by Janice Lynn
“She’s not out of the woods yet, but, I admit, what I’m seeing is encouraging.”
Natalie nodded, stepping back so the neonatologist could check a line.
At this point, taking care of the baby’s prematurity needs took precedence over her heart surgery, which thus far seemed a success. Hopefully, nothing would happen to change that status.
Natalie and Matthew left the unit together, stripped out of their surgical gear and trashed the protective equipment.
“Carrie okay?”
Surprised by Natalie’s question, he paused. “She’s good. We’ve started counseling to help us, mostly me, deal with our grief and our new family dynamics.”
“That’s good. Carrie is so resilient. She’s going to be fine.”
“Resilient and brilliant.”
Natalie nodded. “Have you taken her back to see Zoie?”
“We’ve practically taken up residence at the zoo.”
Recalling her own zoo adventure with the girl as they’d watched Zoie’s birth, Natalie smiled. “I’m sure that makes her happy.”
Matthew wanted to ask what made Natalie happy, but what was the point? Obviously, he wasn’t the answer.
* * *
“You want to talk about this?”
Natalie glanced up to see her former boss standing in her office doorway, her resignation letter in hand, then glanced back at her computer screen to save the work she’d been charting. She motioned for him to come into her office.
“There’s really not anything to say. It’s a great opportunity.”
“That’s not why you typed this letter,” Dr. Luiz corrected, causing Natalie to look up from where she’d been studying her computer screen to keep from having to meet his gaze.
“If you’re talking about Dr. Coleman, I accepted the fact that he was given the position I’d hoped I’d fill weeks ago.”
The man she’d admired above all others stared at her so intently she could avoid his gaze no longer. Still, she owed him nothing beyond that she’d given him a copy of her resignation first. She had two others ready to be delivered—one to the board and one to Matthew.
Dr. Luiz walked over, sat down in the chair opposite Natalie’s desk, and regarded her for long, silent moments. “From the time I met you as a bright-eyed resident, I’ve felt a special bond with you, Natalie. Treated you almost as if you were my daughter. I want good things for you.”
Feeling a wave of emotion wash over her, Natalie waited for him to continue. He didn’t disappoint.
“When I first announced my intent to semi-retire, I never questioned that you could step up to fill the vacancy. I’ve no doubt you’d have done so successfully if the circumstances were different, because you’d have put your whole heart, your whole being into this hospital.”
He was right. She would have.
“If relocating is what you believe in your heart is right for you, then I support your decision.”
Natalie closed her eyes. Accepting the offer was the right decision.
“But I don’t agree that it is in your best interests to relocate. I want more for you than that, but I’m not convinced you want more for yourself.”
She arched her brow.
“Something changed for you in Miami. I couldn’t put my finger on it until I saw you with Matthew. Hiring him was the right thing for Memphis Children’s, but it was also the right thing for you.”
“You’re wrong.” It would have been better if Matthew had stayed a fantasy fling.
Wouldn’t it?
Dr. Luiz leaned forward. “I don’t know everything that happened between you two, but I do know you need to figure it out before anyone else sees this.”
He crumpled up her resignation letter and tossed it onto her desk.
His words making her question conclusions she’d already come to, she shook her head. “There are a lot of things you don’t know. Just take my word for it when I say that taking this job is the right thing.”
“Lucky for them that you think so. Pity for you.”
Dr. Luiz was wrong. The position in Florida opened a whole new world of opportunities. She’d be a fool to stay. Staying meant seeing Matthew regularly. She needed to forget him. To forget the things he made her long for.
Natalie winced. She wasn’t longing for anything.
She wasn’t.
If she was, she’d have reacted differently when Matthew had confessed he was falling for her, right?
She wouldn’t have questioned his motives in what he’d said. Wouldn’t have assumed that he was only saying he wanted her because she’d found Carrie and he’d been overcome with emotion.
At his words, she’d locked up inside, felt panicked. She’d felt the need to run, been scared to believe him.
Most of the people who’d come into her life had been temporary, had come and gone, and she was the one left behind.
Why should she expect him to be any different?
Emotions were messy, set a person up to get hurt. She’d been hurt enough during her lifetime. More than enough.
She hurt now.
Shocked by her admission, Natalie dropped her head onto her desk, the wadded-up letter crunching beneath her forehead.
Ugh. What was she doing?
Leaving for Florida. Was that nothing more than running away because she was afraid of Matthew, of what he made her want? Afraid of caring for Carrie?
Afraid or not, she did care. And she did want.
