by Sharon Booth
He wondered where Debs was and how she was doing. No one had heard a word from her except for the letter that had arrived at Fleetsthorpe from her solicitor, assuring the Harlands that all claims to George had been dropped and would not be pursued again. He grinned to himself. Yeah, that had gone down a treat. Good old Debs. She'd promised she'd put things right and she had. One in the eye for David bleeding Fuller at any rate. He'd bet a pound to a penny that the geezer was steeling himself for a solicitor's letter of his own, any day, demanding half his fortune. Couldn't happen to a nicer fella.
He sighed, remembering how many times he'd been in Fuller's position. His wallet was still stinging from the various attacks. His solicitor had a fancy new office, thanks to him. He should get a knighthood just for his services to London law firms.
Truth was, he had no intention of being legal fodder ever again. Fuller deserved all that he had coming, but Cain had been down that road too many times. Him and women — it never worked. It was best to keep a safe distance.
Besides, he thought, a flicker of excitement sparking within him at last, he had other things to think about. A new project that had got him through the last couple of weeks, given him something to hope for, something to believe in again. Cain realised that this was what he'd been waiting for. He'd found a new passion, and funnily enough, that was down to Debs, too.
He slumped, wondering if everything in his life was going to come back to her. Where was she? Why hadn't she been in touch? He couldn't, wouldn't offer her anything, but even so, it would be nice to know she was okay. Why had she left The Paradise without so much as a by-your-leave?
He wandered out of the field, strolling unthinkingly to the farmyard, and headed for the paddock at the far end, where the girls' little pony grazed.
Leaning on the gate, he watched the pretty grey tugging at the grass, and thought about his forthcoming project. Debs would be excited about it, too, he thought. She'd approve, he knew she would. If only he could tell her.
When his phone rang, Cain didn't bother to answer it at first, he was so lost in his own thoughts. Whoever was ringing was persistent, though, and eventually he pulled the mobile from his pocket and frowned at the screen, acknowledging to himself that, maybe, it was time to admit defeat and buy some glasses.
'Debs!' He almost dropped his phone in his eagerness to accept her call, and when he heard her voice saying his name in reply, his heart swelled with affection. 'You okay, love? I've been worried sick. Why did you go off like that? Why did you walk away? Why didn't you at least say goodbye? Where are you? What's happening?'
'Good heavens, Cain,' she said, laughing, 'let me get a word in edgeways, will you?'
'Sorry, darls,' he said, feeling stupid. 'I've bin that worried.'
'I'm sorry,' she said. 'I should have told you, but it all got a bit overwhelming. I needed space. It suddenly hit me that I'd finally done it, that I'd ended my marriage. I really couldn't believe it was real. I had to have some time alone, to think things through.'
'I understand that,' he said. 'Kind of like, when you get out of jail and you have to adjust to life on the outside.'
She giggled. 'Well, I wouldn't know about that, but I should imagine something similar, yes.'
'So, where are you?'
'I'm at Ashington Hall,' she told him. 'It's about thirty miles away.'
Ashington Hall! He pulled a face. That would be costing a fortune. 'You bin there all this time?'
'Yes. It's a bit more comfortable than The Paradise, and more private.'
And a hell of a lot more expensive! He rolled his eyes. No doubt about it, Debs was used to the finer things in life. David Fuller would be hung out to dry.
'And how are you, my darling?' Debs' diamond-cut tones sliced through his thoughts and he shivered, reminded suddenly of Freya. He'd really fallen for Honey's mother when he first met her. Proper posh bird she was, complete with stately home and family title. Voice very much like Debs. He'd loved her to bits and she'd loved him. At first. Didn't take long for it to go sour, though. Fact is, they had nothing in common, and before he knew it they were speaking only through their respective solicitors, and she was gunning for every penny she could get, even though he'd practically restored her dad's stately pile for him and never had a bleeding word of thanks. Ungrateful gits.
'Me? I'm all right,' he said. 'I'm at the wedding, actually. You could've come, if we'd known where you were.'
'The Harlands' wedding? How lovely. Did they get the letter from my solicitor?'
Cain's expression softened at the memory. 'They did. Over the moon they were, Debs. Couldn't believe it. You made their day — their lives!'
