“Well, the shrimp was delicious. And the band was okay, right?” Beatrice offered.
Gigi made a snoring noise. “If I preferred music from the 1920s. No thank you. I’m old and even I don’t like that music.”
“Anyway, dear, tell us how your week went. We barely saw you, but we’ve heard Zander hasn’t been around. Ruth from down the hall said she hasn’t seen him here since last week. What gives?”
Rachel should chide Beatrice for being in her business, but she didn’t have the energy. Plus, she was used to Beatrice and Gigi knowing everything already. It’s not like she had anything to hide.
“Well, I told him I couldn’t see him anymore,” Rachel stated matter-of-factly.
“What? Why? He was so cute and sweet. And you were so happy,” Beatrice argued.
Frank Sinatra turned in circles on the floor, and Rachel tossed down a throw pillow for the dog to get comfy on. He kneaded the pillow like a cat would, turned in circles some more, and then plopped over. Rachel stared at the sight, wishing her life were as simple as Frank’s.
“Our relationship or whatever it was started getting in the way of my career. I messed up lines on Saturday, big time. I froze. He was in the audience, and I just froze. It was really bad. It made me realize I was making a mistake again. I was letting a relationship stop my dreams. I can’t do that, not at this stage in the game, you know? I’m not some naïve twenty-something who needs love to be happy. I’ve built a fine life on my own. I just don’t need the complications, you know?” Gigi and Beatrice looked at each other, shaking their heads.
“We don’t,” Gigi started. “First of all, we heard about the lines. And you know what we heard? That it was fine. No one even noticed. Do you know how many leads we’ve seen flub their lines? It happens. You’re human. And you know Michael thinks you’re amazing. That’s not going to change. You’re a star, Rachel, even if you don’t see it yet. So stop being so hard on yourself.”
“And second, why are you so against mixing love and career? You’re not giving yourself enough credit. So you made some mistakes in your twenties. You let a guy dictate your life path. You chose your college based on him and gave up school in New York City. That doesn’t mean you can never handle love. You’re wiser now, Rachel. You’re grounded in who you are. I think you use your career as an excuse,” Beatrice added.
“What do you mean?” Rachel asked, feeling tension rise in her voice. How dare Beatrice presume to know what Rachel was doing. Of course it wasn’t an excuse. What she’d been through with Seth had been very real, thank you very much. And she didn’t think being dedicated to her career made her a liar or a fool.
“I mean, I don’t think that’s it. I think you like to say it’s about your career. That you don’t want to risk juggling both. Both I know you’re smart and capable of doing both. I think it’s just you’re scared of being dependent on someone. People have let you down in the past. You thought Seth was the one for you, and you turned out to be wrong. I think you’re just terrified of getting your heart broken again. You’re terrified that weakens you or takes away from who you are. But Rachel, the thing you’re missing is, yes, love is a risk. Yes, you might get your heart broken. But you know what? It’s worth it. It’s worth the time and the potential disappointment. It’s worth putting your heart on the line. It might not work out. It might be an epic fail. But you know what else? It might work out despite everything. It might be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. And if you give it a chance, you might even find it enriches your career instead of ruining it. Take a risk, child. You’re still so young. You’re too young to box yourself in. I don’t care what your past says or what that club of yours says or what your head says. I care about your heart. What’s it telling you?”
Rachel soaked in the words for a moment, studying Gigi and Beatrice. She stared at the two women for a long time, turning the words over and over again in her head.
Were they right? Was she just lying to herself? Had she been using her career as an excuse for years and years? Was she simply trying to protect her heart from the risk of love?
She was brave in so many ways. She had found the courage to move to the city, to chase her Broadway dreams against all odds, and to get on that stage in front of tons of people every night. She’d pushed herself when it came to singing and dancing. Still, when it came to love, she was wimpy and frightened. She cowered, pulling back from the possibility, finding excuses in her career and in her group of friends.
