by L.H. Cosway
Liam wore a vaguely uncomfortable expression when he finally stepped aside. “Sorry, I’ll, uh, let you get back to your room.”
“Okay, see you in the morning.”
“Yeah, see you in the morning, Iris.”
That night sleep didn’t come as easily as I thought it might. I couldn’t get used to how soft the mattress was, or how clean everything smelled, or the quiet hum of the central heating as it warmed the house. In the end I resorted to pulling the duvet onto the floor and sleeping there. Finally, after staring at the ceiling for a long while, I drifted off.
I woke to the smell of bacon, and somehow I knew Lee was cooking breakfast. Maybe it was all those months working with him, but I just seemed to recognise his signature scent. He tended to use tarragon in a lot of his dishes. It must be his favourite herb.
I didn’t have a shift until after lunch, but I didn’t intend on hanging around the house. I didn’t want to get under anyone’s feet, so I dressed quickly, put on my coat, and headed downstairs for the front door.
“That you, Iris?” Lee called out from the kitchen. I knew it would be rude to just leave, so I reluctantly turned and headed down the hallway. When I entered the kitchen I found Lee by the cooker. His wife, Karla, Liam, Sophie and a little boy and girl who I presumed were her kids sat at the table eating breakfast. Liam was in uniform again. It still gave me that fight or flight reaction combined with keen attraction.
“Where are you headed so early, kiddo?” Lee asked. “You’re not due for a shift until one.”
“Just have a few things I need to do,” I lied.
“Yeah well,” he pointed a spatula at me, “you can sit and eat first. No one leaves this house without a decent breakfast.”
I would’ve argued with him if the bacon didn’t smell so good. Instead I shrugged out of my coat and took the seat next to Liam.
“Morning, Iris. Lee tells me you’ll be renting Stu’s old room,” said Karla with a kind smile. I’d met Lee’s wife before and liked her. She was a smart, no-nonsense sort of woman. She was also a police sergeant, which made me wonder if she had something to do with Liam joining the force.
“Morning,” I replied. “And yes. Lee was very kind to offer it.”
“I’m sorry about what Val said last night, by the way,” Sophie cut in. “I love that girl to bits, but she doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut sometimes.”
I waved her away. “No worries.”
“This is my foster daughter, Billie,” she went on, indicating the young girl. “And my son, Jonathan.”
Jonathan gave me a shy smile while Billie grinned widely and pointed at the tattoo of a shooting star peeking out from the end of my top. “That’s pretty.”
I tugged on my sleeve, still caught up on the whole ‘foster daughter’ bit. An old, well-worn string tugged on my heart. I would’ve given anything to be taken in by a family like this when younger. Suddenly, I saw Sophie in a whole new light.
“Oh, thanks.”
“Do you have any more?” Billie asked, no reticence about her. She had a precocious streak.
“Yeah, lots,” I answered, a little uncomfortable to be the object of everybody’s attention.
“Can I see?”
“Maybe some other time, Bills,” Liam cut in, saving me from further scrutiny. At the same time, Lee set a heaving plate of food in front of me—scrambled eggs, bacon, and a mountain of toast. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to eat it all even though I suffered from perennial hunger.
I dug in quietly, letting the conversation wash over me. The last time I’d experienced a family breakfast like this was at Maude’s, but that had been different. We were a rag-tag bunch of mistrustful teenagers. This here was a real family. My heart panged with loneliness, with a want so deep and engrained I couldn’t decipher it at first.
Then I understood. With everything inside me I wanted to belong to a family just like Liam’s.
Five
Drive In Saturday
I arrived back at the house at about eight that evening with every intention of going straight to my bedroom. I was a little forlorn that Mr Hector hadn’t shown up at the restaurant looking for me. I knew he wasn’t even technically my cat. He was an independent feline. But it still made me sad to think he’d gone his own way. I had one foot on the stairs when Sophie peeked her head out of the living room.
