by Hale Deborah
“Forgive me, sir.” She set her coffee cup down on the table with trembling hands. “I am feeling unwell suddenly.”
Rupert might have suspected her claim was a ruse to keep from having to answer him, but one look at Miss Ellerby erased any doubt. Her face had gone even paler and her breath came fast and shallow. One hand rose to her forehead.
“I am sorry to hear it.” He leaned toward her. “Is there anything I can do?”
The lady did not answer but sprang from her chair and bolted for the door.
Rupert set down his cup and rose to follow. When Miss Ellerby swayed on her feet and crumpled, as if all her bones had turned to jelly, he barely managed to catch her before she swooned to the floor.
“Forgive me, I should have realized you were unwell.” He scooped her up and deposited her on the settee. Kneeling beside it, he patted her hand in an effort to wake her. “Lie quietly and I will send for an apothecary.”
To his relief, her eyelids fluttered open. But when she caught sight of him hovering over her, she gave a violent start and snatched her slender hand from his grasp. “That will not be necessary, sir. I do not require pills or potions. I only felt a little faint. The journey south must have tired me more than I realized.”
Her situation stirred his strong protective instincts, not to mention a qualm of guilt for perhaps having upset her with the suspicious tenor of his questions.
When she struggled to sit up, he protested. “You should not stir so soon or you may swoon again.”
Miss Ellerby refused to heed him. “I will rest a moment, but I assure you I feel a good deal better already.”
The quivering tightness of her voice belied that reassurance and so did her eyes. Behind the thick lenses of her spectacles, they blinked rapidly. Rupert thought he detected a film of unshed tears.
“Well, you do not look it.” He picked up her coffee cup and pressed it into her hands. “Have you eaten yet today?”
As she raised the cup to her lips, she cast him a brief glance then looked away.
“I thought not,” Rupert muttered.
He rose to his feet then rang for a servant, who swiftly answered his summons. While he ordered a more substantial meal, Rupert kept a concerned eye upon Miss Ellerby.
“That was not necessary,” she said when the servant had departed.
Rupert returned to his seat. “I shall be the judge of that.”
“Truly, I am quite recovered,” Miss Ellerby insisted. “Please let us conclude this interview then I shall be on my way.”
The interview—preoccupied with his concern for her, he’d almost forgotten. “I refuse to let you stir from this room until you have eaten and I am satisfied you will not fall faint on the street. I must warn you, I have a well-deserved reputation for stubbornness, so it would be unwise to defy me.”
“Very well, then.” She pushed up her spectacles, which had started to slide down her nose. “If you insist.”
After a moment of awkward silence, Rupert decided he might as well proceed with the interview while they waited for the food to arrive. After what had just happened, he was loath to raise the matter of her employment history again for fear of upsetting her further. Besides, there was likely an innocent explanation. Putting aside his suspicion, he found one came to him readily.
“About your past positions…” He tried to keep his tone mild so as not to alarm her. “I did not mean to accuse you of anything untoward. It is just that I want the governess I engage to remain with us for a good many years, until all my children are grown. I do not think too much change is good for them.”
“I agree, sir.” Miss Ellerby took another sip of her coffee. “There is nothing I would like better than to have a secure position.”
Hearing the edge of longing in her voice, Rupert sensed it had not been her choice to change positions so often. “It must be difficult when children outgrow the need for a governess and it becomes necessary to seek a new post.”
Miss Ellerby gave a slow nod that suggested weariness and discouragement.
So the explanation was as simple as that? Rupert chided himself for jumping to conclusions. Poor Miss Ellerby must have had the misfortune to teach a succession of older girls who only needed a governess for two or three years. No wonder she was so eager to find a more secure position. He could imagine few fates worse than being forced to move so often from place to place with nowhere to truly call home.
“In that case,” he announced, “I am satisfied. The position is yours if you want it.”
“Do you mean it, sir?” Behind her thick spectacles, Miss Ellerby blinked rapidly. “Just like that?”
Just like that, indeed. Rupert was not accustomed to making decisions in such haste, but guilt, pity and necessity had conspired to force his hand. He hoped he would not regret it.
Determined not to betray any sign of uncertainty, he gave a firm nod. “Of course I mean it. Why would you ask such a thing?”
Miss Ellerby gnawed on her lower lip. “I only wondered whether you wish to consult your wife before making your decision.”
For quite some time now, Rupert had believed the worst of his grief was over. Life at Nethercross carried on as it had always done…except for Annabelle’s absence. But Miss Ellerby’s casual mention of his late wife, as if she must still be alive, taunted him with the fear that he might never truly recover from his loss.
“I do not have a wife,” he snapped then realized how that might sound. “I did once, of course, but she died four years ago.”
Four years, five months and eleven days. It shocked Rupert to realize he still kept count.
“I am so sorry!” Miss Ellerby seemed torn between shrinking from his gruff outburst and reaching toward him in sympathy. “You never mentioned…that is, your letter referred to us and we, so I assumed you meant…”
Rupert shook his head. “I was talking about my daughters and me.”