'I'm so glad.' She sounded wistful. 'Is George a page boy?'
Cain felt for her, he really did. No denying it. 'Yeah. He looks really cute. Eden's dad's bin taking loads of photos, though, and I'm sure they'll give you some copies.' He hesitated, then added, 'I reckon, now you're not part of the Fuller clan any more, they'll be open to you having contact with George, you know. They know what you did for them, love, and they appreciate it.'
She sighed and murmured, 'Maybe one day.'
'Are you sure you're all right, love?' Cain was fighting a battle. Common sense was telling him to let her go, to back away while he still could, but his wretched heart was pushing him towards her, telling him to grab hold of her and hold on tight. He'd never met anyone like Debs before. Yeah, she was posh like Freya, but she had a kind heart. And they'd had similar childhoods, and she shared his concern for the children of inner cities who'd never so much as seen a real sheep in their lives. There was a basis there for a real relationship. It didn't always have to end in court, did it? Maybe he and Debs could be different, make it work, live happily ever after?
'I'm fine. Just making sense of this strange new world I find myself in. Well,' she added, 'I must go. Enjoy the wedding and do please give my congratulations to the happy couple. Tell Beth I'll be in touch with her in a day or two. I don't want to lose contact with her.'
'I will, promise.' In his head, Cain was shouting at her, Don't go! Come to Fleetsthorpe, join in the fun. Then I'll come back to Ashington Hall with you and we'll make plans together. There's a whole world out there, Debs, and you and me, we could see it together. I've got so much I want to show you. Out loud he said, 'Take care, Debs.'
'You, too, Cain. Goodbye.'
The phone went dead, and Cain shoved it back in his pocket, staring at the little grey pony who was still grazing unconcernedly before him. You did the right thing, he told himself. There's no future with any woman. You can't trust them. Anyway, you've got more important things to be getting on with. You don't need romance and all that guff. Them days are well behind you.
So why, he thought desperately, did he feel as if his heart was about to break?
****
Emerald shivered as she spotted Eliot approaching, his face grim. Involuntarily, she looked around in another desperate bid to find her father, but he was nowhere in sight. Where had he gone? Just when she needed him most, too. Typical.
Eliot folded his long legs under the picnic table and sat opposite her, his chin propped on one hand as he surveyed her steadily. 'Well,' he said.
Emerald's face was burning. 'I said I'm sorry,' she pleaded. 'I really don't know what else you want me to say.'
'You don't have to say owt else,' he assured her. 'I wanted to check you were okay, and to pass on a message from Eden.'
Emerald steeled herself. 'Go on.'
'She said to tell you,' he said kindly, 'that everything's going to be reight.'
Emerald's eyes narrowed with suspicion. 'Really?' It didn't sound like something Eden would say.
He smiled. 'Aye. Really.' He gave a big sigh and shook his head slightly. 'I dunno, Emerald, what a palaver this has bin. I had no idea. I'm so sorry.'
'What are you sorry for?' She couldn't see that he, of all people, had any reason to apologise.
'I should have realised. I'm not good at p
icking up on body language, as anyone who knows me will tell you.'
'Yes, well ...' Emerald felt stupid. 'It wasn't your fault. I suppose you were so kind to me at Honey's wedding that it sparked something in my mind. Made me read more into it than there was. I'm an idiot.'
'No, you're not an idiot,' he said firmly. 'Happen you were looking for someone to care for, and I were there.' He rubbed his forehead, looking embarrassed. 'You know, I'm no catch. Reckon Eden's drawn the short straw.' He gave an abrupt laugh. 'Can you honestly see yourself mucking out sheep pens, checking hens for mites, or even washing strangers' bedding every morning?'
Emerald shuddered. 'Not really,' she admitted. 'I suppose I pushed all that side of things out of my mind.'
'Aye, well, life on a sheep farm doesn't suit everyone,' he told her. 'Takes a certain kind of person. I were lucky to find Eden.'
'She was lucky to find you, too,' Emerald told him, meaning it. 'Fact is, you two were made for each other, and I'm sorry I got in the way for a while.'
Eliot looked around, taking in the happy scene around him. 'This has made up for it,' he told her. 'Just the sort of do we wanted — all the people we care about and no fuss or formal stuff to wade through. Thanks Emerald.'
