The Whole Death Catalog
Page 24
The Ultimate
Cemetery Locator
If you’re conducting genealogical research, looking for a convenient place to bury a loved one, or just curious to know how many graveyards exist in, say, North Dakota, the book you’ll want to consult is Cemeteries of the U.S.: A Guide to Contact Information for U.S. Cemeteries and Their Records (Gale Research, 1994), edited by Deborah M. Burek. This massive tome provides information on more than 22,600 currently operating and inactive cemeteries in all fifty states, plus overseas military cemeteries where large numbers of American servicemen are buried.
Each entry provides basic data—the cemetery name, address, telephone number, religious affiliation, visiting hours, and so on—plus a bunch of other useful information, including the years of operation, any former names the cemetery went by, the availability of records, the name of the person to contact with questions, and interesting historical and architectural tidbits.
Originally published at $155, the book is currently out of print, and a used copy (if you can find one) will set you back even more. Given the cost, it’s the kind of volume that only a professional genealogist or hard-core taphophile will want for his or her personal collection. Mere dilettantes of death will have to settle for visiting their nearest research library to pore over a copy.
Though man has lost his claim to uniqueness as a toolmaker, war planner, and even serial murderer, there is a case, made at length by paleontologists, that humans are still unique in having burial rituals for their fellows. Man is no longer the toolmaker, but the gravedigger.
—ADAM GOPNIK
Gravedigging: A Dying Art
As anyone who’s read Hamlet knows, gravedigging used to be an extremely specialized occupation that required a strong back, a high tolerance for dirt, and the ability to engage in clever repartee with tragically indecisive Danish princes. Nowadays, things are different. There’s still a lot of dirt involved, but opportunities to trade witticisms with doomed Shakespearean heroes are much less common. Nor—thanks to the technological advances that have occurred during the last four centuries—is the job quite as physically demanding as it once was.
Even as recently as the mid-twentieth century gravediggers were forced to rely entirely on hand tools and their own muscles. They hauled their implements to the burial site in a wheelbarrow, used wood planks to measure off the dimensions of the plot, excavated the hole and squared off its edges with a shovel, then—once the coffin was in place—filled up the grave again by hand. It was a backbreaking job, but one that many of its practitioners performed with a keen sense of professionalism, taking pride in the perfection of each handmade grave.
Today’s gravediggers have it easier. They can use backhoes for the digging, hydraulic equipment to shore up the sides of the grave, mechanized devices to lower the casket into the ground, and dump trucks to replace the dirt. To be sure, a fair amount of manual labor is still necessary. And it’s still possible to find the occasional gravedigger who does things the traditional way.
If you want to read a beautiful description of this latter type of old-fashioned craftsman, you can’t do better than the concluding pages of Philip Roth’s powerfully depressing 2006 masterwork, Everyman, in which the nameless protagonist, during a visit to his parents’ graves, encounters the cemetery caretaker, who patiently explains the painstaking daylong process: locating the plot with a seven-foot metal probe, cutting the sod to precisely measured dimensions, shoveling out a neatly edged six-foot-deep hole. Even this individual, however—who spurns backhoes because they can damage the soil—uses a small tractor to cart away the excess dirt.
The website www.careerplanner.com offers this job description for aspiring cemetery workers:
Prepares graves and maintains cemetery grounds: Locates grave site according to section, lot, and plot numbers and marks area to be excavated. Removes sod from gravesite, using shovel. Digs grave to specified depth, using spade and shovel or back-hoe. Places concrete slabs on bottom and around grave to line it. Mixes and pours concrete to construct foundation for grave marker, using premixed concrete, wheelbarrow, and handtools. Positions casket-lowering device on grave, covers dirt pile and sod with artificial grass carpet, erects canopy, and arranges folding chairs to prepare site for burial service. Sets grave marker in concrete on gravesite, using shovel and trowel. Mows grass, using hand or power mower. Prunes shrubs, trims trees, and plants flowers and shrubs on grave. Removes leaves and other debris from graves, using leaf blowers and weed eaters. May drive vehicles, such as backhoe, truck, and tractors.
Though incomes vary, the standard salary for today’s cemetery worker is about $9 an hour. So if you’re looking for an outdoor job involving manual labor, rudimentary gardening skill, an extremely quiet work environment, and meager pay, gravedigging may be right for you!