Why was she so afraid? Why was she letting fear dictate her life?
And most of all, what was she missing by hiding from her heart?
“We love you no matter what. Maybe Zander Riley isn’t the guy your heart is choosing. Maybe he is. Regardless, I think you owe it to yourself to stop chaining yourself into a life of loneliness. Give yourself more credit, Rachel. You’re strong. Even if love doesn’t work out, you can get through it. You’ve done it once when you weren’t as sure of who you were. You can do it again, I’m sure of it. Just stop being so afraid to try.”
Rachel nodded, taking a deep breath. “You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you.”
“We love you, dear. We just want you to be happy, truly happy, no matter what that looks like.”
Beatrice put her arms around Rachel, and she savored the moment for a long time. “No matter what, I am happy. I’ve got the best neighbors and mentors a person could want.”
“And they bring the best dang chocolate cake this city’s ever seen,” Gigi added, joining in the hug by putting her arms around Rachel as well. Frank Sinatra stirred on the throw pillow, apparently not enjoying the sweet moment that was disturbing his sleep pattern.
“You’ve got that right,” Rachel said.
“Second piece?” Gigi asked, motioning toward the rest of the cake on the counter.
Rachel could say no to just about anything, and she often did.
But as her lips prepared to turn down the cake she so desperately wanted, she found the word coming out of her mouth foreign but satisfying.
“Yes,” she said simply, and smiled at the fact it was never too late to follow your heart.
Chapter 22
Zander
I t was the waiting that truly was the life or death part of the hospital scene, Zander realized as he sat on the stiff chair, another bad cup of hospital coffee on his hands. The hours ticked by at a speed unrecognizable, the minutes dragging into hours that felt like years. It was a true time warp.
It didn’t help that he no longer had a phone to pass his time with. In all of the craziness, he’d managed to lose the thing on the first night. He didn’t feel like going out to get a new one, sure it would eventually show up. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise because scrolling through everyone’s happy social media accounts probably wouldn’t help his psyche any, not when his own world was falling apart. Besides, everyone who would call him or need to talk to him was here. Rachel had made it clear she was done with him, so there was no concern she would call. He hadn’t heard from her since they’d said their goodbyes, a fact that still stung.
It was exhausting, though. It sucked any life left in Zander right out. It didn’t help they were still waiting to hear what the ultimate result would be of this ordeal. They didn’t have the promise of a happy ending yet.
Ian had come out of the first surgery in stable condition, but the doctors reminded Anne over and over he wasn’t out of the woods yet. There were all sorts of huge medical terms Zander didn’t even know being tossed around as if they were salad choices at the local café. There were no easy answers, and there were no quick solutions when it came to a situation like this. It didn’t make it any easier on anyone, especially Anne.
He’d gotten to see his brother on and off over the past few days. Ian wasn’t responsive, and no one even knew if he knew they were there. But Zander didn’t waste any time talking to him, teasing him, and even apologizing for not being there enough. That trip to Germany suddenly didn�
�t seem like such an imposition or an impossibility in the scheme of things. Zander wished he’d said yes instead of saying no.
He was a yes-guy, he was—except with the important stuff, it seemed. This accident, this moment, was really putting things in perspective, though.
He’d been staying at a nearby hotel for the past few days, although sleep was hard to come by. He spent little time in his hotel room, too afraid of missing something and knowing Anne wasn’t leaving Ian’s side. He needed to be here with her, for Ian. It was the least he could do. He needed to be here for his parents, too, who weren’t holding up much better.
“You know, honey, you’ve been so strong through all this. Who is holding you together? You need to lean on someone, too,” a voice said to him, taking a seat beside him. Zander’s parents were at the hotel showering, and Anne was in with Ian. Zander sat alone in the empty waiting room, staring at the mint green wall he’d come to hate.
He turned to see who the voice was coming from. The elderly lady sat beside him, her sunshine yellow dress brightening up the room. He’d seen her on and off in the room since yesterday but, true to typical waiting room etiquette, hadn’t wanted to butt in. They’d observed each other from afar, giving each other distance.
