by Sharon Booth
'So, what are you saying, Mother?' James interrupted. 'That you're no longer interested in George?'
Deborah sighed. 'I suppose I'm saying it's too late for custody. Maybe, in time, we could gently push for access? But it would have to be handled carefully, as George isn't aware that Eliot isn't his father, and I think he's too young to deal with all that yet. It would have to be a conversation that Eliot could have with him when he feels he's ready to hear it.'
James couldn't agree with her more. 'So, you think it's best to back off for now? Not have anything to do with George at all?' he asked, hopefully.
'N-ooo.' Deborah thought about it. 'I think we should get our solicitor to write a conciliatory letter to the Harlands, detailing our intention to ease off, and requesting occasional contact with George in a non-threatening manner. The child doesn't have to know we're related to him, after all. Not yet. By the time Eliot judges that he's ready to hear the truth, he'll already be familiar with us. Surely, that's a kinder way to approach this?'
James nodded. 'I can see that.' Couldn't he just. But how to persuade his father of that?
'The thing is, it will take a lot longer,' she said, 'but it will be beneficial in the long run, for everyone. Give us all time to get used to this. George, after all, is the most important person in this mess, and we have to allow him plenty of time to adjust.'
'Bollocks!' James flinched as David slammed down his glass. 'I've never heard such bullshit in my life. George is our grandson, James's son, for fuck's sake! Are you seriously telling me, boy, that you're happy for a child of yours to be raised at that dump of a farm, when by rights, all this should be his one day? You're okay with an uneducated, common brute like Harland to have sole responsibility for bringing up your son? Are you?'
James glanced across at a stunned-looking Deborah. Defeated, he shook his head and whined, 'Of course not. I want George here with me, full time.'
'There you go then,' David boomed, giving Deborah one of his best withering stares. 'There's your answer. Never mind asking the solicitor to backtrack, get him to push harder. I want this sorted pronto, and so does James. For God's sake, get a grip, woman.'
James opened and closed his mouth but found himself unable to utter a single word.
Deborah stood and smoothed down her skirt. 'I'll leave you to it,' she said. 'I can see you've made up your minds.'
'Yes, we have,' David said. 'And if you were any sort of a grandmother, it wouldn't even have occurred to you to back down. I'm telling you now, get your solicitor to push Harland hard. He's not keeping our grandson a minute longer than he has to.'
Deborah left the room, head held high. James had to admire her spirit. He wished he had the strength to defy his father, but there was no way out for him. The fact was, David had him exactly where he wanted him, and didn't he just know it.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Deborah was waiting outside the bathroom door when Beth emerged, feeling pretty wrung-out and wretched. She jumped, startled to see her mother-in-law standing there, her arms folded. 'Sorry. I didn't know you were waiting.' Her voice trailed off. Why was Deborah waiting? There was hardly any shortage of bathrooms in Thwaite Park.
Her confusion increased as Deborah put her hand on Beth's arm and murmured, 'I want to talk to you. Come with me, Beth.'
Deborah wrapped her arm around Beth's waist and guided her along the landing towards her bedroom.
Stunned, Beth sank onto the plush, dove grey sofa by the window, as Deborah sat beside her and took hold of her hand. 'Beth, I need to ask you something. Are you, by any chance, pregnant?'
Beth took a deep breath. So that was it! Now she was in for it. But hadn't she known it was coming? This huge showdown was inevitable. She might have known it would be her mother-in-law she had to face first, rather than James. Nothing got past Deborah. Well, she wasn't going to cower or grovel any longer. She held her head high. 'Yes, I am.'
Deborah beamed. 'That's wonderful news, Beth. I know how long you've wanted this and I'm so happy for you.'
The last thing she'd expected to hear in response was that. Nothing could have surprised her more.
'Now, the only question I have to ask is, do you know who the father is?'
Okay, so maybe that surprised her more. Beth's mouth dropped open and she felt the blood drain from her face. 'What do you mean?'
Deborah sighed. 'I know there's someone else. It's all right, Beth,' she added as Beth pulled her hand away, 'I don't blame you. Frankly, when I found out what you were up to I silently cheered. I expect that's the last thing you expected to hear me say.'
