Shape Of My Heart

by Khardine Gray

  “I did, and then she gave me ten percent more than what I asked for. She said I’d have to put up with a lot and gave me this whole list of expectations.” Her eyes widened with a glint of wonder.

  That was nice of Zelda. “It hasn’t been easy working here.” And she knew it was going to get harder still. How was she going to wake him up early and have him ready for this show? This week had just flown by. It was Friday tomorrow and she hadn’t exactly moved off square one.

  “Is he really that bad?” Hilda lowered her voice.

  “Yes.” She nodded.

  “It’s sad about his family, though, huh chica?”

  Amy looked at her and instantly felt bad. When she’d first gotten here, Amy thought of being sensitive and understanding because of what had happened to Josh’s family. After meeting him that all went out the window. She supposed the craziness was the effects of how it all affected him. The drinking and the attitude. She couldn’t comment on the women, but maybe that too. She wouldn’t kid herself into thinking that he was a nice guy, because he wasn’t. But, perhaps she needed to be more mindful.

  Didn’t mean she was going to go soft. She had a mission to fulfill and she needed that tough-love approach.

  “It’s sad, but you just have to be careful around him.”

  “Okay. Should we do lunch? I did a quick scan of the place and it looks like I have my work cut out for me. Have you seen upstairs?”

  Amy shook her head. Upstairs scared her, and the thought of going up to where he slept and did whatever the hell he did with those women turned her stomach.

  “What’s it like?” Amy gritted her teeth, scared to hear the answer.

  Hilda’s perfectly arched brows furrowed. “Like a dump and a brewery mixed together.”

  He drank too much. Far too much, and she wasn’t sure if a PA could help with that. The frequency and amount he drank required a therapist, or possibly rehab. But she would see how waking early went first. After that she could maybe speak to Zelda about getting him additional help.

  “Let’s go grab something to eat and get back to sorting this place out. Make sure he helps you when we get back.”

  Hilda giggled. “Yes, and I can check him out while I work.”

  Amy laughed too. It was good things were under some control. She needed that. Here’s hoping it would work out the way she wanted.

  Josh focused on the TV as he listened to her talk. He was actually listening, but he was pretending he was focusing on the TV and drinking his beer.

  He was only doing this whole following her lead because the little Disney princess was right. Last night he thought about what Corey said and it freaked him out to consider the possibility of being cut from the team. If that happened he would most likely flounder in the world until he met his end. He was by no means okay, and Miss I’m-not-from-Kansas-and-my-name-is-Amy was definitely irritating the hell out of him, but he was listening.

  He needed help to get himself in order for that damn show. It was bad enough that he had to take on the daunting task of waking up early, but he felt like he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to be the Joshua Mancini the world knew. The strong, confident athlete who could handle himself in any situation. It was unnerving to think that he’d have to go on ESPN, of all the networks, where everyone was guaranteed to watch.

  Josh wasn’t ready and it felt like he was being forced to grieve quickly so the team could use him again.

  “We’ve got a host of people inviting you to various events after the show. How do you feel about one appearance a day until training starts?” She stood next to him with her stupid fabric-covered notebook with glitter on it. He looked at her without commenting, then focused his attention back to the TV. He was watching Jerry Springer and the main guest just found out that his wife of six years was sleeping with his father.

  Josh didn’t understand how people could be so scandalous, and going on a TV show to reveal something like that was beyond him. Now the poor guy was so devastated he was in tears.

  Although Josh couldn’t have had better examples than his parents, he didn’t believe in love and marriage. He thought the whole thing was a farce and a money-making scheme.

  Look at this guy on the show. How much had he gotten just for the appearance? And damn, Jerry Springer for the matter. The man must have made millions from exposing people’s secret lives and whatever crap had ruined their marriages and relationships.

  “Josh, are you listening to me?”

  “No,” he retorted with cold sarcasm.

  Shit, now she moved to stand in front of the TV, and was definitely better looking than Jerry Springer, and so much better to look at in those tight jeans, but annoyingly irritating.

  “I really need you to listen.” She lifted her chin, meeting his gaze straight on.

  “Nope, it’s five past five, go home.”

  “I’m on overtime.” The damn princess tossed her golden locks over her delicate shoulders in a gesture of defiance.

  “Didn’t realize you loved working here that much.” He grimaced.

  “So, how do you feel about doing these appearances? People want to see you out there again.”

  “What people?”

  Hope filled her eyes when he said that. “There’s a few schools and charities, an appearance on the Today Show, a couple of photo shoots for mags like Men’s Health and GQ.”

  What the hell? Why did GQ want him again? He wasn’t some damn model. In his younger days that would have all sounded so exciting.

  “Tell them to go and fu—”

  “Language,” she cut in before he could finish. “I don’t like swearing, so please don’t swear at me, or ask me to swear at people, especially these people.”

  This was some sort of joke. “Okay princess. I won’t swear, but you get my drift. I’m not some poster-boy cover man, or whatever the hell you’d like to call it. Those days are done. I’m thirty-six; I don’t need to do that shit anymore.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him and he nearly laughed; it was because he just swore at the princess.