“I’m fine,” Zander replied, grinning at the woman.
“I’ve watched you these past couple of days trying to hold it together, being the rock for all those people with you. But you can’t do it alone. No one does it all alone, you know?”
She looked at him in a way that told her she had wisdom oozing from every one of her pores. She had life experience and knowledge, and even just the breathy way she talked told Zander he should pay attention.
“Are you doing okay?” he asked because it seemed okay to talk to her about it.
She shrugged. “Albert’s touch and go. So I don’t know. He’s in surgery right now. I just have to keep the faith. We’ve been through a lot over the years. I keep telling myself we can get through this, too.”
“Who is Albert?”
“My husband,” she said, and he couldn’t help but notice how her face lit up. She radiated emotion when she said his name. “We’ve been married sixty-two years. Can you believe it? I sure as heck can’t. Oh, Albert.”
Zander reached over and held her hand, squeezing it. She smiled at him, nodding appreciatively. “It’s been a long road. A very, very long road. There were a lot of times we both thought about quitting. I wasn’t an easy catch, you know? I’m ashamed to admit I played a bit of hard to get in my day. Didn’t want to fall in love. I didn’t want to settle into a boring life. I wanted to be an adventurer, you know? I had visions of being a flight attendant and traveling the whole world. But there he was, trying to put a ring on my finger and get me to be his.”
Zander smiled. “What happened? How did he change your mind?”
She grinned. “He didn’t. He ended up getting his pilot’s license to convince me we could make it work, that we could see the world together. And finally, he wore me down. I wouldn’t admit this to him, but honestly, it was a done deal as soon as I saw him walk into that café. I was his, and I knew it, even if I wouldn’t admit it. Still, he made it easy on me. He made me see he was willing to work for it, willing to take my heart into consideration. I think that’s all we all want, you know? To know someone is willing to meet you halfway, to put the work in. We all just want to know we’re worth that for someone.”
Zander took in the words, thinking about how it was oddly serendipitous that this woman would be here saying the exact things he couldn’t articulate or couldn’t recognize. This stranger, this sweet old lady was saying exactly what he’d been needing to hear all along.
“I’ll be hoping for the best for Albert,” Zander said honestly, squeezing her hand again. “I’m Zander, by the way.”
“And I’m Elyse. Nice to talk to you. Do you have someone back home? A girlfriend or a wife?”
“No. It’s just me.”
She nodded. “That’s what I thought. I got the sense from you that you were a bit of a loner. Nothing wrong with that. There’s strength in that. But there’s also a lot of loneliness, you know? Don’t be afraid to give your heart to someone. Giving up mine was the best thing I ever did, and I’m saying that as an old woman who knows a thing or two about it.”
“Thanks,” Zander said, the wheels rotating in his head, knowing what he needed to do.
It wasn’t too late for them. He was sure of it. And it wasn’t impossible. Elyse was right. He just needed to show her he would meet her halfway.
And he knew exactly how he was going to do that.
“Mind if we just sit here for a bit together?” Elyse asked, leaning on Zander’s shoulder.
“Not at all,” he replied.
For the next few hours, they sat in silence, staring at a mint green wall with a cold cup of coffee in Zander’s hand. They sat as two strangers who had connected on a powerful level, a kind of connection in which no words were needed to share what they’d shared.
And, in a weird way, Zander realized Ian’s accident had opened up so many truths and feelings in Zander. It was the only silver lining from a situation he wouldn’t wish on anyone.
Chapter 23
Rachel
Even chocolate cake couldn’t make up for Rachel’s glum mood.
She’d messed everything up this time. It was all her fault.
In the past, love had dealt her a tough blow. Her relationship had fallen apart, and it wasn’t exactly her fault. It was just that she’d figured out what she wanted and what she didn’t, and Seth wasn’t what she wanted. They’d ended their love with teary goodbyes and regrets.