'I don't understand.' Understatement of the year.
'I shouldn't think you do. It's not surprising. We don't exactly talk much, do we? My fault entirely. I've been an absolute cow to you, and none of it's your fault.' She stood and began to pace the room, her hands running through her hair. If Beth hadn't known better, she would have sworn Deborah was nervous.
'I don't know how much you know about my own marriage,' she said eventually. 'I'm sure James has filled you in on some of his father's past behaviour, but I don't think even he knows the full extent of David's infidelity. I know how it feels, you see. What you went through with James and Jemima, I get it. All too well. Luckily for me, I didn't have to contend with a child as evidence of an affair, but I did have to contend with repeated humiliation and rejection. I know what that does to you. I know how it breaks you down, wears you out, until in the end you just disappear. I should have been kinder towards you, but the truth is, Beth, you reminded me far too much of my own mistakes, and I couldn't bear to watch.'
Beth was bewildered. 'I'm not sure I understand.'
Deborah sat down again, her hands twisting in her lap. 'You don't need to know the details, my dear, and I don't want to remember them. Suffice it to say, I wish I'd left David Fuller years ago.'
'Then why didn't you?' Beth was sympathetic, but she'd never understood how anyone could live with David Fuller if there was a choice.
'I'm really not sure,' Deborah admitted. 'I've asked myself that question so often and I come up with different responses every time. I'd fallen out with my family over him, insisted they'd got him all wrong. I suppose I didn't want them to know they'd been right. Then I had James, and I didn't want him to be raised without his father. I think I knew, even then, that if we weren't together our child would hardly ever see David. I just wish I'd realised that would have been for the best.'
She gave a sigh that sounded full of regret. 'Perhaps there was some fear; of the future, of being alone, of never being loved by another man. I thought I wasn't good enough for anyone else. He'd done a great job of shattering my self-esteem. When all you hear, day in and day out, is the constant drip-drip of criticism, you end up believing it. I was very insecure and convinced myself David was all I would ever have. And then, I suppose, the biggest lie of all. I told myself that I still loved him. I actually believed it, too.'
'But you didn't love him?'
'No.' Deborah rolled her eyes. 'I don't think I ever did, if I'm honest. He was something different and challenging. I was attracted to him. Our sex life was amazing at first. And he was the only man I'd ever — you know.' She paused. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you.'
'You haven't,' Beth said hurriedly. 'It's — well, to be honest, I can't believe you're speaking to me like this. You never talk to me. About anything.'
'I'm so sorry, Beth. The thing is, I grew to accept the situation. I told myself I didn't care anymore. That was the way things were and I had to accept it. I realised that if I didn't protect myself from the pain I would be broken. So, I built a wall around myself, locked my feelings away, forgot how to let anyone in. But you — I could see you going through the same issues with James. I could see how broken you were. I was so angry with you. I couldn't help it. I wanted to scream at you to wake up, to take control, to kick him out. In short, I wanted you to do what I never had the courage to do. When you didn't ... I know it sounds
stupid and so unfair, but I felt you were letting us both down. Betraying us. I needed you to break free for me, as well as for yourself.'
Beth let out a long breath. 'I thought you didn't think I was good enough for James.'
Deborah gave a bitter laugh. 'On the contrary, I thought you were far too good for him. Oh, don't get me wrong. He's my son and I would do anything for him. But he's also his father's son, and, quite honestly, I don't like him very much. He's not good husband material. He's not good father material either. I was wrong to threaten Eliot and Eden the way I did. Eliot's been a better father to George than James could ever be. George is much better off at Fleetsthorpe. Cain was quite right about that.'
There was something wistful in her tone. Beth watched her curiously.
Deborah gave a little shake of her head. 'So,' she continued, 'the baby. Is it James's? Or is it Jed's?'
Beth gasped. 'You know about Jed?'
'You were spotted together. I wanted to applaud you when I found out.'
'I thought you'd be furious!'
'I can hardly condemn you when I'm doing much the same thing myself with his father.'
Beth's mouth fell open. 'Cain! You and Cain?'
