by Mandy Magro
‘Thanks for understanding, Dylan. I really appreciate it.’ Renee smiled softly through her tears as she looked around the shack. ‘Can you believe the last time we were in here at night we…’ She shook her head as she bit in her bottom lip. ‘Oh shit, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be bringing something like that up when you’re married.’
Dylan instinctively touched his wedding ring and began spinning it on his finger. ‘Oh, um, I’m not really married, Renee. Well, I mean, I am married, but… My wife, she um…’ He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. He was afraid he’d crumble into a million tiny fragments if he did, and he didn’t want Renee to see him like that—it wasn’t a pretty sight. He turned away, not wanting her to see his pain. ‘I’ll explain it to you another day. We better get you home.’
Renee walked to stand in front of him, gazing at him, her mouth slightly open as if she was about to say something, realisation in her eyes. She reached out and rested her hand on his heart, saying nothing. Dylan felt a pull on his heart and soul, like they were trying to interlace with hers, the connection between them what most only dreamt of. The energy shifted as the rest of the world faded away, the magic of the moment so intense it was as if time had stood still.
Succumbing to her magnetism, Dylan leant in, his lips only millimetres away from hers. Renee followed suit and melted into him, her body pressing against his as she wrapped her arms around the back of his neck. He could feel her warm breath on his cheek, and smell her sweet, familiar perfume—it reminded him of the beautiful scent left lingering after summer rain—and then he felt himself being transported back to that enchanted night, back to when Renee and he had made love for the very first, and very last, time.
It was like it had happened only yesterday, the passion, the hunger and the sensuality, all of it so poignantly real. Neither of them moved, their lips almost touching, their breathing getting heavier. He could feel Renee running her hands through his hair and feel the beating of her heart against his chest. Finally, unable to stop himself, he broke the last remaining distance between them and rested his lips against hers, just as a man’s panicked voice carried into the shack, calling for Renee.
The sounds of a galloping horse brought him crashing back to reality. And then he recalled the argument they had had, the words Renee had spat at him. She had left him hanging on those words for nine long agonising years… Suddenly, the mystical moment shattered like a piece of glass, the dangerous shards lethal enough to slice through his skin and puncture his heart.
What was he thinking? Hadn’t she already done enough damage to his heart, without taking it from him again? She had left without saying sorry, without even a goodbye, without giving him a chance to apologise for what he’d said in the heat of the moment—and it had ruined everything.
He stepped back from her. ‘I can’t do this, Renee. We can’t do this. Not now. Not ever. I’m sorry.’ Turning away, he headed outside just as Stanley pulled to a stop on his horse.
He cleared his throat, his emotions still high. ‘I found her, Stan. She’s just inside grabbing her backpack.’ Dylan pointed to the four-wheeler. ‘Apparently the battery’s gone flat so she couldn’t get home. Lucky we found her, really, otherwise she could have been stuck out here all bloody night.’
Stanley’s expression was full of relief. ‘Oh thank Christ.’
Dylan put his boot in the stirrup and got himself settled back in the saddle with one fluent movement. ‘I’ll head off, Stanley, if that’s okay. Mum and Annie will be waiting for me for dinner. You’ll be right to get her home from here, won’t you?’
‘Yup, sure will be. Thanks for all your help, Dylan, appreciate it. I owe you one.’
‘You don’t owe me anything,’ Dylan said, giving Turbo the cue to head home. ‘Catch you in the morning,’ he called out over his shoulder.
CHAPTER
13
February 14th
I can’t believe it! I’m over the moon! Of all the days, he chose today to finally admit he likes me, on Valentine’s Day. How romantic!
I knew it! I knew he had the hots for me. A girl can just tell these things. This morning he surprised me behind the little shed at the back of the school, where he was waiting with a single red rose in his hands. He gave it to me and then he kissed me…tongue and all. I could have just died right then and there. He must have secretly been watching me for a while, because how else would he know I cut through the Bestmans’ paddock to get to school? It’s a bit freaky to know he’s been spying on me, but exhilarating all the same…and it’s so exciting to know he’s interested enough to have been checking me out all this time.
He reckons he’s going to leave her for me, and he even told me he couldn’t imagine his life without me in it. Oh my God! He made me promise to keep it a secret for now, just until he leaves her, and I swore to him I would. Nobody can find out about us yet, nobody! I can’t risk losing him. I love him too much to lose him.
Ohh, I’m so happy right now but then I’m kind of scared at the same time. I mean, how am I going to tell Billy? Maybe I’ll just wait until he leaves her, and I can be with him, before I break it off with him. I don’t want to raise anyone’s suspicions. Decisions. Decisions. It’s so frustrating!! I just don’t know what the right thing is to do.
I don’t want to upset Billy. He’s got the worst temper. And I know he’s going to be really mad with me when I tell him I don’t want to be with him anymore. And just wait until he finds out who I left him for, when everyone finds out who I left him for… All the shit is going to hit the fan then!
I’m so worried Renee and Nan and Pa are going to be furious with me, but hopefully they will eventually understand and forgive me. Argh! Anyways, I can’t think about the mess I’m in right now. I just want to think about the good things so I’m going to go to sleep now and dream about my sexy new man all night long. I hope he’s dreaming about me too… I betcha he is!
Scarlet xx
Renee closed her eyes, and rested her head back on her pillow, shaking with anger. Her throat was tight with emotion and her thoughts were spiralling like a whirlwind. She needed to find a good head space to be able to filter everything she’d just read. Counting to ten, she took a few deep breaths, the conscious action calming her a little.
Who the hell was this mystery bloke? And why would it be such a problem if she and Nan and Pop found out who he was? For a second Dylan’s face flashed before her eyes, but it couldn’t have been him Scarlet was referring to. Dylan would never do such a thing. He had loved her too much to hurt her like that, by cheating with her sister. And Scarlet wouldn’t stoop that low either. Renee reprimanded herself for even considering it. She clearly wasn’t thinking straight—just like the day she had said those things to Dylan about his father. She knew she had to find a way to apologise to him for it, but she was afraid of opening an old wound he may have already healed. Or was it her own self-inflicted wound she was afraid of reopening?
Changing her train of thought before she drove herself mad, Renee went back to analysing the diary. Was Scarlet’s intuition right—had Billy snapped and lashed out at her after finding out about her mystery man? Renee had seen him get into fights at high school a few times, and on a couple of occasions she’d overheard arguments between Scarlet and Billy, so she knew he had a bad temper when triggered. But was he capable of murder? Perhaps. The police had believed his alibi of being home all night with his parents. But she wasn’t so trusting of him.
But there were so many different scenarios and her mind was painfully playing over each and every one. The words she’d just read chugged around and around in her head, taunting her, infuriating her. Whoever this bastard was had quite possibly killed her sister, or most certainly had something to do with her disappearance. Or was it his girlfriend? Had he left her for Scarlet and evoked a fit of jealous rage from this woman that Scarlet kept mentioning?
Or maybe it was none of them. Maybe it was someone she hadn’t even considered. She groaned.
There were so many possibilities, but no definite answers. And poor Scarlet. Her sister truly believed this mystery man loved her, and that she loved him. The very thought made Renee sick to the core.
Not wanting to read on, but knowing she had to, Renee opened her eyes, wiped away her tears and drew in a deep calming breath. She could do this. She had to do this. Grabbing the diary from her bedside table, she flicked open to where she was up to. Skimming over the now sparse entries, Renee was careful to take in every single minute detail as she tried to read between the lines. Scarlet kept mentioning her mystery man, but frustratingly, not once did she mention his name—not even an initial.
March 21st
I don’t have time to write much today because I’m meeting him real soon but last night blew my mind. The way he kissed me all over and told me he loved me, and the way he cuddled me afterwards… It was like all my dreams had finally come true. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
Scarlet xx
Afterwards? That meant Scarlet had had sex with him. How could she not have known? How could Scarlet not have told her? Whoever it was had taken advantage of her sister and it made her furious. Who in the hell was he?
