“My name is Lara,” said the other girl. “I’m adopted, too, but Beth is homemade.”
Whatever the girl said must have been funny, because the two adults chuckled.
Beth pointed to the toddler and said, “That is Aaron. He’s adopted, too.”
Tuyet was pretty sure she understood three things about that conversation: the older girl’s name was Beth, the younger girl was named Lara, and the baby was Aaron.
She pointed to herself and said, “Tuyet.”
Beth clapped her hands and grinned. “Pleased to meet you, Tuyet.”
Lara bounced up and down. “Hello, Tuyet!”
Beth pointed to the man who sat beside Tuyet, and said, “Cha.”
Cha meant Dad.
Tuyet knew about moms. In the orphanage, many of the children would talk longingly of their moms. But a dad was a different matter. Tuyet had listened as some children talked about their dads, but they didn’t seem very real. She had never actually seen one. To her, a dad was like a made-up person, a ghost.
She thought back over the last few days. So many babies and children had been chosen by couples—men and women together. She realized that each family had a man and a woman in it. So here, in this country, it seemed, dads were more than ghosts.
Out of the corner of her eye, Tuyet looked at this man, this actual dad. He seemed friendly.
Tuyet listened to the girls chattering away in the back. Beth seemed to be around four years old and Lara was a bit younger. Aaron couldn’t be more than two.
Tuyet heard the crinkle of paper from the back seat. She turned to look. Beth had opened up a small package of crackers. She gave one to Tuyet and one to Lara. Tuyet looked at the cracker. She was not in the habit of saying no to food. Who knew when she would have a chance to eat again? But she was so nervous that her stomach was doing flip-flops. She wasn’t sure she would be able to eat.
Beth popped her own cracker, whole, into her mouth and chewed. Lara took nibbling bites. Tuyet didn’t want to say no. Even though Linh had told her that no was the magic word in English, she was afraid to use it now. Maybe they would return her to Surrey Place if she didn’t like the food they gave her.
She took a bite of the cracker, then another.
Soon it was gone.
Beth handed her a second cracker and she ate that one, too. But then Beth gave her another, and another. Tuyet didn’t want any more crackers, but she was afraid to refuse them. She did not want the family to be angry with her.
Tuyet’s stomach lurched with queasiness. She wasn’t sure if it was from so many crackers, the car ride, or the excitement of being with this family. She looked behind at Beth and was thankful to see that the package of crackers was empty.
Tuyet looked out the front window and watched trees and buildings speed by, but that didn’t help her stomach. She could feel the crackers rising in her throat. What should she do? She couldn’t very well throw up in this fancy car! She would be taken back to Surrey Place for sure.
Tuyet swallowed and tried to breathe slowly. She put both hands over her mouth. She tried to swallow down a gag.
They traveled in silence for a while, and Tuyet concentrated on not being sick. The car turned off the busy road and onto smaller winding ones. Tuyet looked out the window and saw houses, each one a different color. Some houses were made of wood and others were stone or brick. Flowers and sometimes big trees grew in front of them. Each house sat on a smooth carpet of green—it reminded Tuyet of rice paddies. The sight calmed her. It was good to know that one of her favorite foods grew in Canada.
For a moment, she forgot about her upset stomach.
Dad pulled into the driveway of a gray brick house with cheerful red trim. Flowers grew up through rocks, and a rice paddy sat in front.
“We’re home!” cried the girls in the back. As soon as the car stopped, Lara opened her door and hopped out. Beth was close behind.
Now that the car was no longer moving, Tuyet hoped that her stomach would settle down.
Mom opened up the passenger door and got out with Aaron in her arms. Dad opened up his door and went to the trunk to bring Tuyet her boots. He set them on the driveway in front of her.
Just as she was sliding her feet into the boots, Tuyet felt her stomach roiling once again. She put her hands over her face, but this time she couldn’t stop. Vomit shot out of her mouth and all over her clothing, doll, and boots. She stumbled forward, anxious to keep the vomit away from the car.