“Oh, you’re back,” she exclaimed. “We weren’t sure if you’d want to join us.”
“Join you?”
At this Liam emerged, wearing lounge pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt. He looked gorgeous and handsome like always, but I obviously tried to ignore that.
“We’re ordering pizza and watching a movie. You in?” he asked, blue eyes looking me up and down in a way that was surprisingly tender.
“He likes you,” Bowie whispered in my ear.
“Shut it, you,” I subconsciously whispered back. He faded away, though not without shooting me a knowing grin beforehand.
I had to admit, the idea of spending an evening eating pizza and watching a film with Liam and the others sounded lovely. Truly. I wanted to hang out with them, so I let myself have something nice for once. “Okay, just let me go change first.”
I hurried up to my room and put on the same lounge pants and T-shirt I wore after my shower last night, since it seemed everyone was going casual. It wasn’t like I owned anything fancy anyway. I headed downstairs, and to my dismay found Valerie in the living room. Sophie, Lee, and Karla sat on one couch, while Valerie and Liam sat on the other.
A faint feeling of jealousy stirred within me but I pushed it aside. There was enough space between them to show they weren’t an item or anything. Although, after how she reacted to me yesterday, I had a sneaking suspicion Valerie held a candle for Liam.
I wondered if he was aware of it.
Unlike everyone else, she wore skinny jeans and a tight top that showcased her admittedly large boobs. My smallish C-cups never felt so intimidated. So yeah, aside from her cruel lips, Valerie was reasonably attractive. Whatever. I was just happy to be there, doing something as ordinary as watching a movie with a bunch of people I lived with.
Liam’s gaze fell on me as he patted the space next to him. “Over here, Iris.”
Valerie cut me a scathing look. Yep, she definitely fancied him.
I sat down just as Lee suggested True Lies as a movie choice. “Oh no, I can’t stand Schwarzenegger for more than twenty minutes,” said Karla.
“Such a specific length of time,” Lee chuckled. “What about Gone Girl?”
“I haven’t seen that one yet. It’s supposed to be good,” said Sophie.
“Okay, are we all okay with Gone Girl, then?” Lee asked the room. Everybody voiced their agreement while I nodded, trying not to be too affected by Liam’s closeness. He always wore the same cologne and the scent had become a comfort to me. Something I looked forward to.
I yawned and he turned his head a little. “Tired?”
“Yeah. Long day.”
“The restaurant was a bastard this evening,” Lee affirmed. “Non-stop, wasn’t it, kiddo?”
“Pretty much.”
“It’s good business is booming though,” said Karla.
I heard Valerie let out a small huff but I didn’t think anyone else noticed.
What was her problem?
Okay, so maybe I knew what her problem was. For one, Liam was looking at me like I lit the moon and stars, which by the way, I didn’t understand. I wasn’t oblivious. It was clear he was attracted to me. The feeling was reciprocated, obviously, but I was just so bad with men in general. I didn’t know how to flirt, didn’t know how to master that come-hither look that told them the attraction was mutual. I’d always been too much of a tomboy for that.
The first time I had sex was at fifteen with a boy living in the same foster home as I was. He was sweet and shy. The sex was fumbling and awkward.
The second time I had sex was at eighteen, with a bloke na
med Steven. I met him through Becky. He was a tattoo artist, as well, and he smoked fancy French cigarettes. They were at odds with his rough and ready appearance. The sex was good. Very good. But Steven was an unparalleled arsehole. He barely spoke to me, just offered me a joint, and then started kissing me. One thing led to another.
And that was the sum total of my experience with men.
You’d think I’d have more, but I’ve always kept to myself, always been wary of new people. Until Liam. I still hardly knew him, but it felt like he’d been in my life longer. Maybe it was because of all the time he’d spent watching me—the time we’d spent watching each other. Whenever our eyes connected at work, it was like we were learning one another without exchanging words. Studying the other’s mannerisms and habits.
You could tell so much about a person without having a conversation, especially when you were drawn to them like I was drawn to Liam.