Finally she came to the last diary entry, the devastating day Scarlet had gone missing. Renee flicked past to make sure there was nothing towards the back of the book before reading it. She needed a few moments to come to terms with the fact that this was the last time her sister had written down her deepest feelings. Scarlet’s life had been stolen from her on this very day. With her trembling hands calming, Renee turned back to the love-heart embellished page and read slowly, dissecting every word, every letter, every full stop.
May 11th
I’m so excited!! I cannot wait until tonight because we’re going to go to our secret place to spend a few hours together, and I can tell him what I’ve been dying to tell him for days now. But first, I have to meet up with Billy and tell him it’s finally over.
I can’t keep pretending. I’ve tried a few times to gently tell him I don’t think we should be together anymore, but Billy just laughs it off and tells me that I can’t get rid of him that easily. He really thinks we’re gonna be together forever, and I don’t push the subject too much because there’s something in his laugh that worries me, like Billy believes he owns me, but maybe it’s just my imagination playing tricks with me. I know he’s going to be really pissed off when I break up with him, but he’s just going to have to deal with the fact I’m in love with somebody else. Not that I’m going to tell him that—not yet anyway.
Oh, my skin is tingling with the thought of making love to my secret man again. I really want to tell Renee about him, but I can’t, not yet. She’s going to be very mad and very disappointed in me when she finds out who he is, but I know she loves me enough to forgive me and eventually get over it.
I told him I hate keeping things from her but he told me to wait until we make it official, and then we can tell everyone. He still hasn’t broken it off yet either. He’s promised he’s going to do that tonight, before he meets me, and then we can be together forever. Ah, I like the sound of that. Together forever.
Nan and Pa aren’t going to be very happy about it either, but I’m sixteen and a half now, and they’ve got to let me make my own decisions in life sometime.
Anyways, I better sign off for now. I have to go get ready for tonight. Yay!
Scarlet x
Tucking the diary safely beneath her mattress, and then switching off the bedside lamp, Renee pulled the blanket up and over her head, enjoying the sensation of feeling cocooned. If only she could emerge as a beautiful butterfly in the morning—free and light and worry-free—wouldn’t that be something. But with the way she was feeling—wretched, weighed down and drained—she’d be more likely to emerge as a slug. And after getting an hour-long lecture from Pa about taking off on her own today, loaded on top of everything else, she was utterly exhausted.
Looking at her watch, which was glowing in the dark, Renee grumbled to herself. It was just past one am—where had the hours gone? She had to be up in a little over six hours to get Mick to his doctor’s appointment in town. Rolling over on her side, she flicked the blanket off her head and tried to get comfortable by hugging a pillow, her back sore after the bumpy double back with Pa on his horse, Gus.
She needed to get some sleep, especially considering she had an endless list of things to grab from Woollies and the agricultural store while in town—and her pa had warned her that it would be busy in town seeing as Thursday was pension day. Nan was coming home on Sunday afternoon and she wanted to have some baked goodies ready for her, along with loads of healthy food, and she also needed to get the homestead back in tiptop shape. She was nowhere near as good a housekeeper as Nan. The washing had piled up in the laundry, there was an overflowing basket of ironing to do, the timber furniture could use a dose of Mr Sheen, and the floors needed a good going over with the vacuum and mop. And with only a few days left to achieve everything, she definitely needed to get her act into gear.