To her horror, the last of the vomit came out over Dad’s shoes.
Chapter Seven
Home
7-1 — Headline from the Brantford Expositor, April 23, 1975
Tuyet was afraid. She held her breath. What would this man do to her now?
Would he return her to Surrey Place?
His voice didn’t sound angry. She couldn’t understand the words, but she could tell he was not upset. Tuyet looked up. He was smiling. She had just ruined his shoes and he was smiling! He didn’t seem to mind at all.
Lara tugged on Tuyet’s hand and grinned. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I throw up sometimes, too.”
“Come on,” Beth said excitedly. “I want to show you around.”
“She needs a bath first,” said Mom.
Tuyet looked at all the moving lips and tried to understand. It was impossible to know what the words meant, but Tuyet could tell that nobody was angry with her.
Dad picked Tuyet up, ignoring the mess, and carried her across the rice paddy. Tuyet looked down. There was no water and the blades were not long enough. It wasn’t a rice paddy at all. Instead, it was some sort of plant that grew straight and close together. It made her sad to think that no rice would grow in front of the house she lived in. But she was curious about this new plant and yearned to touch it. Why were all the blades the same length?
When they got into the house, Tuyet breathed in the fresh smell of lemongrass, which made her think of a time before the orphanage. The inside was open and cheerful, with white walls and colorful furniture and pictures. The floor was covered with a shaggy gold carpet. It felt homier than the stark white of Surrey Place, with its smell of bleach.
Dad set Tuyet down in the bathroom and left. Mom came in and filled the tub with water. She squirted in some liquid from a bottle, and sweet-smelling bubbles immediately appeared. Tuyet frowned in confusion. She had always bathed herself with a basin of water and a rag. At Surrey Place, she showered to keep clean. Why did they think she needed this huge amount of water?
Mom helped her slip out of her dirty clothing, and then she motioned for Tuyet to get into the tub.
Tuyet reached into the tub and scooped up a handful of the soapy water to show Mom how she could clean herself without getting into the tub. Mom shook her head. She lifted Tuyet up and placed her in the water.
At first, Tuyet was frightened, but the warm bubbly water felt wonderful, and it soothed her weak foot. She began to relax.
Mom helped her wash thoroughly, from the tips of her fingers to the bottoms of her toes. When Tuyet thought she was finished, Mom filled a bowl with the sudsy water. She held it over her own head to demonstrate what she was going to do. Tuyet nodded. She tilted her head back and felt the warm water spill all over her scalp and down her shoulders. Mom squirted out another liquid into the palm of her hand and worked it into Tuyet’s scalp. The soap had a light, clean, and fresh scent.
Beth came in with a hand mirror. When Tuyet saw what she looked like with a mound of white foamy bubbles on her head, she laughed out loud. Mom rinsed it all out with fresh water from the tap and then she helped Tuyet out of the tub.
Tuyet had no clothing except for the dirty outfit from Surrey Place, so Mom wrapped her in a towel. Beth brought in some of her clothing for Tuyet to try on, but Tuyet w
as much taller and thinner than Beth. Nothing fit.
Mom got one of her own t-shirts and pulled it over Tuyet’s head. The end of the shirt came down below Tuyet’s knees. Mom knotted it so that it fit better.
“We’re going to have to take you shopping,” she said.
Beth loaned her a pair of underwear. Dad found some warm woolen socks that were stretchy enough to fit over Tuyet’s weak foot without hurting it.
Lara stood in the doorway and chatted away, smiling. It didn’t seem to matter that Tuyet had no idea what she said. Once Tuyet was dressed, Lara clasped one hand and Beth took the other. The three girls walked downstairs to the kitchen.
Mom sat Tuyet down at the table, put a piece of cloth on her lap, and set a bowl in front of her. It was filled with green leaves with a dollop of thick, dark orange liquid in the middle. After being sick over the crackers, Tuyet wasn’t hungry. But that didn’t matter—nothing put in front of her would ever go to waste.
