The door burst open and a large, furry beast bounded into the room, paused as if deciding his next move, then trotted up to Julia, sat at her feet, and gazed up at her in an adoring manner.
“Browning!” Harrison hurried after the creature, Veronica and Portia right behind.
Julia stared at the animal, apparently some sort of dog, large and furry and quite adorable. She leaned over and rubbed his head. He grinned up at her. Julia glanced up at Harrison. “A dog? You brought a dog?”
“For you. To accompany you in the park,” he said staunchly. “Roses make you sneeze.” He cast a hard look at Mr. Ellsworth. “Mr. Ellsworth.”
“Lord Mountdale.” The author beamed. “What a surprise to see you here.”
Harrison’s eyes narrowed. “Is it?”
“We were just talking about you,” Ellsworth said.
“Oh?” Harrison’s voice was cautious.
“Mr. Ellsworth was just leaving,” Julia said, and sent a silent message to Veronica.
Veronica hesitated for a moment then nodded. “As were we. Do join us, Mr. Ellsworth.”
“There is nothing I would like better. Good day, Lady Winterset, Lord Mountdale.” He nodded and strode out of the room.
“We’re leaving now?” Portia said under her breath to Veronica. “But it’s about to get even better.”
“Precisely why we’re leaving.” Veronica herded the other woman through the door then glanced back at the dog. “You there.”
The dog, Browning, looked at her with obvious amusement.
“You too.” She snapped her fingers. “Come along. I shall give you a glove to chew on. I understand Portia’s new gloves are quite tasty.”
Browning considered it for a moment, then trotted out of the room. Veronica closed the doors behind him.
For a long moment Julia considered Harrison, her expression calm and unreadable. His stomach twisted. This was not a good sign.
“Julia,” he began at last. “There is something we need to discuss.”
“Is there?” she said coolly. “I can’t imagine what that might be.”
“You can’t?” The oddest mix of hope and caution washed through him. Perhaps Ellsworth had kept his mouth shut after all.
“Unless, of course, you’re referring to your less-than-honorable plot with Mr. Ellsworth to trick me out of the memoirs?”
So much for hope. He chose his words carefully. “Yes, well, that was what I wished to talk about.”
“And what, pray tell, did you plan to say?”
“I didn’t have a plan.”
“Ah, well, you probably have already exceeded your number of plans for today.”
“I …” Surely she couldn’t be too angry with a man who had presented her with an irresistible dog. “I brought you a dog.”
“Part of a plan?”
“Well, yes, I suppose. As well as an apology regarding yesterday.” It was never easy to apologize for doing what one would probably do again given the same circumstances. “Even though I was doing what I thought was best for you, I did indeed, perhaps, overstep. I should have remained silent.”
“Very well.”
He studied her cautiously. “Very well?”
“I accept your apology.”
“You do?”
“Yes, you were right.”
“I almost always am,” he said without thinking then winced. This was not the time for arrogance.
“I meant, as you were only trying to improve the situation, I should not have been angry. You did mean well. You also defended me when you mentioned why my finances were a problem, and I am most appreciative.” She narrowed her eyes. “I do not mean to imply that your actions were correct.”
“I did what I thought was necessary,” he said staunchly.
Her brows pulled together. “Do you ever admit when you are wrong?”
“Yes, on those rare occasions when I am wrong.” He drew a deep breath. “And admittedly I was wrong in my association with Ellsworth.”
“I see.” Her voice was cool and collected. “You were wrong then to lie to me and deceive me?”
He shook his head. “I never lied to you.”
“You’re right, my lord. How could I have been so foolish as to charge you with lying? My apologies.” Anger flared in her eyes but her tone was calm. Deceptively so. It was most unnerving. “You paid someone else to lie to me.”
He couldn’t deny her charge, so ignoring it seemed best. “I did not deceive you.”
She stared in disbelief. “So, even though you paid that vile man to wrest the memoirs from me by trickery, because you did not do the deed directly, you do not bear the responsibility? You did not deceive me?”
“I admit I set certain actions in motion but I realized my error almost at once and withdrew my support of the plan.”
“The fact that you changed your mind—”
“I came to my senses,” he said staunchly.
“Oh, bravo, my lord!”
“You needn’t be sarcastic.”
“Sarcastic is the very least of what I need to be.”
“This is not entirely my fault, you know.”
“Oh?”
“I came to you initially with an excellent offer that you refused to so much as consider.”
“You’re right. This is my fault entirely.” She clasped her hands together in an obvious effort to remain calm. “It would have been so much better for all concerned if I had simply been swept away by your charm and had acquiesced to the wishes of the wealthy and proper Lord Mountdale without pause, without question.”
“It certainly would have been easier,” he said under his breath.
“I do apologize that it’s been difficult for you. Tell me, Harrison.” Her words were measured. “Just when did you make this arrangement with Ellsworth?”
“When?” Oh, she would not take this well.
“Yes, when?”
There was nothing to be done about it now so he had better just say it. “The day after Veronica’s party.”
