controversial property contained therein.
Her lips quavered slightly, leaving her looking achingly vulnerable once again. “The embryos Belinda and Brett left behind.”
He knew she was heartbroken and bereft, and he privately worried she’d never find the bliss her late family had left behind, but this was crazy talk, pure and simple. No way a woman still in the throes of mourning should undertake such a risky, life-upending proposition. Especially when a happy result was far from guaranteed. “Whoa, whoa!” He lifted his hands in emphasis. “Just because they left you their embryos does not mean you have to personally use them, Susannah.”
“And what would you have me do, Doc?” she shot back angrily, leaning in close and going toe-to-toe with him. “Destroy them? Because Brett and Belinda were quite clear that they did not want that to happen, even in the event of their death.”
Reminding himself she was still grieving and that he needed to tread carefully here, he suggested quietly, “You could donate them to another infertile couple.”
He watched her lips open in a round “oh” of distress.
“As was also offered as an option for you, if this situation ever came to pass,” he continued. And sadly, it had.
She shook her head, stepped back, distraught. “The thought of strangers taking on their embryos...” Moisture sparkled in her eyes. “No.”
“You don’t have to be related by blood to be a good parent,” he reminded her gruffly, knowing it to be true. Carol and Robert Lockhart had been wonderful to him and his seven siblings, loving them every bit as fiercely as his biological parents had. First through the foster-care system, then adoption.
Yes, there were still underlying issues for all of the siblings, he admitted to himself reluctantly. How could there not be, after experiencing a lightning strike on their Houston home during a terrible thunderstorm, the frantic escape that followed, followed by the eventual roof collapse that had killed both his folks in an instant?
Yet, at the end of the day, he and his sibs were still family. Emotional scars and all. Fiercely loved and protected by their adoptive parents.
Susannah pulled herself together and studied him, the tenuous politeness they had managed for the sake of their late loved ones showing signs of fracture yet again. “I wasn’t trying to insult you or your folks, Gabe.”
“And yet,” he couldn’t help but point out, feeling a little resentful himself now at her attitude, “you said it. And meant it.” Thereby implying that nonbiological ties are inferior to biological ones.
Susannah raked her teeth across her lower lip and tried again, choosing her words carefully. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I know you and your siblings were lucky enough to find a really wonderful second set of parents. But after Belinda and I were orphaned, we landed in a situation with an actual blood relative where that wasn’t the case. Which makes me a lot less trusting that everything will turn out all right, just because a situation looks good on paper.”
“Meaning?” he asked, aware this situation was becoming far too personal, far too fast.
Briefly, a flash of emotion that seemed to go far deeper than the situation they were in flickered in her gaze. “I have no intention of signing Brett and Belinda’s embryos over to someone else to raise. Not,” she said emphatically, coming close enough to inundate him with the wildflower scent of her perfume, “when I am still here to do it for them.”
Chapter Two
“You don’t know what you’re getting into,” Gabe told Susannah gruffly.
As their eyes locked, the interior of the moving truck became unbearably quiet. Susannah wasn’t surprised Gabe didn’t understand the bond she’d had with her identical twin sister. Nonmultiples rarely did. Connected since they had been in the womb, they had been able to communicate without even speaking. Had been able to predict each other’s actions and finish each other’s sentences. And the pain—or joy—one felt, the other did, too. Which was how she knew, even if Gabe didn’t, exactly how Belinda would want her to proceed.
“I beg to differ with you there, Doc.” Having held her sister’s hand every step of the way to this point, she said, “I’m well aware of the many difficulties of IVF.”
Ignoring his negativity, she turned toward him, inhaling the brisk masculine fragrance of his cologne and the soapy-clean scent of his hair and skin.
“Then you also know,” he told her quietly, “being a gestational carrier will be incredibly time-consuming.”
Feeling self-conscious beneath his frank perusal of her, she removed the elastic band from around her wrist and used it to put her mussed hair into a ponytail. “Got plenty of that on my hands these days,” she said, wishing she’d taken time to put on some makeup before setting out that day.
His attention dropping to her bare lips, his gaze narrowed warningly. “As well as very expensive.”
Aware her heart was suddenly racing, Susannah turned back to the rows of remaining boxes. Deciding it might be a good idea to organize them before she took any more off the truck, she shoved the cartons marked Bedroom Lamps to one side, next to the box that held the linens.
“Their estate plus the sale of my Houston condominium has left me with a tidy little nest egg.”
He came closer and, noting what she was trying to do, stacked all the boxes marked Kitchen on the other side, the muscles of his broad shoulders and arms flexing tautly as he worked. “Are you prepared to go through all the invasive medical tests and procedures alone?”
Of course she wished she had a husband or even a devoted lover by her side! She didn’t have either and was not likely to find one any time soon. But that didn’t mean she had to go through the rest of her life alone.
Aware she was suddenly so parched she could barely swallow, she walked over to the cooler filled with ice and electrolyte drinks. She knelt down to open it up, gesturing for him to help himself. “Of course I’m prepared to be a single mom to more than one child. Otherwise I wouldn’t even be considering this.”