Lara and Beth sat on either side of Tuyet, and Mom gave them each a bowl and cloth, as well. Dad put Aaron in a high chair and gave him a bowl of the greens but without the orange liquid on it. Dad was preparing other food over at the stove and Mom went over to help him.
Tuyet was about to pick up one of the green leaves with her fingers. But she stopped and peeked over at Lara and Beth, who had picked up a pronged instrument that did not look like chopsticks.
“It’s a fork,” said Beth, holding hers up to Tuyet. “Here’s how to use it.” She speared a few of the orange-doused leaves with the fork and shoved them into her mouth.
“Mmmm,” said Beth. “I love Catalina dressing.”
Lara held her fork with her fist and concentrated on her bowl. Aaron had another method. He grabbed the leaves one at a time with his fingertips and stuffed them in his mouth.
Tuyet picked up her fork and held it with her fist. She tried to push the sharp prongs into the leaves but it felt too awkward. She set the instrument down and held the bowl to her mouth. She opened her mouth wide and, with her fingers, guided a few leaves coated with the Catalina dressing on her tongue.
Tuyet’s mouth was filled with the vilest taste she had ever experienced. The Catalina dressing had a horrible slimy texture, and it was oddly sweet and sour at the same time. She could feel the remnants of the crackers rise up in her throat. But she chewed slowly and swallowed the disgusting slime down.
There was still a lot more in her bowl. She took to the chore bravely, one awful mouthful at a time. There was no way she could let this family know that she hated their food.
Mom brought a steaming container to the table and set it down. She regarded Tuyet’s empty salad bowl and the expression on the girl’s face.
“Don’t eat it if you don’t like it,” said Mom.
Dad and Mom brought more covered containers and bigger flat dishes to the table. Then Mom opened the covered containers and filled each plate with some of the contents. She set one of the plates in front of Tuyet, who examined it. A piece of something pale brown, some yellow roundish things, and a scoop of white rice.
Tuyet’s heart leapt at the sight of the rice. Holding the plate up, she shoveled the rice into her mouth with her fingers. She ate every last grain. The rice appeared to settle her stomach, so Tuyet picked up one of the yellow round things. It was slightly sweet and Tuyet liked the taste, but she didn’t think she’d be able to eat them all. She picked up the brown piece of food—it looked like fish—and took a bite. It had a similar texture to the fish served at the orphanage, but it was tougher and bland. In the airplane, all the children were fed a broth with rice in it; sometimes there were chunks in it like this. One of the workers who spoke Vietnamese had told Tuyet it was called chicken. Tuyet took another bite.
All of a sudden, her stomach started churning. The last thing she wanted to do was to throw up again! While the others concentrated on their dinner, Tuyet took the piece of chicken and hid it in her sock.
Lara pointed at the yellow round things still on Tuyet’s plate. “Corn,” said Lara. “Mmmm.”
Tuyet looked at the corn on her plate. Lara was right. It did taste good, but she was too full. She scooped up a handful of kernels and dropped them into her sock.
“My, you’re a good eater,” said Mom when she saw Tuyet’s empty plate.
Once the children were finished, Dad took them back upstairs to the bathroom. He handed Tuyet a small pink stick with bristles on one end. She examined the stick carefully, not knowing what to do with it. Beth and Lara applied a smear of white paste onto their brushes from a tube and wet them with cold water from the sink. Beth looked into the bathroom mirror and bared her teeth. Lara giggled. Beth put the bristled end of the brush into her mouth and began to wash her teeth with it.
Tuyet understood. At the orphanage, they would use a bit of salt on a finger and clean their teeth with that. Tuyet picked up the tube and squeezed some paste on her brush. But when she put the brush in her mouth, her eyes widened in surprise. The paste did not taste at all like salt; it was an explosion of flavor. As she brushed, her mouth filled up with peppermint foam. She would have swallowed it down, but Beth and Lara spit the minty foam out into the sink and rinsed their brushes with water. Tuyet did the same.
There was so much to learn!