  “Why is it so hard for you to call me by name? Princess and Kansas have more letters than Amy. It would be so much easier to say Amy. You asked me to call you Josh, and I did with no problem.”

  “That’s because you’re an automaton who works for me.”

  Her delicate mouth dropped and she shook her head. “It’s just appearances and photo shoots, what’s so bad about that? And it’s GQ, for heaven’s sake, not some local paper.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Please just go home.”

  The house phone started to ring and he scowled at it, wondering who the hell that could be calling so early. Josh snuggled against the sofa and listened to it ring out. Amy looked at him with disgust, probably thinking he meant for her to answer it. She moved over to the table and bent over to pick up the receiver, giving him a really great view of her perfectly rounded behind. But she stopped in mid-action when the answer machine clicked on.

  “Son, it’s me.”

  Josh froze. His father didn’t usually call at this time. It was normally much later in the evening. Occasionally he called in the morning, but Josh made it his duty to avoid either time. Then he’d delete all messages, regardless of who they were from. The people he wanted to contact him had his cell number. He’d changed it months ago and hadn’t given the new number to his father. That was how it was going to stay.

  “Just changing up my tactics a little to see how you are,” his father continued. “If you want to talk you know where I am. Or better yet, let me come and see you.”

  Amy reached down to grab the phone but he was quicker than her. He grabbed her hand before she could.

  “Don’t,” he told her, shaking his head. She gazed up at him with those vibrant green eyes of hers, surprised by his actions.

  “It’s your father.” She stared at him, baffled.

  “Don’t answer the phone in here. There’s a different line in the office.
Stick to that.”

  She still gave him that look. The machine clicked off, signaling that his father had hung up. He looked down at where he held onto her arm and became fascinated with how soft her skin felt and that sweet vanilla scent that came from her. It reminded him of flowers and soft summer days. That halter neck she wore looked good on her, inviting him to stare at the distinct peaks of her breasts and linger at the creaminess of her skin. By the time he reached her face, her cheeks flushed a soft rose color and he almost reached out to touch her.

  He released her and stepped back, then turned and walked away. Time to get another drink.

  She left a few minutes after that with Hilda. He was happy to have the house to himself again where he could breathe without these women around. Josh only loved having women around for one reason and neither of them were here for that. Such a shame.

  Like usual he drank himself to sleep and couldn’t have been more infuriated at the sight of Amy standing over him the next morning at eight a.m. Just like she’d promised.

  “Rise and shine.” She smiled down at him, green eyes sparkling. “Our time starts here and now.”

  Chapter 7

  That first day of trying to get Josh to wake up was terrible.

  Amy had hung in there, with her fingers and toes crossed that each day had to get better. But it didn’t. Each day actually got worse, and one week later saw her at the same spot, in the same position, with no progress whatsoever.

  She’d had a week of hell where she tried everything she could think of to wake Josh up, but he wouldn’t budge.

  After that first Friday she decided that if she wanted Josh to wake up at eight she’d have to be here at seven. She thought she was being generous in giving some of her personal time, but it was all for nothing. He ended up cursing her out of the room and didn’t wake up until eleven thirty. The same thing happened every day after, and he’d be in the worst mood with her for the rest of the day.

  And here she was again, with a fresh week, the week that counted, no further than she was when she began. On Friday they would need to be at the studio at ten. That meant leaving here at around nine.

  As she watched him lying flat on his face, passed out with a bottle of rum next to him, she wondered what the hell she was going to do. It was seven thirty. She’d been trying to wake him up now for the past half an hour, to no avail. Amy was tired herself. In fact she was exhausted and could have used her normal boost of energy that propelled her in the mornings. However, this whole exercise had taken its toll on her and she was getting more uncomfortable in her apartment to the point where she found it difficult to sleep. She kept feeling like someone was standing outside her door. The impression filled her the other day and it terrified her.

  When she looked at Josh with this massive house, with all its bedrooms and rooms, she felt aggrieved because he didn’t know how lucky he was. Right now, her budget was so low that her main meal was lunch and then anything she might be able to grab her hands on while she was here.

  “Josh, get up.” She was getting fed up now and he was seriously beginning to work her last nerve. “Josh.”

  She rested her hand on his shoulder just above the soft cotton of his jersey and tapped him. He stirred a little but that was all she got.

  A flutter of hope filled her when she shook his arm a little harder and his eyes fluttered open. He rolled onto his back and ran a hand through his ruffled hair.

  Most people looked like hell when they just woke up, but Joshua Mancini managed to carry the look off and still look sexy. There was no wonder why GQ wanted him to do photo shoots, and it was for their cover. Same with Men’s Health and a few of the others.

  “Woman, what the hell do you want?”

  “You, you dumb oaf.”

  “Oh, well why don’t you just take your clothes off and climb in here with me.” The corners of his sensual mouth slid up into a sexy grin that made her blush, and scowl at him.

  “That is not what I meant.” If she didn’t know him she would have thought he was joking and laughed that comment off, but since she did, she knew he was totally serious. Amy didn’t know how anyone could be like that. So openly and explicitly sexual. “Get up.”

  “Baby, please think about it, you could have so much fun, and you wouldn’t be so uptight all the time like you’ve got a stick up your gorgeous behind.”

  This was not working, and everything he said was worse than the first thing he’d come out with. She couldn’t even tell if that was the drink talking or him. She hadn’t been with him long enough to make the distinction. She just knew that he became even more sexual at the point when he’d had too much to drink. The normal him was just grumpy and spiteful.

  “Josh, can we please stop talking about me. Get the hell up.”

  “I haven’t had sex in days. Come here.”

  She grabbed a pillow and hit him with it several times hoping it would take his mind out of the gutter, but to her utter surprise he fell asleep again.

  It was the same thing the next day. Tuesday. Zelda told her that a PR rep was coming here on Thursday to go over some of the questions Josh could be asked. She’d also sent some practice questions so Amy could run through them, too, with him.

  It was a great idea, but once again she found Josh flat on his face with a bottle of rum, and when she did eventually wake him up he looked at her, licked his lips and said, “Baby, your breasts look really good in that top.” Then he went back to sleep.

  She had to put the image of her mother in her mind at that point, and by the same token she felt deeply sad because it was looking like she wasn’t going to be able to wake him. And if she couldn’t wake him, then she wasn’t going to be able to get him to the show. If that didn’t happen, she wouldn’t get the upfront bonus to put down the deposit for her mother’s treatment and surgery.

  Her job here would be over because Josh would more than likely get cut from the team. She had to do something, fast too before she lost her sanity.

  He stayed in bed all morning so she used the time to respond to emails. Despite his protests, she booked in the appearances at the schools, charity events, and the photo shoots. Just before lunch Hilda came into the office and handed her a glass of orange juice.

  “You’re too kind.” Amy smiled.

  “And you work too hard. You’re one of those people aren’t you? That never stop.”

  “Sadly yes.” She sighed.

  “Well you should. Don’t always be in work mode. We should ditch this place and go do our nails.”

  “I wish.” She didn’t have money for that. She’d had her nails done before leaving New York and now they were starting to look rough.

  “Or we should go pick up some hot guys to take us on dates.”

  Amy couldn’t do that either. She was testy when it came to relationships. It was most likely down to her parents’ disastrous one. Add that to the low-life jerks that had come her way. She didn’t have time to date and there was no room in her mind to contemplate it either.

  “Unless if you’re seeing someone.” Hilda’s eyes brightened.

  “No. I don’t have time for that.”

  “Amy, are you kidding? Imagine having a really sweet guy to take care of you, especially during this time with your mom.”

  “I wouldn’t know where to find a guy like that.” She giggled. “Hilda, I just seriously need to get through the rest of this week.” What she wanted was her mom better and the designer job with Dior. That’s all she wanted. Everything else was secondary.

  “You will.” Hilda nodded positively and tucked a wayward strand of her shiny hair behind her ear. “Should we go to lunch now?”

  “How about I catch up with you. I have two emails to send and an agreement to fax over, then I’m good.”

  “Cool, I’ll order your sandwich so it’ll be ready by the time you get there.”

  “Thanks so much.” Amy had gotten into the habit of getting a teriyaki steak and vegetable grill swaddled within hearty
Italian bread. It was amazing and filling, perfect to get her through the day.

  When Hilda left Amy returned her gaze to the bright computer screen. She was thinking about what she’d do tomorrow. Maybe she could get here at six and try everything again to wake Josh, but over a longer period of time. She was really starting to lose hope and needed to keep strong.

  She got up to find the agreement she needed to fax, and as she was sorting through the suspension files in the cabinet two strong hands gripped onto her waist.

  “I know what you want,” Josh slurred, turning her around. Before she could protest, his mouth covered hers hungrily with the strong hardness of his lips and paralyzed her with a heart-stopping kiss. Her mind became nonexistent and her brain receded into the dark, slipping into a void in the back of beyond as he ravaged her lips.

  “No more games, baby,” he said between breaths.

  She took the chance to gasp for air, but then he reclaimed her lips and crushed her to him as he slipped his hands down to her butt to lift her up.

  A shred of sanity returned to her as he moved her over to her desk and placed her on top of it, knocking all the papers and letters to the ground to make room for them. Amy placed her hand on his chest in an attempt to stop him, but the rock-hard cords of muscle mesmerized her and something ignited within her, leading her to succumb to the weakness that lured her to explore. It lured her to give in to the overwhelming power of his masculinity and strength. As the kiss intensified she kissed him back with reckless abandon, allowing her tongue to mingle with his in desperate need. Fire consumed her as he ran his hands down to her breasts and squeezed her.

  Heat escaped her as he left her lips and kissed his way down her neck and throat. He stopped at the swell of her right breast and she watched him suck her breast through the dark cotton of her blouse. She’d actually never had that done before and it felt amazing. He smiled up at her with those gorgeous eyes of his when he saw her reaction.

  “You like that,” he slurred. He went to move the fabric away so that her bare breast would come through but she stopped him.