I’d been lost in my thoughts for a while when the doorbell rang. Lee shot up to answer it. Karla and Sophie were talking about going shopping for new clothes for Billie and Jonathan on the weekend. Liam, Valerie and I were silent. Well, that was until Valerie decided to open her mouth.
“So, Iris, you work at The Grub Hut?”
I glanced at her warily and Liam stiffened. “I do.”
“What do you do there?”
By the evil gleam in her eyes, I suspected she already knew. I stuck my chin out and answered, “I clean.”
“Oh, like washing dishes and all that?”
“Yep.”
She let out a laugh. “Have you ever seen that Bruce Lee biopic, where the Chinese woman says that line about needing a dish washer? Always cracks me up.”
“I haven’t seen that one,” I told her quietly. And I hadn’t. But I was sure whatever she was referring to was offensive in some way.
“How is everything at the crèche?” Liam cut in. “You ever get sick of changing dirty nappies all day?”
This woman worked at a crèche? Wow. I couldn’t believe people actually trusted her to take care of their children.
But okay, maybe I was biased. The only reason she had it in for me was because of Liam. Maybe she was perfectly lovely to everyone else.
“It’s all right. I’m thinking of a career change, actually. There’s this beauty course I’m interested in.”
“No way should anyone let you do their makeup,” Sophie cut in, overhearing the topic. “Remember that time I let you do mine for Lee’s birthday? I ended up looking like a drag queen.”
Valerie’s eyes flashed bloody murder at Sophie. “I was considering massage therapy, if you must know.”
“Oh, well, in that case go for it,” said Sophie, looking sheepish.
“I think I will. Liam, would you let me practice on you?” she asked, casting him a flirtatious look. Oh, man. This was getting way too corny for my taste.
He’d been grinning at what Sophie said but his features quickly sobered. “Eh, not so keen on massage, Val.”
Good answer. Before Valerie could say more, Lee came in carrying a stack of pizza boxes. The smell of melted cheese hit me immediately and my mouth started to water.
“I ordered a selection, so there should be something to suit everyone.”
We all dug in. Liam eyed me. “Let me guess, ham and pineapple?”
I smiled. “That’s spooky. How did you know?”
“Got a sixth sense for these things.”
He pulled out a slice and placed it on a paper napkin before handing it to me. I shot him a look of thanks. Lee started the film and we all settled in to watch. Over the course of the movie it felt like Liam’s and my bodies gravitated towards one another. I was thoroughly engrossed in the story before I realised my entire side was touching his. Our bare forearms brushed against each other, as well as our thighs. It was . . . nice. More than nice.
Being close to a boy I liked in such an ordinary setting was extraordinary to me.
I never got to do stuff like this.
I’d eaten so much pizza I could already feel a new and welcome layer of fat forming around my ribs. Liam reached up to rest his arm along the back of the couch. He felt even closer now. It would be so easy to just rest my head against him, feel his warmth. I wanted it so bad I ached, yearning for more contact.
Feeling brave, I shifted closer, my head touching the top part of his chest. He sucked in a quick breath at the action, tensed momentarily, then relaxed. He wasn’t stopping me. For some reason it felt exciting, thrilling. Everybody else was too concentrated on the film to notice the subtle interaction between us. From the outside it might’ve looked like nothing, but to me every second that passed felt monumental.
I heard him make a gruff sound in the back of his throat before he lowered his arm around my shoulders. My eyes widened as I stared dead ahead, my heart beating a frantic rhythm. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I couldn’t believe Liam Cross just put his arm around me.
I felt heavy and light all at once.
Several minutes passed before I summoned the courage to look at him. He sensed my attention and glanced down. Our gazes locked and my cheeks heated. I couldn’t look away. His fingers moved where they rested just below my arm pit. I sucked in a harsh breath when his thumb started to brush back and forth over the underside of my breast.
He was being so brazen, especially considering we had company.
I loved it.
I was captivated, couldn’t wait to see what he might to do next.