Written in Stone
One great disadvantage of opting for an alternative form of corpse disposal—such as having your ashes scattered at sea or getting your body planted in an all-natural “green cemetery” that forbids grave markers—is that you miss out on the fun of having a tombstone inscribed with an elaborate epitaph.
The practice of placing memorial messages on grave markers dates back to antiquity (the word itself is compounded of the Greek prefix epi-, meaning “upon,” and the word taphos, meaning “tomb”). In his seminal 1962 study, Themes in Greek and Latin Epitaphs (University of Chicago Press, 1962), poet and scholar Richard Lattimore analyzes hundreds of sepulchral inscriptions from the ancient world and divides them into various themes, from the simple farewell (“Happy voyage!”) to the curse leveled against potential violators of the grave (“I, Idameneus, built this tomb to my own glory. May Zeus utterly destroy anyone who disturbs it”).
The dire-threat-to-grave-defilers type of epitaph fell out of fashion in subsequent centuries. (One notable exception is Shakespeare’s supposedly self-composed epitaph, “Good friend for Jesus sake forbeare / To dig the dust enclosed here. / Blest be the man that spares these stones / And curst be he that moves my bones.”) At least since the 1600s, the fundamental purpose of the epitaph has been to keep alive the memory of the deceased by transmitting basic biographical information. Many old tombstones both here and abroad offer nothing more than the simplest facts: “John Chapman, shipwright, died 10th August, 1789.” Others add loving tributes to the deceased. These can range from a simple appreciation—“Devoted wife of Hiram”—to an extended encomium, as in this specimen collected by the Reverend Timothy Alden, who published a two-volume compilation of early American epitaphs in 1814:
SACRED TO THE MEMORY OF MRS. SARAH LITTLE,
RELICT OF THE LATE REV. DANIEL LITTLE, WHO
DEPARTED THIS LIFE, 19 DECEMBER 1804, AGED
78. POSSESSED OF A FEELING MIND ENCLOSED IN A
DELICATE FRAME, WITH A HEART TRANSFUSED
WITH THE MILD SPIRIT OF CHRISTIANITY; WITH
THE WORLD UNDER HER FEET, AND THE EYE OF
FAITH STEADFASTLY FIXED ON HEAVENLY JOYS; FOR
A SERIES OF YEARS, SHE ENDURED EXCRUCIATING
PAIN AND MUCH BODILY INDISPOSITION; AND, AT
LAST, CALMLY RESIGNED HER BODY TO THE TOMB
IN THE WELL ASSURED HOPE OF A RESURRECTION
TO A BLESSED IMMORTALITY.
Another common type of epitaph, examples of which can be found as far back as ancient Rome, is the message from the dead to the living. The most famous of these is:
REMEMBER FRIEND AS YOU PASS BY
AS YOU ARE NOW SO ONCE WAS I.
AS I AM NOW YOU WILL SURELY BE
PREPARE THYSELF TO FOLLOW ME
As a stroll through any old cemetery will attest, the vast majority of tombstone writings offer little in the way of originality. Still, British and American graveyards have yielded enough weird and wacky epitaphs to fill a shelf’s worth of volumes with titles such as Curious Epitaphs, Select and Remarkable Epitaphs and Epitaphs: Quaint, Curious, and Elegant. Epitaphs of this variety tend to fall into various
categories. There is, for example, the type of inscription that details the cause of death—anything from childbirth to fatal disease to a tragic accident:
EIGHTEEN YEARS A MAIDEN,
ONE YEAR A WIFE,
ONE DAY A MOTHER,
THEN I LOST MY LIFE
NEARBY THESE GRAY ROCKS
ENCLOS’D IN A BOX
LIES HATTER COX
WHO DIED OF SMALLPOX
IN MEMORY OF ELLEN SHANNON
AGED 26 YEARS
WHO WAS FATALLY BURNED
MARCH 21ST 1870
BY THE EXPLOSION OF A LAMP
FILLED WITH “R. E. DANFORTH’S
NON EXPLOSIVE
BURNING
FLUID”
There are epitaphs to departed spouses that convey a wide range of emotions, from inconsolable grief to unabashed glee:
SACRED TO THE MEMORY OF MARY
THE LOVELY AND BELOVED WIFE OF FREDERIC
MADDEN. SHE WHO WAS TO ME THE LIGHT,
THE BREATH OF LIFE IS GONE!