“I see.” She paused. “Then the very day, scarcely twenty-four hours, after the evening in which you had professed your desire to be my friend, you hatched a scheme to trick me into giving you, albeit indirectly, my great-grandmother’s work.”
“Admittedly, it does not sound good when put that way.”
“And what way would you put it to make it sound better?”
“You must give me some credit for calling a halt to it.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Why did you?”
“First of all, one could argue that it was wrong, in a moral sense.”
“Which didn’t stop you from initiating it.”
“I might well have been caught up by the brilliance of the idea—”
“Brilliance?” She snorted with disdain. “Perhaps if one was a master criminal.”
“It seemed brilliant at the time,” he said sharply. “But I didn’t realize that when I told Ellsworth to acquire the memoirs by whatever means necessary—”
“Whatever means necessary?”
“Barring illegal or illicit methods, I said that specifically. However, I did later realize that he might well assume … seduction was allowable.”
“You encouraged him to seduce me?” Her voice rose.
“I most certainly did not.” He huffed. “It did not even occur to me that he might attempt to do so in his efforts to get the book until much later.”
“Ellsworth’s reputation with women is not a secret.”
“And I agree, I did not take that into account. It was perhaps a miscalculation on my part.”
Realization dawned on her face. “Then when you warned me that gentlemen who knew of the memoirs might assume I was as free with my favors as Hermione you were thinking of Mr. Ellsworth?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “I was trying to protect you.”
“You were trying to protect me from the man you had paid to get the book by whatever means possible?”
He huffed
. “That too doesn’t sound good when you say it that way.”
“None of this sounds good in any way it’s said whatsoever.”
“I was trying as well to protect my family’s name. I was trying to save my father from scandal. You can scarcely fault me for that.”
“And yet I do.” She shook her head. “Is it your responsibility to protect everyone?”
“Apparently!”
“Using whatever means you deem necessary?”
“Yes.” He drew a deep breath. “If you had been sane and rational and accepted my offer when I first came to you, none of this would have happened.”
“None of this?” she said slowly.
“Yes! There would be no Ellsworth, no scandalous rumors, no need to fly to the country to warn you.”
“To protect me, you mean.”
“Yes!”
“If I had accepted your offer at the beginning, none of this would have happened.”
“That’s what I just said.”
“And you would prefer that none of this had ever happened?”
“Yes! I would prefer that none of this had ever happened!”
“You would rather that nothing had ever changed. That your life had stayed precisely as it always was?”
“Exactly. My life was respectable and properly managed. My mind was clear and without questions. I had no doubts about my behavior or my decisions. And my temper was rarely displayed.”
“Then I suggest you take your leave right now and go back to your proper, respectable, well-managed life. And do not return.” She met his gaze and fury blazed in her green eyes. Her voice was hard. “As far as I am concerned, none of this has ever happened.”
“Excellent.” He stepped to the door and yanked it open.
“And Lord Mountdale?”
“Yes?” He glanced back at her.
“I am keeping the dog.”
“Good! I suspect he sheds.”
He was already seated in his carriage when he realized exactly what he had said.
“I would prefer that none of this had ever happened!”
He groaned and buried his face in his hands. How could he have said such a thing? He didn’t mean it of course, not the way it had sounded. It was only because the woman drove him mad. This wasn’t the first time he had said something that didn’t sound at all like what he had intended to say. Yes, Ellsworth and the rumors were nothing short of disastrous, but all that had transpired had not been bad. Indeed one could argue that while his life had changed, it had done so for the better.
He had come to like Veronica and accepted her as the sister he’d never had. He had grown closer to his father and had talked with him in a manner he could never remember having done before. His life had become, well, interesting.
If none of this had ever happened he wouldn’t have come to know Julia. He wouldn’t have discovered that what he thought he wanted in his life, wasn’t what he wanted at all. He never would have found what he did want. And he wouldn’t have fallen in love.
He was going to have to fix this. Pity he had no thoughts as to how to go about it. Not a single brilliant idea raised its questionable head. No matter. He would find the answer, he had no choice. He was not about to spend the rest of his life without her.
Veronica kept saying he had changed and even he could see it. But obviously he had not changed enough. Or perhaps he couldn’t really change at all. Could he ever stop doing what he thought was necessary to protect the people he loved? Of course not. Although he could temper his actions he supposed, take into account the concerns of others, consider that he might not always be the only one who knew the right course of action.
Still, would he have to spend the rest of his life apologizing to her for doing what he thought was best?
Bloody hell, he hoped so.
… as it would have been a grave mistake on my part not to have forgiven him.
One could argue his offense was too egregious to forgive but I did not see it so. Few men’s actions are not the result of how they have lived their lives up to that point, the decisions they have made, the responsibilities they have lived up to and those they have failed. Balance must always be considered between intent and action. His intentions were not to cause harm even if the result of his actions was most upsetting. And he deeply, sincerely regretted his behavior.