But things with Zander had been different. It had been Rachel’s fault. She’d clammed up, gotten scared, and ended it with an icy goodbye. Now, after days of cooling off and days of chatting with Beatrice and Gigi, Rachel realized the difficult truth—she’d messed up.
And it seemed like it was way too late to rectify things. She’d called Zander days ago but hadn’t heard back. She’d tried again last night after gaining some confidence from Beatrice and Gigi. He didn’t answer.
She’d texted this morning, only to be met with more, icy silence.
He was done. She’d got what she wanted, had pushed him away. And Zander Riley was done, done, done with her.
She couldn’t blame him. She hadn’t exactly left any room for interpretation in her goodbye. She’d made it clear she was walking away, that her career was worth more, and that she didn’t want to see him.
But now she realized what a fool she’d been. Her heart actually ached with regret. Gigi and Beatrice were right—she loved him. She shouldn’t give that up.
Sighing, Rachel checked her phone once more before leaving for the theater. There were a few social media updates, but nothing from the man she wanted to hear from. She shook her head.
It looked like she would be keeping her promise after all—there would be no love in Rachel’s life. She’d let the love of her life slip right through her fingers, and she had no one to blame for her loneliness but herself.
She’d tried so hard to protect herself from a broken heart but still ended up with one.
Sometimes it was love that broke your heart—and sometimes it was just your own stupidity.
Chapter 24
Zander
When Ian woke up, Zander was sitting in the waiting room with Elyse, still holding her hand. It was completely unexpected when Anne came rushing into the room, a smile on her face.
“He’s asking for you,” Anne said through her tears, and Zander jumped to his feet.
“Really? He’s okay?”
“I think he’s going to be okay,” Anne said, the tears flowing. “Do you want to come back?”
By this time, Zander’s parents were back and Zander looked at them. His mom, a blubbering mess already at the news, nodded, so Zander took this as a sign he could go back.
“Good news. I’m happy for you,” Elyse sa
id, patting his hand. “Go.”
And with that, he did, ready to see what his brother had to say and thankful for the chance to talk to him again.
* * *
“Big brother,” Ian mumbled, the wires hooked up to him making it difficult for him to speak. Zander rushed to his brother’s bedside, sinking down into the chair beside him. He grabbed his hand, leaning in.
“Ian, thank God you’re going to be okay. Quite a scare you gave us all,” Zander said, staring at his brother, afraid to take his gaze away from him.
“Sorry for that. But at least I got you out to California,” he said, grinning weakly.
“That you did. I love you. I was so scared,” Zander added seriously.
“I know. I’m sorry,” Ian said again.
“Nothing to be sorry about, buddy. Just don’t pull a stunt like this again,” he quipped, and Ian nodded slightly.
“Thanks for being here for Anne. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”
“No problem. That’s what family’s for,” Zander added.
Ian looked over at him, and despite the pain he was clearly in and all of the equipment hooked up, he looked like himself. The fire was back in his eye. Zander couldn’t be happier.
“Sorry for interrupting,” a voice beckoned from the door, and they both looked to see Anne, still a tearful mess, standing nearby.
Zander rose from his seat. “Not at all. I’m sure Ian would rather be seeing you right now than me. You’re much better to look at, after all.”
Anne grinned, walking slowly toward the bed, taking Zander’s seat. Zander turned in the threshold to see her leaning in to Ian, the look in her eye nothing but gratitude and love.
He stood for a moment watching as his brother and sister-in-law stared at each other, their connection palpable from across the room.
Zander sighed. His brother might be reckless and crazy and living on the edge, but he also had done something majorly right in his life. He’d loved just as recklessly, just as unabashedly, and it had paid off. Seeing him with Anne, Zander realized no matter what happened in his life, Ian would always have that one place to call home in her.
No Time for Promises (The No Brides Club Book 3) Page 13