AND MEMORY NOW IS AS THE FADED FLOWER WHOSE LINGERING FRAGRANCE
JUST RECALLS HOW SWEET,
HOW BEAUTIFUL IT HAS BEEN!
STRANGER CALL THIS NOT A PLACE OF FEAR AND GLOOM,
TO ME IT IS A PLEASANT SPOT
IT IS MY HUSBAND’S TOMB!
There’s the ever-popular punning epitaph that plays on the departed’s name:
HERE LIES MATTHEW MUDD
DEATH DID HIM NO HURT
WHEN HE WAS ALIVE HE WAS MUDD
BUT NOW HE’S ONLY DIRT
OWEN MOORE
GONE AWAY
OWIN’ MORE
THAN HE COULD PAY
HERE LIES
JOHNNY YEAST
PARDON ME
FOR NOT RISING
In bracing contrast to the saccharine tombstone inscriptions so beloved by the Victorians, there is the occasional “good riddance”–style epitaph for unlamented decedents:
EBENEZER DOCKWOOD
AGED FORTY-SEVEN
A MISER AND A HYPOCRITE
AND NEVER WENT TO HEAVEN
HERE LIES EZEKIEL AIKLE
AGE 102
THE GOOD
DIE YOUNG
There is the occasional epigraph that doubles as a classified ad:
SACRED TO THE MEMORY OF MR.
JARD BATES WHO DIED AUG. THE 6TH
1800. HIS WIDOW AGED 24 WHO MOURNS
AS ONE CAN BE COMFORTED LIVES
AT 7 ELM STREET THIS VILLAGE
AND POSSESSES EVERY QUALIFICATION
FOR A GOOD WIFE
HERE LIES JANE SMITH, WIFE OF THOMAS SMITH, MARBLE CUTTER. THIS MONUMENT WAS ERECTED BY HER HUSBAND AS A TRIBUTE TO HER MEMORY AND A SPECIMEN OF HIS WORK. MONUMENTS OF THE SAME STYLE 350 DOLLARS.
Some epigraphs are short and sweet:
BEEN HERE
AND GONE
HAD A GOOD TIME
THIS IS WHAT I EXPECTED BUT NOT SO SOON
ONCE I WASN’T
THEN I WAS
NOW I AIN’T AGAIN
There are witty self-composed epitaphs, such as the following three by, respectively, the English comedian Spike Milligan, humorist Dorothy Parker, and actress Joan Hackett:
I TOLD YOU I WAS ILL
EXCUSE MY DUST
GO AWAY—I’M ASLEEP
Finally, there are the unclassifiably bizarre epitaphs, like this one found on a Colonial-era tombstone in Great Barrington, Massachusetts:
OH WOULD THAT I COULD LIFT THE LID AND PEER
WITHIN THE GRAVE AND WATCH
THE GREEDY WORMS
THAT EAT AWAY THE DEAD!
RECOMMENDED READING
These epitaphs and hundreds more can be found in Charles L. Wallis, Stories on Stone: A Book of American Epitaphs (Oxford University Press, 1954); E. R. Shushan, Grave Matters: A Collection of 500 Actual Epitaphs (Ballantine, 1990); David M. Wilson, Awful Ends: The British Museum Book of Epitaphs (British Museum Press, 1992); and Kathleen E. Miller, Last Laughs: Funny Tombstone Quotes and Famous Last Words (Sterling, 2006). You can also find an extensive collection of memorable epitaphs online at the Epitaph Browser (www.alsirat.com/epitaphs).
Stone Love
A necessity for any nature hobbyist—whether you’re a bird watcher, butterfly chaser, wildflower lover, or seashell collector—is the compact, lavishly illustrated field guide that allows easy identification of the objects of your obsession. If you happen to be the type of out-doorsperson who loves to spend a beautiful summer day traipsing through old graveyards instead of pursuing silver-bordered fritillaries or trying to catch a glimpse of a yellow-belled sapsucker, you’ll definitely want to get your hands on Douglas Keister’s Stories in Stone: A Field Guide to Cemetery Symbolism and Iconography (Gibbs Smith, 2004).
