The very moment I met Sir Anthony and his dark eyes captured mine, I knew, indeed we both knew …
from The Perfect Mistress,
the Memoirs of Lady Hermione Middlebury
Chapter Twelve
“You can’t avoid him forever, you know.” Hermione sat once again at the foot of Julia’s bed.
“I’m not avoiding anyone,” Julia said, and sat up. She had been expecting a visit from Hermione for days and had discovered, much to her dismay, she slept no better on nights when her great-grandmother didn’t visit than when she did as she was always anticipating her arrival. Besides, she was beginning, albeit reluctantly, to look forward to their chats. “I had no need to see Harrison today nor did he have any need to see me.”
“But you wanted to,” Hermione said with a knowing smile.
“Nonsense,” Julia muttered even though Hermione was right.
In spite of her best efforts, she couldn’t get the kiss they’d shared out of her head. She had never been kissed like that before nor had she ever responded with such unimagined passion. She had felt that kiss right down to her very toes and an ache of need had gripped her so fiercely she had wanted nothing more than to stay locked in his embrace forever. Why, even now, the memory of his lips on hers …
Hermione raised a brow.
Heat washed up Julia’s face. “You needn’t look like that. You have no idea what I’m thinking.”
“I can’t read your mind but the expression on your face is unmistakable.”
“Regardless, Harrison obviously regretted kissing me the moment it happened. He couldn’t wait to be rid of me.”
“Or he was as confused as you.”
Julia scoffed. “I doubt that. I’ve never met a man as less likely to be confused as Harrison Landingham. And no one as confusing.”
“Men are often confused when they don’t listen to what their heart is trying to tell them.” Her voice softened. “Which is what makes them so confusing to women.”
“Now you are being confusing as well.” Julia’s brows drew together. “What are you trying to say?”
“I thought your flirtation with Mr. Ellsworth was quite clever. Most discrete and nicely done.”
Julia huffed. “You are changing the subject.”
“Not entirely.” She paused. “Harrison was well aware of it, you know.”
“Was he?” Julia shrugged but was pleased nonetheless. “I didn’t notice.”
“No, you were too busy trying not to look at him.”
“I didn’t …” She sighed. “I couldn’t.”
Hermione nodded. “You were hurt by his manner, as you had every right to be. Although I’m not at all surprised that he was shocked by his action. It was most improper and defied everything he thinks he knows about himself. It was also a most impressive kiss. I must say, I was quite proud of you.”
“Proud of me? For what?”
“How to say this delicately.” She thought for a moment. “I was somewhat afraid that after marriage to William that you might not surrender to passion when it claimed you.”
Julia gasped. “William was a very passionate man!”
“Was he?”
“Yes,” she said staunchly. “Our marital relations were very … nice.”
“Comfortable as well, no doubt?”
“Yes.”
“And never the least bit surprising?”
“Not at all.”
“Yes, darling, that’s what a woman truly wants.” Hermione nodded. “Intimacies that are comfortable, unsurprising, and nice.”
“You needn’t say ‘nice’ in that manner.”
“‘Nice,’ in this particular context, deserves to be said in that manner.”
“I was very content with William,” Julia said firmly, “in all respects.”
“Tell me, Julia.” Hermione studied her closely. “Did William’s kiss ever make your toes curl?”
“My toes have no need of curling,” she said in a lofty manner.
“But did Harrison’s kiss make your toes curl?”
Julia clenched her teeth. “You know full well it did.”
“Passion is an interesting thing, you know. And never better than when the heart is involved.”
She shrugged. “My heart is not involved nor is his. We shared a moment of … of lust. It’s nothing more than that.”
Hermione snorted. “Lust, my dear, does not linger in the mind of a woman unless her heart is involved.”
“And you are an expert on lust.”
She chuckled. “I am indeed.”
“But you know nothing of love.”
Hermione cast her an offended look. “On the contrary, darling, I know a great deal about love.”
Julia scoffed. “You went from one man to another.”
“Yes, and I loved each and every one of them. I never bedded a man I didn’t love.” Her brows drew together. “Oh, there was that once, that was indeed nothing but pure lust and quite a lot of fun I might add.”
“Dear Lord,” Julia muttered.
“Love is not finite, Julia. One can love more than one man. Admittedly it’s best to only love one at a time. But the fact that you loved William, and I have no doubt that you did, does not mean you cannot love someone else.”
“I don’t love Harrison. I find him … annoying and pompous and stuffy.”
“At first, perhaps, but now?”
“Now?” She thought for a moment. “I don’t know.” In truth, the more she came to know him, the more she liked him. She drew a deep breath. “He is trying to be less stuffy and admittedly he has become somewhat charming. He was very kind to Miss Nelson when she had wanted to read her poetry, although he doesn’t like even good poetry. However, he seems to think my virtue needs protection from men who would take liberties because of you.” She ignored the thought that in a tiny way, it was endearing. “It’s both arrogant and most annoying.”
“That is arrogant of him and I can well understand your annoyance. Although one might consider that jealousy might play a part as well.”
“I doubt that.” Julia scoffed. “I will admit he’s more amusing than I anticipated and more thoughtful as well.”