Straightening, Natalie sucked in a deep breath, fought back the moisture accumulating in her eyes, and rubbed her temples.
She’d pushed Matthew away, had shut him out, because she’d been afraid of his leaving her someday.
Only, what if he didn’t ever leave? What if he could love her, really love her, and she could be a real part of their family?
* * *
Matthew wasn’t nearly as enthralled with Zoie as Carrie, but the baby giraffe was growing on him. Which was just as well, since Carrie would have them visiting daily if he’d agree.
Fortunately, some days she was satisfied with online viewing via the Zoie cam—but not today.
“Uncle Matthew, can we get ice cream when we finish visiting Zoie?” Liz asked, tugging on his hand. “Momma says we can if you’re okay with it.”
Matthew shot his sister a Gee, thanks look, then grinned at his niece. “Sure thing, kiddo. If the three of you are good, then ice cream it is. Two scoops, even.”
“We’re always good,” Mandy pointed out matter-of-factly.
Matthew laughed. “Most of the time.”
“Natalie?” Carrie’s surprised question had Matthew turning toward where the child was looking.
Sure enough, Natalie stood a few feet from them, holding a stuffed giraffe and looking uncertain about whether to approach.
“I’ve missed you.” Carrie had no qualms in running over and wrapping her good arm around Natalie. “Did you see Zoie? Isn’t she just the cutest?”
Natalie lowered her gaze to look at Carrie. “She is, and I’ve missed you, too. I bought this for you.” She held out the stuffed giraffe. “I thought you might like to hold her when you’re watching Zoie on your computer tablet—if you’re allowed to use it now,” she added with a smile.
“Thank you. I love her.” Carrie took the gift and gave the giraffe a big squeeze. “I’m naming her Chloe because that rhymes with Zoie.” She made her declaration in a sing-song fashion, then grinned up at Natalie. “We’ve been studying rhymes at school and I like rhymes. All the time,” she added, then giggled.
“I see that.”
“Why are you here?” Matthew asked, since she’d made such a point to avoid him.
“To see Zoie,” Carrie answered for her with a “duh” expression.
“I...” Natalie paused, then met his gaze. �
��I needed to talk to you about what you said to me, and when I went to your house and you weren’t home I went to your mom’s and she said you were here.” Her face pinched nervously. “So, here I am.”
“You went to my mom’s?”
She nodded. “Did you mean it when you said you were falling for me?”
Matthew sent a look to his sister, who was watching the exchange curiously, as were three little pairs of eyes.
“Girls, let’s go get that ice cream.” A round of cheers went up at Elaine’s suggestion. “I’ll take your little rhymer home with me afterward.” She leaned over and gave Natalie a little hug. “Good to see you again.”
Before Matthew could say a word, Elaine had all three girls rushing off.
“Sorry,” Natalie apologized, looking hesitant as she met his gaze. “I probably shouldn’t have blurted that out.”
Looking around at the semi-crowded zoo exhibit, Matthew raked his hands through his hair and nodded. “Probably not, since it no longer matters. Dr. Luiz called. I know you’re leaving.”
Natalie would be okay with the ground opening up and swallowing her. Surely that would be preferable to Matthew staring at her as if he wished she’d disappear?
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” She needed to speak to him, to explain everything swirling in her head.
Her head?
Ha. More like that wildly thumping organ beating against her ribcage.
“What’s the point?” His eyes had that dark and dangerous quality to them. The one she’d first seen at the airport. Now she knew the look had been related to flying for the first time since his friends’ death.
This was her fault, she reminded herself. Her fear had done this. Easily her fear could have her turning, leaving, and never risking his further rejection.
But fear couldn’t win this time. She wouldn’t let it.
“If we go talk,” she said as calmly as she could, “I’ll explain what my point is.”
He looked ready to refuse, then shrugged. “Fine. Let’s go.”
* * *
Natalie’s hands shook as she unlocked her car doors, as she climbed inside, Matthew getting in on the passenger side.
Without a word she started the car, took off down the road, not sure where she was going until she pulled into his driveway.
He hadn’t said a word during the drive and didn’t speak as he climbed out of the car and went to open his front door.
Natalie followed. Closing the door behind her, she went into his living room. He stood at the window, staring out.
“What did Dr. Luiz say to you?”
He didn’t turn toward her, just continued to look out the window. “That you’d been offered a job out of state and had turned in your notice.”
“He didn’t tell me he was going to tell you.”
“You should have told me.” His tone dripped with accusation.
“I was going to, but I needed to tell Dr. Luiz first.”