Designed for the devoted amateur taphophile, this slender, exceptionally handsome volume contains hundreds of stunning photographs of intricately carved tombstone insignias, from plants and flowers to birds and bees, mythical beasts to human body parts. The hidden meaning of each symbol is explained in a concise accompanying text. The result is a kind of glossy, full-color code book deciphering the pictorial language of tombstones.
Let’s say, for example, that—as so often happens—you find yourself in an old Italian cemetery, puzzling over a gravestone carving of an odd-looking creature with the head and wings of an eagle and the body of a lion. Armed with Keister’s manual, you will quickly discover that this figure is actually a griffin and that from the fourteenth century onward it was commonly used “to portray the dual nature of Christ—human and divine—because of its mastery of the earth and the heavens.” Keister (an award-winning photographer of historical architecture) also devotes a chapter to various organizational symbols, making it easy to tell if the occupant of a particular grave was a Freemason, Shriner, or proud member of the Loyal Order of Moose.
THE VIRTUAL
TOMBSTONE
You don’t have to be a taphophile to love the Tombstone Generator, one of the coolest and cleverest sites on the Web. The main page consists of a large color photograph of a handsome marble tombstone standing in a manicured graveyard. Below the picture is a five-line form on which you can enter whatever name and epigraph you wish. You click on the “Create Tombstone” button and—voilà!—the image reappears, engraved with your custom tombstone message.
You can have all kinds of fun with the Tombstone Generator. Compose your own epigraph and see how it will look when it’s carved in stone. Engrave the memorial with the kind of X-rated message not normally found in cemeteries. Or inscribe it with the name of someone you hate and pretend they’re dead. The possibilities are endless! You’ll find this ingenious site at www.jjchandler.com/tombstone.
Dead Men tell no tales but their tombstones do.
—TOM WEIL
Finally! A Magazine
Addressed to the Needs
of Taphophiles
Check out the magazine racks and you’ll find publications for enthusiasts of every stripe: wine lovers, dog lovers, cigar lovers, book lovers, you name it. Up until now, however, cemetery lovers have been left out in the cold. (Of course, cemetery lovers are used to being out in the cold—when they’re traipsing around a New England graveyard in late fall, for example, making rubbings of Puritan tombstones.)
Well, this grave (so to speak) injustice has finally been rectified. Along with her husband, Bill, Minda Powers-Douglas, author of the book Cemetery Walk and founder of the indispensable taphophilic website www.thecemeteryclub.com, has recently launched Epitaphs: The Magazine for Cemetery Lovers by Cemetery Lovers. A slick, handsomely produced quarterly, Epitaphs features the kind of must-read articles you simply won’t find in the New Yorker or Family Circle: items such as “Finding Graves with a Dowsing Rod,” “Cemetery Road Trips,” and “Antique Funeral Collectibles: A Hobby with a Life of Its Own.”
The magazine can be purchased for $8 an issue or at a yearly subscription rate of just $30. For
more information, go to the Cemetery Club website or write to:
Epitaphs Magazine
P.O. Box 1163
Moline, IL 61266-1163
(Die-hard taphophiles will also find tons of useful and entertaining information at—you guessed it—www.taph.com.)
Epitaphs magazine.
Courtesy of Minda Powers-Douglas.
The Tombstone
of Tomorrow—Today
Clearly in the age of laptops, BlackBerries, and touch-screen cell phones, tombstones are a dreary relic of a time when humans were forced to convey information by the primitive technique of inscribing it by hand. Certainly no baby boomer worthy of the name is going to want to be memorialized by a boring slab of stone featuring little more than his vital statistics and a hackneyed epitaph.
Happily help has arrived, courtesy of the visionary entrepreneurs at Vidstone LLC, a company with offices in Florida and Colorado. For a mere $2,000, farsighted consumers can purchase a high-tech device dubbed a “Serenity Panel.” Equipped with a small memory chip and a seven-inch LCD screen, this weatherproof, solar-powered, digital “scrapbook” mounts to the front of a gravestone and can play a ten-minute prerecorded video tribute to the deceased.
CEMETERY SYMBOLS
Besides the obvious symbols—skulls, scythes, coffins, and the like—all kinds of allegorical images can be found on old tombstones. Below are six of the most common. Match them with their corresponding meanings on the right: