“The first state,” I said, breathless.
“One day, when the chance of finding her had become a dying star, we stopped at a gas station. As Mom paid the cashier, I picked up an atlas with every state listed in alphabetical order. Alabama came first.”
I looked to Mrs. Pearson. “But after so many years?”
She nodded. “We have no choice but to continue in our belief she is alive. Her sixteenth birthday has already passed.”
“My birthday is in January.”
“Maybe it’s not,” Chase said. “Maybe when we met you were fifteen and now you’re sixteen.”
I shook my head. “I’m not going back with you, but I’ll do anything else to help.”
“I know you are frightened,” she said. “But you have to realize any possibility of you being her is worth our efforts. Would you not want to know your mother has spent years searching for you?”
Okay, maybe diplomacy wouldn’t work. “My real mother left and there’s no way she’s ever given me a second thought. I’ve got all the family I need with me here.” Her wince delivered some satisfaction, but not as I’d wished. “I hate her, even if she is my mother. You say she wants me back. She wants to take me away from everyone I know and love. What loving mother would torture her child like that?”
“What are a few weeks of your life when you could be helping others?”
“Don’t turn a selfish mother into a plea to help others. I don’t believe you, and I don’t believe you’ll be taking me back.”
Mrs. Pearson was stunned, maybe even speechless, but her eyes still held strength.
I thought of Pade, felt the irony of love and hate in the same breath. “Please don’t ruin this for me.”
“Ruin what?” she asked.
“My life. There might be a small chance I’m this girl, but Mom and Dad love me. They adopted me. They are the reason I’m not in foster care or worse. If you make me leave, you’ll screw up everything.” My voice rose to the breaking point. “They might not want me back.”
Desperate words hung in the air as she considered. Mrs. Pearson pushed a button to her left and spoke in a shaky voice. A moment later, the door opened and a serious-looking man entered. His trail across the floor zigzagged from one flat heel to a three-inch boost that caused the white coat to hang at an angle, but I’d know a doctor anywhere. I met enough of them when Dad was sick.
“We talked of a method to test her here,” she said. “What have you come up with?”
“Instead of regeneration, I believe there is another way. Her skin has been damaged from years of exposure to the sun in this system but, if my calculations are correct, the inner tissues of her bones carry residues of her true genetic code. If we take samples, we can complete an analysis upon our return.” He looked at me then, as if to satisfy his curiosity.
Mrs. Pearson followed his gaze. She stood, head rising with decision. “If you agree to provide us with a sample, we will return without you.”
Chase’s face twisted with shock.
“You’ll really leave me? And Bailey?” I held my breath.
“As I said before, we have no intention of harming you. Most likely there will be no match, and in that truth you will never feel the fear of our company again.”
Still looking at Chase, I nodded. Maybe giving them a sample wouldn’t be the smartest thing I’d done, but I believed it would settle the question in all of their minds. I almost felt sorry knowing they’d return home empty handed.
Almost.
* * * * *
My eyes opened to sunshine, bright and warm and inviting. Then I remembered the night before. Chase. Bailey. The mall.
Bailey and I returned to the mall just before the van pulled up at the front entrance. Mom noticed Bailey wasn’t her usual talkative self, no surprise since she was still groggy from being rendered unconscious. I offered no help with the gaps. On the way home, I decided Mom would never hear about that night.
Mrs. Pearson and Chase had delivered us, minus all the guards. Despite a flood of relief when they turned to leave, confusion tore at my insides like someone had demanded my big toe.
“Chase,” I yelled and he turned back, eyes filled with tears. I ran to Chase, throwing my arms around his neck and pulling him close. Pain tightened my chest as I realized no amount of kidnapping could erase our closeness.
He clung tight enough to make me wonder if he’d ever let go. “I’m sorry for leaving you here,” he whispered and finally pulled away. “I promise to come back for you. One day you’ll agree to return because you want to. Then I’ll show you a world where you don’t have to worry about people being mean to you, a place where you don’t have to feel weird all the time.”
“I’ll never feel weird with you.” I hugged him again and closed my eyes. When I opened them, Mrs. Pearson stood close with tears in hers. I knew in that moment I’d never truly understand the woman.
“Are you really going to leave her here?” Chase asked.
She spoke slowly, her strength a dam for raw emotions. “We must go home to complete our mission. One day you will understand what it means to follow through, at any cost.”
“I think this sucks,” he said.
“We are fighting for a cause greater than any of us, and that cause must remain our primary concern.”
“We should tell her the truth.”
“We will not know the truth until the data is analyzed. Our analysis will take some time and no doubt require resources not available on this planet.” She paused and a sliver of thoughtfulness entered her voice. “You are still sure?”
Chase crossed his arms. “The facts fooled us in the beginning, but I’ve known the truth since the day I met her.” He turned back to me, but this time the closeness made my skin crawl. “We were born on the same day. We were together the night you disappeared.”
Mrs. Pearson gripped his shoulder, pulling him away. “The Olsandyol said she must remember on her own.”
His eyes prodded mine while I dredged the crevices of my memory. Voices flashed in my head as my parents argued. The spaceship loomed before me after the long hall. Booming, people fighting, and the man with a gun. Air that smelled of smoke and a woman’s scream. Something about her voice stirred deep inside me, but I shoved the feeling even deeper.
“Remember I had a sister? Kayden was her name—is her name.”
“No,” I said. “You’ve got it wrong.”
“You’re lying. You remember something. Is it that night? You remember getting on that platform. The ship was about to leave.”
“No,” I whispered, taking two steps back.
Tears filled his eyes, tears of anger. “Why did you leave me?”
“I don’t remember you,” I screamed. “Please, Chase. Please go.”
He recoiled as if I’d slapped him. Chase hesitated long enough for Mrs. Pearson to wave her hand and they’d disappeared.
I stole a glance at the clock by my bed. Seven-thirty seemed early to be wide-awake on a Sunday. A year of Mondays loomed ahead and many nights to pass before I could free my mind of Chase Pearson. How would I fill the gash Chase had carved into my life, knowing my view at night would always be different from his?
The first step would be breakfast.
When I entered the kitchen, the table filled with steaming bowls made me realize I wasn’t a freak or crazy. Maybe my life had bordered normal more than once. I inhaled and smiled, marveling at how wonderful eggs could smell.
“You’re in a good mood this morning,” Dad said.
My face beamed as the twins made their way to the table. “It’s going to be a great day.”
Dad lowered his paper. “I’m glad to see you stop and smell the coffee for once, or in your case, the eggs. Most people don’t understand how wonderful something is until they almost lose it.”
If Dad only knew I was almost stolen away on a spaceship. Finally, I understood how he felt about dying. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.”
When
the twins finished eating and climbed the stairs, I rose.
“There’s a matter we need to discuss,” Mom said, in her serious voice. “I got a call this morning from Dr. Greene.”
I rubbed the sore spot on my upper leg.
“Last night your English teacher left town with Chase. Apparently, his father passed away.”
“That…” I said, “is awful.” Yeah, right his father died!
“This has to be hard on Chase. I know the two of you are close and I don’t want you to be upset.”
“Why would I be upset?”
Dad covered my hand with his. “It’s okay for you to be upset. I just want you to know we’re here if you need to talk.”
“I’m sorry to hear about his father,” I said. “Too bad Chase had to go home for such a horrible reason.”
Mom stood and kissed my forehead. “Don’t worry, honey. I’m sure Chase will be okay eventually. You know I was twelve when my mom passed away, so I do understand how he feels. Mrs. Pearson took a leave of absence to travel to California and Dr. Greene has no indication of when they’ll return.”
“Mom, I really am okay.”
“Jes,” Dad said, “I know you and you don’t look okay.”
“I just need some space.”
“Space?” He laughed softly. “I guess we all need space, probably more so at fifteen. Just promise not to grow up too fast.”
Just promise not to get sick again. “No problem,” I said, smiling.
I reached the first stair, but froze when Dad spoke from the doorway. “I’m sorry I never got the chance to meet Chase. Your mother says he’s a nice young man. Too bad things didn’t work out.”
“You do know I wasn’t dating Chase? We were just good friends.”
Dad laughed again, his eyes twinkling. “Always remember how important good friends are.”
I smiled, for there wasn’t a single line around his eyes. “I’m sure Chase and I will always be friends, even if we are from two different worlds.”
Dad raised an eyebrow. “Different worlds? Jessica Ray, you have to quit watching so much television. No one can be that melodramatic.”
His voice translated to safety and love inside my head, but I barely heard the meaning above a replay of ‘Kay Ray’. “Has my middle name always been Ray?”
“Okay, maybe you can have that much drama. How many of your classmates will ever have the chance to ask such a question?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Asking is a waste if you never answer.”
His laughter stomped out all teasing. “I never thought you’d catch me with words. With the Naples your middle name was Lynn, so your answer is no. You once insisted we call you Jessica Ray. Actually, Jessica was too long and you pronounced it Kay Ray. Don’t you remember?” His eyes met mine with gentle pleading, as if somehow my remembering the past might one day be welcome. “You and I even made a game of it once upon a time.”
I shrugged, concealing surprise and anger. Was he now inviting me to remember the past, when he had warned me so many times?
Dad’s smile faded. “Lorraine told me about your phone.”
I’d almost forgotten. “What about it?”
He cleared his throat. “She mentioned you need a new one.”
I shook my head and started up the stairs.
“You really don’t want a new phone?” he yelled, as I reached the top. “I’m taking the boys to the mall. You can come along and pick out whatever you want.”
“Not today.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine, just not ready to go there yet.”
Dad left me to the empty room and thoughts of Chase. If only he’d pushed harder. A few more questions and I might have spilled.
From my bedroom window, I watched him pull out of the driveway with the twins, grateful I still could.
Alone
For ten nights I watched the stars, sure I’d never see Chase again. At the same time, a part of me waited, and on the darkest days even hoped.
When school ended for the second week after Chase left, I realized he wasn’t coming back. Since Bailey was heartbroken enough for us both, I buried my feelings and listened as every sentence started with ‘if only’ and ‘I can’t believe.’