'I know. It's terrible, isn't it? We're absolutely shameless, aren't we?'
They stared at each other for a moment, then they laughed and hugged each other.
'I don't know who the baby's father is,' Beth admitted. 'I'm almost sure it must be Jed's because James and I — well, let's just say the chances are remote. Even so, there is a chance.' She sighed. 'I suppose I'll have to wait until the baby's born to find out.'
'And what will you do?'
Beth shrugged. 'I don't know. I feel so bad, Deborah. I know James did wrong, but he's tried so hard to make it up to me ever since Jemima, and if it's his baby how can I let another man bring it up?'
'But if it's Jed's?'
There was silence as Beth struggled with her answer. Deborah patted her hand. 'Beth, deep down, who are you hoping is the father?'
There was no hesitation in Beth's mind. 'Jed,' she confessed.
'Then you should be with Jed, whatever the outcome,' Deborah told her. 'You only get one life. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't deserve you. You've been a different woman these last few weeks. Jed clearly makes you happy. This is your chance to make a real life for yourself with a man who loves you. Don't throw that away.'
'But James has already given up one child because of me,' Beth murmured. 'How can I do it to him again?'
There was quiet for a moment, then Deborah said, 'Beth, may I ask you something?'
'Of course.'
'Do you really believe James wants George back?'
As Beth raised an eyebrow, Deborah ploughed on. 'What I mean is, did he ever, in all these years, give you any indication that he wanted to be George's father?'
Beth shook her head vehemently. 'Never. Just the opposite. He was always adamant that he didn't want anything to do with George. He told me George was a huge mistake that he'd rather forget. That's why I was so shocked when I discovered the truth. I felt terrible. He'd lied all those years to protect me.'
Deborah seemed to be considering her next words. Eventually, she said, 'Does he really strike you as the sort of man who'd act so unselfishly all those years?'
Beth was puzzled. 'What do you mean?'
'I'm not sure,' she admitted. 'I just think this is a very sudden change of heart, and maybe someone else is behind it.'
Beth stared at her. 'Someone else? Well, it did occur to me, but I thought it was you, to be honest. Are you saying — you mean David?'
'Exactly.' Deborah folded her arms grimly. 'Something's wrong, I can feel it. I talked it over with Cain and he convinced me George belongs at Fleetsthorpe. When I said as much to James yesterday, he seemed to agree, at first. He seemed relieved. Then David opened his big trap and James seemed to crumble.'
'He always does where his father's concerned,' Beth said with a sigh. 'He can't bear being shouted at by him. David has a way of making him feel very small and insignificant.'
'Yes, it's a real talent,' Deborah said. 'But that's even more reason to keep George away from here. Who'd want any child to be raised by a man like David? And he would be involved, make no mistake about it. The biggest regret of my life is saddling James with a father like that. I have no doubt it's led to him becoming the man he is today — one I'm rather ashamed of, much as I love him.'
'He's not all bad,' Beth insisted. 'I should have been forgiving. Everyone's entitled to one mistake. I just couldn't seem to get past it.'
'Hmm,' was all Deborah seemed to have to say to that.
'So, what are you going to do?' Beth asked. 'About George I mean.'
'I'm going to do what I intended to do. I'm heading to Richmond today to discuss the matter with my solicitor, and the Harlands will be getting a letter that should put their minds at ease. The problem I have is that David won't let it drop there, and James will do whatever David wants. I wish I could work out what's really going on here.' She smiled and patted Beth's knee. 'And what about you? What are you going to do about the baby?'
'I guess the next thing is to tell Jed,' Beth admitted.
'You mean, he doesn't know? Why not?'
'I wanted to have it all to myself for a little while, without worrying about who the father was, or thinking about all the mess this is going to cause. I've waited so long for this, Deborah. I wanted to cherish it, while I still could.'
Deborah smiled and put her arms around her daughter-in-law. 'I don't blame you for that. Well, know this, I'm on your side, I really am. And, I don't believe I said it earlier, so, congratulations.'
Beth was hugged tightly and wondered dazedly if the day could get any stranger.
'Now,' Deborah said, pulling away eventually, 'I have another child who needs my help, and it's time I got started.'
****
'Face like a wet weekend.'
Eliot knew Adey was talking about him, but he had no energy to respond. He leaned against the stone wall, clutching the plastic cup from his flask in his hand, and stared unseeingly at the dale below him.
'Happen that tea's stone cold by now.' Adey tutted. 'Oy,' he yelled, 'are you going to eat summat or what? Nearly time to get back to work and you've had nowt.'
Eliot blinked. 'Not hungry.'
'Leave the lad alone,' Mickey growled. He chewed his ham sandwich and surveyed Eliot through rheumy old eyes. 'Tha needs to eat, though. He's reet about that.'
Eliot glanced down at the sandwich that Mickey held out to him and his stomach turned. He shook his head and tipped the last of the cold tea onto the grass. 'Best get back to work.'
'Not 'til you've had summat to eat and that's flat,' Mickey announced. He watched Eliot for a moment, then sighed. 'Look, lad, I know it looks bad, but things'll come reet. They allus do.'
'You reckon?' Eliot gave a half laugh. 'Wish I had your faith.'
'Eden'll come round,' said Adey. 'People row all the time. You and her are made for each other, anyone can see that. Just give her a chance to get over it and then it'll be back to normal in no time.'
'Normal?' Eliot gaped at his friend in amazement. 'How the hell can things ever be normal again?'
'Whatever you've done, she'll forgive you, lad,' Mickey began, but Eliot cut in.
'Why should she? I let her down!' His voice cracked, and he punched the wall. 'You have no idea what a bloody fool I am.'
'Oh, have I not? A bloody fool for punching stone walls, for a start. Does tha want broken knuckles?' Mickey tutted. 'And, whatever it is that tha's done, tha's a bloody fool for telling her, an' all,' he added. 'Tha should have kept tha gob shut.'
'Weren't me that opened it,' Eliot muttered. 'Leastways, not to Eden. But the blame's all mine, no doubt about it.'
Mickey pulled a face. 'I'm thinking yon lass is to blame.'
Eliot frowned. 'Eden?'
Adey laughed. 'Nah. Baby Spice up at t'house. We've seen her, batti
ng her lashes at you, staring at you with them big blue eyes.'
'Aye, and I said, did I not, Adey, that one's trouble. But you, you wouldn't see it. She's vulnerable, you said. She needs understanding, you said. Very kind of you, I'm sure.'
Adey nudged Eliot. 'You didn't, did ya?'
'Didn't what?'
'Well, come on. What's Baby Spice opened her gob about to Eden? Dun't take much working out, especially after you used me as your alibi that day. You could've warned me! And couldn't you have come up with owt better than that, any road?'
'It weren't like that!'
'Glad to hear it, you daft bugger. Well, whatever's gone on, all hell's broke loose now and you're going to have to do some major grovelling to put it reet.' Mickey's eyes softened. 'Mind you, happen it'll be worth it. Adey's reet. You and Eden are made for each other. You'll sort it.'
Eliot's mouth set. 'If I were her, I wouldn't forgive me.'
'Aye, well.' Mickey sighed. 'Mebbe so. No use mithering on about it either way. Eat your dinner, lad. What will be, will be.'
'I'm only messing with ya,' Adey said kindly. 'Eden'll come around, you'll see.'
Eliot didn't answer. He felt a clutch of fear as he watched a figure heading towards them up the side of the hill. Eden. What had she come to tell him? Whatever it was, it was no more than he deserved. He knew that the next few moments were going to decide the course of his future, and he'd never been more scared in his life.
****
Eliot's face was stricken as Eden approached. She stood still, some distance from him, and watched as Mickey and Adey gathered up the dinner things. There was some mumbling going on, then Eliot moved towards her as the others walked away, and she waited, her heart thumping in her chest.
She folded her arms, almost as if protecting herself from him, which was ridiculous. She swallowed, her mouth feeling dry, as he approached her, and she saw from the look on his face that he was as terrified as she was. He came to a halt in front of her, not trying to touch her, not speaking. His eyes were crying out to her, and she had a desperate longing to pull him to her. What was stopping her?