Forgiveness, Dear Reader, is as infinite as love in that once bestowed does not mean it cannot be given again. A wise woman knows when a man deserves another chance and when she would be a fool to allow him back into her heart or her …
from The Perfect Mistress,
the Memoirs of Lady Hermione Middlebury
Chapter Twenty-one
Browning sat on the floor at Julia’s feet, his chin resting in her lap, gazing up at her with adoring black eyes. With one hand she scratched behind his ears, the other toyed with her grandmother’s pendant hanging around her neck. Eleanor had insisted she wear it today, saying a pretty bauble always lifted a woman’s spirits. Not that it had done so. Still, it was a nice thought.
Nicer still was the animal who had already laid claim to her heart. Browning was an excellent gift and very thoughtful even if he was part of some sort of plan to get back into her good graces. Although why he was named Browning escaped her as he was not brown but gray and white. And he would be in her life long after the memory of Harrison’s dark blue eyes or the feel of his arms around her or of his lips on hers had faded. Not that she suspected they ever would.
Her anger had not vanished since yesterday but it too had faded, to be replaced by an ache in her heart so deep it caught at her breath. She had scarcely slept at all last night thinking about what Harrison had said and done and why. Her grandmother had said she would feel much better in the morning, but here it was morning and she didn’t feel at all better—just tired, and listless, and very sad.
Harrison was, well, who he was. The kind of man who considered it his duty to protect those people he decided needed protection. Who would do what he thought was necessary even if it was wrong. It was what was expected of him, indeed, what he expected of himself. That, in itself, was not a bad quality. The question was could she accept it? Not that it mattered now. He regretted everything that had happened. Everything including her.
“Lady Winterset?” Daniels said from the doorway. “There is a gentleman requesting to see you.” Her heart leapt but Daniels shook his head. “It is Lord Kingsbury.”
Harrison’s father? “Very well. Show him in.”
A moment later the elderly man, with the assistance of a cane, hobbled into the room. The man was nearly as tall as his son. One could see, in his day, he was every bit as handsome and now remained most distinguished. In spite of his age, he still had an air of roguish charm about him and a definite wicked twinkle in his eye. Browning immediately bounded over to greet him, tail wagging in enthusiasm. His lordship chuckled and patted the dog’s head.
Julia rose to her feet. “Good day, my lord. I must say this is an unexpected pleasure.”
“I do hope you’re not disappointed.”
“Why would I be disappointed?”
“I thought perhaps you might be expecting a different member of the family.” He studied her closely. “Was I wrong?”
She ignored his question and indicated the chair nearest him. “Do sit down, my lord.”
He settled into the chair. She sat on the sofa; Browning returned to sit at her feet. “Why are you here, my lord?”
“I have come to plead my son’s case.”
She raised a brow. “Your son’s case?”
He shook his head in a mournful manner. “He’s in a sorry state, I’m afraid.”
Her heart tripped. “Is he?”
He considered her for a moment then smiled. “As are you, I see.”
“Nonsense,” she said. “I have never been better.”
He laughed. “My dear young woman, I don’t believe you for a moment. If I did I would take my leave at once. No,
I would say at the very least, you haven’t slept.”
“I have a great deal on my mind.” She shrugged. “There is nothing more to it than that.”
“Of course not.” He smiled. “Surely your inability to sleep isn’t because you’re miserable.”
“Not in the least.”
“Nor could it be due to confusion.”
“I have never been less confused.”
“Or attributable to being caught in a maelstrom of emotion and loss and even, dare I say it, heartache.”
“I’m not caught in anything and my heart has never been better.”
“My, that is a shame,” he said under his breath.
She huffed. “Lord Kingsbury, I have no idea what you are trying to say.”
“Then I shall endeavor to do better.” He thought for a moment. “I have made a great many mistakes in my life. Among them, the premature turning over of family responsibilities to my son. Not that he was not more than capable, even then. But he has become somewhat narrow-minded, even arrogant, in his belief that he alone knows what is best for all concerned.”
She scoffed. “I have noticed that.”
“His heart, however, is usually in the right place, but perhaps you’ve noticed that as well?”
“Perhaps.”
“I do not want my son to make the mistakes I did.” He paused. “Are you aware that I knew your grandmother?”
“Did you?”
He nodded. “She was quite wonderful. I have often thought … well, it scarcely matters now, I suppose. She’s gone and I am very nearly at the end of my days.”
Obviously he thought Eleanor was dead. Julia started to correct him then caught herself. She would have to talk to her grandmother before she told him otherwise.
He blew a long breath. “When I met Eleanor, I had no idea she was Hermione’s daughter. My liaison with her had occurred some fifteen years before I met your grandmother. Eleanor was a widow and I never imagined, I never connected the names although the eyes …” He nodded slowly. “I should have known by the eyes. You have her eyes, green as fine emeralds and as endless as the night.”
She bit back a smile. “How very poetic of you.”
“I have my poetic moments.” He smiled absently and continued his story. “Eleanor was devastated when she found out about her mother and me. To be expected, of course. I was rather shocked myself. She said she never wanted to see me again. I had hurt her deeply. She couldn’t forgive me and I couldn’t blame her. I didn’t know what to do. I was as miserable and confused and lost as Harrison is now. So I did nothing, which was very stupid of me.” He shrugged. “The next thing I knew I was married to Harrison’s mother and Eleanor had vanished from my life.”
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