Letting her heavy eyelids drop shut, Renee thought about how lucky she had been to find the diary, and for it to be in such good nick. She truly believed Scarlet had somehow led her to it, the scent of her frankincense not something to be ignored. There was clearly something in the diary that Scarlet wanted her to read. Although she was still at a loss as to who had taken her sister from them, she was now sure that it was someone she and her grandparents knew. If only Scarlet had given a name…
Beyond exhausted and trying to derail her train of thought so she could get a few hours of precious sleep, Renee traced her fingertips over her still tingling lips, sighing miserably. She and Dylan had come so close to a full passionate kiss, so close to stepping over the line and to pulling down that brick wall he’d built. And the look in his eyes when he had taken her into his arms was like he was diving into her and caressing her from the inside out. No man had ever had the ability to make her feel so protected, so cared for, so loved. But in the blink of an eye, he had pulled away from her like she was a poisonous snake about to bite him, and the way he had walked away, like nothing had happened, as though what she had just felt from him wasn’t real, crushed her.
What had he meant when he’d said he wasn’t really married? Had his wife left him? Or had she died? From the dark shadow that had passed over his eyes when he had spoken of her, she guessed that it was the latter. If her intuition was right, her heart broke for him. No wonder he was reluctant to allow anyone into his life again—especially her after the way she’d already hurt him so deeply in the past. She had intended to ask Pa about Dylan’s wife over dinner, but she hadn’t been able to get a word in as her pa lectured her about the dangers of being stranded in the bush.
Squeezing her eyes shut, Renee started to count backwards from one hundred—a technique she’d found helpful in the past to get to sleep. Counting made her mind focus on something other than all the jibber jabber. At forty-eight, her body began to feel heavier, and by twenty-two she started to forget where she was up to. Teetering on the edge of dreamland, she let herself fall into the abyss, her unconscious mind taking over as she slipped into a much-needed deep sleep.
***
The cry of a curlew echoed throughout the otherwise silent night, the unnerving sound making Dylan shudder beneath his doona. The Aborigines believed it was the call of death, and he wasn’t the only one that thought that way. Craig and the other town copper, Jake, both laughed about the occasional calls from worried locals who thought someone was being murdered in their back paddock.
After not being able to get one wink of sleep despite having lain in bed for hours, Dylan kicked his doona off in a huff. There was too much spinning around in his overactive mind. Thankfully he was going back to see the shrink after work tomorrow—and the fact that he was actually looking forward to speaking with Theresa Wise again was comforting in itself. He couldn’t wait to share the good news that the nightmares had stopped,
hopefully for good.
Dragging himself from the bed, he walked over to his dresser and reluctantly popped a sleeping tablet from the blister pack. Hesitating for a few moments, he threw it in his mouth and then gulped a mouthful of water from the cup beside his bed. Flopping back down onto his mattress with a thump, he groaned again. He hated relying on drugs to sleep—he hated taking Panadol at the best of times—but drastic times called for drastic measures. He needed sleep if he was going to perform to the best of his abilities at work, and he was determined to try and impress Stanley enough to maybe score a more permanent position. There was something about being at Wildwood Acres that he loved. Maybe it was the sweeping landscape, maybe it was being able to work alongside such an experienced cattleman as Stanley Wildwood, he wasn’t sure, but whatever it was, he liked it. He refused to believe it was because of Renee Wildwood.
Rolling over, he stared at his alarm clock like it was the archenemy, watching as minute after minute ticked over. He wished he could unplug the bastard, but he needed the alarm to wake him up—that was, if he ever fell asleep. Was a decent night’s rest too much to ask? It was just past one in the morning, and he’d been lying here for exactly five hours since hitting the sack soon after he’d tucked Annie into bed. Yet again, insomnia was playing mind games with him, and it was winning.
He slapped his hand against the pillow in defeat. For fuck’s sake, he had to be at work in less than six hours. Rolling onto his back, and then his side, and then his stomach, and then back onto his back again, he groaned. His mum had suggested a few times that he should try counting sheep. Yeah right! As if that was going to do anything. Knowing his Gemini mind, he’d probably just start imagining shearing them, or eating a juicy lamb chop—and then he’d make himself hungry and need to get up and have a midnight feast. Bless her for trying to help, though. Anyway, it was impossible to picture anything else when Renee Wildwood’s beautiful face was hogging every millimetre of his mind—hadn’t he already lost enough sleep over her throughout the years? When was enough going to be enough?