“Work through what? Last time we were together, you said you loved me. Were those just words to you?”
“No, I would never say them unless I meant them.”
“Then, what? What is it?”
“I’m confused, okay? Everyone who has known me for years is telling me I’m being ridiculous. They don’t understand how I could give up on Rob, just like that. Mindy stopped by. She reminded me how much I loved him. Now, I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling and I just wanted some time to try and figure it out. He was so important to me for so long and then you came into my life. You’ve taken my entire world and flipped it upside down.”
“And what? Now it’s too much for you?”
“I didn’t think it was, but now, I don’t know. That’s what I’ve been trying to think about.”
“So you’ve been spending time with Rob, then?”
“No, I’ve been spending time alone. I didn’t want any outside influence or outside feelings. I just…”
“I get it. You just want to be alone. Let me know when you’ve made up your mind. I’ll be waiting.” He stroked my cheek and then walked away.
My mom always taught me never to cry in public. You smile and walk to the bathroom. If it’s empty, you can have your nervous breakdown. But if not, then you go into the stall and take several deep breaths until you’ve relaxed enough to be seen. At that moment, I’d completely embarrass her. I didn’t even have the willpower to stand up, let alone walk to the bathroom. I just sat on the couch next to the library as the gentle tears falling down my face turned into body wracking sobs.
People were looking, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about any of it.
“Christie?”
I looked up and saw Jason standing there. I tried to swipe the tears away, but I couldn’t get them to stop. He rushed over and pulled me into a hug, apparently not caring about the mess I was making on his shirt.
“Okay, so Annabelle told me something’s been going on with you lately, and you don’t need to tell me anything. Just, um, just try and take some deep breaths. Maybe think about that time we ran that ridiculous karaoke event without Annabelle. You forced me to sing Brittney Spears and I was so amazing, I got a standing ovation.”
I sputtered, laughing and crying at the same time. “I don’t think they were cheering because you were awesome.”
“Whoa, don’t take that moment away from me. My moves were basically epic.”
“You’re right, Brittney will be calling you for pointers soon.” I leaned back, wiping my tears, and smiled up at him.
“Ready to talk about it?”
“Um, not yet. I just need to work some things out, guy-wise. I’m trying to figure out what I want without getting influenced by everyone.”
“I can respect that. With Annabelle, I basically had Violet and Kyle in my ear telling me that I should be with her. Eventually, their voices start to mingle and you can’t tell which one is yours and which one is theirs.”
“So how did you sort out the voices?”
“I fell into a weird funk. I kissed Annabelle, even though I was still with Janice, and then Violet threatened to kick my ass if I didn’t shape up. She’s tiny, but that girl is scary as hell when she’s pissed.”
“So I just need Violet to come here and threaten me?”
“Well, Annabelle can be scary when she wants. Maybe I’ll call her?” He nudged me gently and smiled sweetly. “Listen, at the end of the day, I thought about who I’d want to spend a snow day with. Think about it, you’re stuck in an apartment with that one person for, like, two days. With Janice, it was terrifying. We’d spend the first few hours together and it’d be great. But then she’d harp and criticize me, and then I’d succumb to whatever she’d want, whether I liked it or not. But when I pictured being stuck with Annabelle, I got excited. I wanted nothing more than to sit around with her, talking about the future, or boy bands, or whatever. I’d hold her, and if at any point we started to fight. I’d kiss her and shut her up before she had the chance because, with Janice, I wanted to end the fight, but with Annabelle, I just want her happy.”
I nodded my head, looking at him in a new way. He was surprisingly more intuitive than I ever thought. “And that was why you decided to end it with Janice?”
“Yeah, I realized that with Janice, I was always looking for ways to make her happy. But that was because I thought I was supposed to. With Annabelle, I have to make her happy. It is like this inner desire I have and I’m not sure how to control it. It’s like if she’s happy, then I’ve done my good deed for the day.”
“That’s really sweet.”
“Thanks, just don’t mention it. I have a reputation to protect.” He popped the collar of his jacket and I started laughing again.
“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll make sure everyone knows you’re still a player.”
“Appreciate it.” Then he hugged me again. “If you need to talk about it, you can always call Annabelle. But I’m your friend too, so I don’t mind it if you need someone to go blow off some steam with at the shooting range, or something.”
“Actually, I may hit you up on that. It sounds like something that could help.”
“Great. Let me know the time and I’ll be there.”
“Thanks.” We said goodbye and I felt the power return to my legs. I got up and went to the bathroom. I wiped my face and took my powder out of my bag to fix the red blotches that had broken out across my cheeks.
I thought about what Jason said. Who would I want to spend a snow day with? If Rob and I were stuck in my house all day, we’d probably watch movies, I’d cook for him, we’d have sex, and then we’d separate. He’d probably watch some sports and I’d clean up. It would be almost the same thing as my parents. And they were happy.
With Shane, he’d have me outside, engaged in an insane snowball fight. He’d tackle me into a pile of snow and kiss me fiercely. Then, he’d drag me inside and we’d have sex on the first surface we could get to. It would be passionate and erotic as he ripped my clothes off. Then, we’d probably spend the night arguing about something silly while we watched a movie. It’d be nice. But at the same time, how long could that passion last before it burned out? Wasn’t there a saying about how people like this fight hard but love harder? Would that be my life?