“Ah yes, the roses. I noticed Benjamin and Mr. Ellsworth sent roses as well. I assume they’re in the maid’s quarters?”
“The maid is most appreciative.” Julia nodded. “The note of apology that accompanied Harrison’s however was brief and tersely worded.”
“The man is confused, dearest. He’s never had these feelings before and he has no idea what to do with them.” She smiled. “He’s not at all like his father.”
“You loved his father?”
“I said I loved them all.” She paused. “Albert was most delightful but in retrospect he was a dreadful mistake. Ripples in a pond, darling. One truly never knows what repercussions one’s actions might ultimately have.” She sighed. “But that is a story for another time.”
“You think I’m in love with Harrison?”
“I think you are right on the edge of plunging into something quite extraordinary that will make you blissfully happy for the rest of your days if you allow yourself to do so.”
Julia was hard-pressed to deny it. Even before last night, it had seemed something was happening between them. Still … She shook her head. “I don’t know how I feel.”
“Let me ask you this then.” Hermione chose her words with care. “How would you feel if the memoirs were disposed of tomorrow and Harrison was out of your life forever? Or, even worse, if he married the insipid Miss Waverly tomorrow?”
The oddest sensation of pain and regret stabbed her somewhere near her heart and her breath caught. “Good Lord.”
Hermione smiled with satisfaction. “I am never wrong about these things. Why, I remember once telling Lady Kentworthy that even though she was most insistent—”
“Ah-hem.” A throat cleared somewhere behind Her-mione. A male throat.
“Don’t tell me that’s another one o
f your paramours.” Julia heaved a long-suffering sigh.
“I do hope so.” Hermione grinned and glanced over her shoulder. “Gregory, darling, please show yourself. Julia finds disembodied voices to be most unnerving.” She glanced at Julia. “At least I assume you do.”
“It’s remarkable what no longer unnerves me,” Julia said wryly.
At once a gentleman snapped into sight standing behind Hermione. This one was tall and fair-haired and considerably younger than Victor. Julia wondered if he had died young or simply preferred to be seen at this age. Admittedly he was quite handsome.
“Lady Winterset.” Gregory bowed in a polished manner. “How delightful to meet you.” His gaze swept over her. “And in such a charming state of dishabille.”
Julia grabbed her covers and pulled them up to her neck. She glared at her great-grandmother. “Are you planning on bringing your friends every time you come?”
“Not every time.” Hermione rose gracefully to her feet.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” Gregory smiled in a manner that made Julia instinctively clutch the covers tighter.
“Julia prefers not to be formally introduced to gentlemen who are dead,” Hermione said with a shrug.
He frowned. “How very narrow-minded of her.”
“Julia prefers not to be introduced, formally or otherwise, to gentlemen, dead or alive, while she is in her bed!” Julia huffed. “And I do wish you would stop inviting your friends here.”
“I did not invite him.” She looked at Gregory. “Did I?”
“No, my dear.” He chuckled. “I simply followed you on wings of love.”
“Utter nonsense.” She lightly smacked his shoulder with her fan and smiled. Julia had stopped wondering where the fan came from. “Gregory is every bit as charming now as he was when he was alive.”
“More, I think,” Gregory said with a grin. “Death has given me the opportunity to sharpen my wit. One does need a sense of the absurd in the hereafter, don’t you agree?”
“I wouldn’t know.” Julia smiled weakly.
“No, of course not. What was I thinking? You’ll know soon enough. We all do.” He cast Hermione a fond smile. “I make her laugh.”
“It’s why I keep you around.”
“That, and my considerable charm and dashing good looks,” he said in a far-from-modest manner.
Hermione laughed. “That too.”
A wicked smile curved his lip. “One would hope there are other reasons as well.”
Julia had no desire to consider what those other reasons might be.
Hermione cast him a wicked look of her own.
“Shall we, my dear?” He held out his arm and Hermi-one took it.
“Are you leaving?” Julia asked.
“We have an engagement, dear.” Hermione shrugged. “Life, or rather death, is somewhat more busy than one would expect.”
“But I don’t know what to do. Or how I feel or anything.”
“I can’t tell you that.” Hermione scoffed. “I can only give you the benefit of my experience and considerable wisdom.”
“Oh, thank you so much.”
“Sarcasm, remember? Not becoming at all.” Hermione favored her with a brilliant smile. “And you are most welcome. Gregory?”
“Good evening, Lady Winterset.” He nodded and at once they both vanished.
Julia blew a long breath and lay back down. Not that she was going to sleep. Hermione had given her a great deal to think about as had, no doubt, been her purpose.
Was she falling in love with Harrison? She had no idea. She hadn’t felt at all like this when she had fallen in love with William. That had been almost natural. They had shared the same likes and dislikes. Nothing about William had been the least bit difficult.
With Harrison she was constantly at odds. Not just about the memoirs but about everything. Still, there was something special about the man. In one respect, Hermione was completely right. Nobody, not even her husband, had ever made her feel like that. Wanton and irrational and as if her very bones were melting.