I was also more turned on than I’d ever been in my whole entire life.
My nipples hardened. I clenched my thighs together. The spot between them ached for something, anything. All the while we never broke eye contact.
I’d heard of the term eye-fucking before, but I’d never actually experienced it until now. I felt warm and tingly all over. I felt like if he so much as leaned in and blew on me I’d come.
I didn’t even realise that the movie had ended until Karla exclaimed, “Well, that was a headfuck.”
Lee chuckled and bent over to plant a peck on her lips. I turned back to Liam and his eyes were still on me, still dark with need. I had goosebumps over every inch of my skin.
I heard Valerie huff out an irritated sigh that put an end to the moment. Liam shifted away from me, while she rose from the couch and sniped, “Well, I’d better be getting home. Liam, could you give me a lift?”
Everybody looked at her.
“You live just around the corner, Val,” said Sophie, giving her friend a look that said why are you being weird?
“It’s late. Who knows what sort of freaks could be hanging around,” said Valerie, her mouth forming an annoyed slant.
“I’ll give you a lift if you want,” Karla offered to which Valerie glared.
“I asked Liam.”
“Liam’s got an early start in the morning,” Karla went on. “Come on, I’ll have you home in no time.”
Valerie let out another huff as Karla got up and grabbed her keys off the mantelpiece. Everybody started going their separate ways while Liam and I cleared away the empty pizza boxes. We didn’t say a word as we worked in unison, but the tension still lingered between us. Sophie said goodnight and went to her room, while Lee came into the kitchen. His attention went from me to Liam and a small smirk shaped his mouth.
“I suppose we better sit and talk about rent,” he said, eyeing me. Liam shot his brother a disgruntled look but didn’t say anything.
“Oh, sure,” I said. “How much were you thinking? I have a little saved up if you need a deposit.”
“Nah, you keep that. I wanted to suggest I take it out of your pay check. How does thirty quid a week sound?”
I frowned. “It sounds like far too little.”
“It’s just a room, Iris.” Lee smiled. “And we’re all happy to have another pretty face around the house. Aren’t we, Liam?” he asked, eyeing his brother with mischief.
When I looked at Liam his cheeks reddened ever so sligh
tly. I couldn’t believe it. It always surprised me when he got shy like that.
“Mmm,” he grunted.
I looked back at Lee. “Well, if you’re sure. I’ll buy all my own food and clean up after myself. And I won’t hang around all day getting under your feet. You’ll barely even know I’m here.”
“You can eat as much food and hang out as much as you want,” said Lee. “Just help with the dishes and sweep up every once in a while, and we’re good.”
“Okay. I can do that,” I said, nodding my head. A foreign sensation spread through me. It took me a second to identify it.
Happiness.
Lee gave me a warm smile and stood. “It’s sorted then. Welcome to your new gaf, Missy.” He came forward and gave me a friendly hug before heading for the door. “I’m off to bed. You two don’t stay up too late.”
With that he was gone and we were alone again. I glanced at Liam to find him already staring at me.
“What?”
“You’re beautiful,” he blurted.
Warmth suffused my chest and my pulse sped up. I picked at the edge of my fingernail. “You’ve got an unusual definition of beauty.”
He shook his head confidently. “No, I don’t.”
I didn’t know what to say then, fumbling for words but finding none. He smiled. So bloody handsome. I blushed even more. I was probably a tomato at this point.
I broke the silence when I said, “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“How long have you known I was homeless?”
Liam’s eyes flashed, turmoil in their bright blue depths, and I wondered if I’d made a mistake asking that. I just needed to know how quickly he saw through me. I’d always prided myself on being unnoticeable. Inconspicuous. It was a survival mechanism. Homeless girls never attracted the right kind of attention.
The fact that I’d failed niggled at me, even though I wouldn’t be here in this house if I hadn’t.
Liam raked a hand through his hair and sat down on a stool. He gestured to the one beside it and I took a few steps across the room to sit.