I walked to class, even more jumbled than I was before.
Chapter 22
Luckily, Thanksgiving was coming, and I’d have a few days off and tons of time to be distracted. We always had an intense family meal with around twenty people all laughing and enjoying each other’s company. It was one of my favorite holidays, but this year I didn’t feel like celebrating. But I was tired of this funk, and I forced myself to get excited.
I put on a pretty green dress with a skater skirt, a bejeweled neckline, and perfectly ironed pleats. I did my makeup and curled my hair. I looked good, but there was still one thing missing, so I went to the kitchen and grabbed my lacy apron; the one that my mom bought me last year. She had a matching one, and had always insisted we’d look adorable cooking with them on. I thought it might be a peace offering if she saw me wearing it.
Sporting my apron, I grabbed the potatoes and started peeling. My mom walked in, took one look at me, and then grabbed her matching apron and put it on.
“Why don’t you work on the pies, darlin’? Everyone always raves about your pies.”
“Sounds good.” I handed her the peeler and got the ingredients to make my crust from scratch. I listened as my mom talked about what was going on in her new charity event. She was so excited about being elected to plan the party.
“Will you be on the committee with me? I’d love to have some of your input.”
I looked at her, smiling as I felt all the tension between us start to melt away. “I’d love to, Mom. That sounds like fun.”
“I think so too, and we could really use your marketing assistance.”
“Mom, I’m sorry about all the drama.” I couldn’t help bu
t feel guilty for everything. Yeah, Rob played a huge role in this, but a lot of it still fell back on me.
“Shhh, not now, darlin’. You and I know that we come from a long line of dramatic women. Every once in a while, it just takes us over. I just want you to know how much I care about you and your future.”
“I know you do.”
“Good, now get to mixin’. Those pies need to be perfect. Mrs. Willimas is coming, and she insisted on bringing those awful lemon squares again. If the church’s bake sale is any indication, she still hasn’t figured out how to make them without cement.”
“You got it.”
Mom and I spent the next three hours cooking. My dad came in every now and then to check on us/steal pieces of food. But every time he did, every single time, he would drop a kiss on my mom’s forehead. And then she’d lean into him, and for a second, they’d forget that I was even there. It was just the two of them. I loved seeing them this way. Sometimes, when I watched their nightly routine, it seemed to be monotonous. But then, maybe that was the point. They seemed to like it. Maybe that was their definition of romance.
I was deep in thought about what my definition of romance was when the doorbell rang. It was a little early for all of the guests to get here. Mom was a bit of a stickler about time and we should still have about two hours before anyone was due to show up. The table wasn’t even set yet.
“Darlin’, why don’t you go see who that is?” Mom was in the middle of mixing together her stuffing, so I quickly grabbed a rag to wipe my hands off and went to the door.
Again, it was Rob standing there and my blood began to boil.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“Seriously, after all of these years? We’ve spent Thanksgiving together forever. My mom sent me early to see if you all needed any help. She’ll be here soon with some appetizers.”
“That’s great. Um, how have you been doing?” I asked him as I moved aside to let him in.
“I’ve been good. School is getting tough, since they are ready to let us out. But I love it. I can’t wait to get out of the classroom and really start to experience life.”
I looked up at him and the fire I once loved was back. “I’m happy for you,” I said honestly. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
He looked down at me, smiling sweetly back, and I realized he didn’t realize what I meant. “You know, happy in life. With whatever comes your way,” I mumbled and walked toward the kitchen, afraid to be alone with him in case he acted on the feelings I saw in his eyes.
“Robert, it’s so nice to see you here,” my mother gushed as she gave him a little kiss on his cheek.
“Joy, it’s lovely to see you, as always. My mom is going to be here in a little bit with the chicken, avocado rolls, and the meatballs.”
“Fantastic. She makes the best meatballs. One of these days, I’m going to bend her arm into giving me the recipe.”
“I have a feeling you’ll get it soon. Just maybe not in the way you anticipated.”
“Well, I hope so. Why don’t you go and join Hank in the family room? He has the game on and I’m sure you’re eager to check on the score. Christie and I have it all handled in here.”
“If you don’t mind, I was eager for Christie to try on the military ball dress. If she decides to go with me, we won’t have much time to get a new one.”
“Oh,” she said and turned to look at me. “Did you decide to go?”
I looked from her to Rob, and then back again. After all the thinking, I really hadn’t come up with anything. It was a choice between smooth sailing and braving the storm. “Actually, I haven’t made a decision yet.” I knew I was running out of time though, so I needed to figure something out fast.
“Well, why don’t you try on the dress for him? To be honest, he has a point.”
“I guess trying the dress on can’t hurt.” I took the apron off and then headed to my room. The dress was still hanging in my closet in the garment bag. I’d never even unzipped it to see what it looked like. So I walked into my closet and pulled it out.
I draped the garment bag on my bed and undid it. It was a beautiful red rose satin dress. I ran my fingers along the fabric, entranced by how silky it felt.