But as for love, well, it was all most confusing. Still, she couldn’t ignore her immediate response when Hermione had asked how she’d feel if Harrison was abruptly gone from her life. Even now, she couldn’t quite vanquish the feeling of loss that still lay in the pit of her stomach.
She wasn’t used to feelings of confusion and she didn’t like it one bit. Something needed to be done. Someone needed to do something. And obviously that someone was her. She needed to make a decision about the disposition of the memoirs as her finances were growing smaller every day. And she needed to confront Harrison. If the kiss they’d shared meant nothing to him, she needed to know that. And if it had, she needed to know that too.
She absolutely would not fall in love with a man who would not return her love. Even if that resolve might well be too late. Still, the very idea that Harrison might be jealous did oddly lift her spirits.
She rolled onto her side, closed her eyes, and tried to sleep. And smiled.
It did seem there was far more of Hermione in her than she had suspected and that probably wasn’t altogether bad.
Harrison and Miss Waverly strolled through the park at a sedate pace. Her mother and a companion were a good ten feet behind them. Far enough to allow the couple privacy but still well within sight. As was eminently proper. Regardless, Harrison wasn’t pleased by the presence of a chaperone. His intentions were entirely honorable after all.
In spite of himself, he couldn’t help but contrast this walk with Miss Waverly with the walk he’d taken with Julia. There was no need for a chaperone with a widow, not that she had needed one of course. He chuckled to himself. Nor, he suspected, would Julia allow one even if one was required. And Julia could converse on any number of topics. Even when they were at odds, it was never boring. Miss Waverly’s endless chatter on nothing of particular significance was, well, inane.
He couldn’t discuss literature with her as she did not read books, and he had no interest in the ladies’ magazines she did read. He doubted she read newspapers. Miss Waverly did not strike him as being interested in current events although she might well peruse the society pages. He wondered if she liked art but feared bringing up the topic. Miss Waverly didn’t seem to notice his silence. But then why would she? She chatted more than enough for the two of them and did go on about the latest ball she had attended, what she had worn, and who she had seen. And she had the most irritating penchant for gossip.
“I heard something quite scandalous the other night,” she began.
“Miss Waverly,” he interrupted and tried not to sound stern. “I am not fond of gossip.”
Her eyes widened. “Even about people you know?”
“Especially about people I know,” he said. “I do not find gossip at all becoming in a young lady.”
“That’s what Mother says.” Miss Waverly sighed and Harrison was at once relieved that she didn’t take his comment as a chastisement and get annoyed. “Although she doesn’t seem to think gossip on her part is the least bit objectionable. She is a dreadful gossip, you know, even if she does tend to learn the most interesting things. Why, only yesterday, she was saying …”
Harrison groaned to himself. Conversing with Miss Waverly was pointless. There was simply nothing to talk about. He had never thought the ability to converse in an intelligent manner was a particular asset in a wife, but now, the idea of spending the rest of his days with a woman who didn’t seem to have an opinion on anything beyond fashion or parties, was most disturbing. Surely it was because she was so young and not because she didn’t have a brain in her pretty head. The thought pulled him up short. He didn’t like women who were intelligent; he never had. Still, intelligent women might be maddening but they were never boring. Veronica was certainly never boring. And Julia, well, he couldn’t imagine ever being bored by Julia.
A woman walking a large, spotted dog passed by them. For the barest instant he thought it was Julia and
his heart jumped. That too was most disturbing and no doubt due to his father’s talk yesterday about trusting his heart.
“Do you like dogs, Miss Waverly?” he said without thinking.
“Oh yes, I do, my lord.” She cast him a brilliant smile. “Father doesn’t like them. Mother had one when I was very young and Father hated it as it did seem to hate him. I don’t have one now but I fully plan to have at least one when I’m wed.” She fluttered her lashes at him and he smiled weakly. Not that it wasn’t charming. It was simply well rehearsed. “I would very much like a small, fluffy sort of dog. One that would sit in my lap and play with a ball and that sort of thing. In truth, I would like several. It would be great fun. Oh, I can see it now.”
“As can I, Miss Waverly.” He could indeed see it. A flock of small, yapping beasts that would nip at his heels and leave hair on the furniture. Animals that were nothing but annoyances and wouldn’t even provide proper protection on a walk in the park.
Miss Waverly launched into another recitation about something of no consequence and he was grateful for the respite. One thing to be said about the young woman, she required no particular attention from him save the occasional nod or assenting comment.
After he had spoken with his father yesterday, he had sent a note to Ellsworth, along with a bank draft, dissolving their arrangement. That should eliminate him from Julia’s life. While she was quite lovely, she had no money, her position in society was practically nonexistent, and a liaison with her would not be of any real benefit to Ellsworth. Harrison was confident the man would now leave her be and move on to greener pastures.
“My lord.” Miss Waverly stopped and turned toward him. “Might I be perfectly honest with you?”
“Please do, Miss Waverly.”
“Mother says, and Father agrees, that when an eligible bachelor, particularly one who is older—”
He cringed to himself.
“—asks permission to call on an unmarried girl, he does so with the idea of marriage in mind.” Her gaze met his. “So my question is whether that is indeed what you have in mind.”
The Perfect Mistress Page 19