It was an understandable mistake, he admitted to himself, and his fault for being so reluctant to mention his widowed state. In those first terrible weeks and months after Annabelle’s death, he’d had a daft fancy that if he did not speak of his loss, it would not be final. Gradually that resistance had settled into a habit.
Even now, it made him uneasy to talk about his bereavement. That uneasiness compelled him to change the subject as quickly as possible. “So you see, the decision to hire you rests with me alone and I wish to offer you the position. If you are minded to accept, we can start for Nethercross at once.”
His gaze focused on Miss Ellerby as he awaited her answer. Surely she would accept. She had traveled all this way, after all, on the mere hope of getting the position. She had said herself how much she wanted it.
What could possibly be making her hesitate?
* * *
Grace stole a wary glance toward the baron as he awaited her answer. She could not possibly join his household under the circumstances… Could she?
In her past positions, she had never received unwelcome advances from the head of the household. Her trouble had been with single gentlemen visiting the family. However, there had been the occasional look or word that made her grateful the master’s marriage vows kept her safe from anything more. With Lord Steadwell, she would have no such protection—only her caution and her disguise.
His lordship had already startled her with his touch when he’d picked her up and borne her off to the settee. When she’d first roused from her swoon to find him hovering over her, she had barely been able to stifle a scream. Yet she must admit his actions had been prompted by kindness and were not the least bit improper.
Lord Steadwell cleared his throat. “It occurs to me that if my aim is to find a governess who will stay, I ought to provide some incentive. I believe I mentioned in my letter a salary of
twenty-five pounds per annum. I would be willing to offer a rise of one pound per year for each that you remain at Nethercross. Would that be satisfactory, Miss Ellerby?”
More than satisfactory. Grace ran through the arithmetic in her head. At that rate, if she stayed at Nethercross for ten years, she should be able to put away a modest little nest egg for her later years. Everything she’d managed to save until now had gone to keep her during those uneasy times after she’d bolted from one position until she found another.
“I did not hesitate in order to drive up the salary, sir.” Much as part of her longed to accept this generous offer, another part resisted. It was all very well to daydream about staying in his lordship’s employ for years and putting money away. But how could she be certain her past troubles would not repeat themselves? Could she maintain her disguise for that long with Lord Steadwell never suspecting her secret?
“Then why do you hesitate, Miss Ellerby?” Lord Steadwell’s words interrupted the struggle within her. “You seemed eager to secure the position until I offered it to you. Is there some difficulty of which I am unaware?”
The fear that he might withdraw his offer tipped the balance. “Only that this all seems too good to be true, sir. I did not expect to be offered the position with so little effort and on such generous terms. I have been much more accustomed to ill fortune than good in my life. I mistrust the latter because it is unfamiliar to me. If you had questioned me for hours on end then made me wait several days to learn your decision, I might have been quicker to accept.”
How perverse her feelings sounded when she tried to put them into words.
Yet Lord Steadwell listened with an air of sympathy. “Would it help if I assure you this situation will hardly be a dream come true? Though I love my daughters, I am not entirely blind to their imperfections. You will have your hands full with all three to teach. Charlotte thinks herself quite grown up with nothing more to learn. Sophie’s head is so full of imagination she scarcely has room for any knowledge of the real world. And Phoebe… You will have your work cut out for you keeping her still long enough to learn anything.”
It did sound like a challenge, but one Grace was eager to undertake.
“And with my wife…gone,” Lord Steadwell continued, though it sounded as if the words came hard to him, “my girls will need more from a governess than book learning alone. For a while at least, they may look to you for the guidance and affection of a mother.”
That possibility did not discourage Grace, either. She had long yearned for a closer bond with her young pupils. But the women she’d worked for previously had often seemed jealous of any attachment she tried to cultivate with her charges. They sought to secure their children’s affection by indulging their every whim, leaving it up to her to exert discipline. If her pupils misbehaved, their mothers took her to task for failing in her duties. Yet if she tried to exercise control over them, the children knew they had only to complain to their mothers to escape punishment. Such a system had made her pupils resent her and she them.
Despite the hazards of teaching in a motherless household, Grace recognized there might also be some advantages.
“Besides those difficulties,” his lordship concluded, “Nethercross is rather isolated and I am not in the habit of taking my family to town for the Season. We are near enough to London that I can go there through the week when my attendance is required in the House of Lords. I fear you may find little to amuse you on your half days.”
So his lordship would be away from home for a great part of the time through the spring and fall? Perhaps there was less to fear from this situation than she’d supposed. “That is no hardship for me, sir. My chief amusements are reading, writing letters and going for solitary walks in fine weather.”
Lord Steadwell heaved an exaggerated sigh. “In that case, I fear Nethercross will seem like a paradise. I hope it will not discourage you further from joining my household.”
His wry levity was difficult to resist. “No sir, it will not. Nor will any of your other dire warnings. If you are still willing to hire me, I would be pleased to accept.”
Had she made the right decision? The moment the words were out of Grace’s mouth, doubts returned to assail her.
The position in Lord Steadwell’s household promised greater security than she had known in many years—but not without a subtle threat of danger.
Chapter Two
There was something distinctly odd about the new governess he’d hired. As they drove back to Nethercross that afternoon, Rupert stared at the woman sitting across from him, her head lolled to one side in sleep.
Somehow she looked younger and more appealing than when she was awake. Her dreadful little spectacles had slipped down her nose and her features relaxed into a less forbidding expression. Her pale complexion benefited from the faint flush of sleep. Innocent as she looked, he could not escape the feeling that Miss Ellerby was hiding something. But that was ridiculous surely. What could a woman like her have to hide?
Her air of vulnerability made his chivalrous nature want to protect her…even from his own doubts.
But he had his daughters to consider. Their well-being mattered far more to him than that of a woman he’d just met. Miss Ellerby had never explained why she’d moved so often from one post to another, allowing him to draw his own conclusions, which might not be correct. There was also her curious hesitation about whether she wanted to work for him. At first she’d seemed so eager, almost desperate to secure the position. But when he offered it to her, she’d been suddenly reluctant. Was it truly because she could not believe her good fortune?
Their situations were quite opposite in that respect. For most of his life, he had known nothing but good fortune until Annabelle had been taken from him without warning. Miss Ellerby’s past experiences made her reluctant to trust any boon that came too easily. Had his loss made him cling too tightly to the things and people he treasured for fear they would be whisked away, too?
He chided himself for offering Miss Ellerby the position so quickly then insisting she accept when she’d hesitated. Rupert blamed it on his stubborn streak. He had come to Reading with the idea of hiring the least attractive applicant and he could not abandon that plan, even when questions arose regarding her suitability.
Rupert was so absorbed in his contemplation of Miss Ellerby that he had no idea how long they’d been driving until his carriage turned off Bath Road and headed north, skirting Ashley Hill. This road was rougher than the main one, making the carriage bump and sway. Its jolting soon woke Miss Ellerby.
Her eyes flew open and her gaze immediately collided with his. Shame slithered through him, as if he’d been caught doing something improper. She gasped and her hand jerked up to push her spectacles back in place.
“Do not be alarmed, Miss Ellerby.” He shifted in his seat, drawing back his outstretched legs. “You fell asleep and woke when we took the turn-off. The longest part of our journey is behind us now. A few more miles will bring us to Nethercross.”
She peered out the carriage window. Rupert wondered if it was only to avoid looking at him. “This is lovely countryside. No wonder you are reluctant to leave it.”
Her eyesight must be worse than he thought. Rupert glanced out at the damp, dingy fields and the bare trees under a weepy, gray sky. “If you think it looks lovely now, you are in for a pleasant surprise over the next few weeks. When the trees unfurl their spring leaves and bluebells carpet the woodland hereabouts, it is a wondrous sight. It is kind of you to praise the beauty of Berkshire. I would have thought you spoiled for scenery, coming from the North Country.”
She shook her head. “The moors and dales can be quite breathtaking, but they are too wild and forbidding for me. I prefer gentler country like this. It reminds me of my old home in Oxfordshire.”
Oxfordshire? That explain
ed another minor mystery that had stirred his suspicion—how a woman who had come from Lancashire could speak with so little trace of the broad northern accent. Perhaps there were equally innocent explanations for all his other questions about her, which he would discover in time if he was patient.
“You should feel quite at home at Nethercross, Miss Ellerby. Oxfordshire is but a short distance upriver. What part of that county do you hale from?”
She offered him a grudging answer, as if he were a highwayman demanding her prized locket. “I was raised in Witney, where my father was vicar.”
How many clergymen’s daughters ended up as governesses? Rupert had never given it much thought. Quite a number, he imagined. They would have the proper education and breeding for the task, while needing some respectable means of providing for themselves.
“Does your family still live in Oxfordshire?” he asked. “How did you come to be so far north?”
Again she answered reluctantly. “After my father died, I was sent to the Pendergast School, which was founded to educate the orphaned daughters of clergymen.”
“Ah.” Rupert wished he’d curbed his curiosity. But he could not help himself. The woman’s air of mystery challenged him to discover all he could about her. “I am very sorry.”
“There is no need, sir,” she murmured. “It all happened long ago.”
“Perhaps.” He could not excuse himself so easily for prying into her past and dredging up unhappy memories. “But there is some grief no amount of time can heal completely.”
A faint sigh escaped her lips. “That is true.”
This new governess was a very singular creature, Rupert reflected as they drove the last few miles to Nethercross. One minute she roused his suspicion and the next his sympathy. Just now he’d been tempted to confide in her more than anyone since his wife’s death. But for the sake of his daughters, he could not afford to let down his guard too easily.
He must keep a close watch on Miss Ellerby until he was certain she could be trusted.