“Do you like it?” Rob asked from my doorway. He was leaning against the frame with a smile on his face.
“It’s probably the most amazing dress I’ve ever seen.”
“I love the way you look in red. I saw this in a shop while we were hanging out in the town near school. I called Mindy to get your size and bought the dress on the spot.”
“But we were broken up then.”
“We’re meant to be, Christie. I figured you’d just need to get the cold feet out of your system.”
He said that so matter of factly that I just wanted to scream. He didn’t get it. And then it hit me. It wasn’t that he didn’t get it. I don’t think he cared. “Rob, listen to me. I don’t even know if I’m ready for all of this yet.”
“I know. But it’s what I want, so I’m going for it.”
“Well, um, just close the door so I can put the dress on.” I waved my hand at him, shooing him away. He nodded his head and closed it.
I quickly stripped out of the green dress and into the red gown. The straps were just off the shoulders and dipped down to a low back. I undid the side zipper and quickly stepped into it. As I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection in the gown, I was stunned. It was perfect. I turned to the side and admired the way the dress flared out in the back. The train was dramatic, but not too long. It was breathtaking.
“Wow,” Rob said from the doorway. He had opened it again, but I was too distracted by the dress to notice. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He walked over to me, and wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned back into his shoulder, closing my eyes, and remembered how good this felt. He gave me a little kiss on the cheek.
“Thank you. This dress…it’s too much.”
“No, for you, it’s just the start of what I’d like to give you. Give me the chance, I’ll give you the world.”
“Christie, Rob,” my mom called from the bottom of the stairs. “Come show us the dress. Carnie just got here with the appetizers and she wants to see how you look too.”
“Come on. They’re not going to be able to take their eyes off you.” He took my hand and quickly spun me around so I was facing him. Then he dipped his head a little and kissed me.
“Rob, what…” I tried to say when he let go.
“Shhh, we should go show them.”
He pulled me downstairs, where both of our parents were now waiting for us.
“Oh my god, look at her, Hank. Our little girl is all grown up.” My mom started to cry and my dad hugged her to his side, apparently too stunned for words.
“You did so well, Rob,” his mother said. “You two make such an amazing couple.”
“We aren’t—”
“Christie, I think this dress was made for you,” Mom insisted, cutting me off. “You have to wear it to the ball.”
“Oh, I totally agree, Joy. This is the most amazing moment,” Carnie managed through her tears. “Where’s my phone, I need a picture of them.” She rummaged around in her purse and pulled it out, pointing at us. “Oh my god!” she screamed.
I looked around at them. My mom had her hands over her mouth and there was the hint of tears in her eyes. I was confused and turned to ask Rob what was going on. He was on one knee, with a ring box open in front of him. There was the perfect ring with the sapphires, the antique band, and the two carat diamond sparkling up at me.
“Holy crap,” I managed to say as I felt myself shaking.
“Christie, this last year has been hard for us. I know that we grew apart for a bit, and had some issues with that guy. But looking at you in my dress, I can’t help but think back to all the plans we’ve made. If you want to finish school after we’re married, then I’ll support you. Whatever you wan
t, I’ll make it happen, as long as you say you’ll be mine.”
“Rob, I don’t know what to say.”
“I know, it’s all so sudden, but this is when we’ve always said we were going to get engaged, and I wanted to show you that I’m true to my word. Here.” He slipped the ring on my finger and smiled at his mom, who was videoing the whole thing.
“Oh, look at that, it fits just like that dress,” my mom gushed.
Rob picked me up and spun me around. “We’re going to have the perfect marriage. You just have to trust me.”
“I do trust you,” I told him. “But let me take this dress off. I, uh, I don’t want to get anything on it.” Rob let me go, even offered to come help me get out of it, but I turned him down. I needed to be alone. My heart was racing a mile a minute. He was right. We’d always talked about getting engaged at Thanksgiving because it would give us enough time to plan a June wedding, and we both wanted our parents there. Then how did I miss this? How was I so wrapped up in everything else that I forgot we planned this?
I sat on my bed for a minute and tried to control my breathing, but it wasn’t happening. Every time I thought about marrying Rob, the panic came right back up. Then what Jason said popped in my mind. I thought about marrying Shane. It was almost automatic, as the calm quickly rushed away. We weren’t anywhere near that step, but I knew with almost certainty that he’d never try and force something on me like this. He’d wait until we were both ready and then he’d plan something dramatic and meaningful.
I couldn’t marry him, but I didn’t know how to say anything.
There was only one thing to do. I threw on a sweater, yoga pants, and a pair of boots and grabbed my purse. Everyone was probably still waiting downstairs, so I needed another way out. I opened my window and looked down. There was no way I could actually make it.
“Christie,” my mom called, opening my door. “Is everything all right? Do you need me to help you get out of the dress?”
“No, I…I can’t do this. I don’t want to marry Rob.” I started to panic a bit and it felt like the bridal store all over again. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, trying to mimic what Annabelle had done as it became harder and harder to breathe.
Third Wheel (Elton Hall Chronicles Book 3) Page 20