“Okay, then.” He leaned down to pull out a lime-flavored beverage. Keeping his eyes locked with hers, he used the hem of his shirt to remove the moisture dripping from the plastic bottle.
Susannah averted her eyes from the brief view of flat, suntanned abs. Tried to act unaffected by the tufts of hair arrowing down the center of his chest and disappearing into the waistband of his jeans. “What about the fact that the implantation of the frozen embryos might not take?” Gabe continued, upping his pessimistic view another notch.
That was a little harder to deal with, Susannah thought, biting her lip. Since she only had enough cash on hand and emotional fortitude for one all-in attempt. Having decided not to dwell on that, however, she plucked a grape-flavored beverage for herself from the ice and shut the cooler lid.
Like him, she used the hem of her shirt to blot the moisture dripping from the bottle. Unlike him, she made certain no skin showed. “I’m not going into this with an adverse attitude, Doc.” Finding her knees suddenly wobbly, she sat down on a stack of book boxes. “And I would appreciate it if you didn’t, either.”
To her irritation, he continued playing devil’s advocate rather than honor her request. “You know that if you implant more than one embryo at a time, you also run the risk of having more than one baby.”
That would be fine, Susannah thought happily. Even as she knew that statistically the odds were against that happening. Which was why most couples elected to implant more than one embryo at a time—so they would end up with at least one baby in the end.
Aware he was still studying her over the rim of his bottle, she settled more comfortably on her perch and took a long, thirsty drink of her icy beverage. “These embryos were created with love. They are also the last family that I have, i
f you don’t count that puppy I just adopted, so yes, I’d be happy if that happened, too.”
He lounged against the side of the truck. “This isn’t some romantic ideal, Susannah.” Disapproval vibrated in his low tone. “You really need to think this through.”
His skepticism wasn’t the first she had encountered, but for some reason she couldn’t quite fathom, his rankled the most. Maybe because the people at the fertility clinic were just doing their jobs, whereas he...he was injecting his own detached life view into the situation and interfering in her personal business.
“Actually, Doc, I’ve given it quite a bit of thought. And it’s not as out of left field a notion as you seem to think. Belinda and Brett and I had already discussed the possibility of me being a surrogate if she was unable to carry a child herself.” As her twin had feared she might be after the number of miscarriages she’d had.
He looked surprised. “And you were willing to do that,” he mused, pulling a couple of boxes over and settling down opposite her.
“Of course I was,” Susannah told him, flushing self-consciously despite herself. “Just as Belinda would have done it for me if I had been in a similar situation.”
“It’s not the same thing,” Gabe countered gently. He was so close, their knees were practically touching. “If you’d simply been a surrogate, you would have been giving the child—or children, if they chose to go the twins route—over to them to raise.”
Ignoring the heat emanating off of him, Susannah held on to her composure by a thread. Calmly, she returned, “And if they had died after the babies had been born, instead of before the embryos were implanted, I would have been left to raise their children then, too.”
“You don’t need to do this to continue to feel connected to your sister, Susannah.”
Once again, he had intuited what she was feeling, deep down. “What if I want to do it?” she demanded, warmth flowing from her chest into her face. “What if carrying on this legacy for my sister and her husband, via those embryos, is the greatest gift I could ever give them?” she said, looking long and hard into his eyes. “What then?”
* * *
Their gazes clashed as surely as their wills, and a heartbreaking silence reverberated between them. Gabe could see that Susannah thought following through on Belinda and Brett’s dreams of having a family would somehow alleviate the deep, unsettling nature of the loss. He knew better. And it was time, he decided firmly, she did, too.
He reached over and took her hands firmly in his. “Listen to me, Susannah,” he rasped. “As tough as it would be for you to go this alone, in a physical sense, emotionally it would be even more difficult. Especially if there were...” He paused, taking in the hurt gleaming in her pretty eyes, still searching for the right way to phrase this. “...complications.”
Her lower lip trembled even as her eyes gleamed damply. She shrugged off his grip and shot to her feet. Ponytail bouncing, she lifted her chin. “Do you think I don’t know the risks here? Of course I do! Probably better than anyone.” Agitated, she began to pace.
“Brett and Belinda spent years trying to get this far. Suffering so many disappointments over their initial inability to get pregnant, plus several miscarriages—the last an ectopic pregnancy that nearly took Belinda’s life. It was the joy they felt over the success of their last IVF attempt that prompted them to take the second honeymoon to Hawaii before embarking on the implantation process.” Her voice broke, and she looked so distraught he longed to take her in his arms and offer her the kind of comfort she clearly needed. Sensing she needed her physical space, however, he merely stood and continued listening and watching her from a distance.
Susannah shook her head miserably, recounting, “Had they not taken the helicopter tour that tragically ended in a crash that killed everyone onboard, they would both be here now, Gabe. Going through with the final phase together.”
Gabe felt the enormity of the loss, too. It had caused him to reevaluate his life. Stop part-timing it with PWB, and devote himself to the cause full-time. He closed the distance between them to square off with her once again.
“You still don’t have to do this for them,” he reiterated as they stood facing each other in the shadowy interior of the truck.
He knew grief could make you do crazy things. And this was crazy whether she realized it or not. He put his hands on her shoulders until she lifted her chin and met his eyes. Satisfied he had her full attention, he continued, more gently now, “They would understand you’re entitled to your own children. Your own life.” Which was what, he realized suddenly, he wanted for her.
Eyes shimmering, she withdrew her hands from his. “And what if that doesn’t happen?” she continued, glaring at him as if he were a complete idiot.
He looked back at her in exactly the same way.
Knowing he would get nowhere if they started to argue again, he held on to his composure by a thread. “What are you talking about?” She was the most beautiful, sensual and intelligent woman he had ever met! The fact she’d always sent out signals forbidding him from asking her out, which he had reluctantly accepted, rankled even more. Why was she so loath to give him a chance? Was it the fact he was older than she? Not good enough for her? Too bent on helping others in the most effective way he could? What!
Her full lower lip shot out. “I’m thirty-two, Gabe! I haven’t met the man of my dreams yet.”
So he’d been right, he thought, surprised to find just how disappointed he was to learn there was no way he would ever be in the running for her potential boyfriend.
Oblivious to his thoughts, she stepped closer and waved a finger in his face. “I haven’t even come close!” She propped her delicate hands on her slender hips and fumed even more. “The hard truth is, the way things are going, I may never get married! Never have kids of my own!”
Her slender body gave off waves of indignant heat. Beneath that was the wildflower scent clinging to her skin and hair. Aware just how important it was they get this emotion out in the open, he ignored the feelings of desire generated by her closeness and guessed sagely, “Unless, of course, you do this.”
Put your whole life on hold to assume someone else’s dreams. Out of grief, duty and quite possibly, loneliness. It was as wrong and as potentially life wrecking as his own family-induced grief and guilt. Even worse was the knowledge that he, just like she, had let his misguided emotions rule the day and had inadvertently compounded one tragedy with an even more gut-wrenching mistake. The kind that, once undertaken, could not be undone.
He didn’t want her to live with that kind of regret and heartache, the way he and all his siblings had done. He didn’t want her to spend a lifetime trying to make up for the one life-altering misstep.
Unaware of the depth of his remorse, her expression turned fiercely determined once again. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, Gabe, not when I could have at least this much.”
He let his gaze drift over her, taking in her alluring, feminine beauty, wishing he could forget reasoning with her and simply take her to bed, show her firsthand just how desirable she was. But instead, he forced himself to continue matter-of-factly, “You’re selling yourself short.”
“What would you know about any of this?” she retorted bitterly, cutting him off once again. “You don’t want to get married or have children.”
That was true, too, but only because he knew, like the rest of his family did, that he’d make a mess of it. “But you do. So it will happen,” he said firmly.
* * *
Susannah released a long, belabored sigh and flushed self-consciously despite herself. If only she could be half as optimistic as he was in this regard. She couldn’t. No matter how much she wished the man of her dreams was waiting in the wings, ready to sweep her off her feet, the stark facts said otherwise.
No one she was attracted to was attracted to her. And there was no
better example of that than the man standing right in front of her.
Noting her skepticism, he shifted so he stood with his feet braced slightly apart, then jammed his hands on his hips and waited until he had her full attention. “It will,” he persisted, “if you give it time.”
“And how do you know that?” Her patience thinning as swiftly as her willingness to listen to his advice, she pushed the words through gritted teeth. “Have you been visiting fortune-tellers? Looked into a crystal ball?”
If her sister’s death had taught her anything, it was that time was the one thing she might not have. And frankly, she was tired of waiting for fate to intervene in a positive way. She wanted to take her destiny in her own hands—the lack of romance in her life be damned! Maybe she wouldn’t have a man. But she could have kids, a dog and a cozy little home to call her own.
“I haven’t, and you know why, darlin’? Because it’s not necessary.” He favored her with a challenging half smile she found even more disturbing than his sudden interference before confidently reassuring her, “All you have to do is be patient.”
Talk about hopeless do-gooder syndrome!
“Yeah, well...” Unsure why Gabe was suddenly trying to be the dominant male influence in her life, she stepped close enough to glare up at him coolly. Mimicking his posture, she propped her hands on her hips, too. “Someone would have to want me like that first.” And that was definitely not happening. Especially not here, and not now.
Gabe blinked and edged even closer. “Is that what this is about?” he demanded, the heat from his body transferring to hers. “You think you’re not attractive?”
Not the way she wanted to be. Not the way her twin had been. Belinda had always gotten the guys. Whereas she—she had been promptly put in the friend zone.
“You may not want to see it, Doc.” Susannah whirled away as her temper rose. “Hell, even I don’t want to see it,” she muttered, swinging back to face him once again. “But the simple truth is that no one has ever looked at me the way Brett looked at Belinda.” An ache clogged her throat as she leaned against the side of the truck, taking refuge in the shady interior. “No one has ever wanted me that passionately. Or ever fallen in love with me or wanted to marry me or, heaven forbid, even kissed me—” Her voice cracked as she thought about all the lonely years, playing second fiddle to her gorgeous, glamorous twin sister. “—like that...”
His Plan for the Quintuplets Page 2