At that Matthew turned, met her gaze with hurt blue ones. “Seriously? You needed to tell him first?”
“For whatever it’s worth, I didn’t put in for another job. The university contacted me.”
“It was only a matter of time before you left.” He turned back to the window. “He also told me to fix whatever was between us and convince you to stay.”
“Well, you’re doing a bang-up job,” she said sarcastically.
His gaze narrowed. “You want me to grovel?”
“No.” She didn’t. She wanted... “I want you to love me.”
“So you can break my heart? No, thanks.”
“I don’t want to break your heart, Matthew. I want to claim it as my own.”
“Right. You suddenly realize you can’t live without me but have agreed to move to another state.” He gave a sarcastic laugh. “You expect me to rip Carrie up and go with you? Is that it?”
No, she didn’t expect that, didn’t want that, but heard herself asking, “Would you go with me if I asked?”
His expression was gaunt. “Are you asking?”
Natalie’s heart pounded in her chest. “I am.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “Moving away from Memphis would throw my life, Carrie’s life, into complete chaos. You know that?”
She nodded. She knew exactly what she was asking, what the implications of whatever answer he gave were.
Regarding her, his expression unreadable, he crossed his arms. “Tell me why I should agree to go.”
Because she needed to know that he would. That he’d throw his life into utter chaos again just to be with her.
“Because of whatever this is between us, because of the way you feel about me.” She took a deep breath. “Because of the way I feel about you. I love you.”
There—she’d said the words out loud. No beating about the bush. She’d told him the truth. She loved him.
“I want everything you’re willing to give me,” she continued.
“Then my answer is yes.”
She couldn’t have heard him right. “Yes?”
“I’ll go with you, but hell, Natalie, this isn’t going to be easy on Carrie. Or me.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “Plus, I’ll have to figure a way out of my contract with Memphis Children’s and—”
Not quite believing what he’d said, what it meant, about to burst with giddy happiness, she walked over and put her fingers over his mouth, silencing him. “You don’t need to do any of those things. I shouldn’t have said you did.”
His eyes narrowed.
“There’s no need for you to go with me because I’m not going anywhere.”
He studied her. “You’re not taking the job?”
She shook her head. “Why would I do that when everything I want is in Memphis?” To emphasize her point, she stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his lips. “When you and Carrie are in Memphis.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive. I love you, Matthew.”
“I love you, too.” He pulled her to him. “Is this really happening?”
“I think so.” She smiled. “I may just be the happiest woman who ever lived.”
He grinned. “That happy, eh?”
“Happier.”
“Good, because I want to make you happy.”
“I want to be a part of your and Carrie’s life, Matthew. I want to do right by her.”
“Then that’ll be two of us trying to do right by her, Natalie, because I’m learning as I go with this whole parenting thing.”
“You’re wonderful, Matthew. I watch you with her and think how lucky she is to have you, how I wish I’d had someone like you in my life.”
“I’m sorry about your parents, Natalie. I wish you’d had me in your life, too. Carrie is lucky because she gets both of us to love her and make sure she always feels wanted.”
“I have you now and for that, for you, I am grateful.” She laid her head against her chest, listening to his heart beat, peace coming over her that, whatever life threw at them, they would handle it. Together.
“I know something that would make me very happy this very moment.”
“What’s that?”
“You kissing me.”
Matthew was happy to oblige—then, and every day for the rest of their lives.
* * * * *
If you enjoyed this story, check out
these other great reads from
Janice Lynn
A Surgeon to Heal Her Heart
A Firefighter in Her Stocking
The Doctor’s Secret Son
The Nurse’s Baby Secret
All available now!
Keep reading for an excerpt from NY Doc Under the Northern Lights by Amy Ruttan.
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NY Doc Under the Northern Lights
by Amy Ruttan
CHAPTER ONE
WHERE IS HE?
Dr. Betty Jacinth’s eyes burned. She’d forgotten to take out her contact lenses on the plane when she took the red-eye from Newark to Keflavik Airport, so she was squinting as she pulled her bag through the baggage claim, looking in vain for Dr. Sturlusson, who was supposed to be picking her up.
Dr. Sturlusson was an older physician and friend of her late father, whom he’d met when he’d traveled to Iceland to do a series of lectures before Betty was born. The two had stayed in touch, first through letters, then email, and Betty had only seen her father’s friend for the first time on a video call three months ago. When her father died Dr. Sturlusson had sent Betty a card, expressing his condolences and offering her the chance to work for three months in Reykjavik, whenever she wanted.
As her father had done before her.
She had put it off for a long time, but now she was glad to go.