She nodded, swallowing down the lump in her throat. 'Least I could do.'
'You know,' he said carefully, 'I get it, I really do. It's hard, when you've bin hurt, to let people in. To trust them. If you'd bin kinder to Eden from the off, she'd have bin your best friend. Trust me on that. She's the kindest person you could meet, and she's loyal an' all. But you attacked her from the off, gave her no chance to like you. And I understand that, because I were the same.'
'You were?' Emerald raised an eyebrow, unable to imagine it.
'When Eden arrived at Fleetsthorpe, I were still wounded from losing Jemima, from her affair, from the whole sorry mess. I didn't let anyone in, except the kids. Didn't discuss how I were feeling, didn't trust anyone.' He shook his head, his gaze faraway as he remembered. 'She chipped away at me,' he said softly. 'Took down my defences, brick by brick, and before I knew what were happening, I'd let her in.'
'Sounds to me like your fourth chakra was out of balance,' Emerald informed him. 'The Anahata chakra that is.'
Eliot blinked. 'Eh?'
'Never mind. Anyway, you let her in and got your happy ever after,' Emerald said.
'Not at first. Not by a long chalk. I didn't make it easy for her. I were scared stiff when I realised what she meant to me. It's terrifying, loving someone. You're at their mercy. They have all this power, and they could choose to hurt you. I gave her a rough time, kept pushing her away.'
'But she didn't give up?'
'I think she did, for a little while. She went away — I pushed her away, made her go. And I think, for a few weeks, she thought it were over, as did I.'
'What happened?'
'I thought to meself, who am I hurting here? And why? Eden had done something that scared me, and I didn't trust her any more. But the truth was, I were suffering without her. I realised that, whatever she'd done, there were no need for me to be so cruel to her. I didn't like who I was, or how I'd behaved. So, I swallowed me pride and I went to find her and bring her home.'
Emerald nodded. 'I'm glad you were brave enough.'
'It's not just about bravery,' he said, considering. 'It was admitting that I'd behaved in a way I were ashamed of. Was that how I wanted her to think of me? Could I live with meself knowing what I'd done? Truth is, that man weren't me. I'd acted out of fear instead of love. I were scared and that made me angry and that pushed her away.' He frowned. 'Is this making any sense to you at all?'
'I think so,' she said slowly. 'Kind of like what Jed told me the other day. How I shouldn't let other people's actions change the person I am.'
'Aye, that's it,' Eliot said. 'See, I had all these voices pulling me in one direction then another — Jemima's, Fuller's, Beth's, Mickey's, even your dad's. But I needed to ignore all that and figure out what I wanted — who I wanted to be. Once I'd done that, rest came easy. You've got to learn to trust again, Emerald. I don't just mean other people. I mean, you've got to trust yourself.'
'It's not easy,' she murmured, 'when everyone seems to see you as worthless.'
'You're not worthless,' he said fiercely. 'I know what Fuller did to you. Jed's told us. You didn't give in. You could have done summat daft and gone to bed with him or told me and Eden that I'd gone to bed with you. You didn't. You have good in you. Trust that, build on it. We all make mistakes, lass, me more than most, but we can put them right if we want to.' He reached over and took her hands in his. 'Give your dad the chance to put it right,' he said with alarming perception,
She frowned. 'My dad?'
'He's hurt you. He's been daft, no doubt about it. You don't trust him — fair enough, I can see why. But you've pushed him away instead of telling him what you really want to tell him. I'm right aren't I?'
Emerald nodded hesitantly. 'I'm scared. He doesn't really see me, Eliot. He sees Honey, and Jed, and even Eden. But it's like I'm invisible. And it hurts so much. And then I —'
'Get narky and have a load off to him which makes him back away from you even more,' Eliot said with a sigh. 'I know. So where does it end? Are you going to keep attacking, so he keeps backing off, and you end up so far apart there's no going back? Or are you going take a chance?'
'But what if he rejects me?' she whispered. 'What if there's no repairing this?'
Eliot squeezed her hands. 'Then at least you've been true to yourself and acted out of love, not fear. You can make peace with yourself, even if not with your dad.' He smiled at her. 'I'm a dad meself, love, and I'm telling you, I reckon he'll be glad to meet you halfway. Maybe he's scared, too. What do you think?'
She smiled back at him, tears glistening in her eyes. 'Thanks, Eliot.'
'Aye aye, what's going on here then?'
Eliot dropped Emerald's hands, as she rolled her eyes at him upon hearing Cain's booming voice.
She glanced up as her father strode over to them and seated himself next to Eliot.
'Interrupting something, am I?' he said, sounding deeply suspicious.
'You're interrupting nowt,' Eliot assured him, clambering off the bench with some difficulty. 'I was delivering a message from Eden, and I've done that now, so if you'll excuse me I'll be heading back to my wife.'
He gave her a warm smile, which she returned, then headed off to the trestle table, where Eden and George were sampling the scones.
Cain watched him leave for a moment, then turned to Emerald, who was waiting for the interrogation. 'I hope, for all your sakes, that nuffink's going on with you two.'
A biting remark was on the tip of her tongue. Why did he always suspect the worst of her? And, anyway, he could talk! Hadn't he spent the last couple of months shagging Beth's mother-in-law behind her husband's back? Fighting for control, she was silent for a moment, then she reached over and took his hand. 'Nothing at all, Dad. He's a friend, that's all, and he was giving me some good advice.' She forced herself to smile as he gave her a nervous look. 'How are you? Are you missing Deborah?'
Cain opened his mouth, then closed it again as he surveyed her warily. 'Well, er, yeah. She's rung me, as it happens. She's all right, thank God.'
'And are you two going to make a go of it?'
Cain slumped, suddenly off-guard. 'Don't think so. Too much has gone on before. Anyway,' he said, straightening again, 'never mind all that. Have you made your peace with Eden?'
She gave him a genuine smile of relief. 'I think I have, yes.'
'Well, that's good. She's a nice woman, you know. I don't know why you're so horrible to her.'
Emerald hesitated, her heart thumping. Dare she take the plunge? Her fingers wrapped around his, and she squeezed tightly, hanging on for dear life. 'I was jealous, simple as that.'
Cain tutted. 'Yeah, I get that. But Eliot was hers long before you came on the scene. Weren't her fault that —'
/> 'Not of Eliot,' she said quickly, before she could change her mind. 'Of you.'
Cain looked baffled. 'Eh? What do you mean, of me?'
Her mouth felt dry. She'd kill for a glass of something alcoholic. 'At Honey's wedding, you were all over her — Eden, I mean. And — and you missed me out of the speech, but you were singing her praises in it. You have no idea how much that hurt.'
Cain's mouth fell open. 'Emerald! I — I'm sorry.' He shifted nervously, his eyes darting around the field as if he couldn't look her in the face. 'I didn't realise about the speech until afterwards, when Jed and Scarlet had a proper go at me. But you never said, so I thought you hadn't noticed, or didn't care. I had no idea it was bothering you. I'm proper ashamed of meself, Emmy. Honest I am.'
Emerald didn't know what to say. As her father's eyes finally settled on hers, she crumbled inside, all her defences shattering.
'Emmy,' he said, leaning towards her, his face deathly serious, 'I never meant to leave you out. I never meant to hurt you. Jesus, I've bin such a crap dad to you, and I don't know what I can say to put that right. I mean, when you told me you'd lived like that with your mother! Shitting in a bucket for gawd's sake! It ain't right! Jed told me about you hardly going to school, and about where your allowance has bin going. I wanted to say sumfink to you ages ago, but I thought it was too late. Thought you hated me and there was nuffink I could do to put it right. I was gutless, that's the truth. I'm proper sorry, chick.'
He let out an exclamation of despair as the tears rolled down her cheeks. 'Aw, don't. Don't. Look, we can start again, can't we? You and me? Can you forgive me?'
She couldn't speak. She could only watch as her father extricated himself from the picnic table and came around to sit beside her. Then his arms were around her, and Emerald sobbed on his chest, knowing that, finally, she was exactly where she belonged.
Chapter Forty-Two
Beth cupped Jed's hand in hers and leaned contentedly against him as they sat together, watching Eden and Eliot cut the wedding cake.