“Come see your bedroom,” said the girls in unison, each tugging at one of her hands.
Tuyet let Beth and Lara pull her to a door across the hallway. Mom and Dad were close behind with Aaron.
Lara pushed open the door. “For you.”
Tuyet stepped in. Along the wall sat a waist-height sleeping area covered with pink, soft material and topped with a puffy rectangle decorated with flowers. Her doll, freshly cleaned, was propped up on the bed. Handled compartments were tucked into a tall wooden box that stood against another wall.
The elevated sleeping area was big enough for all the children, thought Tuyet. She looked down at the floor. A nice soft rug.
Tuyet stood frozen in the doorway. She didn’t know what was expected of her. Mom pointed to the room and then she pointed to Tuyet. She nodded and smiled.
Tuyet understood now. This was the place where she would sleep. But why were they all standing around and smiling at her?
Mom walked into the room, picked up the doll, and put it into Tuyet’s hand. Then she pulled down the fabric on the elevated sleeping area and pretended to get in under the fabric. She motioned for Tuyet to get in.
“This is your very own bed,” said Mom. Then she pointed to Tuyet’s feet.
It was time to take off her socks.
Slowly Tuyet pulled down her socks and slipped them off her feet. Mom, using hand gestures, indicated that her socks should be put in a small basket in the corner. Tuyet obeyed, carefully lowering each sock into the basket.
Nobody saw the hidden food.
Relieved, Tuyet climbed up into bed and hugged her doll tight. She marveled at the softness of the mattress and the fluffiness of the pillow. She was used to sleeping flat on the floor. She put her head down on the pillow. Mom pulled the material up over Tuyet’s shoulders and tucked it in around her.
Mom bent down and kissed Tuyet on the cheek. Tuyet thrilled at the touch. Dad, holding Aaron, leaned over and kissed her, too.
“Good night, dear Tuyet,” he said.
Aaron patted her cheek with his chubby hand. And Lara kissed her on the forehead.
Mom lifted Beth up to the bed so that her face hovered over Tuyet’s.
“Good night, sister,” she said, and gave Tuyet a smacking wet kiss right on the lips.
Tuyet smiled. She loved all the contact with these new people. She hoped they liked her. Maybe they wouldn’t send her back to Surrey Place after all.
But then they left the room.
Mom clicked off
the light and closed the door.
Tuyet was plunged into darkness.
Chapter Eight
The Darkness
8-1 — Tuyet’s passport photographs
Tuyet waited for the door to open again and for the other children to join her. She waited and waited and waited. The door stayed closed. She was alone in the dark.
Tuyet clung to her doll and closed her eyes. But sleep wouldn’t come. The bed was too big for just one person. As she pulled the soft covers up to her face, Tuyet tried not to think of all the times when she had been left on her own. That other mother, who stopped visiting. The white van that took her away from the special boy. Linh, who had left her for that family. They all came back to Tuyet, like a nightmare she was helpless to stop. Would she always be alone?
Would she ever be important to a family that already had two girls and a boy?
Tuyet set her doll down. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she slipped out and limped over to the tall wooden box against the wall. She caressed the top and was comforted by its smooth coolness. If the box was in her room, did that mean the family had given it to her? What a huge possession. Her hand brushed down the front of the box and her fingertips landed on the first handle. She pulled. A drawer slid out, bigger than the boxes that had carried the babies to Canada. Tuyet pushed herself up as tall as she could and felt inside. Nothing there.
She limped to the clothing hamper, took out her socks, and carried them back to the top drawer. Holding the socks by the toes, she gave them a shake. Kernels of corn and the piece of chicken fell out. When her socks were empty, she pushed the food with her fingertips into the back corners of the drawer.
If they forgot to feed her, at least she would have something to eat.
Tuyet stepped to the window and drew back the curtains. The stars filled the dark sky—so many that she could not count them. So bright and sparkling. So beautiful. It was the best thing about her new country, seeing the stars, knowing they weren’t bombs or helicopters and couldn’t hurt her.
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