Even worse, she started talking about her father again. Mr. Sanders planned to drive from Colorado a few days before Christmas. Aunt Charlie swore he would come, though Bailey vented her doubt during first block and lunch. The new English teacher didn’t seem to care that she’d pulled a desk next to mine and decided to stay for the remainder of the semester. Every statement became ‘My father said…’, or ‘My father promised…’, and I wasn’t sure if she planned to accept his gifts or slap his face when he showed up in her driveway.
Since Pade had become an expert at keeping his distance, I had no idea how he felt about his father’s return.
The weekend after Thanksgiving brought Bailey’s birthday. Mom took us to the Fun Connection, no pleading necessary. I ate a mega-bucket of popcorn, down to the kernels, while Bailey talked about Chase.
“He’s cuter than that guy in the nacho line,” she said. “He would love the last preview.” Even before the lights dimmed, she’d already said his name a dozen times, though not once did she mention the night Chase left.
“I don’t think I want to see another movie,” Bailey said when the credits finished.
That made two of us. I slurped the last sip from my drink. “Never?”
“Never ever,” she said. “They’re coming in to clean.”
Bailey followed as I left the theater, walking straight for the main exit. She spotted Skip and Angel buying popcorn for the next movie. “At least someone’s happy after all of this.”
“Yeah,” I said, smiling.
As Angel crossed the floor, Bailey fought a smile, but lost. “This is awful. I’ve sworn to stay depressed at least until Christmas. How can anyone see her face and not imagine birds singing and little mice sewing a dress?”
Angel put an arm around Bailey. “How are you doing?”
Bailey shrugged her off. “Not as good as you, but I guess that’s okay.”
The light in Angel’s face dissolved. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“We were just leaving,” I said.
“Have you seen Zombies Never Die? Stay and watch it with us. My uncle’s working today—he can get you guys back in for free.”
“You decide,” I said to Bailey. “I’m going to the bathroom.” Maybe Bailey would want to stay or maybe not, I really didn’t care. At the bathroom door, I heard a familiar voice and stopped.
“You’re not my father.”
I felt a wave of guilt remembering the same words I said to Dad. Near the door to the men’s bathroom stood Tosh, along with a bald man in a leather jacket.
The man grabbed her chin. “I’m close enough.” The veins in his neck bulged as his face approached hers. “You’ll keep doing whatever I ask, just like your mother.” With his other hand, he twisted her arm.
The bathroom door slammed against my back as a huge woman pushed her way out, half-black, half-silver hair netted around her ears. “In or out, hon, but you can’t be both.” Her face was severe until she noticed the scene before me. “Hey,” she hollered. “Get your hands off that girl.”
“Mind your own business,” he said, but other people had taken notice. Glares surrounded him and he released Tosh, her eyes fixed on the floor.
I ducked into the bathroom before Tosh could see me. All the stalls were empty and I chose one with the light out overhead. I thought of the man’s hand, gripping Tosh’s arm, and the tears in her eyes at a Saturday afternoon movie. Those eyes had screamed of innocence, the kind only a child could know. A child hurt by her parents. Like me, she’d probably been tortured by the truth for years, hers physical in addition to the head case I’d become. Wetness fell, forming splotches on the knees of my jeans until I slapped my face, refusing to pity her.
The bathr
oom door opened and closed at least twenty times before I left the stall. My tears had dried, but I felt weird inside. I washed my hands and sounds of the water faded, replaced by gentle sobs.
Towels covered the counter and I pushed each crinkled brown piece of paper into the trash. I washed my hands again. The sobs were louder.
Pools of water surrounded the two sinks, splashed behind the faucets and onto the mirror. The bathroom door was silent while I grabbed more paper towels. Sounds of snot and tears filled the room as I soaked up every drop. Tossing away the towels, I thought of Mom, of how I’d sworn to never end up so anal about cleaning.
Only one stall door remained closed. I stared into the mirror. Why had I not already escaped?
I walked to the stall and shoved open the door. “You need to tell someone. That man will never stop hurting you.”
Tosh stared up from the tiled floor. “Why do you care?”
“Maybe I don’t. Maybe I can’t stand him either.” My voice rose. “Maybe I’ve just been bullied for too long.”
“That’s why you’re being nice to me?” She sniffled. “Because I’ve treated you like crap?”
“I finally realized you only treated me like crap because I let you. I should’ve turned you in that first day.”
She made a choking sound. “It’s a little late now.”
“It’s never too late to make things right.”
Tosh wiped her eyes and smiled. “Get the hell out, Delaney.”
* * * * *
We celebrated Pade’s seventeenth birthday as a family on December fourth. He chose an Italian restaurant and I imagined the two of us seated in a corner of the dim room, enjoying a candlelit dinner. The thought faded as Mom insisted he blow out the candles, over a cake she’d managed to form into the shape of a football.
On Christmas Eve, we gathered around the table for a game of Phase Ten. As Pade dealt the cards, Aunt Charlie rushed into the kitchen, excitement on her face. “What do you want most for Christmas?”
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